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About orignalname
I have been on this site before. I am really not sure I have the patience to try this again. But nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? This time I was tempted to list myself as a switch. It seems to me like people seem to confuse "submissive" for "mindless doormat". Yes, being completely helpless at someone's mercy sounds hot. Giving someone total control of your life, including your finances makes for a great erotic story. But somehow I don't see it working out well in real life. And doing that with some stranger from the internet would be downright stupid. I would like to think I am not stupid. So that being said, please tell me that there are at least a few women on here looking for an actual relationship. You can't live your entire life in the bedroom. And life is too short to spend it with people who take from you and give nothing back. You only get one shot at life, so if you ask me each and every person in your life should be someone you can learn something from. You should be a better person for knowing them. If someone really gets off on feeling worthless, more power to them. I don't. From a very early age (long before puberty) I have wanted to give myself to someone, completely. The only thing I ask for in return is that the person appreciates the sacrifice being made for them. I don't think that is too much to ask. So, what am I looking for? Sort term, to learn. Intellectually I know what being submissive means. But that isn't the same as understanding it. I want to understand it. I fully realize it will not be easy. Nothing worth doing is. Either this lifestyle is for me and I need to start preparing for the person I eventually find, or I am mistaken and this isn't for me. Either way the experience will be of benefit to me. Long term, I would like to find some sort of a relationship. I don't know what that would look like. I am willing to relocate. I prefer cold climates, but nothing is off the table for the right person. Would this person and I get married and have kids? Would it just be the two of us? Would I have a commitment ceremony where I sign a long term contract? Outside the home would people realize how much I submit to her? Or would it be our little secret. I have no idea. I am open to ideas. It is more about making my partner happy. If they have ideas and I can tolerate them, that sounds like the way to go. |
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Just for the sake of discussion. I found this an interesting read.
THE 9 LEVELS OF SUBMISSION
The following isn't intended as a rigid classification. It was written by Diane Vera and published in The Lesbian S/M Safety Manual, edited by Pat Califia, from Lace/Alyson Press, Boston, 1988, reissued 1990 (still in print).
Within the S/M subculture, different people use the words "submissive and slave" to mean many different things. When submissives say "I want to be your slave," sometimes they mean only that they want to be tied up and whipped. Many professional dominants routinely refer to their (usually _not_ very genuinely submissive clients) as "slaves." At the other extreme, there are people who want to be full-time personal servants, and who truly want to exist solely for their Dom(me)'s use, pleasure and convenience. And there are many shades in between these two extremes.
1.THE OUTRIGHT NON-SUBMISSIVE MASOCHIST or KINKY SENSUALIST.Not into servitude, humiliation or giving up control; just pain and/or spiced-up sensuality, on the masochist's own terms and for the masochist's own direct pleasure (i.e. turned on solely/mainly by one's own bodily sensatons rather than by being "used" to gratify one's partner's sadism). This has never been me. I am not in it for the pain (don't like pain) or spiced up sensuality. I can live without sex. It's the connection to someone special and sense of accomplishment from being there for them that is attractive to me.
2.PSEUDO-SUBMISSIVE NON-SLAVE. Not into even playing "slave," but into other "submissive" role-playing, e.g. schoolteacher scenes, infantilism, "forced" transvestism. Usually into humiliation, but NOT into servitude, even in play. Dictates the scene to a large degree. I certainly have limits, but I don't want to "dictate the scene". I am not even interested in "scenes". I don't know if this would be a struggle at first for me or not. But I am most certainly not looking for a specific kink or role. As counter-intuative as it sounds, the boring times are the interesting times for me.
3.PSEUDO-SUBMISSIVE PLAY SLAVE. Likes to play at being a slave; likes to feel subservient; may in some cases like to feel one is being "used" to gratify partner's sadism; may even really serve the dominant in some ways, but only on the "slave's" own terms. Dictates the scene to a large degree; often fetishistic (e.g. foot worshippers). Again, no specific fetishes here. This is the first one to really mentions "serving" the dominant however, so it is getting closer to where I see myself.
4.TRUE SUBMISSIVE NON-SLAVE. Really gives up control (only temporarily and within agreed-upon limits), but gets her/his main satisfaction from aspects of submission other than serving or being used by the dominant. Usually turned on by suspense, vulnerability, and/or giving up responsbility. Doesn't dictate the scene except in very general terms, but still seek mainly her/his own direct/pleasure (rather than getting one's pleasure mainly from pleasing the dominant). This is getting close to where I saw myself in my younger years. I hope that I am not seeking my own direct pleasure. When I was young (still underage) I had the fantasy of giving up control of myself for a year, not knowing what that would mean. I didn't picture day after day of kinky sex. I knew it would mean doing what it took to make someone happy, whether that was doing laundry, changing how I dress, or something that I couldn't begin to guess. I wasn't stupid. I wasn't about to go serve a random person. But I did think that someday I might find someone I cared about and respected that I would want to give myself to. To me the pre-determined period of time was my way of giving them a significant gift that would show I cared. It also (in my mind) illustrated that i knew that there would be bad days, but I was willing to deal with them because in the long run it was worth it. And on a practical note I knew that I would rethink my decision to serve, so it gave me an incentive (my word) to stick around.
5.TRUE SUBMISSIVE PLAY SLAVE. Really gives up control (though only temporarily; only during brief "scenes" and within limits) and gets main satisfaction from serving/being used by dominant-but only for FUN purposes, usually erotic. May/may not be into pain. If so, is turned on by pain indirectly, i.e. enjoys being the object of one's partner's sadism, on which the submissive places very few requirements or restrictions. I already went over most of this. I am NOT into pain. I would hope (and am confidant) that I am not only interested in serving for fun purposes.
6.UNCOMMITTED SHORT-TERM BUT MORE THAN PLAY SEMI-SLAVE. Really gives up control (usually within limits); wants to serve and be used by the dominant; wants to provide practical/non erotic as well as fun/erotic services; but only when the "slave" is in the mood. May even act as a full-time slave for, say, several days at a time, but is free to quit at any time (or at the end of the agreed upon several days). May or may not have long-term relationship with one's Mistress, but, either way, the "slave" has the final say over when she will serve. Now we are getting somewhere. I do want to provide practical service. This was something I wanted to try when i was young before moving on to the deeper levels. I didn't know it was so hard to find. I did not picture myself only serving "when I was in the mood", but that seemed like a good idea while getting to know someone.
7.PART-TIME CONSENSUAL-BUT REAL SLAVE. Has an ongoing commitment to an owner/slave relationship and regards oneself as the dominant's property at all times. Wants to obey and please dom(me) in all aspects of life-practical/non erotic and fun/erotic. Devotes most of time to other commitments (e.g. job) but Dom(me) has first pick of the slave's free time. This is where I pictured myself for several years until my dominant and I were ready to marry or make a longer term commitment. I do have a life. I have a job and people who rely on me. Even when i was young I knew I needed to get my education and work so that I could get my life off to a good start. I did want to serve someone full time if they could be understanding of my other commitmsents. Part of my attraction to this situation is being with someone that I know will make me a better person (the main reason I am not attracted to most on this site). The type of person I was looking for would want someone they could be proud of, not some worthless worm.
8.FULL-TIME LIVE IN CONSENSUAL SLAVE. Within no more than a few broad limits/requirements, the slave regards herself/himself as existing solely for the Dom(me)'s pleasure/well being. Slave in turn expects to be regarded as a prized possession. Not much different from the situation of the traditional housewife, except that within the S/M world the slave's position is more likely to be fully consensual, especially of the slave is male. Within the S/M world, a full time "slave" arrangement is entered into with an explicit awareness of the magnitude carefully, with more awareness of the magnitude of power that is being given up, and hence is usually entered into much more carefully, with more awareness of the possible dangers, and with much clearer and more specific agreements than usually precede the traditional marriage. I really longed for this my entire childhood/teenage years. Even if it was not the situation for me long term, even if I was going to have a normal "vanilla" life someday, I wanted to experience this for at least a year. I wanted to give the person who helped me experience the levels above a gift, and this was the best one I could think of. At one point I thought I found a person like that. I spent a great deal of time on the internet and phone with them. In person however they turned out to be a mentally unstable drunk who stalked me for quite a long time. That didn't destroy my interest in finding someone to serve, but it did convince me to leave this lifestyle as just a fantasy. If I am stingy with personal information, know it is nothing person. That is why. I don't care to repeat that experience.
9.CONSENSUAL TOTAL SLAVE WITH NO LIMITS. A common fantasy ideal which probably doesn't exist in real life (except in authoritarian religious cults and other situations where the "consent" is induced by brainwashing and/or social or economic pressures, and hence isn't fully consensual). A few S/M purists will insist that you aren't really a slave unless you're willing to do absolutely anything for your Dom(me), with no limits at all. I've met a few people who claimed to be no-limit slaves, but in all cases I have reason to doubt the claim. I have no interest in this. I have my morals, my philophies on life. They are constantly evolving, but they are not something I would give up for anyone. Even if I didn't have issues with this description, I find anything (even a birthday gift) to be more meaningful if it is willingly given than if it is expected or coerced.
Copyright 1984 and 1988, Diane Vera |
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