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The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet

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Pan Female Submissive, 54,  Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
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needaleader - submissive

needaleader - photo 1
needaleader - photo 2
needaleader - photo 3
needaleader - photo 5

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I understand this is not a dating site, I've been around the old BDSM block a while. I'm tired of scaring the vanilla boys with my gagging and drooling, and chee-rist you should see their faces when I say I like being slapped. That being said: Looking for someone local for some NSA fun...but I'm not just looking for a bedmate, I'm looking for a friend. I'd like to find someone who would like to have the "girlfriend" experience, as well as have a good kinky time in the bedroom. I have excellent taste in music, I'm not into Classic Rock, though some of it is great. Right now I've really been warming up to the Cramps, I like Howlin' Wolf, Perfume Genius, Eliza Carthy, Daniel Johnston, Gustav Mahler, Cat Stevens, David Allen you can see, my musical tastes are kind of all over the place. I enjoy good comedy shows on TV like Big Bang Theory, Parks and Recreation, but I also like really oddball stuff like Drinky Crow and Tim and Eric's various shows on Adult Swim. I enjoy a good action film, but I'm not averse to reading subtitles. I can't stand the average RomCom, I don't do women's movies, unless I'm feeling like getting really stoned on a Saturday afternoon and watching some really awful Lifetime movie. I was very much into Breaking Bad and I thought the recent Fargo series was wonderful. My favorite kind of movie is dark and sometimes depressing and/or confusing. I read a lot in the past, mostly historical novels or non-fiction, and I'm a magazine junkie, but I haven't been reading as much as I used to. I love to read science and historical things and I'm really into genealogy. I'm looking for a friend, not someone to take care of me, not someone who I'll need to take care of. Not looking for a live in situation. I've left that I would relocate on my profile because I would, for the right person. But you must be able to finance me coming to visit or you must be able to come visit me and I mean soon. I don't like online romance and I am not EVER interested in cyber anything. My hard limits are if you are married, bisexual, a heavy drinker, a couple, or into anything that is illegal, except for pot. Oh yeah, I'm a huge pothead, and I would prefer you be one too. If you are not, just understand I will not be quitting.












Last Online:


 Submissive Female

 Oklahoma City 


 Willing to Relocate

 5' 4"

 185 lbs






Actively Seeking:

Dominant Male

 Lives For:




 Anal Play

 Hair Pulling



 Comedy Shows

 Historical Shows



 Intellectual Discourse

 Liberal Politics

 Nihilism (Expert)





 Alternative Music



 Heavy Metal Music

 New Wave

 Show Tunes


 Art Galleries


 Bird Watching

 Fine Dining

 Flea Markets

 Garage Sales







 Breast Play

 Canes and Crops

 Eye Contact Restrictions

 Fisting (Beginner)



 Massage (Getting)




 Wax play

 Arcade Games

 Card Games


 Art Collecting


 Classical Music

 Country Music


 Industrial Music

 Nineties Music

 Punk Rock Music


 Rock Music



 Horse Racing


 Bar Hopping


 Coffee Shops

 Musical Theater

 Renaissance Faires






 Massage (Giving)

 Board Games

 Puzzle Games

 Science Fiction


 Body Art











 1950s Lifestyle

 Lifestyle BDSM

 Blue Grass

 Eighties Music

 Electronica / EDM

 Folk Music

 Hip Hop Music







 Masks (Wearing)

 Outdoor Bondage

 Libertarian Politics



 EMO Music


 Opera Music



 Seventies Music



 Feng Shui



 Curious About:


 Electrical Play

 Fire Play

 Knife Play

 Mental Bondage

 Needle Play

 Orgasm Denial

 Role Playing

 Sensory Deprivation



 Vacuum Stimulation


 Alternative Medicine

 Old Guard


 Auto Racing



 Corner Time


 Masks (On Partner)

 Obedience Training

 Serving as a Maid

 Pantyhose Fetish

 Plastic Wrap

 Pony/Puppy Roleplay

 Public Play

 Rubber Fetish


 Diet and Exercise

 Goth Lifestyle








 Online Chatrooms

 Conservative Politics

 Gorean Lifestyle

 Pop Music

 Hard Limits:





 Genital Punishment




 Role Playing Games

 Romance Novels

 TV News






 Female Supremacy

 New Age Music



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Journal Entries:
12/7/2014 8:28:05 AM
I've been offered a few 24/7, live in, don't gotta work kinda things. Now, let's see...I would move to a new state with a virtual stranger and rely on him for all my needs. Can you see a problem with that? I have decided that I would do that as long as my attorney can sign off on the contract. I want a 401(k), a pension plan, and a settlement plan if you discontinue the relationship.
Do you really want some woman who would just chuck her whole life and move in with you with no worry for the future? If I were 24, maybe I would take the chance, but at 54, it would just be stupid. So, you really want a stupid sub. Well, you don't even have to get in line for those. I'm sure, just like all other sorts of stupid people, they are rampant.

12/7/2014 7:53:34 AM
My three favorite words...I...Don't...Care. I love it when I hear those words when I'm getting royally fucked, used, and abused. I want a man to utilize every hole to get what he wants, to put me wherever it suits him, to come down my throat or in my ass or all over my face, depending on how he's feeling and with no regard to my pleasure or my ability to cum.
The secret, of course, is that I get off of being treated that way, so it's the best way to allow me not to worry about cumming so that I can actually get there. I can't stand it when some guy is worried about me cumming. I don't cum easily and if you ask if I have, I'm going to lie to you. It's just what I do. But if you ignore me and use me like the cumslut I am, then we both get what we need.


11/10/2014 5:27:55 PM
OK, just a little info re that last entry. I'm not really a sub as much as I am a pain slut. I've tried 24/7 sub and even slavery, and perhaps I wasn't with the right men, but I'm much more into pain than submission. I love cock worship, I love to show my man respect, but I'm looking for less training and more deviant, kinky sex. So, I maintain, I have an out. I'm not just a vanilla girl looking for a date, I'm a pain slut looking for a date.

11/10/2014 4:11:47 PM
I have been thinking about why I'm on this site. I've read quite few posts, mostly from men, which posit that it is patently ridiculous to be looking for love on this site. Well, I'm curious where I'm supposed to have a profile? Is there a bedroom only BDSM dating site? If there is, puhlease let me know. Otherwise, I end up on here like all the other pathetic older subbies, well, to be fair, there are pathetic subs of all age groups, looking for that perfect dom who doesn't exist. I've recognized my short-sightedness in searching for that particular body type and personal style that really trips my trigger and I'm ready for reality, in whatever form that takes. I'm just not quite ready to give up on finding someone compatible with me, and not just someone comfortable. Comfortable is sounding better and better, though.

11/2/2012 8:51:04 AM

I've been on some adventures that took me to Kentucky then to the Philadelphia area, but now I'm back in Fort Wayne for the duration. I have no idea what is in store for me next seems i have gone wherever the winds have blown me lately, but that is not happening any more. I have put down some roots, as thin and as shallow as they may be, so I plan on sticking put until something very very strong tears me from here.

10/6/2012 4:24:57 AM

last night i dreamt i knew clint eastwood

i dreamed he lived in an american foursquare from the turn of the last century with his wife in my small town. it was kind of run down and had been remodeled in such a way that the beautiful staircase was blocked so you could go upstairs, but not come back down. it was a dream, right? and i had known him all my life, but never had really realized that i did.

and his wife and i had to get tools and go into a mechanicals building that had been built on the site where an old mechanicals building had been, the new building was beautiful, using the old brick but with a shiny new interior. and we had to use the tools to fix something, i don't know what.

and clint and i were sitting close in his car, waiting on something, and we talked and i said something stupid and he was cool with it and all he did really was look at my phone and say he really wished he had one like mine. his was an old flip phone and mine was my shiny new samsung. there was much more in the dream, but i won't bore you with all the inner workings of my mixed up mind.

now i have some inklings as to what this all means. i have my suspicions, and i'm sitting here writing this when i should be up and packing, getting my stuff into my car for the move south, but for some reason i knew i needed to write this down. cause i think it was a good dream. a dream of shiny new possibilities in my old brick life. and a dream of a man, who that man may be i don't know, but he's gonna have some sort of clint about him, without the recent crazy, of course, lol.

so here i go, freaks. on my way to a new life and new friends and new possibilities and i won't be around much, but i'll be there. talking to clint and fixing things.

10/2/2012 1:09:11 PM

bdsm manipulation and pimpin

bdsm been berry berry good to me. i was never confident in my sexuality and now i am one hot, sexy bitch, but i have recently been exposed to a side of bdsm that really bothers me.

it's funny how messages come in waves. i know it's related, often, to how i present myself in my profile, but i seem to get waves of the same kind of people at the same time. recently, i have gotten several from doms (read, pimps) who want me to come be their literal whore. really? that's what you get from my profile?

i am not a whore. i am a slut. i am only a whore to the one i care about. he can call me any goddamn thing he wants, but i am not gonna be making any money for him. i'm his personal whore. he pays me by paying me attention, not money. but it brings to me a part of this bdsm world that i didn't realize was so prevalent, pimping. ok, so i'm a bit naive, but i have been lucky to meet a lot of really great doms who enjoyed me because of who i am, what i enjoy doing and what i'm good at, not by how much money i can make them.

a couple have been right up front in saying they want to whore me out. those are the ones i respect. be honest with me, i'll tell you straight up it's not happening, but i will treat you with respect and maybe even like you. there is one in particular who is fond of two fisted gunnery i am thinking of. there have been others who have been quite devious in their pursuit of me as a whore, playing on my insecurities to promise me love and care, when what they really wanted to do was ensnare me in order to pimp me out.

wow, really? so i had no real clue, but i'm not so stupid that i don't know how to get in a goddamn cab and get the fuck out of a situation like that. i'm sure there are many sad girls out there who think they can't leave that sort of thing, but i'm not one of them. i know how to take care of myself. i haven't been doing it lately, but i certainly know how to do it. i know how to call a cab, call a cop, call a friend, and use a gun. i guess some girls don't, or they don't really want to because perhaps that's all they think they are worth. not me, nuh uh, no how.

so the best one i had was this morning. i was in the middle of a crisis, trying to figure out how to escape the last scrape i will ever get myself into because of a man, and up pops a guy i've talked to a bit, had thought we had developed a bit of a friendship.

so i'm telling this guy my problems, what the fuck, sometimes you can get some good input from people, and i couldn't get hold of my favorite sissy to talk to, and he's not really giving me any good suggestions, but oh well. i write so i can get shit off my chest, so i told him my story. it's a pitiful story right now, because i trusted a man to take care of me, and i wasn't taking care of myself. my fault, through and through.

then he told me what i should do to take care of my money woes. be a working girl. now, i think prostitution, just like pot, should be legal. men have needs, women need to make lots of money off the guys who have needs, so big fucking deal. but it's not for me. i said no. he insisted. i said fuck no. he said i have a friend who does it. i bet you do. no, fuck no, not gonna happen. he said, she can hook you up, i said, no, fuck no, no fucking way, what part of no do you not understand. so he said, fine then. ok, no big deal, i realize he's got something else going on here, he had mentioned me being his whore before, i really kind of thought he was joking, but i now realize he had been serious this whole time. oh well. i signed off yahoo, went to work figuring out how and when i can afford to move and didn't think about it again.

but i got the full picture of what kind of dick i was dealing with when i opened yahoo up again and found his final message, "skanky bitch". hmm. i said i would not be his whore, so i'm the skanky bitch. coolio. glad i found that out before i visited him as we had planned. but it got me thinking how many insecure girls get pulled into that sort of shit here thinking they are gonna get a man who loves them and cares about them. it's the classic pimp ploy, i just didn't realize how prevalent it seems to be here.

so, i'm no whore, i hope any of you who are do it because you want to do it; you enjoy the work, you like the bucks. and how many were preyed upon by unscrupulous skanky bitch "doms" who dangle love and attention to catch us unsuspecting, insecure subs. the moral to this story is, suspect subs, always suspect. and when you find a man who really does care about you, move your ass and get down there where you belong. on your knees in front of a real man.

10/1/2012 4:45:09 AM

a maxfield parrish morning

i have always loved the ubiquitous maxfield parrish prints that populated every home for decades. the subject matter is always a bit romantic, but the colors are what i really respond to. those glowing jewel tones are just heavenly, but i never really thought of them as being realistic at all, until this morning.

i happened to be at my front window at dawn this morning, looking out at the trees bordering the driving range across from me, and the sun was coming up and there it was. maxfield parrish colors. dark green trees in the background and glowing yellow in front, with touches of red leaping from the darkness. the sun coming up had lit up the forest in just such a way to bring those jewel tones to me.

it faded rather quickly, the trees turned back into just dark green, yellow, and red, but i have a little gift in my head that i can carry around forever. i saw the world the way it looks in a maxfield parrish painting. no matter how brief, it was too special.


9/28/2012 2:03:02 PM

i am out of CIGARETTES!!

one of you lovely freaks needs to find me a job in southern indiana or louisville. i know someone has a line on a good job. i'm as good an employee as i am a SLUT!


i don't want a hand out, i want a JOB! i'm no golddigger, i'm a worker. so GIVE ME A JOB, dammit, lol.

9/22/2012 4:55:16 AM

what i believe

i believe that i am more than just my legs, they are up there to get attention, sure, we are all visual creatures, so i use one of my best assets to get yours.

i believe i am worth someone who gets me, who appreciates good music, because that is what i truly live for. i don't listen to "classic rock", in fact i seldom listen to the radio because it is mostly crap. i like music that is interesting and has something to say, as well as something that makes me move. i'm kind of a headbanger at heart, so if it has a good, strong beat and is interesting, i generally like it. hell, i listen to everything from warren zevon, gospel, classical, roots music, musical theater, blues, art rock, to good old country and western, so i'm kind of a sucker for someone who lives for music, too.

i believe most of what you see and read in the media is a bunch of manipulative bullshit. i can't believe people get their news that way. i tend to stay away from all of it because i don't like being manipulated, except in the bedroom. i am not a conservative by any means, i've grown past being a yellow dog democrat to suspecting all politicians. i think the whole system is fucked, and i guess i'm a bit more of a libertarian than anything, but i can't get past that no regulations on business bullshit. There are regulations because when people are allowed to do what they want, they burn women and children in locked buildings and exploit the weak. i do believe there are way too many restrictive regulations, but most of the more recent ones are just big business trying to squeeze out smaller businesses and competition, so pay attention to exactly who is paying for what regulations to see who is really at fault here.

i believe religion is the opiate of the masses. i can't manage to get past the ego and political manipulation of most churches. if i were going to go to any sort of congregation, it would be the unitarians, where you are encouraged to think and discuss all religions. one of the most holy persons i ever met was a muslim. i just got waves of goodness whenever i spoke with him. i think all religions seem to have a touch of the divine, but when people start telling me how to think or how to live, i just bristle. too much dogma, not enough heart. i'm also afraid that religion does serve a purpose, however, it keeps those who can't think for themselves and don't have a good moral center from doing bad things to others by offering the hope of "eternal salvation" or whatever each group calls it, and the scare tactic of hell. i also think it offers a good excuse for people to do really bad things to others in the name of god. that's not my god, i don't know who your god is, but he/she/it is not deeply involved in the workings of the world, he/she/it is pure love, and it takes a lot of searching and being open to find that


i believe i am a bit fucked up, but as a person who sees the crap listed above and understands it is all just bullshit and nothing can be done about it, it's hard to live in this world and not be a bit fucked up. i am a crusader at heart and i have a hard time keeping my mouth shut when i see injustice being done. i rage against the machine, but it just crushes my soul. i have learned to keep my head down and do my job and try not to get involved, but it kills my soul. i need a partner who understands that and wants to work to create a little world where we can be who we are and support each other when the world gets us down.

i believe in laughter and happiness and i seek it out with a vengeance. of course i am an adrenaline junkie, of course i seek excitement and adventure as it keeps me from sitting around thinking about how awful the world is. i want to be stimulated intellectually, physically, emotionally. i love fear, within the context of a loving, trusting one for one relationship. i am too insecure for poly, though i love being used by others. i don't like it when someone wants me to be exclusive with them but bring in a third girl, that's cool and all, but when do i get my other man? i like men. i like to be used by men, so if you are not interested in a little sharing, i'm not sure i am right for you. BUT, if i find the right man, no other man will matter to me at all. ok, so i'm a bit fluid about bringing others in, i guess.

i believe i have issues with women because of my past experiences with them. i won't go into detail here. i think most women like to manipulate and are not nearly as introspective as i would appreciate. i do know there are some women i like, some i love, but i just never had that chemical that makes me appreciate babies like most women, i don't have the genetic makeup or stupidity to appreciate most of the things most women enjoy. perhaps i have not met enough smart women, so perhaps i tend to be a bit dismissive of them.


i believe i am a fool about love because i have not had enough in my life. i can be quite cold hearted and i tend to dismiss people too soon. i don't have enough patience to really get to know someone, so it's gonna take someone with a great deal of patience to get through my bullshit exterior to the marshmallow inside. i want someone who can hold me when i cry, can understand why i cry, and who can make me laugh to forget about the crying. i need someone who doesn't want me just for my legs, cause let's face it folks, we all age and beauty fades, so if you don't appreciate the mind above the legs, you are gonna be pretty disappointed one day, and then where am i.


i believe most of the "doms" i have met are manipulative or selfish or stupid men who don't look past my legs to the human being beneath. i don't even know if i need a "dom" at this point. perhaps just a very extra kinky boyfriend is more my speed. i don't know. all i do know is i keep seeking because i do have hope. perhaps it is foolish, unwarranted hope, but if i don't have hope i might as well curl up and die, and since i don't believe in an afterlife, i'm not ready to do that yet. i still have life in me and hope, so i write this shit out hoping there is someone out there who gets it and is as lonely as i am and responds.

9/21/2012 9:12:06 AM

must love tears


let me make this perfectly clear, if you are not turned on by the sight of tears, you should not be contacting me.


when i cum really hard, i cry. when i enjoy the pain, i cry. so if you don't enjoy tears, you should probably move on to someone else.

9/20/2012 7:46:00 PM

ok, i'm quite bitter about the fact that i've been trying to add back in photos that are now gone from my fucking profile and it appears that collarme has fucked me by repeating my heel and ball pic and will not show my french hoor pic. i am getting very frustrated!

9/20/2012 7:42:40 PM

i was told by the dom who plucked me from plenty of fish and introduced me to bdsm that my journal entries make me sound bitter. he knows i'm not, really, but i thought i would just acknowledge that perhaps they do, and say, um, well, ok, i have a bit of a bitter taste in my mouth, but it could just be the cum.

9/14/2012 11:20:20 AM

a short list of things that make me happy


1) semi-automatic rifles and places to shoot them aside from rocks in the pond


2) four wheelers and lots of room to ride them, preferably in areas where i can slam dumbasses and myself into tree limbs


3) pot. lots and lots of pot. for my health, you know.


4) my girl who is a friend, not girlfriend, who is just as nasty and kinky as i am and who makes me look at myself even when i don't want to


5) pain, but not that i just stubbed my toe kind of pain, you know what i mean


6) my cats and dogs, well just about any animal, including the spider who lives in my bathroom sink and i have to rescue him before i wash my hands cause soap will kill him


7) being able to express myself freely


8) hershey's with almonds, not the big blocks, just that little thin one, mmmmm


9) music, specifically not usually heard on the radio kind of music, like my quick mix on pandora with warren zevon, cat stevens, the clash, and the flaming lips. they end up putting all kinds of cool things in like johnny cash and such


10) going odd places and seeing weird things. i'm quite visual. i like to just drive and drive and get lost and find my way back the long way


11) ranting and raving, can't you tell?


12) plants. i've been known to kiss em. i'm weird like that


ok, not so short, and it appears i already have a lot of these things in my life. i'm pretty good right now, thanks.


9/14/2012 4:51:20 AM

YOU FUCKING PROGRAMMERS or whatthefuckever you call yourselves


i have been applying for jobs online, cause you can't just go into a business anymore and apply, you've got to run the fucking gauntlet of internet apps now. and i spend all this fucking time creating a great resume, a good cover letter tailored to the fucking job, and i STILL HAVE TO INPUT ALL THE SAME GODDAMN INFO INTO THE FUCKING SYSTEM!!


it's like college. if you can manage to get through the bullshit, you are smart enough to attend. i get it. weed out the dumbasses, but some of these jobs are FOR THE GODDAMN DUMBASSES, dumbasses! why i gotta enter all this shit twice?


so, remember, if i find out you are one of the imbeciles who create these uber complicated bullshit programs, I HAVE AN SKS AND I'M IN THE MOOD TO USE IT.


thank you for your time and attention. i look forward to hearing from you regarding this FUCKING POSITION

9/13/2012 7:52:27 PM

and damn


if you're gonna read this shit, i need a jernt.


for my health.

9/11/2012 5:51:28 PM

i'm hunting wabbits


vanilla wabbits.

8/18/2012 12:07:24 AM



fuck em.


not gonna name this one cause you can't tineye a missing wedding band, so i have no real proof.


but i made his life miserable for a minute, so lo fucking l.

8/16/2012 11:50:42 AM

ODE TO MY NEW DOM (it's a joke, son)

there once was a dom from montana,

who caught a wise sub from indiana,

his prose straight from Rand,

tineye his pic banned,

and the subbie realized the dude was a total fake, so girls, pay no attention to the troll called CARETAKER4U, cause he's some sort of sick puppy who caught a very smart girl in the midst of some sort of freaking brain freeze and now she's tineye-ing every goddamned pic sent or presented on collarme.


hey, the metre isn't quite right, i know, but i love him so very much i just had to share!!

8/15/2012 10:25:31 PM

oh sickness, where is thy sting? man oh man, how talking with sick, sick people will put your own sanity in sharp focus. i'm fine, how are you?

8/15/2012 6:44:33 PM

oh tineye is such a wonderful thing.

7/11/2012 6:47:38 AM

sin eater


fill me with your anger

tell me all your fears

mark me with frustrations

kiss away my tears

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