Infinite growth and intimacy is possible, but not in an infinite number of relationships. You have only so much time and energy, so you have to decide which relationships matter most.

If you are going to have extraordinary relationships, then you have to decide to make them a priority by allocating significant time and energy to them.

Energy is our most valuable resource, not time.

Invest your energy and time wisely.

“The greatest gift you ever give is your honest self.”
— Fred Rogers

To me, submission isn’t a “gift” any more than dominance is.

The gift is in finding that other person that embraces your honest self, who you are under the social facade.

The D/s relationship is one of reciprocity.

The relationship is the gift - not the role you bring to it

I was asked what it is about men that I love so much. With very little thought, the words just rolled out.

What is there not to love?

I love the general shape of men. From the broad shoulders, the curve of their ass, the thickness of their thighs, the strength of their arms around me, their height as they tower over me.. physically, there is no greater appeal to me than a mans body. Sleek lines, corded muscle, angles, and planes.

I love the way men smell. Testosterone filled, adrenaline fueled sweat is an aphrodisiac beyond compare. I would rather smell that on a man than the most expensive cologne out there.

I love the way men think. Complicated yet not. The differences in socialization and expectation. Delving into that and tapping into their most primal nature. The fierce but tender mien of a man who loves and adores you is a treasure beyond compare.

I love the way men feel against me. Hard against soft. Two different types of strengths clashing as bodies mesh. All of the differences between us that make it so enjoyable to explore and exploit.

I love the way men taste. I could spend hours upon hours sampling. There simply isn’t anything comparable.

I love the way men love. Straightforward and simply.

I love cock. Always have, always will.

People go on and on about the beauty of women - but to my mind, there is not a feast for the senses that is on par with man.

I adore them. All.

My long and rambling views of dominance and how I relate to it, seek it, and understand it.  YMMV.

In my life and experience I have met several dominant and/or alpha people.  The thing they all, every single one of them, have in common is that they never once had to tell me they were dominant.  They didn't have to advertise it or reiterate it verbally.  It was in their knowledge, understanding, communication abilities, confidence, demeanor, deep respect for the world and those around them, and their ability to seduce what they desire from another. 

These are the people that don't complain when they don't get what they want - they work, strive, accept failure, and sweat until they do achieve their goal.  They understand that failure is part of success and that the path to it is long, winding, curvy, crooked, and arduous.

They are patient, wise, respectful, considerate, polite, and humble.  They understand that the path to dominance comes from absolute submission to the world around them and the desire to learn and continue learning about it objectively.

These are people who recognize that perception is often reality and dress accordingly.  Power has a certain look.  It's in the eyes and mannerisms.  It's not a suit and tie (although that is a delicious look).

My, admittedly, short search on CM for a dominant male has been interesting.  Some expected, some not.  I find many want the conclusions of dominance but aren't willing to put in the work and learn the elements that lead to those conclusions.

These are men (I have no experience with dominant women but would imagine that it remains true for them as well) that see dominants' controlling others so they try to duplicate this by ordering others around.  We do learn from copying patterns that we see working from others around us.  However, what these people fail to realize is how very limited a dominants' commands can be.  Dominance is more a very efficient use of energy than it is forceful yelling, pushing, or shoving orders down someone's throat.  It's a nudge here, a gentle reminder there, just enough to steer someone on the path you want them to take.  It is inspiring the other to want, desire, and crave to be on that path.

The simple truth is that the more someone wants to be dominant, the less likely they are to ever actually be dominant.  You can't be dominant simply by acting dominant. Copying dominant characteristics makes you no more dominant than walking into McDonald's will make you into a hamburger.  It is derivative dominance, at best.

Dominance is not about how hard and long you can spank someone, how skilled you are at impact implements, how many years you have been in the "lifestyle".  It is intelligence, skill, and the utmost important of all traits - the ability to communicate in a particular way.  Dominance reflects knowledge and understanding about the world.  In many ways I think that the difference between a dominant and a teacher is relatively small.

I also find that many cling to the label of dominance out of fear and anger, thinking that dominance is all about control.  Control is superfluous.  It doesn't truly exist.  Authority, however, does.  A sub can cheat on you just like a vanilla girlfriend.  There are many, many things that will never be in your direct control in life and those that never realize that tend to be unhappy, miserable people

I like who I am and am comfortable in my skin.

But sometimes I like to be:

*A strict teacher that likes to dole out discipline
*A shy, sweet, and innocent school girl
*A sadistic nurse
*A stranger in the bar
*A girl who will do anything to get out of speeding ticket
*A bitchy boss
*A co-ed that will do anything to get an A
*A sexy librarian
*An escort for the night
*Mrs. Robinson seducing the pizza delivery boy
*A room mate who can't pay rent
*A doctor with new and inventive ways to treat her patient
*A stripper
*A model
*A rapist
*A victim (alone in the bed, late at night, a break in.. broke down on the side of the road.. walking home late at night..so many ways this can go.)
*A photographer
*A French maid
*A nun who needs corrupted
*A bitchy cheerleader
*A stewardess who goes above and beyond
*A school girl who tricks and blackmails her teacher
*A lonely housewife
*A sadistic cop
*An interrogator
*A phone sex operator
*A sex therapist
*A patient who needs extensive examination
*A prison guard
*A sexy secretary
*A temptress niece or daughter

Honestly, the list is endless and role playing is just fun!

"An intense anticipation itself transforms possibility into reality; our desires being often but precursors of the things which we are capable of performing"

Fuck yeah!

Hit my 3rd quarter goal - down 55.5 lbs.

Bring it on 4th quarter-I'm going to kick your ass!

This image resonates with me in so very many different ways.

A strong woman will eagerly and joyfully submit to a strong, powerful man.

There is no limit to what a man can achieve with a strong woman under him.

Unless the obsession is shared, it is rarely understood.

And on, and on, and on; endless tangents are inspired.

Down 51.1 lbs.  Finally broke the 50 lb mark.
 
Working out > sex
 
Not really - so let's work out and then bang afterwords.
 
Ha!

"Though dreams can be deceiving, like faces are to hearts, they serve for sweet relieving, when fantasy and reality lie too far apart."

This reminds me of so very many people I've spoke to and seen around here.  Don't let your fantasy and dreams be better than your reality!

You are in full control of your own happiness. If your relationship with yourself isn’t working then don’t expect your other relationships to be any different.  Happiness is not within another person; it is within you. 

Is it really role play if the other person doesn't know you are playing a role?

Am I more submissive or dominant? 

I get asked all the time to talk about my dominant or submissive "side". 

It doesn't work like that for me.  I lean dominant.  I very rarely met people in general who are more naturally and innately dominant than I am - although I certainly would like to!

Does that mean I can't submit?  No.  It simply means that I am comfortable in a dominant position.  I also believe that one can be such in submission. In fact, from my own experience, there is something very rich and satisfying to have a strong, alpha grant me his submission.  For me to desire to submit I need, crave, desire a man who is absolutely dominant to me.

I am open to many different relationship paradigms.  The key word in that statement being relationship.  The connection, the intimacy, the affection, the love, the bond that is deeper and more than just surface pleasure.

I am an introvert.  I have always been an introvert and will always be an introvert.  I found this an thought I would share:

10 Myths About Introverts

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.

This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.

Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.

Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.

On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.

Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.

Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.

Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.

Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.

Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.

A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

Source: http://www.carlkingdom.com/10-myths-about-introvert…

Life begins right over the edge of your comfort zone.

"It’s beautiful when you find someone that is in love with your mind. Someone that wants to undress your conscience and make love to your thoughts. Someone that wants to watch you slowly take down all the walls you’ve built up around your mind and let them inside."

I can't find the source of this quote but as lovely as it is... it's still a shallow representation of one dimensional interest.  Is it truly any better to be in love with someones mind as opposed to their body?  To be in love with their inner self as opposed to their outer self?  Doesn't it take a keen interest in both to have something tangible and real?  Can you not adore someone for who they are, what they are, how they look, how they make you feel, and many various facets that make them all of the above?

I can burn 274 calories for every half hour of sex.
 
3 hours of sex each day would be a great addition to my fitness plan!
 
*laughs*

I honestly think that my personal trainer tried to kill me this week.

Every single muscle in my body is sore.  It's a damned good sore and it feels great to push and then push some more.  Every movement I make reminds me of how hard I have worked this week.  

I just need a massage!

Fuck me
Make me gasp for air

Tease me
Roughly pull my hair

Spank me
To a pretty shade of red

Push me
Face down on the bed

Hold me there
Make me stay

Use Me
Have your way

Take me
Forcefully and hard

Reward me
For letting down my guard

Make me
Cum and scream your name

Fucking me
Should never be tame

I love when I set a goal within a specific time frame and meet it early.

Down 40lbs -  a week early.

I had one of the best performance evaluations in my entire company -  a month early.

It's Friday and I have the day off.

Life is good!

Male Chastity.

I enjoy playing with chastity.  So this is not about hating on male chastity.  I don't enjoy it as a lifestyle because seriously, fuck meat should always be available and ready to be used.  Who wants a cock that isn't at their disposal?  Locked away 24/7 for months and years on end is boring.  Why have a partner if that is the case?  

Let's be honest.  There is nothing about wearing a device that will make a male feel more subserviant.  You are either submissive or you are not.  Wearing a device will not magically make you think of your cock less and of someone else's needs more.  In fact, wearing a chastity device is all about your cock and little else.  

Chastity devices are uncomfortable.  They are bulky and are not light as air - so the continual focus is on your cock and how uncomfortable it is.  Even in the middle of the night when there are nocturnal hard ons that are thwarted, waking you and again, focusing you on your cock.

Back to the heaviness and bulkiness of the device - this leads to continual thoughts of wondering if others can tell that you are wearing it.  Add in a metal lock and the constant clinking sound when you walk and again, the focus is solely on your cock with the side benefit of others possibly being able to tell.

Add in the fact that it makes it impossible to go take a piss in the normal way, so you must sit to relieve yourself.  It isn't common in male bathrooms for men to use the stall instead of the urinal, so again, the focus is on the device and your cock.  Every single time you take a piss.

So to review, walking, standing, sitting, sleeping, pissing.. pretty much every moment of every day you are focused on your cock.  

Also, they are notoriously easy to get out of.  So what's the point?  If I need a device for you to obey me - then I don't need you.

Any questions?

Do I switch...  That's been a question on my mind lately.  While I definitely lean dominant, I have found that I don't want to be constrained by that role or idea.  I'm constantly learning, growing, exploring, and developing in ways that I love - because I think when you stop doing so, you stagnate.  I have always had soft fantasies, thoughts, ideas of exploring more of a switch nature and have acted on them a time or two with men that ultimately didn't inspire the level of trust and intimacy I would need to really explore that potential in depth.  The closest way of describing it is that I bottomed for them but got little enjoyment from it.  With the exception of some fun D/s games in which there was a power struggle, fight for top.  While fun, I haven't really met anyone that I could trust enough to cede authority or control to or anyone willing to take the time for that to develop enough to really explore it.

I've been playing and exploring with co topping and it has brought these thoughts and feelings back to the forefront.  Co topping with a male D and his submissive partner has been very enjoyable.   The more I think on it, the more I think I would be gloriously happy in a D/D relationship in which I could explore more of these itchy, switchy feelings.  When I picture such a relationship, it is not having a partner that submits to me - but who co tops with me and/or enjoys me topping others whether they actively participate or not and likewise who I can enjoy co topping with and/or him topping others - with a strong core relationship between us.  Ultimately where I could possibly submit to him but be alpha with all others.

I have a lot of creativity and a very active and sexual imagination.  I feel that I would have a lot to offer to the right D male who is tired of being the only one who brings things to the table and can handle someone with a voracious sexual appetite and aggression to fulfill it but who can also foster and nurture the girl with in who can be vulnerable.

An alpha sub or switch male could work as well, but the dyanmic would then be for me to always be the one in authority.  Which I'm completely comfortable with.

Insatiably hungry for some hours long oral. 

It's not even a fool moon!

Things that I desire from a submissive right out of the gate:

Realistic Expectations.

Rome wasn't built in a day and neither are relationships.  It takes time and a whole lot of effort to build a solid, healthy, loving relationship.  It takes time and a whole lot of effort to learn about one another, to build intimacy, to understand your specific body language and idiosyncrasies, to find what it is that scares and shames you as well as what it is that brings you unadaulterated joy and comfort.  Expecting someone to meet you and immediately intuit these things is unrealistic.  Be willing to take the time to build up to the relationship we both crave.  I understand you are a rope/anal loving/cunt licking/foot worshiping/pain/domestic servent slut and sure, I can think of 50 ways to set a scene with every little thing your pitty pat heart desires - are you willing to do the same for me?  Yes?  Then let's discover each other, date, talk, relax, share, and learn so that we can delve into all of those fun, kinky, freaky aspects when it is comfortable and the anticipation has built.

Courtesy and Consistency.

Courtesy should be a no brainer.  This also includes treating me like a woman, someone special and unique, respecting my individuality and not treating me like a fetish delivery system.  

Consistency is just that.  It's acknowledging that my time is just as important as yours and making the time and effort to be available on a consistant basis. It's not being there for a couple of weeks, disappearing for a few months, sniffing back around (sometimes pretending it's the very first time), being there for a few days, not there for a week, back again.  It is also about giving the same effort in your submission on a consistant basis.  Giving me all you have on the weekend and then coasting through the rest of the week doesn't cut it.  If I can make the effort and have the expectation placed on me to be consistant in my level of dominance then the flip side of the coin is you offering consistency in your commitment, devotion, appreciation, and submission.  That doesn't mean it's all consuming and the actual level of it doesn't matter, consistency does.  I can motivate, inspire, and guide to the level that I ultimately desire as long as I'm offered a consistant framework to contend with.

Honesty and Integrity.

With communication, with intent, and with yourself which allows you to be such with me. 

Medical tape, a chisel tip Sharpie, and binder clips.  The mind boggles.

IMO, the expression of submission is in giving of who you are and not what you have.  It's about what is in your heart, what feeds your soul, what gives you purpose and a feeling of satiation within a relationship.  

I appreciate that some men feel that their only worth and the only thing they have to offer is in their wallet.  Beyond being self sufficiant, I just don't care about money. Sure, it's nice to have and it definitely helps to fund some pretty fun things - but it is not the ultimate expression of what I seek.  Charm, wit, obedience, joy, loyalty, devotion, playfulness, courage of conviction, integrity... it's an endless list, for the most part and made up of a commonality and compatibility of spirit that allows me to look at you and think, "OH!  There you are."  


Likewise, the expression of dominance is not about denying someone what they want, need, or desire.

It's a confusing thing for many men because many have profiles and intro's full of all of their fantastical wants, needs, and desires.  They put it out there thinking that a female will be excited about it because they have spent so very long thinking, hoping, desiring, these things to the point that they have very specific desires and fantasies, these things that they absolutely must have to "feel" submissive or to "feel" as if they have been dominated. They don't realize that they have made their entreaty all about them, their penis, their desires and many women will simply find that off putting. The very nature of the dynamic they seek is obscured by their very specific mindset making it impossible to acheive.

So then there is other other extreme of those that will do anything for you, they have no desires beyond pleasing.  They just want to see you smile, just want to make you happy, your happiness is their happiness.  They have no will beyond yours, no desires beyond yours, no hopes, no dreams... really, they have nothing to offer and yet they think they are offering everything.  No relationship can survive if it is not mutually benifical.  Denying that one has an ego is steeped in fantasy, not acheivable, and unrealistic.  So again the very dynamic sought becomes obscured by a very specific mindset making it impossible to acheive.

All relationships require a balance and compatibility.  In that, both people get their needs met.  In D/s that relationship can be symbiotic if and only if the compatibilities go beyond kink and reach to every aspect.  

Most D women want to know what you have to offer outside of kink.  We already know and are accutely aware of what male subs want, need, desire, and crave in the general sense.  So tell me what you offer in a very real world, relationship sense.  When I see that, when I resonate with it then and only then am I going to desire to make sure all of your needs, wants, and desires are met.

If you are worthless, unworthy, beneath me, inferior, insubstantial, a worm, et al, then I am not for you.

To exchange power, you have to have power to exchange.

To willfully, consciously, and purposely give your submission to another - beautiful.

First 5 weeks of personal training in and down 10 lbs.  Not a bad start. 

5 more weeks to go! 

I have a roll of hot pink Coban and an itch to use it.

Going to the Halloween costume party at Diamonds on Saturday night.  I've had a few offers for a companion for the night but I'm looking for someone to go and wear just a towel for the night as their costume.  Haha, shy boys.  Any takers?

Polyamory, swinging, cuckolding, polyfuckery, open relationships, et. al.

These things do not appeal to me.  

I am inherently a monogamous person. I define that to be emotionally and romantically.  I do best when I have one person that I can concentrate all of my romantic love and emotional needs with.  

However, in terms of sexuality, I am non monogamous.  That is more difficult to define outside of a relationship because much of how that plays out depends on the relationship.  

For instance, if my partner hates the idea of cuckolding then odds are it's going to appeal to me. If he desires it, craves it, wants it - then I don't.  Hello!  Emotional sadist.

It's not open because you don't get to fuck who you want, when you want.  You fuck who I want, when I want.  And yes, I fuck who I want, when I want, how I want, in as many ways as I want.  

Swinging isn't for me.  It's fraught with things that I find untenable. I'm using that word intentionally and yes, you would have to know me to understand why I would use it.

Poly anything is akin to swinging, to me.  For many it works wonderfully (although, I've only seen it work well once).  I'm not interested because, again, I desire one solid core that is unshakable that I can trust in.

Casual is hollow without the primary relationship in place.  So it, as well, doesn't appeal.

That is not to say that I can't or won't feel affection for someone outside of my primary relationship.  To even consider someone outside of my primary relationship I need to feel something, some connection that appeals to me.  

This also means that at times, all others fall to the wayside if I feel my primary relationship needs work or has been neglected.  

Having said all that - I could be completely content and happy in a completely monogamous relationship.

I need a massage.  Stat!

Random thoughts while the sneaky personal trainer tried to kill me today:

I'm a fairly solitary person.  I very much enjoy my company and am not a naturally social person.  While I am quite capable of navigating social venues and duties with charm and grace, I am happiest by myself, in a small group, or with one other person.

In that, I'm very content to be single. I enjoy companionship but can honestly say that I don't have a deep, burning desire to be paired.  I don't have an overwhelming feeling of lonliness that I hear and see other people espouse as a natural state of being single.  My life as well as my personality are difficult.  Adding another person into the mix for long periods of time often causes stress and irritation. I've been fortunate in my life to have had two long term relationships in which the other person was a complement to my life and personality.  Who added so much joy, comfort, love, and peace that the stress and irritation of being part of a couple was midigated.

Having said that, there are times when I meet someone or imagine an ideal someone and there is an elusive feeling attached to it.  It is lonliness.  My life is nice, I don't want for much, and I don't need much so I don't give much thought to living any other way and then inexplicably that elusive sensation takes ahold and suddenly I am lonely.  It's a strange feeling in which I feel both deprived and angry.  Deprived because I wish to have that person (real or imagined) and angry because their absence is almost unbearable misery.

I know that if I am very, very lucky that I'll meet the person who again is a complement to my life and personality.  Who will crave what it is that I offer and adore the who that I am.  If I am extremely lucky, I'll meet the person who I feel the same way about.

However, I do very much enjoy my life as is.  So I can take an occasional stab of lonliness and see it for what it is without bleeding.  Human.

My birthday is the 26th.  As an early birthday gift to myself I signed up for 10 weeks with a personal trainer.  Should be fun!

Dominant women (all women, really) have many different facets to their personality.  This is important to truly understand if you want to have a relationship with one.

While the facets can be endless and learning them all could take a lifetime, there is usually a top 5 in the mix that will be the most important.

For Me:
1.  The ultra conservative vanilla woman.
2.  The curious, silly, giggling girl.
3.  The mother and head of household.
4.  The mad scientist.
5.  The hedonistic sexual explorer.

To engage in any relationship, all of those facets have to be embraced and appreciated by a potential friend or partner.  All of them.  Not just one or two, not even a majority, but all.

I would enjoy hearing your top 5.

It's my CM one year anniversary.

I've had some really positive and wonderful experiences, thanks to CM, in the last year.  I've met some wonderful, lovely men.  Most of whom were not compatible for one reason or many but that certainly doesn't take away from how great they are. 

 Let's see, my conclusions thus far:

-Anyone who has contacted me from the UK, New York, Florida, or California are either fake or flakey.  Chicago might go in that mix as well.  Pass.  Weird, really.

-Very, very few sub males are on CM from Indiana.  Think I've met most of them at this point.  :D

-There are many more men with a submission fetish than there are men who are actually submissive.  Not really a huge surprise but a learning curve, for sure.

-I like things that go 'thwap' and 'thud' much more than I care about the sting.

-Pantyhose and panties still make for great bondage and gagging in a pinch.

-If there were a filter for pro, fin, sissy, trans, and married - CM would be a much happier place for all.

-Not enough people utilize the forum.  It's an interesting place.

-I don't really need a gaggle of toys as I have a hella imagination with a ridiculous amount of creativity and can see the potential for a scene by just scoping out what is in a room.

-If I want a date for the weekend, I just log into OKC and will have one within a few minutes.  On CM, a meet will likely take forever and a day to arrange and then it will be a crap shoot if the person actually shows up.  However, browsing CM makes me much more horny than browsing OKC.  Thank fuck that there is very few heterosexual, vanilla men who when asked, "hey, wanna do something kinky?" will actually say no.

-As I didn't really have any expectations of CM, I have no disappointment.  I'm actually quite pleased with the people I have met and look forward to the ones I do in the next year.  The hope being that I meet that person that is so fantastic that it allows me to never log in here again!

-Play parties, kink clubs, and kink events are really fun to go to.  I periodically post when and where I'll be.  You should come.  Yes, you, the person reading this. 

There is a plethora of information available about me and what I seek in my journal entries.  For instance:
   
I adore men.  I love cock.  I crave sex.  Combine the three and it's a delicious trifecta of sensation.  In that, I am not interested in men who feel their cock is unworthy to be in my presence.  I am not, at this time, seeking women.  So no men who cross dress, desire forced femme, or are TS.  This doesn't mean I won't put your ass in a pair of panties if it makes you squirm.  
   
I'm perverse, if you desire it - then I will want to deny it.  Mostly, I have no interest in being an accessory to your desire.  That, to me, is not submission.  Do I care about your desires?  Of course!  Will you dictate to me how I will enforce and ensure your desires?  No.  
   
I'm fun, creative, playful, sensual, flirtatious, cruel, exhibitionistic and love to tease.  I love being a woman.  Who I am is drawn from being female.  I embrace it and I own it.  I will dom you in bare feet just as well as I will in heels, and more often.   
   
I'm not interested in your money.  I'm interested in your time.  your presence.  your willingness to submit.  your honor.  your devotion.  your integrity.  your adoration.  your courage of conviction.  I want to own your body, but more than that I also want to delve deep into your mind and fuck you from the inside out.    
   
I appreciate and applaud subtly.  No matter where we are, no matter what we are doing you can still be someone I am proud to have at my back, my side, my feet.  As I will always be someone you can be proud to introduce to your friends, family, co workers.  What we do in private, between us will remain private and between us.  To the outside world looking in, I desire someone who others are envious of for their obvious devotion to me but would never guess that when the doors are closed, wicked wicked things are happening.   This excludes play parties, kink events, and kink clubs - which are all public and in which I will expect a certain behavior and protocol.
   
I adore wit and humor, a keen mind and man who is open and engaging as well as exuberant and excited.  I am not interested in a doormat but neither am I interested in a brat.  Clear, concise communication.  Correcting misunderstanding and moving forward in a positive manner.  I will not yell and scream.  If I can't get your attention with a civil tongue, then I don't want it.  I will not yell vile things to humiliate you.  Whisper them in your ear while you are bound either physically or mentally?   Likely.  
  

One last note - do NOT ask me more than once about yahoo.  This is the quickest way for me to lose any potential interest I may have.  When I want to progress to a messenger I will let you know.  Capture my interest, be engaging, and respect my wishes on this.  Plus, I hate chatting.  A lot.  I treat it like a text message and respond to it similarly, when I feel like it and often with little substance.  If you truly want to get to know me, if you truly want me to get to know you then do it in the manner in which I find comfortable and acceptable.

I just did a search for male submissives in Indiana between the ages of 30-60.  I didn't get through the first page before it dropped off to people who haven't logged in to CM for over a year, the second page was full of people who haven't logged on in over 2 years.

This really is the dead zone for male s types.

*sigh*

"To give real service you must add something that cannot be bought or measured with money, and that is sincerity and integrity."

Thoughts on control:

♫Day after day, I will walk and I will play
But the day after today, I will stop and I will start♫

One of the things that I would enjoy of those that contact me to contemplate is what drives their submission.

In My mind there are a plethora of reasons and/or mindsets that go into individual submission and they tend to be on a spectrum.  On one end there is activity driven and the other there is authority driven. 

Activity driven is more about the kink/sex/fetish.  It is wanting specific desires met in specific ways.  This can be scene specific and is often a short term and casual, even if on going, relationship.  The D/s aspect stops when the activity stops.

Authority driven is more about giving up control and authority to another.  It has little  to do with kink/sex/fetish, more with negotiated and consensual power exchange.  This is typically a more serious, full time type of relationship that often means handing of the reigns of control for your life to another.  The D/s aspect is always on and only stops when the relationship ends.

Now, these are not mutually exclusive and are often paired.  Neither is more valid than the other, and most (like with any spectrum) fall somewhere in the middle or take a little from both sides and find what fits best.

The trick to finding what you want is being self actualized and honest enough to know where you fit, what drives you, what you can offer, and then finding someone who is on the flip side of that coin.

I am not activity driven.  While I very much enjoy many of the more fetish, kink, and sexual aspects of D/s - it is not what will interest Me in another for a relationship.  Approaching Me with all the wild and crazy things you want to try and/or will do will leave Me uninterested.  Being unaware enough that you honestly believe wanting specific things done to you qualifies as submissive will likely either result in Me ignoring you are bring out the full on snark.  Being a bottom is a wonderful thing and I'm often open to topping in situations in which someone can offer me something I am interested in and they have been honest about what they seek in a way that I find acceptable - which means approach me like a person and not a fetish delivery bitch.

I am authority driven.  This includes all the boring, mundane aspects of day to day life.  If that doesn't flip your switch, then I'm likely not for you.

Old or young, stereotypes suck.  Although, I find it more with older gentlemen.  Why is this?  One would think (hope?)  that those with more life experience would be more self actualized and realistic.

Hardwood Haven this weekend.  Who's in?

I will assume you are serious and genuine until such a time that you may prove otherwise.

Men who are sincere, show it.  They make themselves available, they contact often, and they are eager to meet.  They will do everything in their power to get to know you and likewise, be available to be known.  The D/s dynamic doesn't change the basic structure of adult interactions between interested parties.

When I'm not contacted often and when those who claim to be interested fail to show it; I don't become angry.  It doesn't effect me one way or the other.  I simply do not take them seriously.  I lose interest quickly.

Consistency is key to establishing and ascertaining interest.

If several days go by and I haven't heard from you, then you drop off my radar.  Even if you come back and we talk every day for a week.  You have already proven to be unreliable and not worth the investment.

The man I seek is worth the investment.  We both know it.  He shows it in his actions and interactions with me.  I don't have to ask him to make himself available nor will I need to set up specific parameters for communication.  He is eager and willing to prove that he is sincere by making himself available and desiring communication, time, and effort from Me.

If this is too much for you - then I am not the right match for you and it would be best to scamper off in another direction.

Thinking very hard about going to Layden for the New Years party tonight.  Anyone else going?

Happy Thanksgiving!!  I will be at Kink at the Klub this coming Friday.  Come and join the fun and meet me.

I will be at Kink at the Klub, at Klub Layden tonight.  Stop by and say hi!

A few frequently asked questions:

What are you looking for in a sub/slave?

This question really depends on the personal dynamic that comes about when interacting.

Very generally, I would say it resembles level 7 of the 9 levels of submission written by Diane Vera.  "7.  PART-TIME CONSENSUAL-BUT REAL SLAVE. Has an ongoing commitment to an owner/slave relationship and regards oneself as the dominant's property at all times. Wants to obey and please dom(me) in all aspects of life-practical/non erotic and fun/erotic. Devotes most of time to other commitments (e.g. job) but Dom(me) has first pick of the slave's free time."   That's pretty much it in a nutshell.

Do you consider yourself to be sexually dominant (ie only in the bedroom) or dominant in all aspects of life?

I have a dominant personality.  I frequently find myself in leadership positions,  I am the matriarch of my family (older and younger) and have been since I was a teenager.  I'm practical, pragmatic, realistic, cautious, and handle my responsibilities.  This isn't a bedroom fantasy for me.  I'm not looking to play at being a Mistress.  It's not a title that I actually want or feel I deserve.  However, I am happiest when things are my way.  I feel this is a path that I've always been on and am ready to embrace it.  I am also content to go slow and enjoy the journey.

What catches your attention, what keeps your interest?

The messages I enjoy most are simple, respectful, and often humorous.  I like to laugh.  Who doesn't?!  If you are one big walking hard on of a kinkster, then really, what is there to be interested in?  So what catches my attention is someone who presents themselves as well rounded.  A genuine, real person inside and (more importantly) outside of the kink.  What keeps my interest is someone who presents themselves in way that shows they actually want to get to know me, not just my kinks and not just what I might be able to do for them.   What the sub needs, what the sub wants, what the sub desires.. I get inundated with messages like that.  Men telling me exactly how I can top them, be their Mistress, in essence, serve them.  That's of no interest to me.  Those that I am keen on are those that want to know what I need, what I want, what I desire - those are the ones I'm going to pay attention to. 

How much experience do you have?

I am a novice to the lifestyle.  Many of the protocols, rituals, and physical aspects are new to me.  I am not a novice to the mindset.  So lifestyle experience:  zip, zilch, nada.  Life experience:  On going.  I've been bossing boys around and tying them up for a long, long time.  However, I'm new to learning bondage aspects.  I would say my experience lies more in the mental aspects, and really, that's where I get my buzz.  Seducing, demanding, conjoling men to do things just right outside their comfort zone.  Sometimes sexual, sometimes not.  The mind fuck is delicious to me.  My first experience with a mind fuck happened when I was 16.  I was upset with my b/f at the time and used one of his fears against him when I was 'getting him back'.  Not very mature, but it made every single molecule in my body sing.  It simultaneously broke down every bit of trust between us and then built it up beyond where it had been.  Thus far, this has been with men who were vanilla although likely with a submissive bent.  They certainly wouldn't think so, nor did I at the time.  Now I look back and wonder... as well as get a giggle at the thought that some of the boys I dated way back when might now preface a conversation of their interest with, "well, like most, I dated this girl who liked to do mean things to me and my cock..."

How can I get to know you if you don't want to chat on yahoo?

I am great in messages and in person.  It is my firm belief that you can't actually get to know someone through chatting.  Sure, you can share some witty banter and clever remarks.  I add people to yahoo when/if we have shared enough messages that I feel there is some commonality and compatibility.  When I want to add someone, I let them know and odds are, I will likely never meet them because of distance or some other reason but I enjoy talking to them occasionally.  Asking me more than once just indicates to me that you have an agenda that has nothing to do with me.   I see no point in adding a bunch of random people that I may only chat to once.  I like my list neat and tidy.  However, I am capricious and sometimes I just add people for the hell of it.  I, likewise, delete people regularly for the hell of it.  Typically if I haven't chatted with someone for more than a week...poof.  Same with phone numbers. 

My first week on CM and the discoveries I've made.

I'm not a typical Mistress. 

I adore men.  I love cock.  I crave sex.  Combine the three and it's a delicious trifecta of sensation.  In that, I am not interested in men who feel their cock is unworthy to be in my presence.  I am not, at this time, seeking women.  So no men who cross dress, desire forced femme, or are TS.  This doesn't mean I won't put your ass in a pair of panties if it makes you squirm.

I'm perverse, if you desire it - then I will want to deny it.  Mostly, I have no interest in being an accessory to your desire.  That, to me, is not submission.  Do I care about your desires?  Of course!  Will you dictate to me how I will enforce and ensure your desires?  No.

I'm fun, creative, playful, sensual, flirtatious, cruel, exhibitionistic and love to tease.  I love being a woman.  Who I am is drawn from being female.  I embrace it and I own it.  I will dom you in bare feet just as well as I will in heels, and more often. 

I'm not interested in your money.  I'm interested in your time.  your presence.  your willingness to submit.  your honor.  your devotion.  your integrity.  your adoration.  your courage of conviction.  I want to own your body, but I was want to delve deep into your mind and fuck you from the inside out.  

I appreciate and applaud subtly.  No matter where we are, no matter what we are doing you can still be someone I am proud to have at my back, my side, my feet.  As I will always be someone you can be proud to introduce to your friends, family, co workers.  What we do in private, between us will remain private and between us.  To the outside world looking in, I desire someone who others are envious of for their obvious devotion to me but would never guess that when the doors are closed, wicked wicked things are happening.

I adore wit and humor, a keen mind and man who is open and engaging.  I am not interested in a doormat but neither am I interested in a brat.  Clear, concise communication.  Correcting misunderstanding and moving forward in a positive manner.  I will not yell and scream.  If I can't get your attention with a civil tongue, then I don't want it.  I will not yell vile things to humiliate you.  Whisper them in your ear while you are bound either physically or mentally?   Likely.

I am human.  I make mistakes.  When I'm not clear, I will apologize. 

These are things that have solidified in my mind.  More to come, I'm sure.

One last note - do NOT ask me more than once about yahoo.  This is the quickest way for me to lose any potential interest I may have.  When I want to progress to a messenger I will let you know.  Capture my interest, be engaging, and respect my wishes on this.  Plus, I hate chatting.  A lot.  I treat it like a text message and respond to it similarly, when I feel like it and often with little substance.  If you truly want to get to know me, if you truly want me to get to know you then do it in the manner in which I find comfortable and acceptable.