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So over the last 2 years I have been making a transformation which is just beginning to show.
I grew up in a very upscale household, was sent to private school and by the age of 13 I had been to 5 different countries. Money was what drove my family, expensive everything, yet at the age of 32 I sat back and said ugh.... that is never what I wanted.
Childhood was always worrying about being so careful, not doing anything on the spot, no real adventure or just being me!
I was diagnosed with bipolar, generalized depression and social anxiety at the age of 8.
I have to admit it did stop me from doing many many things. I never liked going out, I didn't have a lot of fun. My parents didn't really help the issue either, everything public was to always put others down, to make them feel lower than themselves. So yes it was very embarrassing as i always saw people as just being themselves. I have been on every different type of anti anxiety and anti depression medication since then, although taking breaks from it at times, sometimes for years.
2 years ago I finally found a psycologist and psychiatrist that work well together and with myself and that's when I started to change. In they past they have always been pill pushers, recommending the latest and greatest that they get kickbacks for.
I'd say over the last 2 years I have really made progress with becoming myself. Letting go of the past and letting myself enjoy the things I like without wondering what my family will think. Sure to think someone who went from living the high life, never having to worry about anything, ever. To someone who now enjoys wearing cammo and who has tore up my beautiful front yard to make room for vegetable gardens.
I just wanted to write this, I want to re read it and see how I feel, looking back on the past, and looking towards the future. |
