naughtysunflower

My Journey Into Submission

 The Mind, The Body, The Soul, The Merge

You know how it is when your trying to merge on the highway, and the cars just keep coming. If you move you might get hit, but if you don't you'll piss off all the people behind you and you'll never get anywhere.  That's where I am with submission this week.  On one hand if I don't try to merge I'm stuck, yet in try to merge I keep getting either clipped or ushered in by people who think they know what kind of car I'm driving by don't.  They want my mind, or my body, but no one seems to be able to grasp both.

So far this week I've had beautiful writing skills, but not a Barbie figure, I've not been submissive enough after three or four conversations, I'm everything someone wants but I can't really have them, and that was just the beginning.

And I begin to wonder...how to you be submissive, and still navigate this merge.  Yes I want to belong to someone, more than anything.  I'm one of those that cries at stories where people are happy, because I'm happy, but also because I want.

I decided today, that as a submissive, as someone who wants to please their master more than anything in the whole world, you still must be true to one thing.  You must only merge when you are ready.

How can this be submissive?

Because you see you want to be perfect for someone, you want to meet their every need, you want to give everything, and if you doubt that for just a minute then you can never give them what they need, you can never give them all of you. 

I think somewhere along the lines I got the wrong idea.  I thought submission was a simple yes.  Sure you can use my body, sure you can play with my mind, sure you can have that.  But as yes implies the ability to say no.  That depending on the dynamic does not always exist.  I have come to see submission as more of a resignation, a handing over, a complete gift, that you never expect to get back, and that you don't expect a return on.  It's a desire from a place you didn't know existed, a need to fulfill someone else's needs.

Why the merge?  The merge exists simply because the gift, the submission is so complete that if one part is left out, there is a void.  I can give you my body, but if you haven't taken my mind and soul, all you really have is sex.  I can give you my mind, but if that's all you take, then its simple a head game.  The soul minus all else is beautiful but incomplete.  All must come together for complete submission.

Neither does submission occur overnight, with play, with conversation, with anything.  To give to someone you must know someone.  You must trust them.  You must understand what it is that will please them more than anything.  That's how you will know if the submission will work, because with all your everything you want to please them and you die if you don't.

I have someone who has taught me how to become a better submissive.  I cry when I think I've upset him, because I know him, although he knows me infinitely better, and because I want him to be pleased with me.  I want it like I have never wanted anything, and now that I've learned this I would like someone of my own to know, and please, and serve. 

Submission is a little more complicated, and yet a little simpler than I thought.  You take your time, and then you merge, you can change lanes, you can exit and then get back on again.   But when you take the time to stop at someplace that seems to fit, and take time and get to know, and drive around, and become familiar, you don't have to think about it anymore it just fits, and then you, all of you, can merge and become everything to that person.

Submission with the right person really isn't difficult at all, it's navigating the merge. I think that in being a wise navigator, you will also become a more perfect submissive/slave, for your future master. 

My Journey into Submission

Topic #1: Focusing on My Master’s Pleasure: Why is it more Important than My Pleasure

(This is written at the request of one who is currently guiding me and teaching me the principles of the lifestyle in a deeper fashion than I have explored it before.)

Some times to go forwards you have to go backwards.  Being the kind of person I am this happens frequently.  Thus to explain why my Master’s pleasure is more important than mine I must share a few things first.

My journey to this place, started with a simple spanking during sex, which lead to a thirst for me.  I eventually found my way into what I would now call either a Top/Bottom situation, or perhaps a Power Exchange.  I was green, and he wanted to dominate my body.  I was perfectly happy with this.  I am very sexual, and I love to be dominated in bed.  If this was submission, as he called it, I was in heaven.  Plus he was a bit of a sadist, and I happen to love pain.  I was happy to give him my body, and he used it well.  Until of course that was not enough for me, and while he was controlling and demeaning, I wouldn’t call him Dominant.  For that and many reasons, the end became a foregone conclusion and I moved on.

Pleasure in the case of that relationship was mutual.  He wanted something that I had, and I knew it.  Submission therefore wasn’t a challenge, I wasn’t giving up anything that I didn’t want to, or for that matter anything that I considered mine to possess.  Sex is fun, and is something that works much better with another person.  So far, no one had asked me to give up anything; I wasn’t willing to part with.

Lately though, more discussion has ensued, as I have tried to figure out what submission really means, what it means for me, and what exactly it looks like.

A submissive is someone who decides to give herself to her Master, for his complete pleasure.  In return, he watches out for her, protects her, and treats her in the manner they have agreed upon.  It important to note that a Master does not abuse a submissive, slave, pet, or whatever the designation given, in a way that would cause permanent damage or a way that has not be agreed upon.  He watches out for her health and well being.  In return she gives him everything.  This is the part I was missing in the equation.  The submissive not only gives up that which she is willing to, but also that which pains her to her core. 

In order for this to happen, a trust must be built.  He talks with her, gets to know her, lets her know his desires, and explores.  Once trust is established and the decision is made his desires become hers, and she longs to fulfill each one.  It is her job, to make him happy, to ensure that he has his every need met.  He is her Master, her guardian, her everything, and as he possess her, she pleases him.  In some ways the principal is very simple, don’t you want that person who you belong to satisfied at all times.  Thus your pleasure is second.  He will provide it, as he provides everything else when you need it, otherwise, your suffering, your challenges, and your pain, provide him with additional satisfaction. 

For me, this is both a challenge and an excitement.  Initially there were some fetishes which completely turned me off.  But as I delved into submission, and into realizing that it wasn’t always about what I liked, I became excited at doing something that would be a challenge that another would really enjoy.  There is a beauty in the balance between submission and control, a beauty in someone who can control, with power, with sensuality, with just a look. 

Submission is really about making someone’s pleasure greater than your own, a developed trust, giving someone every single piece of you just because it pleases them.  Just because they will enjoy you, in whatever way they chose, because they want something because you are there’s and if you belong to someone your goal should always be to make sure their needs are met 100%.  

That is however, just the beginning….