onyxofdarklite

Hmmm... I've found that I don't write here very often because typically, I'm hardly ever here.  There are so many of you who have contacted me and been absolute jerks.  You think you are dominant, yet you lack the basic concepts or respect for humanity.  You think that you can treat submissives as doormats, well, let me tell you that a this submissive will never allow herself to be treated in such a manner.  On my profile it states that if you attempt to come at me with disrespect, then basically I won't give you the time of day. Now, I get that there are some women out there who thrive on being called dirty names, and honestly, I don't mind them in the right context, but I will not stand for being called a skank or a hag or a bitch just in general conversation.  That is degrading and I think my esteem is low enough as it is. 

If you really want to get my attention, you will be a firm, strict, but understanding and patient Dom or Master who expects excellence from their submissive/slave.  One who understands that she is a human being with goals, dreams, and (oh my god!) feelings.  Because the old adage is definitely true, you can attract more bees to honey than with vinegar. or something like that.  

This lifestyle is supposed to be about Safe, Sane and Consensual, however I fear that there are many who forget that basic concept.   I will not submit to you just because you tell me to.  In fact, I won't submit just to spite you.  To me, no means no.

I have a block button and I am not afraid to use it. 

The range.  Twenty yards between my arrow and the target.  Twenty yards, a split second, 40 pounds of tension. 

Proof.

Prove that i belong.  Prove that i have the right to be here.  Prove that with every pull of the string, with every shot, with every stilled breath, with with every release, i must prove myself that i am worthy of being on the range.

Today was utter disappointment for the most part.  Not only did i prove unworthy of being on the range.....  i know that i will be going back for more punishment to prove my worth....

Blue, red, purple...  the color i see when i'm on the range....  depression, rage, anger... all negativity attempted to be expelled at the range.... 

it's no wonder i'm not worthy to be on the range.....

Went back and read last night's journal entry...  yes, i realize that i could delete them if i wished, but they definitely serve a purpose... a reminder, if anything, that there is more to me than just me.....

my life, in the hands of another...  what a concept!

P.S.  I'm trying to leave the past in the past, but it haunts me...

I can't get rid of it.

Drunk.  Not alone, but utterly alone.  Did I mention drunk?  The jello shots weren't even very strong, but I had about 40 of them.  Perhaps less, perhaps more.  When will the alone feeling end?  I could actually be in a crowded room and still feel alone.  Yeah, that's so cliche, but in my case, everso true.  Did I mention jello shots? 

Ever wonder if you think that something would work, but then realize that it probably won't?  That is the story of my life ... truly...

Whenever I think that I have finally found something or someone special or something... something goes wrong and I end up on the abandoned side of the deal....

Goddess, please don't abandon.,.... me....

A journal.  Yes, i keep a journal, usually regularly. Have been since '86.  Yes! i'm THAT old. lols.  Not sure why i would want to keep entries here, though, i suppose it would be to write about situational feelings or vent about frustrations or whatever tickles me at the time.  i do tend to write when the mood strikes.  i have no qualms about answering questions of most kinds.  Want to know about me? Just ask.  If You have questions regarding my submission, kindly direct those to NampaWolf.

Oh, and nowhere on my profile does it state i will do things on cam for money.  i am not a whore. .... unless He desires me to be so......