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we have an opening again..so i'm back like a good bitch |
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Finally allowed back online....the house is FULL now...yeah!!!!
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remember if youre planning on attending the auction on the 4th you need to RSVP by 5:00pm today. see ya then....;) |
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everybody should have their invites for the july 4th auction so if your planning to come please rsvp by 5pm wednesday....see ya on saturday
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i was talking to someone this morning about my sisters journal and realised i hadnt like updated mine in a while....but honest i dont really know what to say cause theres not to much new going on with me right now....anyway im still here and i'll try and think of something later to put in here
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i promised you guys i'd let you know when the next auction was...the next one will be on Saturday July 4th....it will have the independence day theme whatever that means...i haven't been clued in on that yet...;)
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just one bad thing about activities that keep ya up all night...the next day...;)
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Mike steps in and the stalker steps out....big brothers are awesome...;) i love you Michael
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my week is off to a really f'ed up start with some stalker issues from a bad choice i made a few weeks ago...it's like got me like having to stay inside 24/7 right now and that really sucks....sorry to rant but why are people like that???
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Great weekend!!...thanks everybody...and your right Jerry that table is to small weve outgrown it for sure....next month we'll use that other one from the other living room.
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roof damage...leaks...dayum...bad storms last night but we are all ok. Master says the auction is still a go everybody so see ya tomorrow night
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Remember, anyone invited and planning to attend the auction on the 12th needs to RSVP to me, kelly or Master no later than 5:00pm today. And if you need tammies details, let me know. See yall this weekend
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For those invited and planning to attend the auction on the 12th, please RSVP to me, kelly or Master no later than 5:00pm wednesday 6/10/2009.....since tammie is now out of orientation she will be included in this months auction, so if you need her details, let me know. thanks
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9:00pm everyone. See ya'll tonight...dont be late...itll be a blast i know.
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Thanks to everyone that showed up last night...what a f'in blast huh...Thats for sure one bartender that will remember his night at work don't yall think...that was awesome....;)
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special entry just for you local Doms and Masters that have met me and know what im talking about....we are all being taken out there tonight at 8:00pm...yes all of us...me kelly and tammie...see ya'll tonight!!
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hey guys...im like really impressed with my new sister. i knew she had served before and stuff but shes like got a lot of knowledge and making it easy for me to help and stuff.... i guess the only thing that sorta like suprised me was shes never had her own computer before so thats been fun actually knowing more about something than she does..... another kinda funny thing though is that shes already getting mail on CM and a lot of those idiots that wrote me are sending her the same exact stupid mails they sent me. hahahaha...no wonder they still dont have a sub or slave huh...;)
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hmmmm...is it just me or does it seem like there are like hundreds of new "switches" on CM now?? i get mail from them and have more of them looking at my profile than stupid wannabee Doms trying to steal me. anyway... im sorry maybe its wrong but i look at all switches the same way...if you cant figure out what you really are youre just playing around and just trying to get attention any way you can. sorry if that offends anybody but thats just how i feel. make up your mind and choose a side dayum...;)
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hi again...with kelly being home this week i have a little more time than usual so i thought id like try and catch this up some. really my only problem is i cant remember what ive already told ya and im to lazy to go back and like read my old entries on here. i have to read my real journal all the time ya know and i know how long that takes!!!.....hahahaha
lemme see...im done with my orientation and B.I.T.C.H. training if yall dont know that already...i have my new permanent collar and i signed a longer contract and stuff...ummm...thinking....i know a slave shouldnt like 'think" to much right...;)
oh yeah...i had some issues that happened not to long ago that helped me to better understand my place. i cant really go into to much detail on this but i was bad and did some stuff that Master didnt know about. anyway because of that i now know how important good direction and obedience really is. i learned my lesson BIG TIME...and im a better slave now because of it. i think i screwed up as bad as i did cause im young and stuff...and yeah i know thats no excuse. im just glad it all worked out and i didnt like f-up what i have here....
we have a new slave tammie and shes really nice and fits in good. she's been a slave before but never in a poly house so we are all like getting to know each other and stuff. shes still in orientation and doing her B.I.T.C.H. training right now. so Master is spending a lot of His time with her right now and thats different but me and kel know Hes like doing what He has to do. even so ill be happy when shes done with all that so we can get things like sorta back to normal around here.
i think i told yall this already but kel decided to get branded and stuff. thats all cool but watching it and stuff just hurt watching!! anway before you ask, NO, im not gonna get branded to at least not yet...i know im not ready for that yet....
i think that like catches yall up on stuff so maybe after tammie gets settled i can start keeping this more up to date all the time...oh yeah...we still have one room open for the right slave girl....;)
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wow...one message today i got off here was from a "slave" that like thought she knew "poly" life...well even "slave" life...hahahaha...talk about CLUELESS this one thought she got to like help her "master" decide things and how stuff would be done..and yeah i left "her master" in small case on purpose...what a joke and loser...dayum i wish people understood D/s and M/s before they bothered me!!
oh well...anyway other than that...things here are coming along as Master wants...i really like tammie and i'm glad Master brought her in the home. ...more later guys...cya
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busy week so far...tammie moved in on schedule and because of some issues outside the house, kelly decided to take Masters brand...ouch...anyway tammie is in B.I.T.C.H. training and this is like my first time to help with that so im learning. its pretty cool...but anyway...like i said sorta busy...;)
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hi ya'll...well lets see...i fell and damn near broke my arm...im fine good meds thank you but my elbow is F'ed up. anyway...one week and counting...tammie moves in on monday the 25th so i'm somewhere between excited and nervous....more later
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hi guys...yeah i'm still busy...i'm hoping things calm down a little bit after tammie moves in but who knows. anyway to answer what is like the #1 question i get all the time, YES we still have one opening in the house so we can take in one more slave girl. the house has room for 4 and after tammie moves in we'll still have 1 room open. anyway for all you REAL slave girls looking for the perfect home write me and i'll hook ya up....i guess thats it for now...i'll try and start updating this thing again better as soon as i can.
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just lettin ya'll know i'm still here...just a lot going on right now but maybe things will calm down soon so i can start updating this again...;)
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tammie visited for the weekend and Master wanted to spend as much time with her as possible to start breaking her in so me and kelly got auctioned 2 for 1....it was a very different kinda weekend but i guess thats just life as a slave huh.
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sorry i havent updated this in a while ive just been sorta busy. theres really not to much new goin on really though but i'll try and add something to this soon
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Master wanted me to be sure and thank each of you that has come by to wish me a happy birthday. He told me there are just a few more that couldnt get over here yesterday so thanks in advance for helping me celebrate my birthday as a good slave should...;)
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happy birthday to me...i'm 19 today...;)
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kayla a local sub joined us last night and i think she's gonna stay through sunday. We all had a great time and kayla told us she'd never had a session like she had with all of us and she'd be visiting a lot if Master would let her. Its for sure different having just a sub in here but at least with this one its ok so far
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Master has had so many "subs" and stuff contact Him that He told me not to try and fill our last room anymore. He told me if a great slave comes along that's cool but that we have enough subs to keep the room occupied pretty much all the time. i know that's not what He really wants and its for sure not what me kelly and tammie want but oh well...;)
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i have never and will never do drugs but i had my first experience being loaned out to a guy that did ice. All i had to do was give head so i didnt think it was gonna be a long thing but 10 hours later i was still busy and wondering if it was ever gonna end. Master just keeps amazing me with the lessons i learn just by following His instructions...oh and yeah...it finally ended...;)
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Master is awesome....maybe i'll explain this a little more after i have some time to really think about it... But Master like totally understood what happened with my online thing and told me i'd learned exactly what He wanted me to. He just always amazes me and i'm just so lucky to have Him.
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tonight i'm going to have to tell Master that the online thing just didnt work out to good. i mean i just got nothing out of it at all and didnt feel nothin. i'm sorta down about that and i really hope Master wont be disappointed...;(
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Thanks to all that applied to fulfill my Masters wish...that assignment continues but the job of finding the one i needed is over....;)
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Just one day and i think i'm already learning what Master wanted me to. i really thought this one would be easy. Just following a few instructions online seems a lot easier than actually doing something that is like watched really close and judged and stuff or thats what i thought anyway. Now i'm finding out that its pretty much true that most of the masters on this site arent even good at being doms. i mean just to give you a quick example...one so-called master told me my assignment wasn't structured good cause he wanted me to tell him what to do...sorry duffus but i dont have time to teach you how to be a Dom...what i've been instructed to do is find a temporary online Master...and if you can't even dom me how in the world can i respect you enough to let you be my "online Master"? Wow...it just makes me even more thankful for what i do have. But i have only been trying to do this assignment for one day so maybe someone that knows what they are doing will show up soon...;)
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so far like 4 guys have tried to be my new online Master and so far they've all been like total jokes. NO this isnt something that means i'm free to leave my Master and NO i wont consider it and NO i wont do stuff my real Master doesnt want me to. Dayumm...Master told me this would like be a toght assignment but wow
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Thanks
to Master i've learned i love being auctioned. i chose this as my way
of finishing up my Bitch training here and now its just something i
love to do. i dont get to do it much and no you guys cant bid for me
online or nothing like that...it's just something i know now i really
enjoy.
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Master is going to session like our possible 4th tonight!! i don't know if she's like going to move in or not but if so i guess i'll be done on here huh...;)
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a special hi this morning to Steve, Jim and Ken...yeah you guys suprised me by really showing up but that was cool...i'm glad ya'll got to meet and talk to Master and kelly too....i had a blast i hope you guys did too!!
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gotta dance at baby dolls tonight to entertain Master...anyway...if ya see me...tip good ok...;)
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i dont want my profile or journal to come across negative but i have to make this entry one time.....ALL mail from Doms, Dommes and Male subs is deleted unread...i just dont have time to waste reading mail from people i'm just not that interested in talking to
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Today tammie called and said she's coming here next weekend and will be staying at a hotel pretty close to us to get used to the area and get a head start on her training. i can tell she's really excited about joining us and i gotta tell ya the more i get to know her the more i know i'm gonna love havin her here as my sister....come on May!!
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yeah i cleaned up my friends list and got rid of all the ones that were like fakes and trolls and stuff. i used to just add anyone that asked me but im not gonna ever do that again. i guess im sorta becoming like a CM pro or something now and just getting tired of all the time wasters and losers...so if you got removed oh well thats what happens to fakes..thats life...and if youre still there then youre real and im happy to have you as a friend....;)
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tammie visited us here for the 1st time last night and it was me and kellys 1st time getting to actually see her and stuff. she is really cool and all of us really had a good time just sitting around getting to know each other. she's gonna be a great sister so i can hardly wait for May to finally get here.
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some people told me they are like confused if we have an open room here or not. YES we do and there is one room left so we are still very interested in finding one more REAL slave to join us. i've talked to several possibles but most turn out to be just like time wasters or pic seekers or whatever and just like vanish when things get to the serious stage ya know. i guess if your just into play and doing that gets ya off then all i can do is pity you. But if your into the real thing email me and i'll be happy to talk to ya and hopefully welcome you as a sister.
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tammie joins us on May 26th...;) ...anyway the search for the 4th and last slave goes on ya know...;)
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my BITCH training is finally over!! and i have my new permanent collar...;)
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one day to go!! people are really starting to call this morning to tell Master they are like for sure gonna be here tomorrow night and when i write down the messages and stuff it like send chills all over me....in a really good way...;)
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ok for all ya'll that have been asking me every day and that are coming saturday night and know what i'm talking about...the bidding start at $1.00
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i just vent...but my sister loves exposing em...she updated her thing again with more fakes...everybody check em out its too funny...look at the profile for truedfwslave...;)
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its another one of those days...is the moon like in a fucked up postion or something? i havent gotten this many mails from timewasters Doms with like no experience wanting me to teach them and subs that have no idea what slaves are in a long time...just another day on CM huh...;)
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3 days to completion of my bitch training yeah!! i will finally get my permanent collar and not have to wear this leather one anymore...i'm so excited. i also found out that our 3rd slave will for sure arrive on May 26th...her name is tammie and i got to talk to her last night for the first time...she really seems cool so i'm excited about that to...i guess we'll all get to know each other really good on the trip...;)
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my good friend truedfwslave posted another loser alert....you know one of those trolls that has like lots of user names...hahaha too funny...everybody check it out and let's see how long this fake sticks around...;)
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its only tuesday but its already a good week. i've been talking to a new friend on here that i'm hoping will join us here soon...she sounds so much like me that i just know we'd like be great sister slaves and like really good friends to...and i'm looking forward to finally completing my bitch training this saturday and getting my new permanent collar. yeah this week is already a good one and i just hope it stays that way
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Master just approved a 3rd slave for the house so even though she wont be here for a while we're down to just like one open room now....i'm really getting excited cause i know the house is prolly gonna be full by the end of the year like Master wanted
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a different kinda day...we went to texas stadium in irving where the dallas cowboys used to play football and Master bought some really weird stuff...like stadium signs and seats and even a players whole locker. i had no idea they sold that kind of stuff when a team like changed stadiums and stuff...but it was weird for sure. i guess they just get like everything new when they change stadiums and stuff...and for you guys that dont know it...they start playing in arlington next year...so it'll be further for us when go
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Master changed my assignment and i didnt even have to leave the house...annnnyway ...C has been completed...yeah!! Just one to go...and thats all set for next saturday...;)
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another one of my i gotta vent moods...;) hey look...im a slave 100%...im real and i dont care if you cant understand that. im not gonna dance on cam for ya so if thats your deal...you can jump off your house as far as im concerned....all im interested in is pleasing my Master and finding maybe a another real slave to join our house...nothing else...im not going to trade what i have for you..promise...it wont happen...no chance...you cant come close to what i have already...no way no how....for all you real slaves out there...id love to talk to ya...for the rest of you...please dont bother me...im fed up!!
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ok...i will get my assignment and be able to complete "C" in my bitch training tomorrow night 2/21...and if i pass it then i will be able to finish my bitch training on 2/28...i am nervous but i know im gonna be able to do it...real exciting!!
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wow...i had the dates wrong!! Master told me this morning that i had completed "T" in my bitch training so now i'm ready for "C"!! i'm am just so excitied i cant even tell ya...i mean i know i can do this one...its like supposed to be one of the hard ones but for me i think its gonna be easy...;)
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the longer i stay on this site the more i understand just like how lucky i am...i mean i like see so many that are just like clueless about what a slave is...or maybe i should say what a slave isn't ya know...;) but there's some good possibles out there...so maybe someday soon we'll get the house full...who knows...;)
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Only one of the two i was talking to decided to apply here so im back and still looking for one more to join our house. And thats if the one that did apply gets accepted and stuff...wow its hard finding real slaves on CM. i mean theres a lot of great subs out there ad i really hope they find their happiness and stuff but they arent like real slaves ya know?? anyway i do hope we can fill the house by the end of the year like Master wants...i think that would be so cool...;)
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It's been a pretty good week for me and i've talked to a lot of really good potential slaves and even a few others that didnt work out. Right now there are like two really good possibles to join our home so if things go good maybe the house will be full soon. That would be really cool....anyway i'm not sure if i'll be on much after today if these two really turn out to be the ones we're looking for but i wont like take down my profile. i've made a lot of really good friends on here so if ya'll don't see me for a while just know i'm busy as hell and i'll be back when i can...love you guys
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well its a great day for me...i really feel like i accomplished something pretty good...DOXX, ARISIAX and DEBS00 were exposed as a one person fake..."it" was shamed so much "it" had to to remove all 3 of "its" fake profiles from CM....i'm glad for that not for me but for everyone out there that might have fallen for whatever scam he/she was doing...i mean since one profile was Dom one was sub and one was switch... i guess that means "it" didn't know what "it" was....sad...but now thankfully and permanently gone...;)
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hahaha...well my last journal entry sure got noticed...i love it!! the real Doms and True Masters out there were so supportive and cheered me on...thanks to you guys...;) And the fakes, wannabees and trolls...hahaha...their mails were more STUPID than usual...;)
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a lot of the slaves i talk to are like shocked when i tell em they are asking Doms the wrong questions when they think about being owned. Anyway i thought i'd post the real ones from Master's guide that any slave should ask and maybe it might help someone out there.....if a Dom can't give ya like a straight answer you can understand...stay away...;)
(1)What
happens to my housing contracts, car payments, credit card bills and
other debt?
(2) May
I attend School (College)?
(3) Am
I required or allowed to work outside the home?
(4) Are
children present in the home and how are they handled?
(5) How
severe is the discipline, punishment or S&M (sadomasochism)?
(6) May
I have friends outside the relationship(s)?
(7) Am
I allowed to have visitors?
(8) When
and where do I wear a collar?
(9) How
long is the service contract?
(10) What
happens to me if the Master becomes permanently disabled or in the
event of His Death?
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"prove something to me" - send me pictures, call me, obey my commands, call me Master.....come on be serious....
i'm owned, i'm collared and i could care less about any of that crap. i think my profile is pretty clear that i'm here to maybe find another slave to join us here and that i have no interest at all in anything else.
i don't mean to vent really but i'm just so frustrated by all of the fakes, wannabees, and trolls that its really hard not to be upset by it. And then i read some of the stuff from the "slaves" on here and im just like amazed at the stupidness.
Here's a little FACT from Masters guide that i think sorta says it all when it comes to if you are a real slave or just a sub. It doesn't matter if you want to agree with it or not it's just the truth...look it up in the dictionary if you don't believe me...
"FACT:
Regardless what you may “want”
to believe, D/s
submission simply indicates a willingness to voluntarily comply with
the desires and/or instructions of someone else in a limited manner
for a limited period of time. While M/s slavery requires absolute
obedience and service without
any limitation or any freedom of choice." |
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i'm up to T in my bitch training and i'm hoping i can get it done by maybe the end of february but who knows. Master warned me that most of the ones that call themselves slaves on here are really just D/s subs and wow was He right. But that's ok too i mean this kind of life isnt for everyone 4sure...;)
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ok well like i said i'm finally allowed back online after going through the house orientation here and really getting started with my training. i really thought i'd had a lot of training before and then i got back and found out what real training really was.
Now i'm doing my "bitch" training and i'm doing pretty good with it i think but i know i've got a long way to go. kelly says it gets harder before it gets easier but i'm ready for anything.
i'm not sure how much i'm gonna be adding to this journal anymore since now i'm keeping one here for Joe thats got like everything i do in it but i'll try and add something here when i think i should. Maybe that'll be everyday or maybe once a week or month or whatever i dont know but i'm really happy finally!!
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Hi everyone im finally allowed to be back online. Orientation here is NO JOKE for sure but i learned alot. that's all for now but wow do i need to catch this up huh...;)
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i cant sleep and i think its because i know that today is my last day here in iowa before i go back to dallas. i mean dont get me wrong i'm EXCITED to be going back and i think that's why i can't sleep wanting it to be saturday night aleady so i know its finally time to get back and to take my place with Joe and kelly again. i just cant be happy this way i'm meant to be controlled and this trip has made me understand that completely.
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i can't help but just bust a gut laughing though at some of the "pretend" Doms on CM. Especially the ones that get upset when i expose them as frauds and then send me some nasty or STUPID mail back. i guess they think i care wihout realizing that by doing that they only make themselves look really STUPID!! And the
best ones of those are the ones that actually take the time to block a response from me. Imagine a "so-called" DOMINANT that's actually afraid to read what a little 115 pound 18 year old subby has to say.
That's some Dom dontcha think?? Little puppies have more courage than that...lmao
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HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!!
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i just wanted to say that i hope everyone has an exciting and fun New Years Eve. i can't tell you what my assignment is but it's gonna be interesting 4sure ;) Anyway have fun and stay SAFE!!
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The 4th is now OFFICIALLY my big day. i talked to Joe last night and HE has my new contract ready for me to sign when i get back as well as some plans for me. i have no idea what HE has planned for me but i know it will be great. i'm going to be owned im so excited and terrified all at the same time. What a great day!!
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It has been a slow process but it is truly now time to be owned, give up all limits and completely surrender as the slave i know i am meant to be. Joe was right the time away from HIM made my decision clear and easy to make. Master when i return PLEASE accept me as your beta.
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kelly flew back to dallas today which is sorta depressing. But at least a lot of family is still here and i do get to talk to Joe a few times each day on the phone and computer so i'll live...;)
Christmas was GREAT and i hope it was the same way for everyone. i am looking forward though to getting back home but i've still got a few days here.
See ya'll back in dallas on the 4th!!
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When i left dallas to come up here to iowa i was really suprised Joe was letting me and kelly go without him. But what he told me is really beginning to make a lot of sense now. i mean he said that being away would really give me a chance to think about everything and that by the time i got back i'd have like a better idea of who and what i really was and what i wanted to do.
i know that him making us pack like it was gonna be a trip to the bahamas really let me know who was in charge and stuff but having to wear this stuff up here has been like crazy!! But not in a bad way i mean yeah its REALLY COLD but knowing i'm doing it cause i was "told to" wow that's made it like really FUN in a lot of different ways...;)
Anyway i really am beginning to understand that i'm not so much a pain slut but more of a pleasure one and a big time exhibitionist for sure. i mean dont get me wrong there's a lot of the b & d and even s & m i really like and know i need. it's just that i am pretty sure i dont want or need it to be the severe kind.
i'm also like 99% sure i want to be a slave but i'm just waiting for that little something to happen that makes me for sure about it. And i have an idea that might happen pretty soon since i'm sure kelly will tell Joe how good i've been at being bad since i've been up here just like he told me to be...;).
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Hey it's supposed to get up to 25 degrees today with only a little snow...yeah!! That's gonna be like a heat wave since i've been up here. i know Joe is just loving it knowing all we have are summer clothes (cept for the heavy coats) and yeah all the guys up here are loving it when we go out but they think we're nuts too im sure.
Since i'm getting asked a lot no i didn't do a lot of shoveling in that bikini. i was only out there about long enough to get that pic taken and then run back inside. But i did have a neighbor call me and ask if i'd come shovel his driveway so the show didn't go like unnoticed...;)
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Well i have now posted like the maximum number of pics i can on CM. i tried to pick some good ones and a variety of stuff to sorta show me and some of my different moods and some different toys and even one of this christmas up here in iowa shoveling a little snow. i hope you enjoy em!!
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Well me and kelly are in marshalltown iowa and today it's like -12 so its a lot different from back in dallas for sure. But still the snow is pretty and its nice seeing the people i havent seen in so long too. We both miss Joe but thank God for computers right? i mean he can still give us a few fun things to do even though we cant do a lot with so much family around and so many people that know em. But that makes the few little things we can do that much more exciting and stuff. Anyway i'm not sure how much i'll be able to get on since im having to even share the laptop with kel but i'll get on and update this when i can.
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Time for a repost...
A LOT of the trash mails i get make it easier and easier to spot the trolls faster and that lets me
spend more time talking to the real Doms that really know about D/s and
want to talk seriously about it. i can't help but just bust a gut
laughing though at some of the "pretend" Doms mails though. Especially
the ones that get upset when i expose them as frauds and then send me
some nasty mail back. i guess they think i care wihout realising that
by doing that they only make themselves look really STUPID!! And the
best ones of those are the ones that actually take the time to block a
response from me. Imagine a "so-called" DOMINANT that's actually
afraid to read what a little 115 pound 18 year old subby has to say.
That's some Dom dontcha think?? Little puppies have more courage than
that...lmao
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We are heading back to Iowa tomorrow 12/20 for Christmas so i don't know if or how much i'll be on till we get back. So Merry Christmas to everybody and i'll begin updating this again after i get back.
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Another night and another TERRIFFIC lesson. Last night i experienced "Shibari" in like the most extreme and time consuming way i can even imagine. i mean i've been tied up before but not like this. i really dont know how long it took for Joe to get me tied just the way he wanted but it seemed like forever. Every knot every loop well everything had to be like just perfect and he was constantly checking back over what he'd already done and telling me that this wasnt going to be like the night before where i got all the pleasure but that tonight it was gonna be all about him. He told me it was time i lost complete control and that tonight i'd be nothing but a toy for him to play with and use like he wanted for as long as he wanted. Before he even finished getting me tied like perfect he ball gagged me and blindfolded me. And then after i was like totally tied up and stuff and more than completely lost everything just went completely quiet and there was like no activity or noise or nothing in the room at all. After a while i started to just like try and move ad it was just impossible. For the first time in my whole life i felt completely helpless in every way with no way to get out of it and no clue at all what was coming next. Well he made me his toy alright and he did use me in every way you can imagine. i LOVED it so even though the night was supposed to be all about him i really hope he ended up enjoying it all as much as i did. Cause even though i was like completely exhausted and for sure had ben used long and hard i still had a really hard time at first going to sleep just sorta reliving it over and over again in my mind.
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Sub-Space, Mind control or just uncontrollable thoughts? That's the question i have this morning after the lesson or session whatever it was that i had last night. Joe brought in only nipple clips, thread and a small felt flogger he made and then spent his entire time with me telling me he was going to send me into "orbit". Wow did he ever!! I've seen him do something similar to this with kelly but this was my first experience with it and it was just amazing. There is just no way to describe what he did or how he did it but without ever touching me in any way below my breasts i experienced one of the most intense orgasms i have ever had in my life. i don't know what else to say except WOW.
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It just never stops amazing me the stupidity of some of the mail i get on here...removing the name as to not just humiliate this one...here's an example of what i mean.
"Your Gorgeous ...i can do all you seek and more ...please give me the
Honor of perusing you....i can do all your Fancy's and Fetishes and
take you to total Bliss i assure you ! been in the L/s for over 20
years now and trained as both so lets have some sessions and get to
know each other OK? :) simply add me to >> ...........@yahoo.com
to see my live cam and voice :) Master ....... /"
Amazing...i just can't understand why people don't read profiles...do they not understand a sub knows what's in her own profile and what she is or is NOT looking for?? Wow...and then they wonder why i don't write back....dayuum...;)
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Last night was just like "INCREDIBLE". i've always been sorta a flirt anyway so Joe's been introducing me more and more to public stuff and exhibitionism. Last night i got to take that to a new level for the first time and it was just GREAT!!! i won't go into the details and stuff on here but Joe calls it "shop, show and share." All i can do and HOPE is that i get to do it again like real soon.
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Yesterday 12/15 was my moms birthday so we all went out to Chili's last night. It was really weird and sorta embarrassing that i'd forgot it was moms birthday. Joe didnt though and he of course made it a great night and sorta saved my little butt too by remembering it in the first place.
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Well one thing i've learned so far is that even though i've been able to watch D/s for like years and pretty much knew what was expected and what to do that's a lot easier than really doing it. i mean it's not that i don't like it cause i do i mean its who i am and what i need. It's just that it's a lot different and a lot more intense than i ever imagined. Joe told from from day one that he'd take things slow with me so i didn't get overwhelmed by everything and now i'm really seeing what he meant and just how important that really is. i see what kelly does and what is expected of her and i know i have a long way to go before i can get anywhere close to that level. But at the same time i'm even more excited than ever and even more willing and anxious to get there.
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i've been thinking about this for like several days now and i think i'm gonna have to raise the minimum age of Doms i consider to be "serious" about D/s to at least 35 or 40. i mean it's so frustrating to get those stupid mails and IM's from guys saying how they are so much better or can teach me more or whatever. i just don't think they understand that for me this is VERY serious and it's NOT about how cute they are or about how much sex we can have. If all i wanted was sex then i wouldn't need to be on some stupid Internet site to get that. i'm NOT saying i'm the hottest thing alive or nothing like that but i do know it's a lot easier for a girl to "get laid" anytime she wants than it is for a guy. So if it was just the sex i "needed" i just don't think that would be a problem. But for me D/s is about the control the respect and the trust. And from all i've seen and experienced the younger Doms just don't get it. No matter what they may say it NEVER takes them long to get to the sex part and forget anything and everything else involved. i don't think any of the older more mature Doms will mind me saying i'd love it if i could find what i need from a really young cute guy maybe just a little older than me. But the truth is i can't and i know that just as much as they do. So my interest is ONLY in the older more experienced and serious Doms. It's truly only them that seem to understand when i say that right now i'm VERY happy in my current relationship and situation here and i have NO interest in ANYTHING except learning more about D/s.
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OK...i'm getting a lot of mails asking so (1) yes i'm in a "real" relationship and NO it's not just an online one (2) yes i'm collared and yes i wear my collar as close to 24/7 as i can but NO i'm not owned. There is a difference and if you don't understand that difference then it's not me that needs to do some serious studying. And (3) yes i'm "beta" and yes we all live together, me, my sister and our Dom/Master....Hope that answers everything if not just ask me...;)
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wow....well i'm back after 24
hours...still no clue why it happened but CM sent me this yesterday..
“The profile posted to this account
has been removed and profile/journal editing functions have been
disabled for 24 hours. This action has been taken by our automated
reporting system due to numerous reports regarding your profile.
At
the end of this time you will be able to update your profile to
remove the problematic content and then un-hide it using the "Unhide
Profile" button on the "Edit Profile" page.”
Well i'm back and if anyone see's some
like “problematic content” please let me know what it is. If
this happens again i'll just assume someone has it in for me for some
small minded reason close this account and just open another one.
It's just amazing that some so-called adults act so childish
especially on an “adult” site. Dayuumm
Anyway I am now fully registered on the
slave registry http://www.seekdiscipline.com/
(only as a submisive though) and my registered number is 928-212-490
. Cool huh...;)
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Waking up this morning and immediately feeling my new collar around my neck and remembering the experience was just incredible. i really cant even begin to explain how i feel right now except that i am absolutely sure i'm finally really and truly becoming what i have always known i was.
Then looking over at my new "Master" and just watching him as he lay there sleeping. Wow i just sorta trembled all over with a completely new sense of peace and security that i can honestly say i've never felt before in my life.
i know my journey is just beginning and that i have a lot to learn and lot to experience but after last night i am looking forward to every moment of it.
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Well if all goes as planned and expected this is a BIG day for me. After finally ridding myself of the "troll" that did all he could to create turmoil and doubt and begging as hard as i could for two days, and following WEEKS of training, Joe has agreed to collar me tonight.
No i'm not going to be "owned" or become a slave i'm way too young to even consider that at this point. Instead for me the collar will be a commitment to serve him as he wants and allow me to have a Master that knows i may at some point leave the nest to find a life somewhere else.
Anyway, this is a very exciting time for me. i'm excited and nervous, i'm looking forward to the initiation and dreading it too. But what i know above everything else is that this is what i not just want it's what i NEED more than anything in the world.
Wish me luck!!
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All in all today was a really good day for me. All of yesterdays turmoil is behind me now and even though that "so-called" friend did his best through e-mail and IM to stir it all back up again things have really come together really good.
i'm more confident than ever in both my training and in my place here too. It is really true that blood is thicker than water so its amazing to me that some people are actually DUMB ENOUGH to think they can fracture a family unit and turn them against each other. I know it sounds laughable but even so now i know the true extremes some "so-called" Doms will go to to try to (as Joe calls it) "trick and dick" a sub.
i do also want to thank everyone that wrote me about my last journal entry about my "online" assignment today. It was really cool to get such great feedback especially from the REAL Doms out there that agreed with me and commended me for my understanding. That was very rewarding for me and really helped me out a lot as i continue my journey into real submission and possibly even real time 24/7 service as a slave.
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What a Fantastic Lesson!! my assignment today "online" was to look at submissive profiles and pay attention to those that said they were "owned" or "under the protection of", and then answer this like really simply question.
"Since all "Doms" talk about D/s as a never ending life-long "learning" experience, why are some subs not allowed to speak with anyone or try and learn anythng about D/s from anyone else?"
Well it didn't take me long to figure it out from what the subs wrote in their profiles and journals. True Doms have NO FEAR of their submissive or slave talking to anyone because they are secure and know knowledge is one of the most important elements in D/s and have established the most important thing in D/s...TRUST!! But the fake and wannabee Doms that are restricting their sub are basically just really insecure pretenders and because of that they FEAR their sub will be stolen from them because they have no real control over their sub OR they are either still learning the basics of D/s themselves or lacking any confidence in their abilities.
i came away from this lesson thrilled to have learned it but also very sad for a lot of subs out there that are obviously going to end up hurt and disappointed. It also kinda made me mad at all those "pretender" Doms that are getting away with their game playing and probably chasing some good subs out of the lifestyle altogether.
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i just wanted to take a second and thank everyone (Doms and subs) for writing me about the loss of my friend. Yeah it was tough but like i said before it was also a very valuable learning experience for me so in a really weird kinda way i guess im glad it happened. i mean it could have been worse cause it could have VERY easily happened after maybe meeting him in r/t and God knows what would have happened to me then.
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Well i lost a friend today. Or at least someone i thought i was a friend. i just can't understand why people can't talk to me, listen to me and understand i know my own life and my own family better than them especially when they've never actually met me or anyone in my family. This one really suprised me though cause i really thought he actually cared about me and wasn't the judgemental type. Oh well i guess that just teaches me to be much more careful where i put my trust and to take a LOT more time before i do trust.
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What a day...i had some stuff come up today in my family that just has my mind spinning. i'll get back to adding stuff to my journal tomorrow but thats all i'm gonna say for today.
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WOW...i had to add another entry today cause one thing Joe and kelly warned me about came SO TRUE today it was scary. i mean everything they've told me so far has been right on target but this one was just unbelievable. i was warned that the fake "doms" would go to extreme measures to try and trick and manipulate me into doubting my Dom or my training and wow did it ever happen. This one "dom" (name withheld but available to those that ask me) actually tried to convince me with some FAKE e-mails that Joe wasn't what i knew beyond any doubt he was. This idiot obviously didnt know i have know Joe for years and he has proven himself to me and my sister. But i guess i should have expected it from this particular "dom" though cause his mails were so stupid and praising of the local scene here in Dallas when anyone with the slightest REAL knowledge about D/s knows how FAKE and COMPLETELY WORTHLESS they really are. Another lesson learned though so once again thank God for Joe!!
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Today is better for me in a lot of ways. i mean im still getting way too much junk mail but i have learned a lot from getting it just like Joe and kelly said i would. Its like its gotten easier and easier to spot the trolls faster and that lets me spend more time talking to the real Doms that really know about D/s and want to talk seriously about it.
i can't help but just bust a gut laughing though at some of the "pretend" Doms mails though. Especially the ones that get upset when i expose them as frauds and then send me some nasty mail back. i guess they think i care wihout realising that by doing that they only make themselves look really STUPID!! And the best ones of those are the ones that actually take the time to block a response from me. Imagine a "so-called" DOMINANT that's actually afraid to read what a little 115 pound 18 year old subby has to say. That's some Dom dontcha think?? Little puppies have more courage than that...lmao
Anyway, i've met some GREAT Doms so far and a few really nice subs too. That makes my time on CM worth while even if i do have to sift through loads of garbage to find em.
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ok im in a mood so its time to rant and bitch a little...
first for all those jerks that send me the one liners about my looks or ask if i want them as my Dom or tell me if i'm real i'll do this or that to prove it...GET OVER YOURSELF AND GET A LIFE TROLL!!
2nd..i tried saying in my profile i wasn't the usual kind of beginner but people still try and fool me only to embarrass themselves so let me explain what i'm talking about. i grew up watchng a real time D/s relationship since i was like 13 or 14 so i like know more about D/s than a LOT of people that write me. You CAN'T trick me, you will get exposed and I WILL laugh at you. So please if you arent experienced, if you're under 30 years old, or if you think those FAKE AND SILLY local "so-called" BDSM groups around here are at all helpful, do us both a favor and save us both the time and keep "trolling".
Finally for those wanting to know exactly what it is i want to be in this life, I HAVE NO IDEA. Being new to R/T there is a lot for me to experience and learn in the safety and security of my present situation. It could be that i decide to be no more than a bedroom submissive in a vanilla relationship. Or i might become a full time slave to a Master or even join a poly house. I HAVE NO IDEA RIGHT NOW.
Ok i feel better now knowing i've written all that stuff so that anyone that asks me about any of it now i can just really blast without any regrets.
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Well i was told to keep my expectations very low when i got on this site and now i see why. Despite being very clear about stuff in my profile like for instance "copy and paste" junk, they're still coming in hourly. But even so i have met some really interesting people and at least begun some new friendships. i just really wish people would actually read my profile before they write me cause of the questions i get asked the answer to most of em is in it. The only good thing about it when they dont is that it makes it easy to know who reads what i write and is really interested and who is a wannabee or troll and just writing to my pictures or more likely to every sub on CM.
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well my sister and her Master i'm living with thought keeping a daily journal might be helpful so this is the first entry. Future ones will get better, i hope
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