MonasticMaster

Whooda thunk... somebody actually reads my journal, and even asks a question.... Inquiring minds want to know - I hope this helps.

> have you heard of sexual alchemy?

Yes. It's not a bad theory - as far as theories go - that the powerful energy of sex that pounds through our veins and flows across the synapses of our neural network can be "sublimated" or "transmuted" or redirected for "other" uses than mere pleasure or procreation. It's actually an ancient idea that the catholic church picked up on during the middle/dark ages and turned into a doctrine of denial and guilt (ie the doctrine of "original sin"). Recently the new-agists rediscovered the idea and their take on it is that the redirection and manipulation of sexual energy, rather than being redirected towards any sort of noble or spirtual use can simply be manipulated to produce more intense sexual experiences.... much the same as how most everyone thinks about (for example) bdsm, that the primary focus of sessions is on the sexual aspect of it. Nothing wrong with any of this as far as I'm concerned - as I observed in other journal entries, if that's what people want out of their relationships (dom/sub or otherwise) then that's what they'll probably get out of it.... if they're lucky. 

My take on the idea of "sexual alchemy"  is that it is an INCOMPLETE idea for the reason that we are more than mere sexual creatures. The energies contained and generated within our bodies cannot be compartmentalized - the energy of sex flows thru the same conduits as does our energy of thought, emotion, and the basic energy of life which sustains and maintains our bodies, our health, our very spirits. Not everybody understands this and many people conduct their relationships  according to the way they compartmentalize themselves - think of it this way : The BEST sex becomes possible when it INVOLVES a component of emotion and intellect and our WHOLE beings. Without "love", respect, and the knowing and participation of another person's "spirit" and whole being, the "sexual chemistry", if any, is nothing more inspired than that which occurs when 2 beasts encounter each other. No doubt you've experienced relationships where they were all & only about physical sex and found them lacking and empty and draining.  And this is my take on so-called "sexual alchemy" - that any idea which has it's primary focus on sexual experience is going to fall short or at best produce lopsided results, and increase our dysfunction and disharmony within ourselves and our lives and relationships as opposed to anything wholistic, edifying, nourishing, or fulfilling. I've discussed this idea before with others who criticized me for being "old fashioned" and so be it - my idea is that our sexual selves, our sexual lives, our sexuality in all it's aspects and nuances is just a PART of our wholistic (ie spiritual) selves - our relationships SHOULD include not just dynamite sexual experiences but should compliment and COMPLETE on us on deeper and more profound and wholistic levels as opposed to some sort of wham-bam thank you maam.

In any event, I am grateful for having been asked such an interesting question, and likewise for the chance to explain myself further.

Notes on Following the path of giving

You already know this much - Giving yourself to another person is a double edged sword.  On the one hand it can be the most beautiful and elevating experience we can hope to have - better than sex, better than chocolate, better than wide screen hi-def, better than anything I could hope to describe with mere words.  The other side of this is that there is grief and despair and heartache associated with it... people WILL allow you to give, and they will take and Take, and TAKE - and hold it against you that YOU didn't give more!  This truth, while poignant, is actually not all that profound because this is just the way it is with our every endeavor - our professional careers, our families, our loved ones, our friends, our "art", etc... E V E R Y thing we do bears the seeds of delight and despair, ecstacy and heartache, the thrill of victory and acheivement, the agony and emptiness of falling short. We can give all of ourselves, our entire lives, to ANY of these endeavors, and no matter how much we give it can never be enough.... neither for those to whom we give, nor for us... We always wish we could have given more.  Such is the stuff of life - of EVERYBODY'S lives, everybody's loves, and everything we do.

Being loved, at it's best, holds second place to GIVING love. As they tell us, it IS better to give than to receive. It's more edifying for one thing. Just because someone doesn't reciprocally love us has never stopped any of US from wanting to give - Those who truly know and value the path of giving are not in it for the reward or "payoff" of being loved back... No parent for example, gives with expectation of being paid back for their loving sacrifice for their family. The expectation of getting taints the whole premise of giving.

But there IS something to be said for the idea that NOT everyone is worthy of our/your giving - of your self, your time, your attention, your love, your great gift. How many times have we been advised to be careful to "not cast our pearls before swine"... for the swine have no understanding of the value of the gift - it's ALL slop to them, and not only will they never benefit from your giving, but you'll also lose your pearls. Thus our common search - to find someone to whom we can give ourselves and feel like it is the right thing to do, that our gifts of love and time and attention and self sacrificing service have not been mis-given, nor mis-taken, wasted, lost.

5/28/10 If only my life were anything like what people imagine it must be - I'd have it made in the shade!

A little background info about me is in order...

Firstly - I can't believe I didn't make this more clear : I'm a SINGLE man. I once had a beautiful, much adored & adoring, devoted woman - We were together 10 yrs to the day when she died (a little over 8yrs ago) from a lifelong illness. I never gave much credence to the idea of soulmate till I met her - I mourned for years, convinced that I would never again find anyone, that I was too old to love again, that no one would want such a "miserable, jaded, cynical, crazy, STUBBORN" old man as I had become!  Because of her illness, men wanted nothing to do with her - she was "damaged goods" in their eyes, good enough to USE as an object, but not good enough to want as a life partner. Because of this, she never had children and thus it was easy for her to "give up everything" to be with me... when a person arrives at a point in their life where they realize that they have nothing, or that what they thought they had was/is all based on lies and illusion, it's nothing for them to surrender it all for the sake of another - in the hopes of finding it for themselves.
  
My own story is extra-ordinary... As a youth I was considered a "child prodigy", I graduated at the top of everything, finished school at an early age, and was completely on my own at the age of 14. When I was out of college I traveled some - trying to find myself and where I fit into the "circus of the hollow" that we call "the rich pageantry of life" in America.  It was during these travels that I had the great good fortune to have met a family of chinese who "adopted" me into their home. The patriarch of this family had no son of his own and I became special in his eyes, and he undertook to offer me beginners level training - an introduction to Tai Chi, martial arts, and the oriental sciences of movement, balance, meditation, and self-mastery. Later, after a couple yrs with this family, I found my way to another group of men who likewise took an interest in me and offered to complete my training... This phase of my life was akin to "living in a monastery" and my life was that of a "monk". There was NEVER any "hanky panky" between us - as people might imagine - and the men were genuinely interested in helping me cultivate my talents, which had always been beyond the grasp of my early teachers in the public schools.  I studied with these men, these "Master-monks", for almost 16yrs when one day they told me that it was time for me to go, that there was nothing more that they could teach me, that it was time for me to go back out and continue my path "in the world", and one day in my turn perhaps I would have students of my own, and so on. It is because of this background, that I chose my online name here, and the "training" I speak about is modeled along the lines of that training I received at the feet of my own "Masters and Teachers" - to whom I shall be forever grateful.  In any event, because of my background and my travels, I never found time to pursue the normal path of marriage & family.

More about my "School for Wayward Girls".... I personally oversee everything associated with "The School". Given my background it would have to be considered that I am uniquely qualified. As I've mentioned, many people consider an interest in bdsm to be trivial in it's application - for fun & games only, as opposed to a genuine method of focusing the mind and taming the wild horse of undisciplined emotion. Many more, as you know, consider it as perversion only, totally without any redeeming purpose or qualities whatever - And that's ok. By the same token it could be said that the endless pursuit of material acquisition is likewise without meaningful purpose, and equally perverse... greed and materialism have wrought more misery and destruction on planet earth than mere sexual perversion ever has.

Meanwhile at the "School" we operate "invisibly" - as if we have "sercet identities" - to the outside observer we are nothing more than a house remodelling company, or as one of my gf's mom said - "some kind of carpenters or something".  We carry on much as anyone does, working, living, "walking the dog" - and nobody else knows anything beyond that, nor do they need or want to.  The heart of the path of service we pursue is based on compassion and protection for the weak and those who cannot otherwise help themselves - we don't do anything we do because we expect accolades or rewards, but because it is the right thing, the compassionate thing, to do _ sometimes this is the only rewar there is, and it's enough!

Readers of this journal have raised the issue of my seeking "free labor", or otherwise exploiting those who may come to me...
I am NOT a "slave-driver", nor do I seek "free help" - I am not cut of such cloth. I'm much more interested in a team or partnership or FAMILY (I'm an orphan) than anything as one-sided as a Master/slave relationship. What this means in "real world" terms is that when we work we get paid - ALL of us. I am not in any of this for myself only, and those who get to know me and my "excellent adventure" will be able to verify this for themselves. Money and material things mean little to me beyond their necessary utility as we DO live in the world, rent has to be paid, and so on.  My grander vision is to buy a farm somewhere out in the country, closer to nature, and our true selves... The idea of a "commune" is not too far off. However such a life is not for everyone - so be it. When that time comes (hopefully within a few yrs), I will take "The School" with me - whether or not anyone wishes to come along is entirely up to them. Of course it would be my hope that someone would value our life together, and my training/teaching, that they would WANT to stay on and take care of me, but as I said before, I have no desire to force anyone to do anything... IF what I have to offer is NOT the best thing for someone, if they think there is greener grass elsewhere, then THAT is where they need to go - either way it is NOT within my providence to tell anyone what they SHOULD do - You either see (for yourself) the value in some life-path or you do not. It is not within my desire or prerogative to have to "sell" anyone on anything. In this context, if someone WANTS to live and work on "the farm" is fine, and if they do not... well that's fine too. Either way, any time spent working in my business as a part of my team will NOT walk away empty - I am above all, a fair minded person and when somebody works for/with me I pay them.

Others have raised the issue that to do the type of work I do requires a special skill set, or knowledge of tools, or special physical abilities, etc.... For the most part this is NOT the case. I have all the tools, skills, and specialized knowledge necessary... and it's all stuff that ANYONE can learn. Consider the idea of being a "carpenters assitant/apprentice" - 90% of what this means is that all I need is an extra set of hands to hold the other end of a board while I bang my thumb with the hammer!  Or better still, an extra set of attentive eyes to warn me when I'm about to bang my thumb. Additionally there are myriad tasks associated with our lives away from any projects we work on - household tasks, errands, miscellaneous chores of every description - obviously. I'm an able bodied man and do most of the "man tasks", while it might make more sense for you to handle more of the "female tasks" - shopping, errands, taking charge of cleanup details, and so on. When we market a house for ex., thought has to given to "landscaping" and making the place "pretty" and eye catching... at which I have little talent, and therefore whoever has the best "eye" or skill set for that aspect of a project, it only makes sense that they "take charge" of that part of it.  I'm NOT a dictator, nor a bully, nor an exploiter... All I could ever ask of anyone is that they give their best, which is the same as it would be fair of them to ask of me : Each according to their talents and abilities.

I want to thank those who have written and brought these important issues to my attention - everyone has a right to know before they commit to ANY partnership, project, session, life path, etc.  I hope this clarifies, and of course any further questions or comments are encouraged.

The process and methodology of bondage sessions is all about our inner ENERGY, and the distribution and flow of those energies within our bodies.... If you have any experience with b&d you already have a sense of this : as the session progresses you find that all of the useless thoughts, desires, and concerns which fill your head non-stop from dawn to dusk, FADE away.  You become less and less concerned with what's on TV, or what there is to eat, or anything else having to do with "the outer world", and become increasingly INNER focused. This is the true objective of eastern meditative exercises : to help the student free themselves from the endless parade of useless and inconsequential desires and feelings, the unceasing flow of inanity that occupies our thoughts, and so on - and help us get back to our true center of who we really are, what we really need, and ultimately WHERE & WHAT we want to become. But don't take my word for it - Look around and see for yourselves: What do all of your friends spend their every waking moment, and every iota of energy thinking about and chasing after? In one form or another it is more, more, more, and me me me - every day all the time.  You already know for yourself that when a person surrenders themselves to another, especially in bondage, that this me-centered thinking quickly becomes useless, and even undesirable... At least in the way it currently manifests.  What I mean by this is that our present "me-centered" thought patterns are USELESS and counter-productive for the simple reason that it is based upon thought patterns and desires that are NOT REAL, that is, not really what we want or need at all, but rather are the products of our fears, our false vanity, and the false values we have been taught all our lives.  My instruction in discipline is designed to strip all this non-sensical thinking away, to help you find out what it is you REALLY need - as a being of spirit - to fulfill your loving heart.  What I refer to as "me-centered" thinking is NOT useless when it becomes based on a persons REAL needs - as opposed to their dysfunctions, fears, etal. 

Thus my concept of a "school" for wayward girls... NOT to enslave your mind, but to free it from the false thinking and false values that currently DO enslave it.  I have no desire to "overpower" or force anyone to do things "MY way" - but to help them understand that there is a BETTER way available to them - a better way to live with themselves (and others), a better way to manage their own inner resources of energy, love, etc.  I will never tell you that your desires or needs are WRONG - that is for you to know for yourself.  All I WILL ask is that you be brave enough to question what IS, and let us find out together what may be. 

To this end there are 2 very relevant points which I will return to again and again - for YOUR benefit...

#1. This is the idea that what I have to offer is clearly NOT FOR EVERYONE. For many, all of this bdsm stuff is only about pleasure/ pain, sex play, and so on. As I've mentioned, my "style" derives from "eastern" philosophies of self-knowledge, self-taming, self-development and actualization.  In this sense I do NOT seek to dominate you in the way this term is usually understood - rather YOU are the operant in the dynamic - YOU must already want and see the need for yourself, rather than have ME (or anyone else) impose it on you.  My role is merely to HELP you do what you already know needs to be done. Again, as it has always been, this approach to life is NOT necessary for everyone - most everyone is content with the "meaning and values of life" as it has been taught to them - the endless pursuit and acquisition of "the finer THINGS", more and more sex, money, and materialism.  That's all ok by me, and I wish them well... but MY way is a different path, as you can perhaps sense.

#2. This 2nd point cannot be overstated - As you can tell from reading the many profiles on this (and other sites), there are some seriously "misguided" or "unbalanced" individuals out there. There is a entire circus of dysfucntion available - including the tent, the clowns, and all the animals one expects to find at a circus. There are abusers, users, and those who get their gratification from misleading and breaking you.  There are vampires - those who will suck you dry and take the spirit from you, etc., etc.  And my point is this - For all you KNOW, I might be one of them!  Perhaps I am as crazy as any of them, as misguided or misinformed. Perhaps all of my talking is nothing more than just talking, and I'm just as deluded as any of them - the so-called "Masters".  This then would bring us to the first point of instruction for YOU - That you will be taught to question and test everything!  KNOW for yourself whether or not what ANY "Master" or Teacher offers you is genuine, or merely their own dysfunction disguised as "the golden apple".  IF the "training" or teaching that anyone offers you is REAL - it WILL stand up to any test and any questioning you have. You've been tricked and lied to all your life - the first step for you is to learn to know the difference between what is REAL and of genuine benefit to you vs what is merely more bullshit dressed in prada.

Make no mistake - you are NOT worthless - your submission, the giving up of your SELF, your devotion, your love, your attention, your TIME, is a gift MOST precious!  Men know this and will seek to take it from you by any contrivance possible - as you know. There can be no better formulation than the one we have all heard - Cast not YOUR pearls of great price before swine. The very first lesson we will work on then consists in understanding what those "pearls" are, and WHO the swine are.

As always - your comments are invited. I will from time to time put out more commentary here - and your questions and comments will guide the content.  Without anyone reading this I will have little incentive to continue. Best wishes to all.

Let me give you a brief overview of what we will do TOGETHER....

1st - We have a necessity to earn our way in the world - My business is similar to what you see on TV shows such as "Flip this house". I work on rehabbing old houses: restructuring, modernizing, beautifying, etc.  You will work with me - as a member of a team - NOT MY team, but OUR team. Your familiarity, knowledge, or skill set is not particularly relevant - I know all there is to know, and am capable of teaching and directing. Your focus will be on learning to be a part of a TEAM where we are ALL equally valuable and  responsible - we also will SHARE profits and the intangibles of pride, satisfaction, purpose, accomplishment. You will NOT be treated or viewed as a "slave" in anything we do, but as a teammate and partner - valued, respected, worthy.

2nd - We have an obligation to maintain a household. As always this is a TEAM effort. On a job site, the person who knows the best how to perform any given task is designated as the team leader or foreman, or "boss". This is a completely common sense principle, and one which we shall apply within the context of our domestic arrangement. While I have specific ideas on how a household should be organized and maintained, my experience is that women are much better at handling and carrying out  the details of it, and such will be the case here - Our goal will be to pursue a model of enlightened domestic harmony, with consideration to eveyone within the household. The best description I can offer is that of a "monastery", or perhaps a "commune" - people living cooperatively, everyone having a defined place and role within our home, and as always, everyone functioning as part of a greater whole.

3rd - I/we perform service in the local community : There are those who are elderly, infirm, or who otherwise have needs that can only be helped by individuals such as us.  The objective of such work is to help us get perspective on the world OUTSIDE the narrow view of our selfish interests, to see our part in something larger than ourselves, to help us see how really good we have it when there are so many others who have so much less.

4th - We have a real life of our own when we are done with the world outside. We have real & valid needs, and are deserving of having them fulfilled. Behind our closed doors where the world has no access, we leave fear, guilt, angst, and all those other unworthy considerations OUTSIDE. In the proper setting and circumstances our SELFISHNESS is proper and valid, we deserve to have what we need.

5th - There is much to be learned. A lot of it comes from the ordinary sciences we have been exposed to in our process of public education... math, chemistry, physics, biology, and so on. Additionally we will draw from other diverse sources of knowledge - music, art, philosophy, religion & spirituality, etc.  My own background comes from the east, which they study the same sciences and the same world we do in the west, but they understand it differently - specifically in HOW to apply those sciences to our selves, and understanding our place within the hierarchy of the cosmos. In the west, for example, focus is on "conquering" nature, exploiting it for profit, whereas in the east emphasis is on living in harmony WITH nature, as opposed to imposing our will upon it and trying to change it.  This is just one example, and it's really a huge difference, impossible to describe in such a few words.

6th - I am here in THIS place for the reason of my interest in B&D - period. Otherwise I would be on a vanilla site. Again there is a big difference in the understanding of this art/science in the west vs how it is thought of in the east.... For example, have you seen pix of "oriental" style bondage, and noticed the demeanor of the subjects?  It's "meditative", and in spite of it being strict and even difficult, it is yet reposeful. It is NOT about degradation or humiliation as much as it is about serving as a focus point for the energy and attention of the subject. The person who is subjected to it does NOT come out "humbled" or "broken", but STRONGER and better able to handle the trials of life.  As a "Discipline Master" my use of B&D is along such lines - I am NOT here to harm you, debase you, or otherwise break you down, but to train you to a superior modality of living, thinking, applying yourself, and facing the inevitable challenges of life. 

I have no illusions about all of this.... No doubt if I wrote about dominating and using women as "sluts", sex objects, and slaves, I would receive a much larger response.... but all that stuff is readily avalable out there for those who need it. I recognize that the opportunity I offer here has value and appeal to only a very small segment of women - so be it, and it has always been this way.  Is there real, objective value in what I offer?  Maybe. It's up to you to know. For me, I have been through such training myself, and have no doubts about the value of it. Likewise I have explored other "versions" and interpretations of what it means to be (or submit to) a "Master", to undergo disciplne training, and so on, and I have seen the value of that as well. In any event, I am grateful that you have taken the time to read through all of this, and if YOU decide that there is anything for you here, then you know what to do, otherwise, best wishes in your search.