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Male Submissive, 28, Ithaca, New York
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Female Switch, 30, Houston, Texas
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Male Dominant, 39, Durham
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About NotYourBoyfriend
Hello. I seek the right woman. My goal is to find a woman who trusts me with her body, mind and soul. I will earn that trust. Nothing worth having comes easily. Submission is about service and obedience, and is acquired through communication, integrity, respect and consistency. I dont seek power because I crave power, but because I crave the trust that must precede that power. My own limits and honor will protect you far more than any contract, limits or safe words you could wish to impose on me to limit my power over you.
If I contact you, you will receive a short introduction. If I write you and you wish to talk, I will expect you to be willing to prove you are who you claim, and be willing to meet as soon as its practical to do so, assuming that after spending some time on line and on the phone, that we both wish to do so. I understand that most of the men who contact you are predators and HNGs, and I am also willing to do what it takes to prove myself to you. Relationships require work, as does exploring potential relationships. If you arent willing to put as much effort into it as I am, I will not pursue things with you. I will not chase you. I dont chase women. Its a waste of my time and energy. In fact, the best way for you to get to know me is to contact me first. I understand that as a woman, especially a submissive woman, you may feel its not proper to contact a dominant men first to express interest. Im telling you it is not only proper, but the best way to get my attention. If you are too timid to do so, I probably wouldnt be interested anyway, because only strong, confident women are of interest to me.
If you have been around long enough, you have undoubtedly had as many bad experiences with doms as I have had with subs. Almost every dom you meet is a liar, loser or predator. One only has to scroll through female submissive profiles on here to see that same thought over and over. The key words there being you meet. How many times have you thought about how none of the men you meet are really dominant? Is that your fault or theirs? Perhaps a bit of both. Just as it is partially my fault that most of the submissive women I have met have been liars and losers, and not submissive. My searching methods have been faulty. Fortunately, I have learned, and have changed them. Thus, this new profile. You may need to change yours methods as well. If you truly seek to submit, you need a man who is truly dominant. If your selection process involves requiring a man to jump through hoops and beg for your attention, do you really think any man with self esteem will do that? I understand that your inbox is constantly full of men begging for your attention. How do all those men work out for you? Perhaps you might have more luck with a man asking you to meet him half way.
Something I find very common these days is the belief that the sub is really the one in control. You get to set limits. You get to choose who you submit to. And there are many men who encourage this. None of them are really dominant, regardless of what they call themselves. And lets be clear here. If you were capable of trusting them completely, you wouldnt need to be the one who is really in control. So either you arent able to trust, or they arent trustworthy. Which is it? I can earn that trust. Are you able to give it? Because you dont get to set limits with me. Certainly you can tell me what things are harmful or frightening to you. If you trust me, you trust that I will never harm you. You dont get to choose me. You get to engage me in conversation which might lead to exploring a relationship, and if it works, we will choose each other.
What I seek in a woman is high intelligence, integrity, service oriented, honesty, reliability, hard working, trustworthy and most important, able to trust me when I have earned it, and who identifies as sub, slave or switch. I would also give strong consideration to a dom domme relationship, so if you are dominant and seeking a committed relationship with a dominant man, then lets talk. What I offer is sane dominance, security, a caring and nurturing environment, a stable environment to pursue your vanilla goals and a home to live in as the person you wish to be. Im not interested in breaking you or reforging you. If I dont want you for who you are now, then we arent going to start a relationship.
You may disqualify yourself and move on if any of the following apply...
You believe your submission is a gift
You refer to yourself as a subbie
You refer to yourself as a brat in the sense that you deliberately disobey to get attention. I dont call being mischievous a brat
You seek a service top, or any other sort of man you can control
You cant or wont relocate or do not seek a live in relationship
I cant trust you completely
You are unable to trust when it has been earned
Pretty simple, eh? I am not a cruel or thoughtless man. I have no desire to dominate a woman in order to mistreat her. I do not punish. Punishment is for children and criminals. If you become mine, I expect obedience. If you dont give it, I will discuss the problem with you, not spank you. Well, I might spank you just because I like spanking. I dont need an excuse. I am not seeking perfection. I am seeking effort. All your needs will be taken care of. Your body and mind will belong to me. I will not cut you off from the world. You will have time for family, friends, hobbies, etc. You must be able to play a vanilla role when that is required. What that role will be is flexible. If you are in school, you will finish your education. If you are pursuing, or intend to pursue a career, you will be encouraged to do so. A lot of so called doms or masters fill womens heads with nonsense about what being submissive, or a slave, means. I seek a woman, not a collection of labels. You need not give up any of your vanilla interests or goals to belong to me. I am not so insecure or needy that you cant live a full vanilla life in addition to serving me. You will not be a robot or a doormat or any of those other things that submissive women like to proclaim that they arent. If you are serious in your desire to live a ds life in a long term committed relationship, here is the procedure. None of this is negotiable. We will exchange a few messages to discuss basic desires and intentions. We will then move to IM and phone for a few days at most to discuss details and ask and answer questions. If at that time, we both desire to move forward, we will arrange a first meeting. In all likelihood, that will require you to travel to me if you are not local. No, I will not send you any money. I will be happy to reimburse you for your travel expenses after you arrive. If the visit goes well and we both desire to move forward, we will begin the process of exploring a committed relationship. Thats it. For me, the first meeting is the line in the sand. Once that happens, and we both desire to move forward, then I will invest more of myself into the process. If you have any questions, do not hesitate to write and ask. |
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Rather than spend who knows how long in profile update purgatory, and since I have not used this profile for a long time, some things have changed.
I've gotten older -66
I've gotten slimmer- 182
I've gotten better looking- You will have to take my word for that one, or request a current pic.
My life is still good. The only thing I lack is the right woman, or perhaps poly family to share it with.
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They are coming out of the woodwork. Is it a full moon or something? Women actually stop their life to write me and tell me I'm sick, evil and should be in jail. Methinks I hold up a mirror and what they see is so upsetting that the only way to go for them is to attack the messenger.
A women wrote me yesterday...a one line message telling me she was writing because I was the only man around in our age group. First, that is hardly the case, I suspect I was just next in line after many others rejected her. Second, her 18 syllables was an insult to my intelligence, though it may have streched hers. And finally, what sort of person introduces themselves, in any set of circumstances by telling someone they are their only option. How flattering.
So I wrote her back and said that. Then she writes me back telling me she wrote me without reading my profile, and if she had known what a sick fuck I am she would never have written. I wonder how many other 14 word messages she mass mailed to every swinging dick on CM.
And they wonder why I'm angry. News flash. I'm not angry at women, I'm angry at YOU and all the clueless, lying, game playing idiots who steal my time and attention.
I'm seeking an intelligent woman who knows what the words submit means. That's all. Sure I could have written a sweet, sugary, huggies and kissies profile. Then I'd get swamped with messages from the exact sort of woman I have no interest in. I wrote this one to stop that type from bothering me. Can't anyone read between the damned lines? |
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OH FRABJOUS DAY, CALOO, CALAY
I got this from a princess today:
"Interesting.....I have used the term misogynist in the past, not on this site I don't believe, but I just opened your profile purely with the thought that it did sound hostile. Naturally, I'm entitled to my opinion, I wonder if it was me that sent the email......however, the term 'real slave' means little. A real PERSON is always entitled to speak his or her mind. You seem awfully threatened. Much of what you say, as I continue to read, indicates that you have a very narrow view of personal views. 'Pretend,' 'Real,' 'Property......' on and on. You sound like you've made some court appearances. Clearly a dangerous man. You are indeed hostile, and utterly unrealistic. Shame such men exist. You're not a Dom, just someone who hides behind the title."
I am always grateful when my opinions about the bdsm community are vindicated. And hey, I could tell she was disapointed at not making my hall of shame. |
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I was just rereading my profile, and realized it has been just over a year since I created it. Rereading my journal entry of a year ago on 1/9/08, I could just copy and paste it. Imagine, on this web site, with all these "slaves", that I haven't even had a conversation with a real slave, never mind met one. I remain.... |
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Ladies, if your "master" restricts who you can talk to, or demands the password to your account, or reads your e-mail, there are only ten possible explanations.
1) He doesn't trust you because you aren't trustworthy (and what that says about you, and about him for keeping you, will be subject of a future journal entry).
2-10) He's insecure and fakes dominance to cover it up. |
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I opened this profile a bit over a month ago, and have yet to find anyone who is even close to being what I would define as a slave.
If you search on female and slave, page after page of those calling themselves that pop up, but none of them are.
Even eliminating all the obviously fake and scam profiles, you are left with two basic groups. The overweight older women who cannot gain male attention, who in their desperation to find anyone at all to pay attention to them define themselves as "slaves" in order to make themselves appear more appealing. The rest are younger women who want to play "dress up" and read too much Ann Rice. A "master" to them is a nice daddy figure who will spank them and give them all the kinky orgasms they can handle and go off to work while they sit on the computer and talk to their subbie sisses.
I am not "anyone". I do not play dress up. I offer the opportunity to serve. I do not need or want a kinky sex partner. I want ownership. You will be property. You will be treated well. Cruelty to women disgusts me. If you don't serve well, you won't be beaten, you will be dismissed. You will have ample free time to persue your own interests. I do not require 24/7 attention. My intent is to have a happy slave. I will accomodate your needs as much as possible as long as they don't interfere with your service. Romance is not the issue. It could happen, and if it does, then obviously the equation will change. But as my profile implies, I am not seeking to be your dommy boyfriend.
Now, if you understand what I mean by slave, and you truly desire to serve, then be serious and ready. We will NOT get to know each other on the internet. That's crap. We will discuss expectations and qualifications, then I expect you to get here to meet me for a visit. No I won't pay your way. If the visit goes well, I will offer to enslave you. Feel free to write if you desire what I offer or have questions. |
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Male Submissive, 49, San Francisco, California
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