MrMoen

A D/s-M/s relationship is NOT an event; it's a process. The kinky sex is NOT the cornerstone of the relationship; it's in ADDITION TO AND PERIPHERAL to the relationship. Realize and recognize that people often have the tendency of NOT stating what is obvious to them, assuming it is obvious to all around them; that is rarely the case. In a productive and thriving D/s-M/s relationship nothing is left to suggestion, innuendo, or assumption; all must be explicitly, forthrightly and openly stated, even if it may create a measure of discomfort.

 

The sole and singular role and responsibility of a Dominant to his submissive is to support her, encourage her, help her to grow, help her to blossom into her most complete fullness and to embolden and empower her. It is not to abuse her, misuse her, denigrate her, demean her, repress her, suppress her, or restrain her. Clearly, fulfill his responsibilities, a Dominant needs to be at peace and in control of himself; a frail, damaged ego precludes any of the above from occurring. A domineering personality is self-centered; the Dominant is submissive-centered. You never have to wonder about the qualities of a Dominant; just talk with his submissive for she reflects the full range of her Dominant's skills and capabilities, desires and wants, strengths and weaknesses. Does her Dominant uplift her, encourage her, infuse her with his strength. If so, then he understands and manifests the ideal of what being a genuine, authentic, and capable Dominant is all about. In short, her first - him second; there's no other way. Sorry to say, so very few in today's lifestyle have an inkling as to what I've just described. A D/s-M/s relationship may APPEAR similar to swinging, but they're not; they don't share the same root stock. Swinging is selfish in its nature; a D/s-M/s relationship is the very OPPOSITE. What partners in a D/s-M/s relationship want, need, and desire is a fusion of mind, body, and spirit. Within the vanilla world such a concept is alien. Within a healthy, vibrant, growing D/s-M/s relationship, such a concept is vital and central to the very existence and survival of that relationship.

 

It's often argued that vanilla relationships exhibit many of the attributes I've described above. Whether a relationship is actually termed, BDSM, or not, is not germane to the argument. It's whether that relationship fits the BDSM model, the BDSM template, that really counts. As Shakespeare is noted for having penned, "a rose by any other name would smell as sweet".

 

The lifestyle mandates candor, honesty, forthrightness, frankness, openness, in short, a unhindered, unencumbered, unfettered, and unrestricted communication. Such a communication exposes all the flaws, weaknesses, strengths, and virtues of each partner. Only a Dominant/submissive who has truly reviewed, assessed, analyzed and evaluated themselves, can fit the bill. Reviewing failed relationships, in and outside of the lifestyle, you'll quickly discover, lack of full communication was the cause and aggravation of the relationship's demise.