Vertical Line



NocturnalStalker - photo 1

No, I'm not going to message you. I hunt like a spider: you come to me. That's what it will always be. It will never change. I'm stubborn.
Let us get this out of the way; don't be boring. When you mail me, actually type something worthwhile. Talk about yourself. No, don't get presumptuous and think that I'm going to take the first plane out to engage in erotic intercourse but mention something other than your fetishes. Sex to me is just another bodily function these days and I expect a potential partner to display something more than just a shallow shell for me to fill.
Next, I am for the most part monogamous. Multiple partners is for emotionally immature retards that probably think they're elves or some shit. You know these people. Probably call themselves something like, "MASTER DOOM" or "MISTRESS CHAOS." How geeky. What, was "BaronOfHell" and "DuchessOfDarkness" taken already, dweebs? Hah. Haha. Hahahaha. HAHAHAHA. Sorry, I'm hilarious.
I lead an extravagant life. I love my luxury. I live in a city. I groom myself, I work out, I've been consulted about doing modeling and I have a GPA that only feeds my arrogance. What does this mean for you? I expect a woman that actually cares for her body and how they look. I agree that brains outweighs aesthetics in the long run, but I'm young. This means I want the best life has to offer. It also helps if this woman is actually capable of not dressing like a tramp. Dresses are so much more charming and seductive with the right curves on the body. Plus, it is classy; I'm a man of class. I am an aristocrat at heart and enjoy an opera house far more than dirtying myself through some redneck activity such as camping. How repugnant!
Most women my age tend to bore me. Some have potential, some give me narcolepsy. While I would love to find one, recent developments have shown that I have a penchant for the slightly older. My range is 19-34. If you're 50, get realistic.

I have two cats. They're cute. I hate dogs. They're ugly. In fact, if I'm not around then you take orders from them. If they're not around, you take orders from my Android phone. If that is with me, then you take orders from the television. Don't buy anything from infomercial commercials, though. Alright, I'm just kidding about that hierarchy but I do have two cats and I like them. I don't think cats are this amazing creature that should be looked at as if I'm an Egyptian giving praise to Bast. Fuck that. They're just two creatures that look up to me in total admiration, much like you will very soon.
If I want something, I take it. I won't mince words or give false impression about how I have all these quality traits: I'm very much not a nice person. I'm capable of kindness, but it is not something I'd define myself by. You'd be a total idiot if you think that I secretly self-loathe myself. Rather, I am so confident that I've interested you enough that I could say anything and you'll still message me in the end. Good guys only win in the fairytales anyways. Reality dictates myself as the winner.
I do not do drugs or alcohol. Those are beneath me. I don't like excessive drinkers or junkies. You know, hilariously, some drug-users have messaged me and try to do this "guilt trip" into how we'd be compatible however they enjoy succumbing to their vices and in a Shakespearean tragedy, we can never be. Then they *insult* me by saying, "good luck." Hah... good luck? Luck is for losers, child! Luck is what you'll need if you want to wake up tomorrow with a still beating heart!
Don't play the "Viewing Me?" game. Like what you see? Send a message. I don't contact people first. No, repeated views is not going to encourage me to do so.
Yes, I am a "pretty boy." I bet you never thought a guy with hair better than yours could give you orgasms.
Now it's your turn. Be interesting.

It just hit me now by taking notice but ever since I can remember, as far back as 2007 there has been a startling rise when it comes to what we can only label, "intentionally cynical/overly critical entertainment snob" reviewer.  I don't know what started this, who influenced this, or what continues to perpetuate this, but holy Christ-on-a-Ritz cracker does it need to stop.  It's not bad enough that places like YouTube are infested with all sorts of useless content such as dressing up in drag and pretending to be a stereotypical African woman, turning on a Chipmunks voice filter and talking about whatever the fuck, or watching an overweight Korean man talk about gangs and style while in a horse stable.  No, no, now we have cinema snobs and it probably... no, it does, extend to other genres such as music.  YouTube has become such a wasteland of borderline nuclear travesties that I'm convinced I only go on it these days to watch videos of mountain lions killing inferior animals or possibly catch a documentary about something of historical interest (unless it's in parts, in which case the tyrants of this world will for some reason "ban" the video from being shown in my country between parts 4 to 7.) 


Why do I hate cinema snobs?  Because they are obviously doing this in hopes of hitting some big-time fame and partnership which generates money.  Yes, the world has become so lost in its own arrogance that now we're rewarding people for sitting around and recording their cats playing with a ball of yarn.  In many cases they defend it by saying they're using a "personality" or an on-camera "gimmick" like they've become Harvey Dent from Batman all of a sudden.  So they'll create these cute little names, speak in this semi-articulate way, and hope they make an impact on your day with their burst of cynical prowess.  I don't mind people disliking things, I don't like it when they are hating things to generate hits or views, though.  It is like going to the middle of Times Square with fifty megaphones glued like a centipede and shouting, "Yankees Suck."  Yes, it'll attract eyes your way but so would wearing a garish pink polo shirt with violet glittery letters on the back stating how much you support production of snuff films.  It's cheap and not done out of your own convictions, but merely for shock value.


The easiest way for these parasitic tapeworms to accomplish this is to take a popular movie, and make anywhere between a ten to twenty to even thirty minute (if mom is out at the store) video on why it sucks.  Some are obnoxious, some really do try to make a point, some try to make a point but become confused halfway in if they should keep sprinkling in clips from other references as if to address their audience with a, "Hey, remember this guys?!"  that holds the visual charm of a child molester nudging you with an excited smile.


Perhaps the portion I despise the most are those that focus solely on targetting popular childhood films or critically well-received ones.  Let's see... oh, um, Titanic is one that is rained down with such feverish fire you would swear somewhere in the film that DiCaprio garroted a little girl with a piano wire and then flayed her skin.  Or how about "deconstructing" how implausible Disney films are?   No shit, they're Disney films.  You don't go there expecting realism, you expect all sorts of cool stuff as a kid like flying carpets and enslaving dwarves to make you clothing.  I would love to enslave something one day for that sole purpose. 


Worse yet, this makes cinema snobs become this ultra hardcore bunch that attempt to convince any viewer not gulping down their assiduous amounts of acidic bile what they actually like is something that is too deep or exquisite for us Hollywood-drowned plebians.  Typically, this leads one to cite blasphemies like, "Ichi the Killer is a good movie" or "-Random indie film with bad budget, camera work, and cardboard actors that actually had a decent concept so was remade with good casting that didn't make me think that somewhere Scooby-Doo managed to evolve into a human and negotiate a few children out of some poor souls- is so underrated and is the best of all time."  The reason why Hollywood movies are met with critical success is because they are actually well-done depending on their niche.  Yes, yes, there are some real hidden gems out there, but they're not springing up in some oasis that the monsters of LA are trying to repress.  They're under a legion of excrement.  Most of it is excrement these so-called elitists praise.


Here's an example you probably heard if you watched or went to research what a "Hunger Games" is all about.  Groups of these freakshows went on and on, bitching to anybody that would lend their ears that the premise behind that movie was shamelessly stolen from "Battle Royale" which is a film from Japan back in the early '00s.  If you know nerds, you'll know anything Japan touches is gold by default.  They do no wrong.  Even though they plagued the world with evils such as cartoon porn and sushi. 


So I went to download this Battle Royale film, and wow, if I didn't read the IMDB listing I would've swore it was a comedy.  The actors sucked dick and you could tell they were lost as to what to do.  Ten minutes into the film, some girl stands up in a classroom and rather than react in shock and worry over the fact she'll need to kill all her school chums to live responds in much the way a middle-aged housewife would when you flip the channel on her favourite soap opera.  So what happens?  The evil teacher throws a knife into her cortex.  LOL.  What trash.


So, no dorks, but your horrible obscure movies are not good to be recognized worldwide because they don't have what it takes to meet accolades beyond anything as cult status.  Some people think Ed Wood was a mad genius, I think he sucked at making movies.  Then again, even if it did become popular would these people lose their mind and begin to hate that simply due to the fact that it is now being spoken by the average person. 


No, not every movie that's popular is by default good.  But most usually are.  People will be talking about the Shawshank Redemptions and Forrest Gumps of this world for decades, nobody is going to reach orgasm when you bring Evil Dead into conversation. 


Because Evil Dead sucks.


Resume with your life.

A common question I have been asked in the past (or when brought up) has been why I do not bother to pursue modeling, even as a way to generate side income.  The answer to that is clear:


Modeling is a crock of bullshit.  Anybody that thinks they're going to be the next big breakthrough is a delusional moron.  Not saying that it isn't possible, but the likelihood of it happening is so low you'd have better luck finding a way to get a fish to sprout legs and scamper around town while singing "God Save the Queen."  No, modeling is quite a filthy industry behind the painted world it enjoys putting out there for the average marks to indulge and idolize in.  Some people don't really believe it, or think that these are more or less, isolated scenarios with shady people.  Wake up, dipshits, but being physically attractive isn't difficult to do.  Any guy that diets correctly can get abs, any girl that commits to exercise remains a healthy weight, why do you think the planet has no shortage of pictures with people taking pictures of their muscular physique in mirrors?  Because it is attainable by anyone.  When it comes to models, you're dime a dozen and easily replaced.


So when this happens, you naturally must do a lot of oddball tasks which clearly subscribes to exploitation.  Many people want to model to become recognized from that alone and then build off it.  They think having a picture in a magazine will make them a star.  What they don't mention is that you're going to have to basically work for an agency that in many cases doubles as an escort service. 


I won't even get into the things guys have to do.  In fact, I can confidently assure you that any male model has very likely engaged in homosexual activities to get ahead or so they'd think.  They also die out extremely quickly/have an expiration date.  Find any random one out there and I'll bet you in ten years you would think he vanished off the face of the earth or became a car salesman.  Females are turned into glorified prostitutes.  Sure, sure, people will tell you or maybe a model them self will state that they don't feel that way and everything is peachy but do you know why they say that?


Because they're stupid.


The ones being taken advantage of likely had this entire fantasy from a young age and got into the business only to be blindsided by all the hurdles they need to jump over and laps they have to dance on.  Agencies want for them to go with rich men out for dinner since that is social networking and they can connect with other people easily through positive impression.  How do you get that impression?  By blowing them.  They won't tell people that they basically exist to be jerked off to by adolescent boys and become vessels for wealthy men to empty their lecherous desires into.  They have become psychologically trapped and reason because they get to be around high-class low lives and travel a lot that this is an idealistic paradise. 


It is not even to be discouraging, but the gap from being a professional model from your random local is too much a leap to make.  You either go in there with an extremely powerful backing already, or you turn your orifices into a bowling alley from all the peculiar tasks you'll be sent out to do.  Being a success is not going to be gained from smiling and walking down a runway like everyone else is instructed to.  It'll come down to who is the "easiest to work with."  And to achieve that grand accolade is not going to come from standing in front of a camera lens. 


Working for big names doesn't mean anything either.  The photographers basically see that you need them more than they need you.  You'll be in Vogue, yet make as much as a janitor.  Only the janitor will likely be cleaner, in an abrupt twist of fate.


Of course, you'll have the retarded types that will defend this industry.  They may even say that it is competitive like anything else that is popular.  The difference here is, you can tell a good lawyer from a bad one.  You can't place the same science on beauty, and thus, it comes down to how much a person is willing to part with their pride. 


Don't buy into the hype, children.  Be an actual service to the world and not a lawn flamingo. 

People that claim to be, "in tune with nature" deserve to be attacked by a pack of wolves.  Or maybe summon an anvil to drop on their head.  Possibly a combination of wolves with anvils for heads attacking them from out the sky?  That would be cool and in some way eldritch. 


To this day I'm not sure I fully grasp the concept of what a "juggalo" is supposed to be.  But damn, does it have a lot of ugly people in it.

...There's a subculture of freakshows that gallivant around, wearing "fursuits" and believing they're actually animals. 



This is what Hell is like.  I'm in Hell.  Yes, this is what it is.  

Halloween is like that one holiday a year which is what I call my, "Ex-Girlfriend" holiday.  Why?  Because I both like it and hate it.  The good part is that you can, for one day, murder yourself in a productive way.  The bad part is, you have people bothering you.  Now this is not prevalent since I do not live in a house, but I remember back at home I used to dislike it with ardent fervor.  So you'd be at home, watching the television and it's Halloween so they play all sorts of stupid things like Jason movies which you can critique to yourself and wonder why the killer always has a favoured kill weapon.  Seriously, what is with that?  You know Michael Myers?  Why does he love the butcher knife?  It's like his "go-to" weapon.  Hey, what if Michael Myers snuck into someone's house at night and found out they had no knives?  Like they were in the dishwasher? What does he do then?  Just waits?  Hahaha, yeah, you got this creepy white-masked psychopath sitting in your kitchen probably reading the paper waiting for the cycle to hit dry.  Hahaha, oh man, what an asshole.  Where was I?  Right, Halloween... so you're sitting there minding your own business and then!  Ding-dong!  Kids are here. 



I don't even think you should serve candy to kids without a costume or tall ones that are hidden in masks because those could be teenagers looking for a free ride.  I would also be mighty conservative.  You know damn well what I'm talking about: those people that give you one piece of candy only.  There they are, their giant bowl of goods, and they tease you.  I loved old people because they were senile and had no idea what they were doing.  Sometimes they have the chance of dementia kicking in and dumping their entire candy tray into your bag.  I always refused bags of chips though, because those take up too much room.  See, Halloween you all thought was just some silly holiday where NocturnalStalker dresses sexy but it's more than that.  Trick or treating is an art.  I once had enough candy to last me to another Halloween. 


Why did I even type this?  I haven't had a worthy night of sleep in over a month.  This guy and his stupid motorcycle keep waking me up at 3 or 4 AM.  I can't take it, I'm going to go insane.  HELP ME. 







The other day on your typical city street I saw a female with pink and green hair, a rainbow of beads and bracelets on her wrists, very little flamboyantly-coloured clothing and with a pacifier in her mouth.


Birds don't have to put up with this shit. 


If you were the type of kid that used your hands instead of the provided tongs for gummy candy, I hope you are hit in the face with a shopping cart wielded by Trap Jaw from He-Man. 


"You seem familiar."


Probably because I rejected you a year ago.  Next.

You know what I really hate?  People that ask to borrow a pen.  You know who these creatures are, because they're leeches.  Ink-siphoning little vampires that want nothing more than to be an inconvenience.  Because here's what happens: you give them your spare pen, you're a good person, you drank the milk from your cereal bowl.  So you give them it, and then... uh oh!  Your current pen runs out!  As if the stars aligned in this moment and God had to make it so that within the next hour or day, that pen is no longer lasting.  What do you do now?  Well congratulations, moron, because now you're going to have to go upto someone ELSE and impose on THEIR DAY to borrow a pen.  So they give you their spare, and then they run out and it creates this entire vicious cycle that just drives me to the absolute APEX of my sanity!


I rank people that start this chain reaction as evil as militant feminists, females that style their hair into mohawks and the retard a block over that loves to ride his little stupid motorcycle at THREE AM.  WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS.  It takes me mental preparation to even hit REM sleep, and they go and ruin it in one fell swoop!  It's a damned injustice and I don't like it.


Oh, by the way, CollarMe is deliberately hiding my profile as of this date for a few weeks because I receive too many messages.  Hey, CollarMe, thanks for the concern chums but I can't help that I was made IRRESISTIBLE. 


... I didn't ask for this, you know.  I didn't ask to be good-looking, or charismatic, or intelligent.  I hate being intelligent, do you know why?  Because everybody tests you.  Everybody comes to you with expectations.  I don't mind a challenge, but honey-bunny, sometimes I want to just play Jeopardy alone and not try to go for a perfect game.   I'll tell you this, if I have to put up with another little blonde with black-rimmed hipster sunglasses and a scene girl hairstyle hammering me with random 'skill-testing questions' then that's it.  Direct your hate-mail towards her because she ruined it for everybody.  I am going asexual.  This ice-cream truck no longer pulls up to the curb.  If I lose, everybody loses.


Okay, rant over.  Induced by the amazing power of insomnia. 

I lasted nearly one week on (CollarMe prohibits this site from being typed out because CollarMe is terrified of a site that dwarfs their traffic) exiled due to harsh, unforgiving comments lobbed at other users (due to innate stupidity, you must understand) and radical thinking with my journal entries (speaking one's mind freely and without sugar to decorate).


In other words, NocturnalStalker is ready for BDSM.  BDSM isn't ready for NocturnalStalker! 

Ah, and nothing has changed: men seek to undermine me, women seek to control me, and both are oblivious to the fact that I am invincible. 




Some moron tried to join my Chess lobby a few minutes ago.  I didn't feel like destroying him so I said in the chat box, "I'd just leave, I'm pretty strong" and he actually did!  Hah... yeah.  And they said a guy with fabulous hair can't be intimidating?

Today is beautiful, and so am I.


A couple of hours ago I was brushing my cats when a divine epiphany struck me: the Neverending Story DID end. 


...I need a lawyer, and quick. 


You know what type of people I hate most?  Those that are in love with sports.  Now I'm going to confess something: I don't care about sports.  I think they're boring, pointless, and laughable when you break it down to watching a bunch of overgrown manchildren making a career out of running around an arena with some stupid objective attached.  I have tried to make sense out of it.  Oh, believe me, I have tried.  I once sat down, and said, "I'm going to get into this, by golly" and refused to move for three hours.  The first two hours was when the game was going on, the third hour was me in a paralytic shock for having tortured my brain in such a gruesome fashion.  A man never quite recovers from such a traumatic experience.  And I was in a few car accidents.



But the worst creatures in this world are those oddities -- and there are a lot of them -- that gain some sort of vicarious ecstasy from watching athletes play a game that means nothing in the end.  Oh wow, they win some trophy.  Stop the world because we need to find out if some ugly neanderthal can run down a field and bypass a few coloured lines.  Why do these "fans" place such importance on it?  Honestly, I know people that will plan their entire day or week around one event.  They don't want to watch it, but they sell to you that they must watch it.  If they don't watch, they will spontaneously combust or contact leprosy from a djinn lurking in their lavalamp. 


It doesn't even satisfy our bloodlust.  The fights when they break out are always lame.  What's worse is sports makes people more dumb.  Ever sit next to someone you know who loves sports and see them become so enthusiastic that they begin yelling/screaming in a passionate rage towards their desired team?  That's an illness, people.  Pay no attention to those undisciplined curs or you'll just be encouraging them.


I hate sports, I hate people obsessed with sports, and now I'm going to pout defiantly.  That'll show you.  That'll show you all!

After an unhealthy bout of persistence and innate stubbornness, I can at will leap from off my back to a standing position with sheer fluidity.  Can your dad do that?  That's what I thought.

My frothing demand for more Fun Dip increases. 

To that certain young lady that likes to view me repeatedly: do you want my autograph or something?  You know who you are.


Will this frozen Hell ever come to an end?  I was not made for the winter.  I'm too pretty to be exposed to this weather.  Oh sure, you're probably snickering at my plight and thinking in some sadistic way I deserve this.  Well I'm not laughing.  Not laughing at all.  Not even giggling.  This is a tragedy, dammit. 

Celebrity crushes?  Well, that is a difficult choice.  The distinguished gentleman in me says Ivanka Trump (brunette if possible) while the rocker in me goes with that singer Lights.  I'd rather have both but it turns out Ivanka is too rich to buy and Lights is already married.  Plus, I'm a very noble spirit and must retain my duties fighting crime and saving Earth from alien invaders at undisclosed locations across Europe so it would never work out.

"Maybe NocturnalStalker will make the rare exception if I'm an absolutely disgusting, bacchanal activity engaging wench."


You must be retarded.  We have places for people like you: it is called a trailer-park.  Enjoy! 

Some people are shocked I am still single, but I don't expect many people here to know what "standards and preferences" actually entail.  Getting attention is easy, getting someone that genuinely impresses me is a rarity.  It isn't that arcane when you have this thing called a, "spine."


I swear to God, if we one day end up being augmented cybernetic humanoids with laser eyes and buzzsaw hands I am blaming it on Japan.  Actually, I blame them for everything: they're my natural scapegoat.  Bad fashion/hairstyles?  Japan.  Oversexualization of minors?  Japan.  Stupid cartoon drawings?  Japan.  Hiroshima?  Ja-


Sweden.  Hah, avoided like ten hate-mails with that one. 


Ah, another day being marvelous and another testament to my willpower being surrounded by the unwashed caitiff population.  A true tragedy, but a noble challenge. 

Absolutely mauling these juniors in online Chess.  Just like in reality: if I want your queen, I'll take her.  Remember that next time you try to dance tango with me, boys, heheheh.

The greatest pain in the world is when an overweight person messages you.  The greatest cure in the world is, "Unread, Deleted."  Back to the gym with you.


Easter is a controversial weekend in my life because it is where one of the many harsh truths was revealed to me at the tender age of sixteen: there is no such thing as a bunny that carries around baskets full of multi-coloured eggs and an assortment of diabetes-encouraging goods. 


Okay, I was really eight but I wanted to net a laugh out of you.

If you have a friend from your childhood or early teenage years, here's a fun game you can play with a yearbook and internet connectivity:


We call it, "Memory Roulette."


You take a trio of people, usually classmates, and wager with a currency of your choice (money for the normal people, bottle caps for tinfoil theorists, marijuana for the hopeless, and BLOOD for the vampiric amongst us) which one of them is hot.  The winner must proceed to the next round (eight rounds total) and if there are situations of a tie, you advance both and add in two more wildcards to Google stalk (making it now four). 


By the end, if one clear-cut winner does not emerge you can add in your own tie-breaker.  We play to first-blood rules via knife fight in a desolate parking lot.  No targetting the kidneys, no tattling to mom. 

It's a horrible day when a person can say "swag" and not be placed under arrest for crimes against humanity. 


What's with these stupid verification codes you need to enter to have your journal entry register properly?  I love how they're all made in this slanted fashion where in some instances you risk going cross-eyed from having to inspect if that is a certain letter or not.  What is this to prevent?  Bots?  Oh, no, not the bots!  What the Hell are they going to type?  "Go to my Chat Roulette?"  Haha, who cares?  Until they somehow make an uzi protrude from the top of my monitor and threaten to fill me with more holes than a Canadian redneck's mouth, they really do no harm.  I'd rather run into an obviously stolen picture of a cute female than a very real picture of an ugly one anyways. 



This may be my last journal entry, friends.  Tomorrow I am going to a terrible place: some call it Hell, I call it the Asian mall.  Should I survive the atrocious driving and what I dub, "Underground Parking Limbo" then I will need to swath through the oceanic mass of 5'6-on-a-good-day population to get to my destination.  My final words to you should I not return is this: remember me as a martyr.  A good man fighting the injustices of the world.  A gallant knight striving for a utopia devoid of old people and rednecks that have more tattoos than teeth. 


Ah, the things I do for premium cat treats... they don't even appreciate it. 

All this university work should net me an all expenses paid trip to the Caribbean.  I deserve it.  In fact, I more than deserve it.  I want my own personal tour guide too.

I had a nightmare last night:  I was able to relate to most of you. 

On evenings such as this I feel like the prettiest girl at the dance.  No, you did not read that wrong. 


I have the best pirouette in the business. 


Listen people: don't wear scarves around your waist.  Now I won't bother going on about how idiotic you look or that you're violating the intended use for it in the modern age but that it will have long-term severe consequences on our collective future.  Wearing a scarf around your waist signals a breakdown in the social system.  Chaos.  We are reduced to jungle law. 


We are living in a SOCIETY.


My reaction to the latest stupid, "HAHAHA IT'S SO RANDOM" YouTube trend can be accurately seen in Raiders of the Lost Ark when the Nazi guy's face melts off and head subsequently explodes into a gory mess.

My life has changed since switching to tea.  I'm like a butterfly, fluttering over a vast meadow in the soothing wind of spring which heralds the nostalgic tales of a childhood filled with yore and wonder.  Wow... I'm sorry, ladies & gentleman, that was gay even for me.  NOT THAT I'M GAY.  Totally hetero.  Unblemished.  Hey, go hit the "Home" button or something? =D


According to my, "Who's Viewing Me?" list I am approaching Hasselhoff-levels of admiration in Spain.  El mundo es mio?  Yes, I realize the "I" should be accented but I'm not going to do that.  Mother said I don't have to do anything I don't want to, so there. 

I fear one thing in this world: the stomach flu.  Put me in a room, tied down, surrounded by tarantulas, cobras, a lynx, maybe even Jeffrey Dahmer's spirit, just spare me the 48-hour-Hell that is the seasonal torture of influenza.  My entire weekend will now be spent in a reclusive paranoia where I will be drowning my hands in Purell and refusing contact with any and all.  What I hate is when afflicted people linger around you.  They even have to detail their plight in unflattering ways and part of you just wants to scream, "GET AWAY FROM ME YOU ARE DISEASED" but you can't or you look insensitive and selfish.  I'm going to invest in one of those Plague Doctor get-ups from the good ol' days of Avignon.  That way next year, I will not only be prepared but I'll have a fantastic Halloween outfit too.


Nobody can rock a v-neck t-shirt like me. 

I hate those "___ React to ___"  videos on YouTube.  You know my reaction to every video ever?  A bored expression on my face.  I don't get why people want to watch people watch things.  Isn't that just spooky?  You know what else is stupid?  Make-up application videos.  I can put mine on just fine.  I mean... uh... don't hit enter, don't hit enter...


The worst part about cats is that they want your affection at the most inopportune time.  You'll be sleeping, dreaming of ruling the world, and then get stirred by their intrusive nudges.  That's some audacity they show to the only person in their lives that has the thumbs which open the cans around here.  Now I know why the Asians eat you.


I am such a genius and let me tell you why: every year I make a POINT to be single from November to March, maybe April.  Why?  I avoid what has been dubbed, "The Female Vice Grip."  That's right, you avoid the possible birthdays, the Christmas eve/day, the following Boxing Day shopping spree, the New Years, and most importantly Valentine's Day.  So, will I be single later on today?  Oh, I will!  As a matter of fact, I won't be "getting any arrows" at all!  But you know what?  A bunch of losers will be doing all this stupidity and going the extra mile to fulfill their significant other to get something they should be getting if they knew a thing about women.  Not me, ladies, I avoided your death trap once again.  Nice try, but the only thing you'll be getting from me is the worst pain: a single man happy with being single!


Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a box of chocolates for myself.  The banana ones suck.


Superbowl Sunday... ugly men gathering around to watch equally ugly men in spandex tackle one another... seems slightly gay.  Now, to exfoliate my skin.


Tool fans answer the questions nobody asked.  Thank goodness their drug-addled minds don't make it past college.


Have you ever gone to a "munch?"  I can't say I have.  I've been to plenty of funeral homes, though.  Same thing, right? 


You know what's better than this "Gangnam Style" fad?




Some of you common tramps disgust me.  Okay, most of you do.


Obese girls in short skirts... this is exactly how my nightmares are like. 


I cannot fathom men that wear anything less than dress shoes or dress boots.  I suppose you could make the exception for working out phases, but in terms of casual attire?  Revolting.  Oh yes, and those shoddy Wal-Mart knock offs do not qualify. 


I have made history today by being the first documented male to be wolf whistled at by females passing by in vehicles.  Ah, in a city full of eyesores it feels good to give the commoners something of a visual treat.  Even if it does come naturally, of course!

And one other thing, where are the legitimately good-looking gothic females?  Not those shoddy, mohawked, dyke-looking idiots.  I'm talking those that can rock an elaborate dress like it's a natural talent.  Except now they are all swimming in piercings and disgusting tattoos with more colour in their hair than a packet of Skittles.  Back in my day, we made gothic look like an art form.  Now I don't dress like Dracula's son any more, but damn my heart if I'm still a pawn for a Victorian style dress on a well built feminine shape.  Further admiration if they have waist-length hair and a vocabulary that spans a sea. 

No matter what you say, what you claim, what you believe, you're still a hideous dipshit that uses a cartoon picture as their "avatar."  What is with this trend?  I despise it.  Most of the time they are "online only."  What a waste of time.  Some losers have to type how good they are, I live it.  That's what separates me from those pointless amphibians.  They dream, I do. 

It is days like this that makes you want to ravage a 33-year-old business woman with no kids.


I was combing my hair earlier and began to brainstorm, "Places in the world that don't matter."  I went through a myriad of locales and here is what I concluded through anecdote: 


States nobody cares about: 


Delaware - This is that state that is so irrelevant that if there were a question on Final Jeopardy revolving around it even Ken Jennings would be lost. 


Iowa - Iowa?  More like, IoWHAT?  LOL!  Because that's what you say when you hear of that hellhole. 


Hawaii - This is controversial but if you forget about the rampant drugs, fat Samoans and amateur pornstars you are left with a place that has been wisely excommunicated from their mainland.  Props to America.  They also all dress like barbarians that forgot we do not have tribes any more.   


Provinces nobody cares about:


Saskatche- oh look, a butterfly! 


Prince Edward Island - Stupidest province in Canada.


Newfoundland - They actually matter to some degree but to a person with my background they represent everything wrong with this world.  Sort of how "Deadmau5" represents everything wrong with music. 


Quebec - They shouldn't matter because they're not even really French.  They're like dollar store toys.  They're counterfeits. 


Places in general nobody cares about:


Latvia - More like, "Lat" me out of here!  Am I right or am I right?


Albania - You may know Albanians by their more familiar name of, "cockroach."  You see, these insects like to infest places that they do not belong to and once they are in?  They are in.  Rumours hold that they got rid of decapitation as an execution because an Albanian would still live for three more days.


Taiwan - You don't need me to tell you that the reason why people go to Asia is for these reasons:  1) To solicit sex with girls/women dressed like little girls (Japan).  2) To kill their lungs (China).  To play Russian Roulette, sex style, with a hooker (Phillipines). 


And there you have it.  Now I'm going to go drink apple juice in a wine glass.







Oh, this also reminds me that when testing out my phone's camera earlier some passerby had the audacity to cover his face as though he did not want to be filmed.  I laughed and told him that it's a good look for him and to keep his hand in that position all the time.  How I evade death astounds me. 

I had the misfortune of attracting the attention of one of the many rednecks that have somehow slipped past the border patrol here in Canada and have been allowed to spread their inbred seed.  She was attempting to attract me by stating that she was heavily into fitness, could name every bone in my body, and some "work out tips."  She, this 168 pound, 5'6 pig was going to tell *me* about fitness?!  I asked her what the bone was that allowed me to have my middle finger in her direction.  She got the hint.


There truly needs to be a utopia for people like me.  Where the beautiful can mingle with one another and keep our dashing looks in survival.  I feel as though I am the last of an ancient breed.  These Canadians are brutish mongrels that have no place in civilization today.  If I was ruler, I'd have the ugly gingers exiled myself and allow only those 5'10 and above, good-looking, refined and cultured remain.  I'd turn Canada from a joke to a nation you could be proud of.  Something like what California was before the influx of obese people took it over.  I'd also include Australia, but nobody has ever been proud of living on that God-forsakened soil. 

A female doctor, age 38, hit on me today.  Yes, I am a God.

I must hold another smashing dinner party in the future.  The flattery provided from my social contacts never ceases to have me blush.  Though, I should not be so bashful as I am not only an excellent host but a rather splendid cook.  I should not deceive them though as I haven't a care in my lecherous form to actually bother practicing the art of food and still enlist the assistance of a very good friend.  She helps me, I help her, the boyfriend is left oblivious and that my viewers, is a beautiful friendship!


I completely TORE into some fat girl today at Starbucks.  I was having an already lackluster day due to having come upon the realization I was nearly out of shampoo and went to lift my spirits by way of blessing the venue with my presence.  So I overhear the conversation of some fat girl behind me on a cell phone and she made the cardinal error of stating she was, "curvy."  I turned around and audibly informed her that "curvy is not synonymous with gelatinous."  She gave me this look that was a mix of both shock that someone of my beauty bothered speaking directly to her and one of disgust due to having another hot person tell her the unadulterated facts.


So in typical obese fashion, she begins making a scene by raising her voice and calling me a melody of homosexual slurs.  Too bad she attracted the attention of a legitimately gay couple who then began to tear into her, calling her "cow" and such all the while I began to slip way while suppressing my giggles as best I could.  I looked back at her and said, "Go easy on the cake pops, Ursula." 


God, I rule.  I must go look into my mirror for several minutes.

The startling number of people that claim to have European roots yet are complete and utter mangiacakes depresses me greatly.  You can tell they weave lies due to their unremarkable and plain looks accentuated further by their repulsive voices and uninspired speech.  Thinking about it, I can easily conclude that living your life as a shameless, dull, sycophant to another culture not your own shows that you are simply beyond redemption and should be excommunicated.  Especially those Caucasians that worship Japan.  I wager if a study was to be done, we'd find that those types have an unhealthy attraction to females dressed like little girls.  Not to mention that Japanese food sucks.


Middle Eastern people cannot cook and their food tastes like manure.  Who needs to fear death after consuming that filth?  Hah, now I know why they're so willing to join those little political cults and "sacrifice" themselves.  Oooh, too controversial?  Too bad.  It's the truth.  Dwell on it, troglodyte.

What did you all give your mothers for Mother's Day?  Probably some stupid Hallmark card.  You know what I got mine?  A trip to Paris.  I'm an amazing son.  I think she should be thankful for being the designated bearer of such a promising young man, don't you?

Nothing more flattering than being hit on by creepy old women.  Bonus points if they claim they can break me.  They're also grossly overweight so their claims hold some truth to it in terms of physicality. 

Anybody that lists their location as "Hell" is an idiot.  In addition, people that have "satanic" usernames on here try too hard.  Oooh, how scary, the name has "666" in it!  That was in Revelations!  I have a revelation for you: you're not entertaining, you're unoriginal, you're nowhere close to edgy and devil worship has been heavily linked to animal molestation.  Tell that to your ouija board, you misshapen troglodyte.

My personal opinion is if a man wears a fishnet shirt, he should be GUTTED like one.  HAHAHAHA.  Oh, I'm only kidding... partially.


I must be the only male in the world with possessive/crazy ex-girlfriends. 

I hate the following in the common profile:


Goddess - It seems every female dominant has been mass-produced by Aphrodite on a bad day.  What a stupid and boring title to go by.  "I'm a goddess.  Worship me."  If you're of divine power and such, why do you need money?  Boom, mind fucked.


Nerds - Girls, this is not attractive.  I don't know who told you this, what television show influenced you, or if you thought it would be a great way to set yourself apart.  When I think "nerd" I do not think of a delectable body attached to an angelic face with (preferably) thick tresses of brunette framing it.  I think of ugly creatures that talk with a lisp and know too much about Lord of the Rings for their own good.  They likely know how to really make one son-of-a-bitch virus in MS-DOS.  Why can females not be content with just being feminine?  All these androgynous roles they shove themselves into is so unbecoming.


Foot pictures - How repulsive.  Half of these feet look diseased.  Gross.  


Experience - No, you haven't been in this "lifestyle" for x amount of years.  No, you're still not interesting even if you do get off on needleplay.  No, you do not have any way to prove that you have put in the time you claim just because of your age.  No, you're not smart.


Friends Only - Delightful idea, sugarplum.  I'll be sure to sign up on a dating website and say I'm not looking for anyone.  I'll even toss in some pictures of myself to better exemplify this.  I'm certain guys that message you (and they do, because your horribly typed journal entries constantly bitches about these tyrannical monsters) are totally looking for friendship and not wanting the opportunity to place their phallic organ between your bosom you so proudly display.  Dipshit.


I Am OWNED - Then go away.  No, you're not here for friends.  You found what you came for.  I go to a restaurant to eat, I don't stick around to talk up storms with the employees.  The thing is, your profile came up while the possibility of one with potential worth was pushed down because I just *had* to know you were owned.  I fear for the Earth if we did not know that SubSlut99 was owned.  Calamity would occur, no doubt.  I read one where this particular wench was given a tattoo or some ridiculous/bonkers bullshit.  Just wait when that relationship dissolves in three years and we have her new profile complaining about how she was used/abused.


Links to Websites - Thanks, but I prefer having my credit card information known only to me. 


"Not here for random sex..." - "But here's sex activities I enjoy a lot.  Including shoving a broomstick up my derriere."


Real/Fake - I'd speak further, but the batteries to my hologram machine are running low and must shut down to conserve energy. 




Horse racing is retarded.  I'm also fairly certain it is insensitive to lawn gnomes everywhere.  I wonder what it takes to be a jockey?  Be under five feet tall and have the face of a Dick Tracy villain?  Haha, Dick Tracy rules.

It is a shame I must intentionally dumb my speech down so those my age can keep up.  They actually have the audacity to question why I do not find them appealing.  The difficulty of being good-looking and possessing an iota of intelligence is apparently mythological to North Americans.  Not only that, but they lack culture, manners, and possess little drive.  We aren't relatable as they dream while I do.  Tragic, really.


"Young dominants can't do the dance like us older and more experienced ones can."  I'll keep that in mind when I'm giving your daughter her first orgasm.  Hahahaha!  I'm fantastic. 

Reading a lot of these tyronic profiles is a pleasure in itself.  That pleasure being derived that I am leagues better than them in every conceivable way, of course. 


Female dominance is a lot like alchemy.  Heh-heh-heh...


A woman greeting with a kiss on the cheek in North America?  I have a shimmer of hope for this forsakened continent. 


These offers of ephemeral encounters have grown stale.  I must become reclusive for at least a month to retain my sanity when dealing with the lesser humanoids surrounding me. 


Oh look, another nude obese person and another conflagration to my retinas. 

Haha, I enjoy reading when a person with the name of "slut" says their owner knows them inside and out.  I bet they do... along with the rest of their hometown!  HAHAHAHA.  I hate whores.

I recall when I first signed up how a domme said she wished to bruise my pretty face.  I told her I wanted to make a marionette puppet out of her.  This was purely done as meaningless intimidation, though she did have very nice clavicles!

Another night of shitty poetry and horribly worded erotic scenes.  The typical CM journal entries never fail to impress.   

"If I view him one more time, maybe he'll notice me."


It amazes me how much of you taken females revisit my profile.  Hah, "taken."  As if that is supposed to stop me from obtaining what I want.  Nobody is truly taken, they're just behind an obstacle.  It just so happens that there are no barriers I cannot shatter through.  

Put on clothing you malnourished hobgoblins.  Goodness... I'd rather kiss a tarantula.

Nothing brings me more joy than sleeping with some ugly bodybuilder's woman while he's out of town.  The greatest part of the evening was being able to watch myself in her bedroom mirror.  I always have to look my best you know!  Ah, you wouldn't understand...


Oh, one more thing: I don't need to be told my profile is great.  I know it is great.  I typed it. 

Flawless finish to the semester by a flawless human.


Don't call me some ridiculous title like "Sir."  In fact, titles are stupid.  They're for insecure pussies.  You'll call me by my first name like every other human-being in the world.  However, in bed I also accept, "OH GOD."  Ha-ha, I'm fabulous.   


I once again found myself in the unfortunate situation of taking public transportation and I absolutely despise it.  The worst is when some person seats their drug-addled carcass next to you and attempts to make conversation.  So because this person may have a shank underneath that ratty piece of cloth they deem a coat I simply nod and agree with what they say while playing a stimulating game of Tetris on my Android phone.  People shouldn't talk to strangers on public transportation.  There needs to be a law to discourage social interaction amongst people that simply want to go from one point in the urban jungle to another.  All I want to do is go to my downtown apartment.  Mercifully, this venture did provide a highlight: an adorable Asian female was speaking in fluent English to a friend and looked most animated.  I feel that when I tire of womanizing I may settle for one of those.  Maybe keep a few around the house to put on impromptu puppet shows and opera acts.  That would be resplendent.  American and Canadian girls are much too stupid anyways and do not quite comprehend my depth.  

I dismantled some twenty-something wench today in public when she gave incorrect definitions of natural selection.  I told her the only Darwin thing she should personally be concerned with would have the word, "award" next to it.  College girls should stick to amateur porn. 

Holy shit - I think I just saw one of the original killers from Scream.  Though I have to be honest, I'd make a much more convincing psychopath I think.  I mean...

Some of these people and their bodies are an affront to my delicate irises.  Is it *that* hard to do exercise or not indulge in disgusting, greasy cuisine? 


Feeling a little dangerous, I've allowed facial hair to grow.  I must say, I look quite dashing... but when don't I look good?  Ha-ha. 


I ruined someone in an argument earlier to the point where even her own friends began to laugh at her and take my side.  Retards shouldn't be allowed into university because they have connections or their daddy has a few extra dollars. 


I have extremely pretty nails. 

I'd like to blow everyone's mind for a minute on the whole, "homophobes are likely repressed homosexuals" debacle.  Now, everybody has heard this: "studies suggest that homophobes are more aroused by gay porn than non-homophobes."  This is flawed.  First off, where do all these studies come from?  *One* case back in 1996 at the University of Georgia.  That's it.  You can google this yourself and come up with nothing.  Everybody's entire argument relies on this *one* study being done.  There has been none other like it, even.  So please tell me how one study suddenly proves that a homophobe is prone to being homosexual?  Who's to say that, when you set out to "prove" something you conveniently leave out all the failed experiments until you eventually get the results you want? 


Simply put, it's a joke.  Homophobes don't have an improved chance of being gay because one study showed it.  One phrase you're always told in psychology is that it is ever-changing.  This is just a fun way of saying, "some of our studies such as homophobia being disguised as homosexuality are complete horse shit right now."  Years ago people took Freud's word as gospel.  Now?  Not so much.  I wouldn't be surprised if in the future they found that study was not true. 


My advice to the masses that take this as the truth?  Stop being such an insipid simian.  It's hilarious that you condemn a homophobe for being close-minded yet never question a single study's validity.  I expect no less from people-pleasing dipshits. 


Why did I type this?  Because I love calling out stupidity and mind-fucking people at my university that come at me with this. 

If you're a "goddess" why can't you make yourself better looking? 

Russian females make amazing "friends." 

The worst pain in the world is when a beautiful person touches their mirror... and cannot feel anything but cold glass.  To rely on lesser mortal subjects for that satisfaction... a fate worse than Hell, no doubt. 


Nothing makes my day like enhancing the softness of my skin.  I could feel me for hours...


Because I have a huge following that APPRECIATES my cutting-edge honesty and unrivaled wit, I've decided to compile a new list of things I find stupid.  This time it is, "What people say in their profiles."  Shall we?


"I've been into this lifestyle since x years."  - I hate this one.  I see it a lot, especially in younger people's profiles.  NocturnalStalker never needed to give his little "longevity" accolade to make himself look legitimate.  I do that by being charismatic.  By having charm.  A typical person goes through my profile like this: ":|" then they leave like this: "O_O".  Now you may wonder why I don't list it.  For one, it is dumb.  How is it dumb?  Think about it: who cares?  It's all just some ridiculous pseudo elitist bullshit that the weak-minded people believe holds merit.  Some claim, "but it is good to know how long a person has done X activity that could be harmful."  You know what I say to that?  If you're doing an activity that could cause fatal injury, then no amount of dressing like a gay leathersexual is going to do anything.  That person better be a doctor of some sort.  You ask for PhDs not some arbitrary number. 


"I want slaves NOT FAKES."  - This is typically relayed by some fat dork that likely has more rolls on his body than a 20-sided dice in motion.  Sometimes it is just said by an idiot.  You can't help them.  They're dumb.  That's how they were born.  Regardless, any person with a brain can see this is some whiny ploy to "prove yourself."  It never works. 


"I have a great sense of humour."  - Then prove it by being funny, moron.  


"I wish to be a pet to my sir/miss."  - Underachiever, waste of time, communist, etc.


"Domination/submission is WHAT I AM."  - No, what you are is an assimilation of bone structure, sinew, cells, organs, and other delights.  In other words, you're a human.  You're a human that used this amazing thing we have called a "brain" to condition yourself to being one role or the other. 


"Send me an e-mail if you like what you see at..."  - Nobody will go out of their way to e-mail you when they can just send your profile a message.  Considering you have to log on to be displayed (and if you're one of those types that takes pictures of their poorly-sculpted abdominal region, you likely hatefuck the "Home" button one million times and cheat women out of seeing me) there's no point to using your hotmail, or gmail, or... I don't know... AOL.  Do they still have AOL?  Man, I loved when you'd first log in they'd do that whole "telephone jam" with the dialing numbers and cacophonous static.  I'm going to make that my ringtone ASAP.


"If you get my username, you should MSG me right now." - People that have these "inside joke" usernames annoy me.  The best is when some female does this because you know guys just open a tab to Google and type in her username and get the source then feign interest.  Look at my name, "NocturnalStalker."  That is effective.  I see that?  I'm intrigued.  It's mysterious.  You don't know where this guy is at night.  Why... I could be right behind you.  Just kidding, I don't do Texas. 


Well that's it for now girls, boys, and transsexuals.  I'm going to go drink blackcurrant juice. 




Haha, another financial "domme" admits they're actually submissive.  Amusing - if pathetic - little creatures. 


Only I know the pain of being beautiful. 


You know what I always enjoy reading?  Those profiles where the submissive is owned already and the master is monitoring everything.  That is the signs of an abuser: unnecessary control.  Now, I don't expect the uncouth vermin that frequently inhabit this site to know the negatives of being an abuser due to abuse hiding behind the veils of kink.  Simply put, I believe those men are insecure and likely ugly so they have zero confidence in their words and instead leech off the girl that gave them the time of day.  They also noticed I am on here and decided that it would be best to not have their prize stolen from them effortlessly.  Studies have shown that to be true.

I logged out and saw the "male competition."  I put that in brackets because they're all hideous.  Anybody that settles for those dog-faced gremlins is one codependent fool.  So far my primary competition is some retard using Priya Rai's picture, and a girl from Berlin. 


I just defeated a fourteen year old in Chess.  Less than SIX moves.  I think it is safe to say that I am undisputed champion of the Yahoo Chess realm. 

So you know what fetishes I find stupid, how about I tell you about people I dislike?  You'll read it.  I know you will. 


Atheists - These types of people are morons.  They think they are free thinkers and have it all figured out.  They're also as invasive as a Jehovah's Witness.  They're a cult like most other ones out there.  Sometimes I enjoy upsetting them by saying that they're going to totally pussy out on their deathbed and pray for forgiveness.  Only a pussy would want to hide in a box anyways, so I'm kind of right.


College Kids - I hate college kids.  They all want to do all these grand ideas and pull them off with utmost shitty execution.  Yeah, that YouTube video complaining about net neutrality or the SOPA bill really made waves.  No, it didn't.  And for that matter, turning your website off for a day did nothing more than inconvenience me.  If you want to prove a point, you stupid fairies, you will boycott all the companies that support it.  But they won't because at the end of the day they're just a bunch of useless worms. 


Profile Advice-Askers - You know these types... "WHAT CAN I DO TO IMPROVE MY PROFILE?"  Then you have some moron come waddling in and lay on some silly shit about personalities and humour.  I have charisma and my jokes have made three people die from laughter, but I'm a rare exception.  Giving this generic advice to everyone will eventually create some clone galaxy where we all approach the same.  That is boring.  If you want to improve your profile, be normal.  Sure, maybe you ARE boring but if that's the case I can assure you there are as many people that want to collect stamps on the other side. 


Artists - This is what I call people that use cartoons for pictures on here.  Your drawings suck and your face would be a TOS violation. 



Here's another stupid fetish: Financial Domination.  This is mostly used by ugly college girls, good-looking yet stupid college girls, shitty strippers, or creepy guys that need some funds to fuel that Dancing Bear subscription.  Speaking of porn, girls that vocally hold it as a badge of honour they are into porn are an immense turn-off.  Some guys find that awesome.  Some guys also would take you to monster truck rallys and hunt deers with their trucks.  What I'm trying to say is, they're scumbags that don't matter.  Now a highly prized male of unmatched masculinity such as myself would never settle for such a trashy piece of wayward trailer filth.  I can sniff out those who radiate that like it's a superpower.  Stop trying to charm me you little neophytes.

So it was Valentine's Day.  Does anybody really see this as anything more than a free sex night and great chocolate?  God, I love that chocolate.  You know, the ones in the boxes?  Of course you do - you're fat.  Anyways, when will they learn nobody likes those banana or strawberry flavours?  What I dislike is how esoteric it all is.  This could be delicious caramel or disappointing mango.  So you bite in - OH NO - you got the hazelnut.  They should just make the entire box caramel.  What else is there?  Oh, teddybears.  Teddybears are dumb.  Why are bears the symbol of fluffy cuteness?  Wouldn't a more domestic pet be more logical?  Like... a bunny.  Or a kitten.  Yeah, I know that those exist but not to the same extent and prominence of a teddybear.  Bears fucking murder you.  Go up to one and hug it, after you're done having your spine snapped and your crippled carcass mangled, you'll see my point.  If deadly animals are symbols for cuteness, what about the rest?  What about sharks?  Teddysharks.  Teddyspiders.  Teddysnakes.  Teddychimpanzees.  Just kidding, if you die to a chimp you're shitty at fighting.  At least a shark has the situational experience of water, the spider is a sneaky son of a bitch that drops down from the ceiling, and the snake doesn't go down without sending you to the ER.  Chimps are loud and obnoxious.  There is no reason to lose to them.  They're like kids.  If you die to a kid, you deserved it.  Just tiger knee that stupid animal in the jaw and tell him that you thought the 1990's Tarzan show sucked.  Except for Jane.  God, was Jane hot.  So what was I talking about?  Oh right, Valentine's Day.  It's retarded and an excuse to eat chocolate.  That is all.

Here are some fetishes that are stupid:


Animal Roleplay - Some people in the world really like to roleplay as animals.  They act like dogs or cats or... I don't know, iguanas.  The point is, this is stupid.  Any person that has a relationship of some sort with these people should be elbowed in the face for showing brief sexual interest in an animal.  Maybe in Texas, loser.


Sadism - Only a pussy needs to beat somebody up with their consent.  This isn't just flogging or slapping.  This includes the heavier actions as well such as knifeplay.  You should be aware that most guys into this have Ted Bundy fantasies and should be reported to Quantico, ASAP.


Daddy/Mommy Play - Sick fucks that would bang their own kids.  Yuck.  Sometimes you get hilarity where a forty-year-old female wants a "Daddy."  This is one interesting way of going about to say that you're a totally codependent leech. 


Hypnotism - Mostly done by uneducated store clerks.  When you study psychology you begin to realize that hypnotism is a lot less "mystical" than the movies makes it out to be.  These people also own ouija boards and swear up and down they talked to a demon named Frank.  In other words, they're insane.


Oh man, you know what is worse than dogs?  Dog-lovers.  What sort of jackass admires their dog?  They're not cute, they reek of manure, and they're loud.  So I got into an argument with a female I was considering for a date until I learned she has one of these filthy pets.  Women drive me crazy.  Not due to the subtlety, I don't mind that, but due to their irrational views.  This one in particular was going off about how having a dog is so great and amazing and that they operate under a psychic bond.  Dogs suck.  There is absolutely no advantage to having a dog other than an added expense.  You have to walk them, pick up their waste, give them attention, and feed them.  If you're so desperate to have a four-legged creature roaming about, get a cat.  It's like God himself gave humanity a break and blessed us with a cuter, cleaner, and overall less troublesome species.  Also, some of the greater cats are recognized as kings of the jungle.  You know what dogs are?  Hyenas.  Nobody fucking cares about hyenas just as you shouldn't care about dogs.

Curvy does not translate to, gelatinous mass of flesh.  Also, what is with fat people despising those in better shape?  Whatever happened to that whole load of horseshit about how because they have little self-control they now have a better personality?  Many of them are rude and if you think logically, they have to be rude.  I mean, if you're as wide as some of these people, you obviously take more than what is necessary.  Oh, and spare me that whole thyroid stupidity.  I am willing to wager a lucrative sum that if we were to conduct a statistical report we'd find 95% of fat people are that way because they just can't stop consuming.  My advice to fat people is to stop being delusional dipshits and get with the times.  Yeah, maybe obese people were seen as attractive centuries ago but they also spoke Latin back then as well. 

With how some of these people look, I'd say their hobby was stepping on rakes.  Hahaha.

Panties are not the best thing in the world.  But they are next to it.  I'm cute.

Another woman made into a believer.  The legend continues.

It is strange... I specifically ask for ugly people to not contact me, yet they do... I can only conclude that with beauty also comes brains.

In lieu of "New Years" last night, I will have you know I celebrated it in a very straight-edge fashion.  While you were all poisoning your bodies with alcohol and drugs, dancing to poorly composed 90's dance music, and probably sleeping with some disease-ridden amateur pornstar I was changing the world and attaining new heights.  Because when you do not have those binds of shame on your limbs, you begin to see the bigger picture.  I find those that inhabit clubs and raves to be just one step higher than the homeless.  Just mangy little creatures that end up wiping your windshield at intersections. Where did that BA get you, loser?  

I have a new phone that is amazing.  The best part about this phone is that it does everything except cook eggs.  If it did that, I'd no longer need one of these primitive "female" types.  A man can dream. 

"I love and respect you, NocturnalStalker."  - Everybody I meet.

I have good reason to believe I originated the "arms-not-in-sleeves" coat trend. 

Some people call me a narcissist.  Some people are mentally retarded. 

It's not easy to look in my mirror... because I get lost in my own eyes.  Seriously, my beauty is dangerous people.

I hate you if you intentionally walk slow while crossing an intersection.

I am amazing at golf. 

I enjoy the amount of young female dominants that have pictures of themselves in such compromising positions.  How weak and pathetic.

I have disabled that whole "Chat Request" stuff.  I dislike it when random people I do not know nor approve of wish to gain my attention instantly.  If you would like to attempt to communicate, send a mail.  I have too much time to devote elsewhere to spend it on a potential waste. 

If you're going to message me, try to not make "NocturnalStalker" turn into "DreamStalker."  For the Texans out there, that means I am put to sleep reading half of this uninspired rubbish. 

Kindness is a gift.  Cruelty is a given. 

Having read a few of the older crowds profiles for my own personal amusement, I have to laugh.  It is like watching a VCR attempt to remain relevant in a Blu-ray world.  Evolution occurs everyday...why attempt to halt it?  I am the future, and you are the past.