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| I'm really new to the system. I can't get my mind off of these things. I hope that this website will help me. I am a submissive but only because I am so young to the game. I want to learn. I'm looking for a caring teacher, someone to show me the ropes. I want to try a lot of new things. I'm interested in pain, and learning how to give it. I'm looking for a woman who is stronger than me, which is tough to find on a daily basis. I have very specific qualifications. contact me only if you are willing to bend to them.
--read my 1st journal entry to see exactly what I'm looking for--
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Wow, people are actually reading my journal. That is a pleasant surprise. I thought that since people are actually reading, I might share a little bit about myself besides my sexual interest. Nothing too harmful. hehe.
:::: I have a lot of hobbies. I'm extremely well rounded. My main interest right now are belly dancing, which I have been doing for over a year now. I dabble a little bit on the guitar, but I'm nothing special.
I do go to school. I'm studying biology. As far as work goes, I'm just a lousy waitress at some restaurant. I absolutely hate it. I'm working up to being an interpreter for sign language tho. I'm hoping that could me my source of income for next year rather than waitressing. bleh. I've been learning sign language for a couple of years now, but the transition to interpreting is a whole different story. Anyways. That's me summed up in a small blurb. :)
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I had my first pain experience
-straight from journal-
::: I went out on a date with a guy I met from dragon*con. We had gone out before... I had actually slept with him before. It was good, but we were both drunk and it was nothing exceptional. But today we talked, hung out, ate, drank some wine. Eventually we were both on the floor talking and drinking wine and something led to kissing. Very much expected. He pulled me on top of him. I can not remember how this led to him wrestling me, but it did. It was amazing. He fought me, and I fought him back. we wrestled the clothes off of each other. I have bruises and rug burn. we moved to the bed.... it got so hot. he pulled my hair back. I'm pretty sure it came out he pulled so hard. he grabbed the back of my neck forcing me to kiss him. grabbed my arms. I fought back but he kept throwing me. he slapped me on the face. bit me. I scratched at his back and I screamed and I fought hard. he could hardly contain me... and sometimes not at all. I let him win which upset me, but I liked it when he won. it was extremley rough:::
this was a gateway for me. I need more. I can't stop thinking about it. I want more than what he gave me. I want somebody to slap me harder. somebody stronger... somebody I wouldn't have to let win. I can't focus on anything. |
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It doesn't matter what I do. every time I click I get stuck with this green color. That's okay I guess. I like green...
-straight from journal-
Anyways. so this is my first time to collarme. I don't know what I want. I've never had pain. I know that I like to give it and I have always wanted to. I know that I fantasize about somebody being rough with me. But nobody I've been with would ever do that.
this is exactly the situation I fantasize about:::
somebody who would hurt me. pull my hair. slap me. punch me. bite me. throw me around. wrestle me. somebody that not only would do those things, but would enjoy doing them. would get off on doing them. enjoy seeing me in pain. somebody who could over power me. wouldn't mind me fighting back. somebody that would let me be in charge once we got used to our situations. somebody who would show me how to use a whip. somebody who would show me how to beat them. mostly I want somebody that would be able to show me new things past what I know. like bondage and other things that I don't even know about. somebody to amaze me. if it's going to be a man... I need a lot of trust. I don't serve men. I am not submissive to men. it would constantly be a fighting submissive... which is okay for me as long as I trust who I'm with. I fantasize about a woman beating me. tossing me around. fighting me back. being stronger than me. letting me beat her... eventually when I deserved it. when I was a good girl. she would make me cry. she would hurt me so good. and afterword, when we were done, she would hug me and mother me. and we would make plans to meet for lunch in a couple of days. maybe a movie. I would be so in love and doeful to a woman. :::
ugh. there it is. it's all out. I'll write more when I think of more. |
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| Age: 34 |
| San Diego,
California |
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