Vertical Line



onceshattered - photo 1
To say it has been a "hell of a year" would be a gross understatement. There have been few highs but many many more lows. I'm finally getting through it and I'm looking to move forward. I want to make a connection with someone. Meeting people is soooo hard especially when I have particular itches I'm looking to scratch. Once upon a time, I defined myself as a submissive masochist. I'm still submissive and I still enjoy pain. I just don't use that to define myself anymore. I'm just a woman who likes those things very much (a hard lesson to learn.) I'm 41 and to be blunt... I'm lonely. I'm want that something "more." I'm not a fool... I don't expect my life to turn out like a 50 Shades sequel. I guess I want what anyone else wants - someone to share a connection with. :-/ I'm NOT interested in playing with: Poly relationships Men who are currently married Men who are old enough to be my grandfather Long Distance flings some randoms: My career is very important to me and sometimes I have to make the tough call and put it first. I enjoy reading. I knit and crochet (lol) I'm addicted to the internet and I play mmo's! I have a tendency to be a hermit unless persuaded to go out. I have a social anxiety issue at times. Though aspects of myself have changed, I believe that the deion my former Dom wrote of me is still very accurate. You can find it in my writings. Thanks for making it this far. I do love discussion with just about anyone so feel free to send me a message.

The following is written by a man who has had the honor of meeting with me in person and has exchanged numerous emails and phone conversations with me:

"O.S. is  a woman of stunning complexity housed in a delightful shell of innocence and almost child-like wonder and joy.  Her need for pain is real, constantly increasing, and is becoming a source of pride and accomplishment for her.  She has a keen mind and is extremely self aware.  O.S. is able to see herself through a prism, and like a prism projects a different image every time the angle of view is altered even slightly.
She posses the rare ability to imagine herself in pain; to imagine her breasts being beaten, her arms restrained, her clit stimulated.  To hold her in one’s arms and talk softly to her of the belt, the clamps, the cutting, the orgasm, and watch her turn the words into actual whimpers and orgasm is astonishing and humbling.  Easy to say she is faking and role playing; I have seen faked orgasms, faked shudders, faked toe curls.  I have never in almost 40 years of sadism seen a woman able to fake a chest flush as she comes.

She has a deep seated need to please, an even deeper fear of disappointing, and both the mental and sexual skills to accomplish the first and almost never risk the second.
This is a woman teetering on the edge of constant self-doubt, held back from the precipice by the thinnest of threads of a phenomenal ability to orgasm through the skilled administration of pain.  She is not for the light of heart; the pain she needs to trigger is real, the impact she needs is bone-jarring, and her need to push her limits ever further may well lead to broken skin and blood play at the hands of a very skilled practitioner.

She has a need to trust tempered by the experiences of trust misplaced.  This is not a woman for a beginning sadist or the “dom” who wants to spank while he is being blown.  This woman needs, and responds best, to the mental control and suggestive sadism that gives her the very best of both worlds, pain and orgasm without actual touch.

This is a princess of pain, and a truly nice woman with real human value as well.

It is with pride and honor that I call her mine, and congratulate myself on finding the gem of her personality amongst the mud of her outer issues.  I look forward to showing her how to break open her shell through pain and see the inner beauty in a woman she considers flawed, as a rock collector treasures the humble geode, dirty and flawed on the outside and a glistening diorama of beauty inside."