Not4FaintHearted

I an NOT relocatable, at all. I am located several hours Northwest of NYC. I will not be making trips, regular or otherwise, in that direction, so please adjust your expectations accordingly:) 

I've decided to refer to myself as a "theoretical submissive"....or maybe just an "out of practice submissive". What does that mean? Quite simply, it means that I have LITTLE experience with sexual submission, though I do have it. It also means, more importantly, that I was born one way and have lived virtually my whole life another. No, I'm not referring to being born a man. For the record, I was born female;) I was born submissive, simply put. However, I feel that at a young age, after a series of some pretty terrible things, I began to live contrary to that. I came to believe that being submissive was a HUGE weakness, a flaw...and I "hid" this part of me. I didn't want anyone to know that I had any needs whatsoever, because that was a sign of weakness. And as I struggled with relating to others, the tough facade grew stronger. Over decades it became who I was. Or who I thought I was. I became aware of my submissive nature about a decade ago. I've spent most of that decade trying to bury it and the last year realizing that I cannot or will not do that anymore. 

I am submissive. Period. My point is, submission isn't as easy for me as it should be, as it will be. I am out of practice. I don't need to be broken. I don't need submission taken from me. I need someone naturally dominant, powerful, intelligent and in control of all aspects of who he is-who CAN take from me whatever he wants, but who understands that tearing it from me is NOT the best way to handle me. I WILL surrender to the right man, it's what I ache for at my core. I know someone reading this knows EXACTLY what I'm talking about and I suspect the idea appeals to him very much. 

I WANT to submit. Although I need to, I'm not used to it. I don't need to be taught, it's already in me. Show me you are this man...and the rest will just unfold on it's own:)

For some reason, I am sending messages that are not being received. I write and send them, but they are not reaching their intended recipient. So...if you don't get a reply, know that it's not you...it's not me...it's CM:/

A whole new year and a whole new level of frustration. Sigh. I don't know what it is about this site? Or is it doms in general? Communication seems to be the real issue, I'm guessing. The doms complain about the submissives here and vice versa...so something's got to be going on. It can't be all of us, lol. 

I apologize to those on whom I've disappeared. It's just that after spending hours, days weeks etc. getting to know someone, you realize it's been wasted time and  the disappointment from that causes me to step back and rethink things...

I ask myself...is it me? Is what I'm looking for nonexistent? Is there something wrong with ME??

There really are so very few men I've met that I feel compelled to submit to. It's not personal. It's nothing I have control over. I feel submissive to whom I feel submissive to and I don't to whom I dont. I don't know why, it's just how I am. If that's lacking, I can't see any reason to move forward...

So, if we've talked and then suddenly I've vanished, it's either because I wasn't feeling it, or because I've stepped back to consider things. 

From now on, I'll just say "sorry, I'm not feeling it...best of luck to you." It's how it should be handled and how I was handling it...and I got so many nasty responses to it, as I'm sure many do, that I just stopped.

It wont happen again;)

Happy New Year!!

I have no interest in being trained. I don't need to learn how to be submissive any more than a dominant should need to be trained to be dominant. Different aspects of bdsm require skills, knowledge etc that can be acquirerd through seeking knowledge and practice. However, those are the detailed aspects of a part of a d/s relationship, not the relationship itself. 

A d/s relationship should evolve naturally like any other relationship. 

Physical attraction and chemistry spark the interest. You get to know one another. Find a sense, or lack thereof, of compatibility. Trust is established and intimacy built. You accept one another. You devote yourself to one another. That would include submission for the submissive party and dominance for the other. 

You don't have to teach me through rigid protocol and strict training. Let me learn how to please you and then let me do it. I submit because I want to, or need to. I don't submit because I'm told I have to or for fear of consequences. The only consequence I need to have and will avoid at all costs is knowing that I've done something that doesn't please you.  If I decide to submit to you, then I will, on your terms. I'm not saying rules, training, protocol, etc is bad, it's just not what I need to thrive. Those things do have a place and a purpose, but because you want them, not because I need them.  

Sometimes my thoughts are clear and somehow become muddy as I try to share them...I hope someone who reads this understands. 

I honestly dont think anyone could "train" me to be as pleasing as one would find me in my natural state:)

Might I suggest that if women here don't seem "real" or "interested" that perhaps it's your caustic approach...I'm a real as they come, fellas. If you interest me, I will respond. If you don't, I can try to fake it, but what's the point? We've all got different things to bring to the table. Your profile and initial conversation is a preview  to others of what you have to offer. If you don't like what you see, why would you proceed? You wouldn't. It makes no sense to pursue what isn't appealing to you. So why would you chastise someone else for doing the same? 

Don't let your ego get the better of you. A dominant who constantly complains about subs (or anything else, for that matter) is not attractive to anyone. 

One shouldn't have to "sell" oneself. Simply PRESENT yourself as you are and the right people will be interested. You shouldn't have to convince someone to like you or even worse demand they like you. And you shouldn't act like a petulant child if you're rejected.

Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe all the girls on here are lazy stupid not real, etc...

Maybe it's not you...it's ALL of them instead. And you're still here looking because you're the only one worth while on this whole site...

Yeah...that makes a lot of sense:/

Seriously, think about it...

Im really struggling lately...trying to figure this all out. It would seem that I am indeed submissive. However, being sexually submissive isn't a real turn on for me.  I am perfectly ok with me being me, different or not. I just don't know how well I will fit with most of the men I meet.  

Is this something that will change in time? Or will sex just always feel like "going through the motions" for me?

And for the record, I have enjoyed vanilla sex for a very long time. 

The idea that my partner wants to please me sexually has always been very important...maybe, because that hasn't been a priority, Im not feeling it? I don't feel like my needs are important, I feel the opposite. Like my pleasure, if there is any, is a happy coincidence. That I shouldn't expect it, so I don't...

Busy first day. Wow! I WILL get around to replying to everyone, but it could take some time;)