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Let me begin (he says to the packed and cheering crowd) that I am:
inexperienced...
heterosexual...
a switch...
who is ..."looking to explore"
(crickets chirp over uncomfortable silence)
Now that everyone else has left, let me tell you about myself.
I am stubborn, moody, a bit too honest, somewhat self-absorbed, and I've run screaming from this lifestyle on more than one occasion. That's the bad stuff.
The good stuff is that I am giving, passionate, and fanatically devoted to a woman with a contagious laugh.
Somewhere in the middle (between the positives and the negatives) is that I am somewhat geeky (it pays the bills), a genuine cunnilingus enthusiast, and I have to be in charge of cuddling.
There are two things that I am afraid I must be adamant about:
(1) Domination, submission, power exchange, control, etc...that's fine and dandy, but I am an inherently decent human being, and I really do need someone who is happy to be the same. I am open to new ideas, but I have no interest in treating someone like garbage - and I am comfortably not trash myself. Treat me well, and I will do the same. Otherwise, doormats can be popular I hear, but please look somewhere else.
(2) If you smoke, I am not sure it could work. It's not a judgment thing, it's a health thing. I have asthma, but I haven't taken medication for it in years. I intend to keep it that way. My relationships with smokers have traditionally generated into "stripping down on the porch" sorts of affairs. That's good clean fun, but no basis for a relationship. If you're offended by this...try cuddling with a wheezy, wet, running nose in your ear.
(well, crap...there goes everybody else)
After recovering from your collective seizures and panic attacks, accept my apologies. I am what I am, and if you find yourself disgusted, offended, or just suicidal, these things were bound to happen anyway. Good to get them out of the way upfront.
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