Mitsune

Sexuality is weird. Though I identify as pan, and am mostly attracted to whats on the inside, I'm finding that it's becoming more and more difficult for me to accept people.

Honestly, folks, a lot of the people on , collar me, etc, are creepy. I do not say this lightly. Being 23, it is extremely jarring to be looked at sexually by people older than my parents. It is also extremely difficult for me to take someone seriously if they aren't attractive. News flash - You can be overweight, or even severely obese and still come across as attractive! I am getting checked out/admired/messaged by people who just look like beasts. If you take no effort to better yourself, someone like me who spends much of her life striving to be the best she can be will find it extremely difficult to even look at you, let alone give you the time of day.

I don't have any remorse for anyone who's feelings I may have hurt, either. Truth be told, it takes every fiber of my being to respond politely to people who just don't look presentable at all. I have friends who are over 100 lbs of bodyfat overweight and still look VERY attractive. Some tips:

FUCKING MAINTAIN YOUR FACE. First, and foremost, I will notice your face before anything. Trim, and maintain your hair. This means your facial hair, AND your mane. If you insist on having a beard, for the love of Celestia, PLEASE maintain it. Invest in a trimmer, and a comb. Clean your face daily, exfoliate twice a week. Even if you're a male, a clean complexion goes a long way.

Your hair. Comb it/brush it, trim split ends. Go to a salon and get a professional cut and style that frames your face.

Take a better picture. So many of the people who message me have extremely unflattering photos. Also, a username that doesn't scream "Awkward creepy pervert!" The first two impressions I'll have of anyone messaging me is their username, and photo.

The past two weeks have been chock-full of new experiences for me. It started with spontaneously meeting some friends I met through . I joined the site mostly to find like-minded individuals. I was introduced to said friend's girlfriend, and we hit it off immediately, and as we started to hang out more, I learned more about myself.

I had been finding it increasingly difficult to look my friends in the face. I'm becoming progressively more sexually frustrated, being in a particularly bad dryspell. Also as I go further and futher in to HRT, the more and more I need some sort of physical and emotional connection. My abilities as an empath as exponentially magnified the more I become a woman, and especially during unstable periods, and the full moon. I'm finding myself becoming very attracted to my friends - especially my fellow empaths.

Being in their company, they are very open. They're open to the idea of platonic hand holding/cuddling/etc, and through no fault of their own, they turned me on, and as my mind drifted to sex, I found myself recoiling at their touch, unable to meet their eyes, and eventually crying - I felt ashamed of myself, and my urges, though I was eventually reassured that I should not be afraid, or ashamed of my base desires, and they expressed interest in possibly adopting me as a pet.

A newer group of friends I was introduced to. A TCG friend of mine came out about being curious about crossdressing. When we went to meet up, he brought his own friends along, very open-minded, kinky friends. As we hung out, they teased and explored my boundaries. They dragged their nails along my back, spanked my ass with increasing force, dressed me up in outfits, did my make up, nibbled on my ears, pet me, held my hand, kissed me in a platonic matter, etc. It made me realize that I am on some level, a masochist. A particularly hard spank made me moan out in lust, and my legs buckled underneath me. I shuddered in pleasure, and lost all control of my body from the sudden, unexpected sensations. Then they held me down and tickled me. It was both amazing, but also my phobia of being tickled did eventually drive me to tears. I let people tickle me, because I NEED to defeat my phobias.

These experiences are making me learn more about myself, but also my friends are all in monogamous relationships. This means that though they feel compelled to tease me sexually, they can't do anything further than this. I've gone home increasingly frustrated. Though overall I'm fairly content, I get home, and I'm overwhelmed by feelings of lonliness, and lust.