pamperedboi

Female Dominant, 22, Santa Monica, California

Female Dominant, 42, Albany, New York

Male Submissive, 33, Atlanta, Georgia

The Big Boy Fallacy: A Handy Guide to the Most Important Informal Logical Fallacy in Ageplay You know that old joke about arguing online? The one that goes something like, the longer an argument continues, the more likely someone is to invoke Hitler to make a point? And the second you invoke Hitler to make a point, you automatically lose the argument? Well, i've determined there's a similar ironclad argument law for ageplayers, and i'm sure most of the Mommies and Daddies here will back me on this one: the second a little protests having to do something with anything to the effect of "But i'm a big boy/big girl/grown-up/adult/etc!", they have automatically demonstrated that they are anything but and have thus conclusively proven they need Mommy/Daddy/Babysitter/etc to take control. Example (drawn almost exactly from a real life incident; names omitted to protect the guilty): Mommy: "Uh-oh, seems like you're acting a little cranky... I think someone should be in diapers for the rest of the evening to remind them who's in charge around here sweetie!" Little: "But we have friends coming over tonight! I can't have them see me in a diaper, just no way!" Mommy: "Is that the way we talk to Mommy? Am i going to have to give you a spanking before we get your pampers on?" Little: "This is ridiculous! It's not even fun! We don't need to play this game all the time! I'm a goddamn adult and we both know it!" Mommy: ?_? Clearly, Mommy wins because her little employed the Big Boy Fallacy. Here's hoping the little brat earned himself some corner time on top of his diaper punishment :)

ayyyyy lmao test So i tried to write this quasi-satirical blog post about FinDom/me and, for some bizarre reason, the site won't let me post it. Word filters? Forbidden topic? It will, however, allow me to post "ayyyyyy lmao". Huh. Well, in any event: ayyyyy lmao. THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE.

Kinkjazz: On Kinky Play as an Art Form Something kind of interesting occurred to me today. Like a lot of random thoughts (of mine, at least), it's not so much some totally novel, brilliant new idea or anything, but more of an insight, a slightly different way of looking at something familiar. And, of course, given where we are and who i am and all that background noise, that familiar thing is kink. Please do your best to contain your shock and astonishment; DEEEEP THINKING IS AFOOT HERE, YOU PLEBS, KEEP QUIET AND LISTEN!* Ahem. So what's on my mind? Why, i'm thrilled you would ask. I've been kinda thinking of playing out kinks as something like a collaborative work of art. Think about it: you usually have two (or more!) folks who interact with one another on the basis of this shared interest in some particular kink or another. The usual dynamic is Dom/Sub, Top/Bottom. The partners agree on some parameters they want to approach and then, from there, it's a question of how to flesh out that skeleton of a scene in a way that's fun for everyone involved. In essence, what the partners in a scene do is essentially creative and hearkens back to who they are, what they like, what they believe, etc, as individuals. Like artists or musicians working together on a piece, each party brings something different to the table and, like any artistic collaboration, some stuff works and some doesn't, depending on compatibility, chemistry, etc. We play (which i think is a telling and interesting verb, wrt kink: both like a child's game and a musician performing a piece) off one another within the agreed upon parameters; we make something together. Sometimes it's pretty meh and boring, the equivalent of the one line PM ("Call me Daddy & i will spnak u"), but even that simple theme can be fleshed out by a skilled improviser. Or, even if not fleshed out, to use the art analogy again, it's the equivalent of a radio jingle or a Tom Kinkaid painting: simple, banal, maybe a little catchy or pretty but hardly something to get super excited about or sustain you. Otoh, of course, sometimes a jingle gets caught in your head and sometimes you just wanna look at a pretty picture... Sometimes barely anything is just about right. But still, the real exciting stuff is when you gel with someone and that riffing on a theme, your shared kink, takes you somewhere unexpected or new. It can happen in any kinky context, really, if you're with the right person: in an irl session or scene, on Skype or on the phone, even just texting or IM'ing. You agree on something, that you will explore this theme, this thread, that gives you both pleasure, but it's not spelled out in exhaustive detail. When you link up with someone smart and creative and on the same page, it's amazing where that can take you and what the spur of the moment can teach you about yourself and your partner... At its best, it's like tight jazz improv or freeverse poetry: riffing on a theme, digressing, elaborating, looping back to where you started. One of my favorite examples, from my own experience, regards this ABDL boy i sometimes play with. We're both littles, both around the same kinda toddlerish age range (we can talk and stuff, but still have to wear diapers and like baby stuff and definitely need adult supervision). So we play together, usually under the watchful eyes of our respective Grown-Ups and because our kink interests are so similar and our chemistry is so good, we totally developed this unspoken dynamic that we've never felt the need to explicitly address for our scenes: he's kinda like my slightly older, slightly bullying brother and i'm the sweet, slightly innocent little sister. When Mommy's not looking, big brother will do all kinds of mean and sort of nasty stuff, like yank my pigtails or pull down my diaper or even push my face into his diaper region. Of course, i tattle on him and his Mommy is not pleased... but still, it continues! Like i said, we never planned that out in discussions or anything; it just kinda evolved organically based on how we play together, what we like and what felt right for us as individuals and us as a group of people playing together within broadly agreed upon parameters. Needless to say, we both find this kinky baby brother/sister thing to be one of our fave aspects of playing together and it all came out of just riffing and running with the common theme of two experienced ABDL's with amazing chemistry playing together. Pure perverted poetry, i'm telling you :)   It's amazing that we can think of pleasure as art. It's even better when we can share that artistic, creative drive with another person and make something fun, exciting, rewarding and unexpected with them. The best kinky scenes have an element of improv, of going with the flow and seeing where it carries you, but in the context of agreed upon and articulated boundaries, just like the best art: you set up a framework to guide your exploration, but that frame doesn't exhaust the scope of your activity; it can take you places that are unexpected and surprising, even after having done the same activity, whether playing the same few notes or revisiting the same roleplay scene, a thousand times before. The enjoyment and pleasure we get in playing out a kinky scene with someone isn't found, it's made, actively created from the shared imagination of two people; like art, our kinks aren't passive, they're active; we make something from the fantasies in our head and act it out, live it. It's all the more dramatic and magical because it leaves no trace or material artifact; it's art that, like a sand painting, exists to disappear and live on only in our memories and our hunger to do it all again. This is why, as every dyed in the wool kinkster can tell you, playing with another person is always so much more rewarding than just masturbating or fantasizing: in doing a scene, we bring our fantasies to life and make something where there was nothing. And in doing so with another person, we highlight the interdependent and creative aspects of the kinky imagination. Every pervert is, at heart, an artist. Or so i tell myself as i neglect the short story i'm working on and waste more time here and on Fetlife. Ha. But for real though Daddy-o. And if any hep cats or kittens out there ever want to help me waste time and maybe jam on some ABDL riffage, well, sounds like a real gone scene maaaaan** ;) --- * - loooooool ** - i assume this is how people who like (or, as they say, dig) jazz talk; i don't care if i'm wrong because i think we can all agree that beatniks are awesome (or, as they say, outta sight). Deal with it hepcat.

An Open Letter to All the Dudebros and The People Who Love Them, Re: On Moving Past Airbrushed Gender and Hook-Up Culture, or How i Learned to Stop Worrying and (Mostly) Love my Queer-Ass, Submissive, Little Self Dear you, Earlier this morning, an old roommate of mine (i'd hesitate to call him much of a "friend" in anything beyond the most cursory, social mediaish sense of the word) was messaging me on FB to bemoan his recent and ongoing inability to locate/keep a girlfriend. I was trying to be polite and vaguely sympathetic; my female friends have taught me well how to non-commitally stroke the fragile male ego and i was busting out all my best moves, all "awww" and "oh sweetie, that's rough" and "you're such a catch", etc, all the while chiding him not to slip into the creepy, desperate dudebro misogyny that seems to come so easily to heartbroken boys. But despite all my best femme rhetorical judo, he managed to make things (even more) uncomfortable with that one idiot question that has made slimy pick-up "artists" millions of dollars and launched a thousand million cases of sleepless male anxiety, doubt and fear: "why is it so easy for you to talk to girls?". The implied subtexts are as obvious as they are varied: how does a nerdy sissyfag like you meet women? Why can't I (i.e.: him) do that? What is your magical, unfailing Secret? The question is so wrong-headed and stupid, i scarcely know where to begin (for the record, when actually speaking with him, i was just like "Stop thinking of them solely as potential sexual partners and instead relate to them as human beings with similar interests, look for women who you find interesting and cool aside from just the sexual dimension; take pleasure in the act of talking and socializing as opposed to viewing it as a steppingstone to "Something Else"; stop thinking of what amounts to bending women to your will as something desirable in the first place; stop asking questions like the one you just asked, you insufferable dolt", et al). But all this ego-stroking and advice dispensing got me thinking and, because i have the day off and i'm feeling pretentious and kinky (pretty much my default settings tbh), i'm gonna throw on some Taylor Swift jams, hitch up my Big Girl Panties and inflict some of that misplaced energy on the poor, captive audience that i like to imagine eagerly consumes my every word, ie: you. #sorrynotsorry. Okay. So. This guy lived with me in a collective house (read: punkhouse, for those in the know) for the better part of 4 years. He's two years older than me and has had, basically, one meaningful relationship with a woman: they were married for like 4 or 5 years and had a couple of kids. Since they split up like 8 or 9 years ago, he's dated sporadically and unsuccessfully. In terms of defining him, he's pretty much a standard issue 2016 DudeBot (tm): he loves hip-hop and MMA and has a whole whack of shitty/not-so-shitty tattoos. He loves beer and mainstream, unimaginative geek culture (Marvel movies, Star Wars collectibles, etc) and shitty heterosexist porn. He aspires to own a "sick ride" and even, on more than one occasion, wore fucking AXE body spray. Like i said, he's essentially a composite dreamed up by a market research team if they were looking to sell lifetime supplies of Maxim (that's still a thing right?). The only real curveball about dude is that, all that aside, he's an ardent communist, probably stemming from having old school radicals as parents. Homeboy is basically a Red Diaper Baby (if he was an actual diaper baby, oh the fun we could have had... he's actually not bad looking at all, lackluster personal style and soft sexism aside). Me, otoh... i'm fat and queer and perverted and nerdy. I was perverted and nerdy waaaay before either of those things became en vogue and, even afterward, i like to think that my nerdy, kinky traits run far deeper and wilder than most of the trendy manifestations of those tendencies that have hit mainstream culture and ended up on a billion and one online profiles. Heck, i was a queer nerd pervert before i even really knew what those words meant, reaching all the way back to my early childhood. I loved to play house with the other girls and i always found a way to be the baby or get myself tied up and spanked. It's just who i am and a big chunk of my life thus far has been coming to grips with that and learning to love and celebrate it because it sure as fudge isn't going away. And, like, dude knows this. He lived with me for years. While i don't think he ever saw my baby stash of diapers and pacifiers and bottles and whatnot, he certainly saw me around the house in a collar and a dress most days. He saw me doing my makeup and laundering my panties; he heard me wail and whimper from my bedroom as i took a spanking or flogging (shared living can be a major drag for kinky folks unless you quickly learn to be pretty goshdarn shameless). The point is, i think, is that it's confusing for him: here he is, a guy who has completely and unswervingly bought into the dominant narrative of masculinity. He's not a total idiot per se; i can talk politics with him till the cows come home. But some part of his brain finds it confusing that, to use some hideously reductionist and silly phrasing, i can "get" girls while he can't. After all, women are supposed to love masculinity and i self-consciously and openly make a point of rejecting that means of self-presentation. It's not me, i hate it and, even if i didn't, i just can't live like that; men can kinda smell it, like something almost pheromonal: i'm just not One of the Boys. And, yup, 100% correct. I tried to fit my oh-so-square self into that round peg for many, many years. I grew up with a single mom and a sister; i was surrounded by aunts, grandmothers and babysitters; i didn't have a lot of male folks in my life and that suited me just fine - i was always a bit of a momma's boy and a sissy. Of course, i denied that and denied that and then denied some more. I fumblingly tried sports more times than i can count; i tried to get turned on by shoplifted issues of Penthouse. But it just wasn't happening. All my close friends growing up were always female or geeky, sexless boys; the attention of "actual boys" was usually a precursor to teasing or beatings and i always kinda dreaded being on the boy's radar (up until a little after puberty, when i started to feel a little "different" when i thought about some of the bad boys; the joke i use is that i've always been pretty much 60-40 on the gaydar spectrum, but what "side" is 60 changes more often than weather Back Home). I didn't have my first date until i was 18 and even then it was the girl who pursued me and asked me out. Of course, not even that was enough: it was like a year and half before we had sex in any meaningful way. Her friends encouraged her to dump me because, and i quote, i was "so obviously, clearly gay". I finally broke down and tearfully told her about my need to be submissive, both sexually and emotionally, thinking this was obviously the end of our relationship. But, plot twist!: she was miles beyond just being game and tolerant; she was actually really excited and into it (turns out, as a kid, she was always the smart, bossy girl on the playground; whodathunk?). We found a way to have sex that was deliciously kinky and mutually pleasurable; she said i fuck like a girl, which works for her, as she's primarily attracted to women. And, lo and behold, like 15 years later, we're still together, in a proudly non-monogamous, mutually queer and profoundly kinky relationship; that high school sweetie is my Mommy and i'm her submissive little. And, btw, i still fuck like a girl :) The point is, even after coming out to Mommy and learning to share and celebrate my kinks with other folks in non-monogamous relationships and flings, it was a lot of self-discovery and work on my part to get where i am now, where i'm largely comfortable talking about and living my sexuality. Getting to this point wasn't easy and i think most potential partners - men, women, in-between or neither - can kinda pick up on that comfort. It reads as assured and honest, even if i'm sometimes still a bundle of nerves when i talk to a cutie or a crush (i've been told i blush and talk/write too much, which, yeah, i have to admit i think is pretty cute, whether on me or someone else). The thing my poor "friend" doesn't realize is that when you try to shoehorn your personality and self-presentation into something that's just not who you are but that you've been taught is "attractive" to your potential partner, a lot gets lost in translation and that comes across in your interactions with them, unless you're like some kind of creepy, faceless Patrick Bateman sociopath type, in which case, uhm, yeah, i don't have much to offer you and i'm going to sloooowly back away while maintaining eye contact... Beyond that, going further, when you reduce this new encounter to merely a potential hook-up, even more gets lost: a connection with a real, actual human being, something increasingly rare in this hyper-commodified, speed-of-light capitalist world, gets lost in the attempt to play a part and, beyond even that, it reads as desperation, which is uniquely unattractive and dehumanizing, if you're still subscribing the "goal oriented" sexist nonsense i've already spent way too many words decrying. So, yeah: reducing people to potential sex objects reduces you to just another cruiser, it cheapens your personality and makes making friends and lovers even harder than it needs to be; it's inauthentic, regressive, cruel and, honestly, fucking boring. And i've yet to meet anyone with a boredom fetish. So what's the crux of all this tortured rambling? My "friend" asked a stupid question that relies on bad, sexist premises but, putting those aside for a half second, he is so focused on finding someone to fuck him that he reads as inauthentic and desperate; his cookie-cutter masculinity isn't the whole story of who he is and he's afraid that if he lets that loose, he'll be unattractive to potential partners. But, for me, at least, sex is about pleasure and letting go and engaging honestly with another person, whether in an ongoing relationship or even just giving someone a glimpse of the person you are in a one-night stand or quickie. I'm hardly some kind of Casanova and, even if i could be, i most certainly wouldn't want to be, but since i came out more as queer and kinky, i've been pretty blessed to meet and share stories and experiences with some amazing, wonderful folks i will count as friends forever and ever; i've even slept with more than a few of them, but, like i said, that's not even the whole point. A dear pal of mine who's an amazing artist made this fantastic poster that bears the slogan "Treat your friends like lovers and your lovers like friends". In a sentence, that's been my motto since i came out and, as a shy, introverted, geeky person by nature, that philosophy has served me so well. It's what my "friend" is missing and what the dominant cultural narrative of sexuality pushes to the side in favor of airbrushed selfies and random hook-ups (which, btw, are hardly something bad or to be avoided; goddess knows i've had a few, but in meeting and setting those up, being honest about who you are and what you like just makes them so much more fun and fulfilling for everybody involved, as opposed to coming across like some sexualized android spewing programming at anyone within earshot). tl; dr (like, waaaaay tl): Be yourself. Love your sexuality, your personality, your kinks and foibles. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there, warts and all; don't be afraid to make yourself vulnerable, to appear "weak". I know that can seem like trite, cliche advice and it's advice that a lot easier for some of us to live than others; some of us have way more social privilege than others and, even as our kinky sexualities and personalities have been marginalized as deviant or broken, a lot of folks have the added difficulties of facing systemic oppression that fucks with their identities in ways far more profound and insidious than being written off as kinky. I'm thinking here of racism, transphobia and homophobia, among others. Those poisonous, societally ingrained narratives make "loving yourself" that much harder, adding further huge barriers to an already difficult process of self-acceptance; when the entire culture around you tells you that your body, your mind, your very identity, is wrong, invisible or irremediably flawed, learning to be okay with yourself is a lot harder than just coming to terms with liking to wear diapers or w/e. But, that said, i also know several kinky racialized, queer and trans folks who attest to the fact the ongoing process of learning to love one's self, however impossible it may seem, however much the deck is stacked against you, is vital to self-actualization; to double down on the cliches (BOGO amirite?), it's a journey, not a destination. And, regardless of who you are, where you come from or how far along that path you happen to be, that philosophy isn't just sound advice for good mental health (which, natch, it is!) but it's also crucial for developing and sharing a mature, enjoyable and healthy sexuality. Fuck square pegs in round holes; fuck airbrushed "trying too hard" attempts to market yourself to hypothetical partners; fuck lying to ourselves and each other just to get a fleeting opportunity to fuck. Treat your friends like lovers and your lovers like friends and your world will be a richer, happier place for your efforts, and, in all likelihood, it just might also be one that prominently features a few additional orgasms here and there for your own delightful self. Perks! A less lonely, more pleasurable, more honest world for yourself and the people you welcome into it: there's no way that can be a Bad Thing. Live your truth and ditch the AXE spray, my dude, and i think you'll be alright. xo to y'all, bros and otherwise,

FROM THE OFFLINE ARCHIVES (2013ish) 2016 update: So this is a little piece from my offline textfile journal; waaay more where this came from. Copy-paste sharing it here because i've recently become enamoured of oversharing (you should see my Fetlife profile, jeeez) and, honestly, i'm listening to "Call Me Maybe" on repeat (Jepsen is a GENIUS and i will fight you if you speak ill of this song) and couchdancing anyway, so it kinda reminded me of writing this... "Hey i just met u and this is crazy// but here's my paddle so make me cry maybe?" Having to tell someone that not only is it okay that they made you cry but that it was possibly the sexiest thing to happen to you in eons made for a slightly awkward but overall promising fourth date. Seriously: making me a little tearful and afraid and embarrassed isn't a sign of going too far; it's just a sign you can read me really, really well. So, yeah, swoooooooooon.

Sooo... what's the deal with goddess worship? (cue Seinfeld theme) Okay, so i'm a small-a atheist (i don't believe in god/s but, like, really, nbd; i'm not some smarmy self-righteous know-it-all a la Dawkins or Harris) and i like to consider myself a feminist or, perhaps more realistically, an ally to feminist causes, but even with those two major commitments and beliefs out of the way, i've been kinda obsessed with the idea of goddess worship lately. I also kinda-sorta-not really believe in female supremacy. A lot of male (and btw, for the umpteenth time, i'm not exactly a boy but i have pretended to be one for most of my life) subs push this almost breathless, masturbatory take on female supremacy, like "Yes Mistress, all men are such lowly worms and all women are life-bearing goddesses and please nail my scrotum to your shoe tree as a form of worship", which, uh, isn't exactly for me, thanks (no hating though; you do you friend). I mean, rationally, intellectually, i'm skeptical of the concepts of gender and, to a certain, limited, degree, even biological sex. That said, i can't think of any legitimate social or scientific reason that either gender would be "superior" in any meaningful sense. But, on the other hand, i'm kinda like "Men have been fucking everything up for the last few thousand years, maybe we could give another team a shot?" I do believe, anecdotally, that most of the woman (and i include transwomen here, natch) i know do tend to be a little cooler (in all senses of the word) and more collected than most of the dudes i know, but that could just be confirmation bias, of course. So... a giant, cautious maybe?, re: female supremacy. Having said all that, i grew up in a moderately religious Catholic household with a single mom so, of course, i was super drawn to Mary as a kid. I mean, she's basically a Mommy Goddess, right? How could i not be? I would kinda love to replicate that feeling of adoration and worship for a divine Mommy figure. I love all kinds of ageplay Doms - Daddies, Mommies, Aunties, Uncles, Babysitters, Nurses, Teacher, whatever - but i will always have a special place for Mommies and i can see incorporating some kind of religious element to something like that, like some profound identification with the Eternal Feminine (not that such a thing really exists or whatever; science meets cultural theory and feminism and all that jazz), but outside any of the metaphysical commitments that come with most religiosity; i don't believe this Divine Mommy is up in Heaven watching me 24/7 or whatever (but if you are... i'm a little wet Ma'am :P). Still... i do find the idea of having some kind of non/quasi-religious goddess worship or magic shit really appealing on an intellectual and emotional level, just as a means of pinning down how much i identify with and celebrate femininity as an identity and practice. All this is really just a way of saying that, if you have a coven of cool lady witches or a sect of bad-ass secret goddess worshipers and you need/want some sissyish gender fluid sub to, like, make you coffee or be a sacrificial offering or w/e, hmu. I was an altar boy way back when, so i know my role Ma'am(s). Just saying.

I am both into and have done some pretty weird stuff, according to prevailing mainstream sexual mores. And i feel absolutely no shame about that. Heck, wrt to kink or fetishes or what have you, i am more or less impervious to shock or judgement. At this late date, i assume that if people can think it, someone, somewhere, is really, really into it. And that's totally great, a testimony to the boundless plurality of desires and the endless ingenuity of the erotic imagination. Uh, that said... the Mommy fantasies i am having about Cersei Lannister right now are making me feel pretty goddamn squicky, got to say. It's that leather dress and the short hair and the whole "let Mommy be strong and take charge" vibe. Slay me queen.

tl; dr version: In day-to-day life, with my close friends and partners, i identify as genderqueer and prefer "them/they/their" pronouns.  Basically, if you love ageplay and think i sound like fun, don't stress too much about what to call me if you wanna get in touch, especially if i can call you Daddy or Mommy :) Hey all. Due to restrictions with the system here, i have to list my gender as "male", but tbh i don't really think that's accurate. I'm not actively transitioning, so i also feel "transgender" is equally inaccurate. I'm not a man or a woman, but my gender presentation and identity definitely has aspects of both. I'm pretty flexible wrt gender presentation for play purposes, if my partner has strong preferences either way, but by the same token, i do ask that you respect my gender identity when we correspond or meet up. By and large, i often pass as masculine but i am also extremely feminine and queer too and i do like to femme it up quite frequently, both in play contexts and in daily life. In a word or three, my gender is basically a hot mess. It's not like a huge, huge deal for me, i'm mostly out of the closet about it and i try not to be too exacting around accommodation (unlike trans folks, who face way, way more systemic discrimination and oppression and for whom asserting a visible trans identity is both a courageous political act and, often, a step vital for survival and self-realization), but, hey, c'est moi and if you like what you see so far, well, you should probably be aware of who i actually am and what i'm all about. I'm always happy to talk more about these issues (i'm a bit of a theory geek, so i love talking queer theory and gender politics :) so don't be shy or awkward or worry about saying the wrong thing; it's more about respect, understanding and making an effort.

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