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Have you ever gone back and read your own journal entries after you haven't been on here in awhile? I've gone though some changes over the years.
I am currently realizing that I am almost too old to feel sexy. I haven't had sex in three years and I feel like a woman posessed!!
I recently took another trip to Texas (pl,ease refer to past Texas trip entry)... what a disappointment! I put numerous years of energy into someone, who I have realized, is so not right for me! Live and learn right?? Moving on...
What I really want is a good fuck buddy. I had a good one about 8 years ago but he moved to Florida and I miss it!!
I am confident that I am a great friend ... but I'm a really bad girlfriend I am established and I have raised three children and now I want to get a little wild.
Please note: I did not say one-night-stand or that I want to be irresponsible.
I'll probably read this in a couple of years and delete it :)
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 I have just returned from a week-long vacation in Texas. After 10 long (but really cool) years of telephone conversation I met One that blew cobwebs out of places in my soul I had forgotten about. It's been a couple of years since my last good bondage session and ... can I just say... WOW. I'd forgotten what it felt like to be spoiled and treated like a lady. How sad is that? What an amazing experience. I wish the same for all of you. |
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After considerable thought... I think I'm ready to look again... |
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Man... there are A LOT of cool perverts in Arizona!! Rock on!!! |
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crap.... I forgot what I was going to say! |
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I've been happily single for quite some time now, but, I'm getting lonely more often  |
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There's really nothing new to report but i thought i should slip in an update before it looks like i've neglected my journal too much. The journey continues as does the waiting and searching. i am a patient girl but occasionally the lonliness sets in and i wonder what's really meant for me. i have had a chance at relationship but once it got to the point of commitment i realized it wasn't what i wanted. i've been single long enough to know what independence feels like and that's hard to give up. i've always said it's going to take a patient Dominant to deal with me and as things go on i find it to be more and more real lol. i belive that everything has a purpose and that everything happens for a reason. So, i will keep my eyes open and my heart protected until such a time as love proves itself true ~bright smiles~ Blessings!! |
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Unfortunate things happens in our lives that lead through a painful ending to a new beginning with a new outlook and lesson learned. i'm back with a smile. |
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i think i know now a bit more about what i am seeking. As my profile states, i weigh 260 and i am 5'9". There are Ones that want to meet me, but nothing goes beyond the first meeting. i know there may be other issues affiliated with that that i'm not willing to share at this time. i seek One that will mould my body into what is pleasing to Him and allows me to feel secure with myself. Bottom line... maybe there is One that can do this without making me feel like a huge cow and HELP me. P.S. If You're going to be a Sadistic A-hole about it...... don't bother, even with suggestion |
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~bouncin around a bit... bright smiles~ just a quick update... i've been doing some serious soul searching and i've managed to find a new outlook on several areas. i've made some very close female friends ~weg~. i've considered training under a Domme... but have not had any offers, so i will wait patiently still and see where the road leads. Blessings. |
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When i go back and read my journal entries i notice no growth whatsoever in myself. i think what i am lacking is self exploration. Several people have asked me what i'm looking for and i haven't been able to answer. i know, from experience, what i'm not looking for but i have never sat down and drawn out what it is that i need and what i have to offer (also, it is not a subject i'm comfortable with as i try to keep the focus off of myself as much as possible). The result has been months of self-pity and self-doubt. Every other week i decide to give up and try to accept the lonliness and then the lonliness reminds me it's still there and......... here i am again. Please be patient with me. |
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(yep..... i 'm gonna rant again).......
Why do people send messages only saying "hello"? i can understand not knowing exactly what to say, but wanting to say something. Maybe my problem is that i just don't know how to answer "hello"...... (someday my ranting priviledges will be pulled, so i have to do as much as i can now lol)...... really, not trying to be a bitch. |
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Relationships..... online, overseas... do they really work? i've found M/most to be deceitful and wanting only one thing. i can't believe how many of you that call youself Dominants are just rabid wolves. Dominants are Protectors not abusers. i am a submissive. i am not a doormat, nor am i anyone's whore. if you think you're gonna get away with a quick fuck..... look elsewhere, i'm not interested. Some are real.. some are precious to me..... but not many. |
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in advance, please pardon my whining. i have been unsuccessful in finding One i can complete. i am jaded, i am cautious and i am fearful. Recent happenings have caused my walls to rise higher and grow stronger. i am not seeking One to punish or treat me harshly. i seek One that understands the complications of a "used" submissive. Unfortunately, in this lifestyle, there are some very sick people. People who use tender hearts to take out their abuse on. i speak not specifically about any Oone from this site, just the online in general. It's so easy to be someone else, present oneself as being something you're not. Remember that there are people and feelings on the other end of this text, not just empty chairs with programmed responses. Yes, i still seek. |
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after much consideration... i have come to the conclusion that i am not made for any sort or Poly or Bi relationship. i can only fully give myself to One that wants me and me alone. One that is willing, patient, knowledgeable and honest. But most of all NOT MARRIED. **Updated** ok... bi i can do... Poly in very special situations, but still not interested in anyone legally married |
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i have found E/everyone very welcoming. Thank You SirDaniel especially for opening one's eyes and soul. MsLiz is a wonderful Diamond of a Woman, thank You as well Ma'am for Your assistance. |
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