MsBitch36

What do you do when you lost most of everything????

I need some new ideas as to what to write about anyone have any suggestions??????

Good morning all I hope everyone is enjoying there cold weekend so far .I know I'm not I am in need of something whip, hand, belt anything at all to keep me warm are there any volunteers out there.  And imaginations are greatly appriciated and welcomed.

Yes my ass still hurts but the marks still look lovely so I have been told alot today.  I am yearning for round two three and four.  Hopefully soon I will be lucky enough to get more

Well I hope all will enjoy my new pic I put up they are fresh brusies that I recieved last night from 47 whacks.  A studed belt was used as well I have to give myself credit I did not shed one single tear.  Where I would have at the beginning of this I am not going to lie and say it didn't hurt but it hurt like hell half way through I started shakeing but did not cry.  There were three breaks in between of the lashings.  I am looking forward to more as well.

Wow three months have come and gone since I wrote in my journal.  I didn't know how long it has been well still trying to win the fight of the weight lost I lost and gained some back.  But I have a good thing going where I try to get to the gym at least twice a day everyday for an hour at a time.  Well I seen my Sir last night or early morning you could say.  It was good seeing him even if it was for a short while. I will hopefully be seeing him in a few weeks give or take.  But I will see him when I do which means me writting everyday in my journal no mercy there from him. But what Sir saids sub does in a few weeks it will be going on a yr since I have met Sir.  Somethings have changed and there are still more things that need to be changed and worked and tweeked on.  I cleaned his apartment last night which was good he said I did a good job this morning as long as my Sir is satisfied that is all that matters. 

UPDATE: Checked my weight and I have lost 4lbs

What does a person do when it comes to something that they want is unattainble. Do you pursue it or let it pass.  In hopes that one day it will become attainable and afterwards how can you be sure it is what you want.  I know what it is I want and desire it hurts that no one can see that.  Espically the one that this is about who hardly comes on anymore,  You know them so well what there capable of you get  wrapped up in it.  Life becomes so unbearable if that person is not there.  And you know they are no matter what when your  with them everything falls into place and things make since.  How do you stop yourself from wanting to tell them what you want fight back every being in your body to tell them to stop and wake up.  See what is in front of you, of course I can not tell this person this because they probably already  know.  So I sit and wait and hope that things turn out for the best maybe they will just something I need and want.  And to those who read this you know who you are this is not about you.  These are my thoughts that no one can ever put a lid on this is what I feel right now and this is how I vent and ponder.  So those who read and have negitive things to say keep them to yourself I do not want to hear them.  But positive feedback is always welcomed.

Long time no entry well this is just for me and whoever wants to read it.  I have started the journey to loose weight again.  But right now I am in the right frame of mind I have lost 3lbs so far not that much for some.  And I do have the journal so I might as well use it to track my progress.  So those who read this and want to send me signs of encouragement  it will be welcomed those of you who just want to put me down do not waste your time or mine.

Listen Up All Here Is A List Of My Boundries and Limits No Negotation's

Limts: Blood, Medical, Scat, Water Sports, Sharing(On no occasions), Needles, Animals,Children,Anal Fisting,Clothes Pins on my pussy,No Forced Bi, Medical Clamps,Branding (courious but won't do it) Public Humilation or anything that deals with me being in public undressed, Orders coming from more the one dom at a time, I will not be present when other subs are around unlesss it is a learning tool you are using,At least a shirt on when around other Doms or Dommes. Eye Contact Restrictions, Serving others until I am ready.

Boundries

Nothing that deals with my family or friends will be said,  Any name calling that deals with my weight is not allowed, I am a person not a doormat,  I will not involve my family in anything that deals with me serving a Dom. Do not demean me or anyone else the quickest way to loose me is to lie and hide things it may not be a boundrie but it is to me I am sub but I also command respect and dignity.

 Just some helpful info not sure if this would fit under limits or boundries but here it is

I am a woman I like to look nice most of the time I should not have to ask permission on if I can wear make up get my nails done what to wear how to wear it how short of course the shorter and tighter the better.  I am going to be taking classes in the fall as well as some personal rearranging which I hope will drop me down 88lbs by the end of next yr I have goals and dreams.

If you can respect this there will be no problems in case anyone was courious of why I wrote this is my journal over my profile is simple more people read journals over profiles.

And that and I wanted to be a bitch and make some of you actually read I know some who will read and give me there imput in more then one way but here it is like it don't like but you got to respect I have a voice

Trying to figure out what to type today I still feel happy and calm my mind feels a kind of peace.  The voices that use to rule my mind have subsided and I have a new outlook on things it feels good and I am still learning to let things go I just wish some people would just let me be me.  some present company are excluded in that and they know who they are. 

well I feel incrediably happy today for the first time in a long time and hopefully there are more days like this coming.

I don't know what to write actually been going through somethings I know I said I was going to take my profile down but I haven't this is the only way I can keep in contact with the few friends I have on here.  Below is some lyrics to a song that I listened to and it made me think so hopefully whoever reads this will understand the lyrics.

Footprints In The Sand

You walked with me

Footprints in the sand

And helped me understand

Where I'm going

You walked with me

When I was all alone

With so much unknown

Along the way

I heard you say

I promise you

I'm always there

When your heart is filled with sorrow

And despair

And I'll carry you

When you need a friend

You'll find my footprints in the sand

I see my life

Flash across the sky

So many times have I

Benn so affraid

And just when I

Thought I lost my way

You gave me strength to carry on

That's when I heard you say

I promise you

I'm always there

When you heart is filled with sorrow and despair

And I'll carry you

When you need a friend

You'll find my footprints in the sand

Sleep still seems to be an enemy of mine most of the week when you sleep you dream I am not sure what they are about or do care to know what they are about.  Seems like I run in circles with them alot of the time never knowing what is to come sums up most of my life if you expect something you may never get it.  I still feel at times that my life is not my own but I am living it so make the most out of it. 

How do you get over something so simple and complex at the same time to breath when you forget at times who you are and it feels like your a shell of a person.  I use to know what drove me to do some of the things I have done in my life but right now I am not sure.  I don't know if it is because I turned another yr older and I am contemplating my life or because of circumstances beyond my control i feel numb most of the time where I just want to sleep all the time I wake up go about my day sometimes it feels like I am living someone else's life there is this song called I'm still holding out for you but I listen to it and think who am I waiting for.  I have made more mistakes in my life then I care to admit but if it were not for those then I would not be where I am in this screwed up world.  Some call it pathetic and how could I let someone do what they have done to me and for those people they have no idea.  My normalicy or what i consider normal may not seem that way to others.  Yes I am rambling I do that alot.

To all collar me friends I have met and chat with I will be taking down my profile in the next few days.  Those who I have spoken with if you would like to still chat please email me and I will give you my email.

It has been a while since I wrote in my journal have not had that much to write about I did see my Sir last week 3 times actually it was interested and painful he attempted to fist me which hurt like hell.  But was enjoyable as well very enjoyable I gave him a sceniro that I want him to do to me and it is something like this I want him to tie my wrist blindfold me duct tape my mouth so I won't scream and whip the shit out of me until I bleed and when he is done either rub icy hot or pour alcohol over my wounds I think it will be interesting as well as painful.

How to answer a question directly when someone ask you something or if they ask what you are thinking I am trying to figure it out I never had to answer this so it is hard no one actually cared what I had to say and I stutter so I can't answer them direct questions or questions in general.  There is usually not that much on my mind most of the times so I give the answer nothing which is not a lie. Or questions I do not have an answer to it has always been easier to say I don't know or I don't have an answer and that is not cutting it anymore I always have a fear or speaking my mind because alot of times I don't control what comes out of my mouth though some will think differently.

What is it with Doms not just on this site but other sites as well who act like a complete jackass I mean really we may be Sub Switches or Slaves but we do have brains some more then others.  My wannabe last Dom is an idiot who knows absolutely  nothing about what he is doing I mean please granted the one I am training with give or take things have come up but still.  The fact I posted on my journal as well as in my profile what makes a good Dom it is a simple question which should get a proper definition I would think.

What makes someone a good Dominate Male if anyone can answer this in 100 words or less please by all means email it to me.

the following is a poem that I came up with

I hate the way you look me in the eyes and see right through me

your piercing eyes can see every part of my soul

my thoughts my wants my needs are right there

I can't escape you make you presence known

even when  you not there pleasure burns from within

longing acceptance willingness is yours for the taking

I have a bad case of writers block this sucks just like me very well although I did see my Sir yesterday and cleaned in just 5 inch heels and a black neck  tie I think he enjoyed it at least I hope he did.  Said that was the first time someone did that at least I was a first at something.

I am sitting here staring at a blank screen trying to figure out what to write there is so much I want to write about and say but I do have a fear of what one might think always have.  But I need to step out from behind them and let people see the real me will they like it who knows but it is time to stop hiding.

I actually wrote something decent today I have not written in yrs feels good to know I still have my creative side back and then some I speak better when my words are written that is more powerful then voice at times.  The words are on the paper there yours and yours only you own them and speak more clearly at times then speech.  Sometimes I get so tired of talking when it feels like no one is listening but I even don't think I can go without speaking I have at times I am in a good mood do not get me wrong just wondering about things in general not necasseraly the sub part of me.  I get to talk to Sir tomorrow yeah lol he encourages me to talk which is good but I sometimes do not know when to shut up but there is a simple fix to that I better stop while I am ahead of myself or give a certain person an idea which I am sure he has thought of.

I have done quit a bit of research today on bdsm thank goodness for the internet lol it left me with some questions as well as answers it is good to have the tools to find things out.  I have been thinking of branding myself this weekend with a cigarette just to see how it would feel when it touches my flesh.  But did not do it I was also contemplating doing it friday when I was with Sir probably should have just to say I did it the more I think about pain be subjected on me the more of a rush I get how it would be so freeing I never would have thought I would want pain so much and the pleasue I get from it.  I think in some way my sense's are becoming more keener and heightened I think alot more then I use to instead of playing the bimbo all the time.  My thought process has changed attitude everything has changed for the better life does start over and it is a fun ride.

Today was a good day I went to my Sir's and cleaned which I will be doing more of on tuesday his place looks great with what he done this week.  I enjoyed cleaning today naked felt so freeing until I got cold I asked him to brand me when the time is right there is nothing I want more then to have him own me.  I was on my best behavior today I hoped it pleased him I am sure it did there is so much I want to expierence from this I want him to put me on video filming how to train a sub properly and then send it to someone who has no freaking idea of what there doing.  He has mentioned putting me up for auction that now intriges me see I found out today that I am more of masochist then I thought I trust him there is that level there I have never felt with anyone else the fact he will not put me in danger and the fact my life is so much better for the most part for knowing him.  There will still be tears shed I am sure even I never should of told him no more tears I should know myself better then that but the tears I do cry from the pain are tears deserved.  I am starting to feel stronger both mentally and physically something I have denied myself on being for a long time.  There is alot more word ahead but I do not intend on going around obsticals I intend whole heartedly jumping over them. My self confidence has improved a great deal more not that I am where I want to be there is nothing I can not accomplish and how far I am willing to go to do it.  I feel like my life is just beginning nothing can hurt me my fear weakens me but not anymore the saying there is nothing to fear but fear it's self in a way that is a true for the most part but conquiring your fears is an even better reward.  I am slowing conquiring mine that is the first step someone can never really expierence life if they have fears I am not saying there weak or anything fear exsist in us all the way we choose to let it disable us veries from person to person.  But once someone can get past what fears them then life does start over.  And the person becomes more indepent then ever before.  Even though my fears come from something that happened along time ago I know is dead I never healed I never allowed myself to and now after all these I am finally doing that I have an outlet that helps with it yes some people wonder why I choose to have someone whip spank what ever my Sir decideds to do to get it out it works everyone one of us rather there into bdsm or not they have there own ways to do this works for me I am comfortable with this the pain at the time the whipping the spankings the clothes pins is only temporary but the marks he leaves are so rewarding when I look at them I see beauty through and through I am proud of my markings they make me stronger people tears pain is temporary the outcome is so much better. 

How does one give up something that they have been use to having for most of there lives I am not talking about a human how does one give up meat and choose to become a vegitarian I am considering this.  Don't ask me why I choose to post this here maybe to get some insights on what people think of it and men keep your minds out of the gutter.

Correction I was suppose to see my Sir today but that did not take place I hope to see him tomorrow

Went to the gym today and I am on such a rush right now I reweighed myself and so far I have lost a total of 20lbs.  Which now means I am going at this full force to get down to 200 by either my birthday which I am not putting her but I will say this I will be 30 in my mind lol or the first part of may which ever comes first.  Change is good and I feel renewed in some way not just because of the weight loss but because I do have a Sir that is terrific when he is not a bleeping asshole but that is him most of the time and I would not change it for anything. 

6 more long gruilling days until I see my Sir technically my week off ended as of today I made him an offer last night that he was I would plesently surprised with.  I am looking so forward to amazing how one can miss the touch of another.  Just in his presence alone can send chills up and down my back and in other places as well this has been a semi strange week for me however it is like the time I spent away makes me want this even more his command hands voice is something I want and like a good little bitch I fully intend on getting what I want.  He did read my journal yesterday I hope he grasp the concept of why I wrote it.  I am sure he did if not I will explain it to him in full detail when I see him next week.  He is a smart man I am positive he knows in a way it did piss me off a little when he said it to me when you say someone is mine and no one else's there has better be a collar or branding attach to it.  And we are not there yet not that I don't want it to be there because I do he want's to break down barriers and boundries then so be it.  I told him I want that collar and would jump through most of anything to obtain that what one saids being a Dom,Domme,Master,Mistress,Sub,Slave.  Be careful what you say because those words or word can come back and bite you in the ass.  See in the beginning long before I met him my opinion was that this was all a game people play but since then that has changed this is a way of life and how one can give control to another it is enlightening but also self gratifying if done properly.  I am on the verge of letting all my walls down and do what is asked of me.  Yes I still have boundries some I do not ever want to cross if he respects which he does he will understand and I will explain those to him in great detail.  His power I bequethed on him over me I did it willingly with hesitation at first I have come to realize I am alot smarter and stronger then most give me credit for.  Like he has been telling me this is my show he is just there to run it and is doing an exceptional job so far.  What I feel is non exsistant and I have come to accept that and choose to move forward but like I said a few sentences ago there are a few boundries I will not permit him to cross I am not trying to sound bitchy when I say that if it comes across that way then so be it. 

I'm in the mood to be tied up and spanked any takers

Mine: 1(adjective) ???:my used before a word beginning with vowel or h or sometimes as a modifier of a preceding noun. 2(pronoun,singular or plurel in construction):that which belongs to me-used with a following noun as a pronoun or equivalent in meaning to the adjective my 3(noun) 1 a:pit or excavation in the earth from which mineral substances are taken b:an ore deposit 2: a subterranean passage under an enemy position 3:an encased explosive that is placed in the ground or in water and set to explode when disturbed 4: a rich source of supply 4(verb) 1 a:to dig under to gain access or cause the collapse of (an enemy position) b:UNDERMINE 2 a:to get (as ore)from earth b: to extract from a source 3 a: to burrow beneathe the surface 4: to place military mine in,on or under 5 a: to dig into for ore or metal b: to process for obtaining a natural constituent c: to seek valuable material in

The reason I typed the definition of the word mine is simple my Sir used it in conversation with me last night his exact words were"your mine not hers" I have it in a text with that in mind in why I chose to type the full definition. 

I decided what my New Yrs resolution is going to be a week after the New Year has already started.  I want to become fearless and more stronger then ever before this year.  I want to know that everything I do has a purpose and meaning I know in order to do that I have to begin to tear myself down at my own pace which is probably the main reason I asked my Sir for a week without him I know he can break me down but I need to do this on my own.  I have come to accept what I can not change and for so long I never accepted that and it has cost me dearly it has cost me time people my life I want my life back I deserve to have it back. I am sick and tired of sitting in a fucking corner while other people tell me who I should be how I should live and conduct my life those days are over I am a Submissive and with every fiber in my body I intend on proving that I needed a shove to realize that now I know what I have to do.  Being strong comes from within and I do have something worth fighting for and that is myself.  Funny how throughout life you continue to grow and learn things I learn something new about myself everyday I know I am more then what people think I am. I am not that scared little girl that was affraid to fight she is gone and I have to accept that and move on I can not live there anymore the only thing on my mind now is who I am and what I have to do to get what it is I want.

Today was very interesting as far as pushing my pain level at least I think so he used clothes pins on my tits and cunt my cunt had a total of 10 and they were yanked off with a rope I felt pain as well as a little pleasure from it.  He as well pulled the clothes pins that he has securly placed on my tits off which made one nipple bleed not to much.  He whipped my back my ass my chest he is getting me to place that I have long since forgotten but I still visit and live sometimes.  I think I did fairly well today he told me yesterday to never look him in the eyes or face again.  Which I find very difficult at times his eyes are so intense that I loose myself for a second but I will do whatever he wants me to do to please him this has helped me overcome some obsticals that I could not have gotten through if it was not for him.  I have become more awear more self assured then I have ever felt.  He has inspired me to try new things both in and out of his command I know I have to rely on myself more now then ever.  It feels like I am getting my life back normal is far from this.  Anyone who comes into his domanice he knows what he is doing.  He is one hell of a Dom and one should consider themselves lucky to find him.  I know I do not want another Dom he is amazing a not shit taker no holds barred Dom his age has nothing to do with how he is it is just a number and with age comes great wisdom and power.  And he has enough of that then people half his age. Sir thank you for what you have made me do and for wanting more of what's to come.

How would I describe today I am not sure I don't really feel anything actually except numb it is wierd in a way usually I am feeling more then this.

Well I didn't see my Sir today but will see him tomorrow I wonder what he has planned for me just that thought alone excites me to know end.  I am getting use to him whipping my back with a rope I think I flinced and told him to stop once.  So that is good for me the sound of rope coming into contact with my skin warms me all these sensations I feel can be overpowering at times but I live for it he knows what he is doing I am a very lucky girl to find a Dom that is as gifted as he is.  I know he is not going to hurt me I have trust in that at least not intentionally but I do have thoughts about him one's that could get me in trouble lol.  But those stay in my head unless I find it necassary to let him know and he does respect that.  I talked to him about things I have not talked about in a long time Saturday night it felt good not having to worry about being judged I am scared about what is going to happen when he does break down all the wall and barriers that I kept up all these yrs.  I know they have to come down there shouldn't be barriers where they are he is caring and something and someone I am needing right now.  I can't predict what is going to happen I just have to let it happen the way it is suppose to  but I do know one thing because of my expierences so far I am becoming a better person for this and I value myself more alot more then I use to he is giving me strength that I did not know I had I knew it was there just choose to lock it away like I do everything else in my life and I need to learn to stop doing that it is not good.  All my life I never felt safe always looking over my shoulders second guessing myself scared alone I do not feel that way anymore.  I feel I found the right one that actually listens so many people put on different faces that you can not tell who is who and he is not like that.  Told me how it was up front and has not changed that I know on my down days which has not really been discussed yet he lets me be myself and makes me laugh and it feels good you need to do that once in a while.   Life is to short not to have a laugh and be goofy which is me part of the time.  And it is good to hear him laugh at times I am sure when he reads this which he does I am sure he will ask me about it.  Until tomorrow 18hrs lol I do count.  Sir I hope you liked what I wrote Sir.

Well I made it through the first day of the yr I went to see my Sir today it was a down day so we got a lot of things cleared up.  I am sitting here trying to figure out what I want to put down to say but I can not figure it out and I love writing my thoughts out on things I got back and read my previous entries up until now and I feel differently about a lot of things.  I am happy and scared at the same time I know I want to continue on working with my Sir this is a new chapter for me in my life I realize I need to stop living in my past it is over and done with no do overs I have come slowly to accepting that of my life.  That song by Katy Perry keeps playing over in my head the name of the song is called firework there is a line in the song that goes "Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road"

 And that is how I feel maybe now I am on the right road or path to finding my acceptance at 36 yrs old I finally found the right road and door a door that is opened to me now it is up to me to take a breath and walk through it.  I do not know what the future holds and neither does he but it is worth a chance to find out.  I have walked or run out on many things in my life and I need to stop and follow through for once in my life I need to see this out.  For me to start over again I have to face my deepest fears and those who care about and are a friend will be there in one form or the other I need to find inner peace and I have that chance it is there in front of me.  All I have to do is take it own it be what I know I can be there is just so much more I have to face and go through before I get there it will take time but I know I need this it is kind of like a drug to me in terms of it makes me better but no little pill is going to take away the problems in someones life.  If that was the case everyone would probably either take it or leave it.  But that is not for me to decide.  This is what works for me how I cope no one thing or a bunch of things is going to do that I have to.  Seldom do I mention the previous Dom I have met on this site but he taught me a lesson or two without knowing he was never take anything at face value and never let you guard down long enough to get hurt.  Well I had to learn the second one on my own and since then it has been up.  But slowly that is chipping away and rather I want to admit this or not it did make me a little stronger and as time goes on I will get stronger and stronger.  As I was talking to my Sir tonight he is at the top of my trust scale and how he manage to get there only he knows I am just thankful he is there I try not to give my trust so freely but he has earned it and values it I am sure.  I am looking very forward to monday funny how things turn out in your life who you meet what kind of expierences someone has everyone is in your life for a reason rather it is a bad thing or good.  Some take the bad road just to see what happens and others take the good sometimes I feel like I am on both paths just walking aimlessly at times wondering what I am doing with my life then I am sure all has felt that at one time or another in there lives.  But we go on we learn accept and deal with what has happened knowing that who we are or what we turned out to be should be good enough fuck what everyone else thinks at the end out the day when you head hits that pillow and you go to sleep at least go to sleep knowing your day was your day and you choose to do with it as you seem fit.

The start of a new year has approched time for new adventures and new doors to open to see what is behind them.  I am looking forward to exploring and finding out more about who I am.  I talked to my Sir yesterday well not talk more like texting so I guess you can consider that talking. But the trust question came into play and he asked me if I don't trust him I do with me trust is something I have a hard time with which I am sure he understands.  It's hard to trust someone when the trust I have given to people in the past turned out bad. I know he is nothing like them but I put up a wall that I would like to think is hard to break.  I have the up most respect for Sir.  I have said this before and I am saying it again there is nothing I can do or say to thank him for what he has done for me and to me so far.  He is the only one I actually do what I am told to do when I am not in his presence which is saying alot.  I keep imagining being tied and having him whipping me over and over and over again.  He is very good at that very firm hand which is something I am in need of. And I found it like he saids it is my show he is just there to run it and in some ways I think because of him I am beginning to have a little sadistic side of me that has probably been hidden that is comming out,  I have given some thoughts to something I would never thought to have done but it has to be discussed monday.  Which is not coming fast enough lol.  But I did make it two weeks so far yay me lol.

Thank goodness it is almost monday I am so looking forward to getting back to my trainning.  It has been a little difficult not having seen my Sir since the 17th but not much longer now.  I have been in contact with him through text which is good I know some of what he has planned for me monday and the thought of it excites me all except on part of it but if it pleases him then I will do it the pain will probably be sheer pleasure for me at first the pain sets in and then I get use to it.  Makes my blood rush the warmth the comes over me I need to stop before I makes myself hot.  It does happen from time to time but I do not react on it like I use to which is strange and rewarding in a way.  Funny thing is I do not get sexually fraustrated as I use to.  I get pleasure from other sources other then sex believe it or not being dominated is how I get off that to me is my sexual release.  Many think that is the biggest thing of being dominated is sex but it's a whole other ball game.  I have my Sir to thank for giving me this outlet and for making me realize I am worth something before I met him I felt worthless always have he made me see that I am worth something.  Thank you Sir

One more week left until I get to see my Sir.  I am patiently counting down the days and hope the snow disappears before then.  I have not been writting like I should have which is no excuse since writting is a way I can put my thoughts down.  I have been thinking about my Sir alot these past few days since I have not seen him it feels like he breathes life into me I need that dominance in order to function to think clearly knowing that I have all these confusing thoughts in my head and I can't get them out well I can but it is very hard to whip one's self in order to get them out.  Amazing the years I have spent in therapy I just needed the right Dom. 

I did not see my Sir yesterday due to the weather and personal issues.  I will not be seeing my Sir until next week I am hoping.  His voice and actions are burned into my mind like he is here without actually being hear.   in the physical aspect.  If that make sense at 6:14 in the morning it probably will not register with some people.  I keep thinking of the back whipping I had recieved on wednesday night and with pain I did feel freedom.  Like with every whack something that was pinned inside anger disquest loathing and fear was set free.  I never in my life would have thought I would get my serinity at the end of a rope whip flogger or crop.  I am starting to realize that I am worth something with in the past two days with Sir alot of walls came down and some boundries were cross if I did not want this then I would have not came back for day two.  And if my Sir did not see something in me he would have let me leave or kicked me out and tell me I am not worth his time.  I know as well as Sir that I did disrespect him wednesday night and yet he still wants to train me.  I know my screen name should be changed I just do not know what to.

Today was my first trainning day with a new dominate new to me I should put it was intense but was a good expierence to say the least.  He broke me took me to a place I have never been to there were times when I could have left but chose to stay.  I am glad I did for the most part I want to continue my journey with this dominate.  I want this for myself his dominance over me in like nothing I have or will ever expierence and I want to see what happens along the way.