muhly22222

I was recently given a few more tips on personal safety.  While these tips might seem, at first blush, to be more geared towards those who engage in more "extreme" forms of play, they're probably good advice for everybody.

The first tip, and one that makes a lot of sense, no matter what role you're in or what you do, or even if you're BDSM- or vanilla-oriented is to have a good working knowledge of field medicine.  Being able to cauterize, stitch up a wound, or set a bone could easily save your life, or someone else's life.

Second, practice breathing exercises.  According to this woman, there is a way to set your jaw so that even in the midst of hanging or strangulation, you can still get enough oxygen to your brain to survive.  I don't know anything about that, but she's said that she's used it to save her life, and I'm inclined to believe her.

Third, know how to break a hold.  The most basic way, what you're taught at beginner's self-defense classes, is that if they're holding your arm, jerk it in the direction of the joint between their thumb and their other fingers.  This is a weak point, and will give you the best chance to get away.  Outside of that, there are other methods of breaking holds, and those involve dislocating limbs or breaking bones.  Those might be taught in advanced self-defense classes, and maybe some martial arts (I know I learned a way to break a hold, while also breaking the holder's wrist, from an expert in Brazilian Jujitsu; and no, I am not a martial artist, there's a weird story behind that).

Fourth, it's good to be able to get out of restraints.  Whether it's being able to find the weak link in a chain and snapping it, or picking a lock, or having a Houdini-esque ability to untie yourself, having the ability to get out could save your life in the future.

However, as this woman says, these skills may not come in handy a whole lot unless you are "stupid enough to keep putting yourself in situations that should be avoided."  Be careful, and hopefully none of the above tips will be needed.

Second, this woman says that being an attractive, young, homeless female also makes it quite helpful to know about the skills above.  It's difficult to be placed in that situation, but survival is key.  She did, however, have an interesting tip for those of you who might be intermittently in that situation: right before you end up on the streets, gain a lot of weight and cut your hair, so that you can pass for a chubby boy.  You're less likely to get raped as much that way, and you're less of a target for pimps.

Given recent events, I wanted to pass along a few more tips I hadn't thought of before.

If you're going to go live with somebody, no matter how much you trust them and like them, things can change.  Always have a plan for getting out if a situation turns abusive, and be ready to act on it.

An excellent tip that was suggested to me after "publishing" this was the importance of domestic violence shelters.  There are local shelters for victims of domestic abuse in many communities.  Have the number for your local domestic violence shelter, or a way of getting the number.  These places are open 24/7, so anytime you need to get out, you can go there, no matter when that time comes.  These places can help you out even if you are unable to bring anything with you except the clothes you come in.  If you have children, they are allowed to come to, generally up to age 14.  Bring any form of identification you can get for everybody that you're bringing with you.  Birth certificates, social security cards, drivers' licenses, state-issued IDs...anything.  Additionally, there is a National Domestic Violence Hotline that can provide help.  The number is 1-800-799-SAFE(7233), and the website is http://www.thehotline.org/.

Make sure you have enough money saved up before moving so that you could get back to wherever you call home without requiring assistance.  For some, that might be $20, for others, it might be $500 or more, but make sure you can get out and go to a safe place.

In an abusive relationship, trying to leave is the most dangerous time in that relationship.  You might be raped, you might be savagely beaten, and your life could be in severe jeopardy.  Never underestimate the danger you could be in.  It doesn't matter if your partner hasn't been physically violent in the past, it isn't uncommon for people to change in that situation.  It's always better to be safe than sorry.  Do whatever it is you have to do to get out, once you've made the decision to leave.  Leave during the day, drug your partner, anything.  Just get out, and don't let him know where you're going or where you went.

Anybody who insists on your making yourself completely vulnerable to him/her in this way isn't worth your time.  Stay away from them.

I have another story here to drive the point about safety I?ve been trying to make home.  I?ve been talking to somebody for a while now.  I knew pretty much from the beginning that she had sustained serious injuries, but I hadn?t known what they were until just recently.  After she told me about them, I asked her for permission to post them in my journal, and she consented.  It turns out that there were 3 separate incidents; I?ll take them in chronological order.

The first one was her rape.  She had been seeing a dom.  When she left him, he felt the need to get back at her, and did so by grabbing her with four of his friends, taking turns raping her.  They blindfolded her, tied her up, beat her.  None of them have been caught or brought to justice, because she was (and still is) afraid that he would hurt her and people she knows, so she promised not to report it.

The second incident was a beating that led to a miscarriage.  She was seeing another guy, who was a dom, but they weren?t in a D/s relationship.  This guy had sex with her, and got her pregnant.  She told him about it when she was 3 months pregnant, and instead of reacting like most prospective parents would (or at least should), he got angry.  So he had one of his friends hold her while another one of his friends beat her stomach.  A couple days later, she miscarried.    Then, 2 years later, she ran into him again, and he drugged her and had sex with her, then just left her there.

The third incident was another beating.  This was perpetrated at the hands of yet another dom.  She served him dinner about 15 minutes late, so he tied her to a pole in the front yard, and let just anybody look at her, touch her, mess with her.  Then he picked a few of those people, took them (and her) downstairs, and proceeded to allow them to hit her with bats and chairs.  She ended up in the hospital with broken ribs, a fractured foot, a torn anus, a torn vagina, and a ton of contusions and lacerations.

I hope anybody out there reading this feels one of several emotions.  I hope all of you feel revolted, disgusted, and maybe even a little bit angry.  And I hope that any subs realize exactly what dangers they can be stepping into, and move carefully and slowly.  Please.  I don?t want to hear any more stories about things like this happening to people.  I?m not going to stop listening, I just don?t want people to get into situations like this.

This girl is sweet and beautiful, and I know she didn?t deserve anything like what she got.  Nobody else does, either.  Don?t read this as an indictment of BDSM, it?s not.  It?s an indictment of those who use BDSM as a cover for abuse.  There is no reason to rape somebody because they left you, to beat somebody with the goal of forcing them to miscarry, or to beat somebody that they suffer such severe injuries.  That doesn?t make you a dom, that makes you an asshole.

I've come to realize (not recently or anything, I'm not naive at all) that the male gender, by and large, allows its big head to be driven by its little head.  I'm surprised that any female is interested in a guy like that, but then again, I'm not.  The women on here are always complaining about overbearing, pushy "doms," and I'm sure they're right. That being said, I have some advice for women that might cut down on that. Doms can read this and figure out what they shouldn't do, too.

1. Don't talk to any "dom" that demands that you call him "Sir" or "Master" or any other variation. You're a human being, and until you choose to submit to someone, you don't owe him/her anything, including a title.

2.  Cut this "under consideration" crap. Either the dom is willing to commit to you or not. If he's not going to offer you his collar, you're in the "dating" stage.

3. Any dom that shows more interest in your sex bit than in your mind is not worth your time. If you truly submit to somebody, you're going to be spending a whole lot of time with him/her. If you can't converse like human beings, what are you going to do? The human body can only take so much abuse at a time.

Just so you know, although I can be hypocritical at times, I have no intention of doing any of these three things.  My first question will probably be "What attracts you to this lifestyle?" I ask that for very good reasons, and if you want to know what they are, you'll have to ask.  Then, I usually ask about things you like. Not whips, chains, belts, cages, etc., but movies, books, free time activities, and other things of that nature.  If you call me "Sir," I will ask you to drop it.  And when I'm ready to make a commitment, I'll talk to you and see where you stand on that issue.  I will never ask you to put yourself "under consideration."  I'm considering you from the moment I begin talking to you, but I don't expect you to obey me right away.