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8/25/2012 7:16:56 PM

Nancy thanks for making the last few weeks very special, and looking forward to many more


6/2/2012 2:23:27 PM

Ponders......

 

   If being bisexual doubles your chances for a date, does being a bisexual switch quadruple them?


2/26/2012 4:13:59 PM

" If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away."

 

    Thoreau

 

Sometimes I think we all need a little reminder, we the persecuted by "normal" society tend to overly persecute ourselves as a group. we will probably never be socially accepted, but we should at the very least accept ourselves for all our individualites and faults ( mine being typing ).


2/26/2012 4:07:37 PM

" If I can stop one heart from breaking,

I shall not live in vain;

If I can ease one life the aching,

Or cool one pain,

Or help one fainting robin

Unto his nest again,

I shall not live in vain"

 

      Emily Dickinson

 

And might I add....if that don't wor,k beat that ass , lol :P


7/24/2009 3:59:22 PM
This is an article that was published in my local paper, The Standard Times, and written by Lauren Daley. I've found it to be both thought provoking and enlightening.

"Pondering the nature of success"

   I was thinking this week about the nature of success. And it's hard to say what that is , exactly.
   It's not fame---people who are famouos one day are washed up the next.
   It's not money--- rich people can go broke.
   The people with the best paying jobs are usually slaves to them, and the people who love their work usually don't make enough to live on.
   So I don't think it's occupation either.
   Truth is, most people don't know what success is--- they confuse it with wealth , title, or reputation.
   Consider Henry David Thoreau.
   Thoreau never held a job for more than a few months in his life. He never married. had no kids, never even had a girlfriend. Nathaniel Hawthorne called Thoreau "ugly as sin" .
   He lived in his parents home his entire 44 years, save two years on Walden  Pond, and spent the last few years of his life  bedridden
with tuberculosis and bronchitis.
   He died penniless, jobless, and pretty much alone, except for an aunt and a few close friends.
   But Thoreau found something Real.
   It wasn't money or status, or even a relationship with another person: he found Life itself, he found the Wild he found something like the Essence of Life itself out there, and he looked it dead in it's watery eyes and he fell hard in love.
   Thoreau left the world no children, no wealth. But 147 years later , his journal still inspires people, still makes people want to find what he found.
   Mahatma Gandhi, JFK, and Martin Luther King Jr.  said they were influenced by his writings on civil disobedience.
   When his aunt asked him in his last weeks if he made his peace with God, Thoreau responded:
   "I did not know we had quarrelled"
   So no, I don't think you find success in a paycheck.
   Ernest Hemingway never went to college, began his writing career  at age 18 at The Kansas City Star, and quit after six months.
   He served as an ambulance driver in WWI, and earned a Silver Medal of Bravery from the Italians.
   After the war, he became an expatriate, freelanced for the Toronto Star in Canada, then moved to Paris.
   Hemingway was praised for dozens of his works, including " The Sun Also Rises" , " A Farewell to Arms" , " For Whom the Bell Tolls" ,
and " The Old Man and the Sea".
   He won a Pulitzer Prize and a Nobel Prize for literature. The Kansas Star named him their  "Finest Reporter". He won a bronze star for his work as a war correspondent during WWII, and two medals for bullfighting.
   Hemingway was also a severe alcoholic, and he shot himself between the eyes with a double barreled shotgun in 1961.
   So no I dont think success is measured in accolades. I'm not sure Hemingway did either.
   Emily Dickenson would wear only white. She was known around Amherst as the town eccentric, and eventually never her father's attic.
   She wrote more than 1,800 poems, storing them all in boxes. Less than a dozen were published in her lifetime, most of them were anonymously  in local newspapers.
   Today, she is studied at the Ph.D level.
   So I dont thin success is measured by status or reputation.
   I think each of these people were successful in some way, each left the world something beautiful.
   In each of them, you see Passion.
   And in each , you see that success is intangiable.
   Success, in the end, is an idea that we have of what life should be, and we're supposed to live it and get what we deserve--- but none of us deserve anything.
   All we have is each other and today.
   If you've got a roof over your head, something to eat, people who love you: if you're happy with whatever it is you do, if you have passion for something, anything--- that's it.
   That's all she wrote.
   Maybe it doesn't matter what success is considered after all.
   I dont think it has much to do with life anyway.


1/3/2009 6:45:40 AM
TRAITS OF A GOREAN MASTER Honor... in all Dominance... of himself and of those who depend on his command Consistency... in his dealings with freepersons and slaves Strength... to not be swayed from his principles Self-assured... not dependent on others for approval Curiosity... to delve into the individual Wisdom... to understand what curiosity has discovered Maturity... to understand, but not misuse, the power of his Mastery Sensitivity... to have interest in, and to listen keenly for the concerns and issues of others and his slave Compassion... to hear the true feelings of his slaves, and to deal fairly with issues raised, within the confines of his principles and command Accountability... to accept the responsibility for the behavior of his slave and himself; to accept responsibility for the safety and security of his slave; and to deal honorably with any issues that arise for either concern Courage... both to stand up for his principles and honor and the courage to admit a mistake when he recognizes one has been made Advocate... for the endurance and prosperity of Gorean culture Ally... standing shoulder to shoulder with other advocates of Gor Mentor... to others who have need of his example I’m stealing this from the blog of a girl named candy girl, not sure of her actual screen name, but I read this recently and found it intriguing in reference to this blog that has been mulling in my head for months now. A lot of you have known me a lot of years, and yet I still hear “You’re Gor?” . Now I don’t truly define myself as Gorean: I consider myself much more of a hybred , or as my friend Savage referred to it, a bridge between the two. To those of my friends that I’ve had similar discussions with, or that have heard my rants on such things before, bear with me please or just skip right over the blog…..as always the final choice is up to you. I’ve noticed people tend to have this definition of Gor as something harsh, unrealistic and violent. Yes in fact it can be at ( be at…..beat…..he he he ….done in my best beavis and butthead imitation ) times, depending on the individuals involved. It is an unfortunate fact that abusers are prolific and hide themselves well within all facets of this lifestyle. But they do not limit themselves to any section of the lifestyle, or sex for that matter. Some of you may have been around a few years back when we ran out a woman who had put her male submissive in the hospital with broken ribs and some testicular damage as well: she actually had the gall to BRAG about this in the rooms. As with society in general, do we judge the entire species on the majority or the few individuals who lack the self discipline and morality to handle life ? What attracts me to Gor is the grace and structure of it. Everyone knows their place, and treats everyone else with respect and dignity accounted for with that place. The beauty of a glace, the angle of a wrist, but most of all the spirit it comes from. It’s how BDSM has always been, but somehow has gotten lost here in the online realm as of late. It’s funny having read past blogs and listened to other people try and argue for or against one side or the other; you can in most cases take out the side because the arguments are essentially the same. The “they are this and we are that” are almost always the same, and the worst part is the arrogance of either, if not both sides, to believe that they are the sole advocates of what is true and right for all within the entire BDSM realm. I’ve said time and time again that we in the overall scheme of BDSM are among the most misunderstood and persecuted groups. And yet there are those that persecute the sub sections within ourselves as a whole because they refuse to attempt to understand or tolerate it. Now I’m not saying a little playful fun is out of line; Lord knows I’ve jabbed fun at Dommes and subboi’s alike for what seems to me to be unnatural. But that does not mean I don’t accept them, or not believe they are entitled to occupy the same space as I do. I’ve watched female “submissives” persecute fellow male submissives. Now I’ll be the first to admit I have no clue about male submission and the thought of gratuitous male nudity gives me the willies( lol) And Lord knows I have NO understanding of the reasons for wanting to be mummified or any of that stuff. I am far from claustrophobic but that’s still not my bag baby, lol , but that said, it is perfectly natural for them. I don’t infringe on their right to be who they are, and they don’t infringe on mine. Many of you out there in my “captive” studio audience have heard me use sports analogies to compare the differences between BDSM and Gor. Baseball here in America is a good example: we’ll use the difference between the American league and National league. The major difference is the designated hitter. Now with interleague play they must share each others rules, and learn to co-exist. For us baseball purists , I prefer the National league with the pitcher hitting it’s how baseball was founded. The American league has the designated hitter that bats for the pitcher always. It makes for more scoring and in some ways a more exciting game as a result, but it eliminates many of the strategies that make baseball fun. The major difference between Gor and BDSM is similar here, the game is still the same just a slightly difference style. The Master/slave of Gor vs. the Dominant/ submissive of the BDSM world. We argue back and forth about this, but really what are the differences between the two? Now let’s keep in mind that the Gor books were written in 1966, a very turbulent time full of great social upheaval here in the United Stated and internationally ( Vietnam ). Now consider the premise of the Gor books themselves if you will. For those not familiar, a young man is thrust into a savage new foreign world , a counterearth. This is a violent world, full of misunderstanding and mistrust. He must learn to fight and survive or die. He also has to learn who to trust or not trust. For many that were there in Vietnam (Thanks for the talks Savage) or that have relatives that were there ( two of my uncles ), that pretty much sums up Vietnam. And yet we can all agree that BDSM has been around for centuries at the very least if not since the dawn of time. I mean really, how many of you women get wet at the caveman dragging the woman to the cave by the hair scenario (lol)? So by that, which has an awfully Gorean flair to it ( wink wink ) BDSM is as natural and instinctive as eating and breathing. These things were a part of BDSM before Gor was ever invented, yet then those within the lifestyle accepted them for what they were …. a part of the whole. Now I know what I’m about to say will piss of both Goreans and non-Goreans alike , but Gor is nothing more than a subsection of the BDSM lifestyle. I mean really what is BDSM anyway? Bondage, Dominance/ Discipline, Sadism and Masochism. Seems to cover a rather broad spectrum of areas I’m sure most of you would agree. The name itself derives at LEAST four distinct areas, which may or may not have overlap as well. That does not even get into all the areas within each section, hence the reason many use a “list” to help determine hard and soft limits . and many bottoms ( submissives/slaves ) will tell you as Tops ( Dominants/ Masters ) will as well : these “limits” change from partner to partner, and will change with the same partner as the relationship grows and more trust forms. O.K. , let’s look at some of the controversial areas of debate, and/or common misconceptions between BDSM and Gor: Polyamory vs. Prime ( single partner ) One of the most common misconceptions is that in order to be Gorean you need to be poly, with the subtle indication that BDSM is more singular in their choice of partners, for lack of a better phrasing. NOTHING could be further from the truth. Many Goreans take on only one slave, or cut back to their “love slave” once they have been found said slave, who is everything they need in that one partner. Conversely I’ve witnessed many a BDSM Dominant with multiple partners collared. Neither Gor or BDSM is exclusive to either polyamory or singular partnerships. So let’s toss that one out shall we? 24/7 vs Bedroom play I always laugh hysterically when I hear one side or the other try to argue this point point , that we are a 24/ 7 lifestyle and you guys are just bedroom or private. And yes I’ve seen both sides argue their case for this one. Truth be told, unless you run a dungeon for a living, not a single one of us is 24 / 7. And at that point , do you really want to take your work home ? Lord knows I may be a task master as a manager, but I could never in a million years imagine bringing my crop or flogger in to work to punish an associate for not following the rules or getting their work done, and if a bottom were to beg entrance at work , which her Top may require her to at home, she would be ridiculed to no end. What it basicly boils down to is an unwritten ( or sometimes written and contractual ) agreement between the Top and bottom. In most situations neither is totally bedroom or 24/ 7.Now I’m not saying there are not kinksters out there that are just there to tie/ be tied to the bed, and more power to you is that’s what you want, just that many seek and expect more. And a final point to put the 24/ 7 thing in perspective, does your bottom cook and serve you the dinner at the restaurant? Dominant/ submissive vs. Master/ slave Probably the most argued, and in honesty arguable, point of differentiation between Gor and BDSM is this point, the slave is supposed to have no say in the matter of what happens to her. The unreality of this in today’s society cannot be argued or questioned, BUT people’s choice to trust and attempt to live as close to this as possible is also not to be questioned. True this is not a choice many would freely make, and with some it only comes with extensive time spent together, not in an instantaneous collaring as in the books. True our current society dictates that people should all have a choice, but it still is not in some parts of the world and was not for thousands of years. Darwinism made us what we are to a point, the real question is have we taken the ball and strengthened ourselves, or made ourselves weaker as a species. Ah but that is fodder for another blog at another time ( wink wink ). Some will say a slave has no mind and should never question their Master, and yet in the books many point/counterpoint discussions are displayed between Master and slave, just that when the Master puts the screws down, the slave buckles and listens. I personally would not want a girl without a mind and a mouth to use it, even if her mouth is better suited for other purposed ( wiggles the eyebrows ). But you’d best well believe that when I say something, it goes if she has not convinced me otherwise. Ultimately in today’s society the bottom always has the right of final refusal , that is a point that cannot be refuted as much as we may wish to try, or wish it otherwise. Personally I try to instill in my girl the loyalty and desire to stay and attempt to do what I desire from her. That is the true strength of Dominance, not in force of will , but in the ability to have developed the trust and loyalty necessary to have the bottom reach beyond themselves and their limits. The Gor books themselves were , in my opinion, written to both express what a certain individual saw as his ideal utopia, while also being able to make a statement about some of the absurdities present in today’s society in general. They in short glorify and make fun of those ideals all at the same time , by pointing out the extremeties of them. It targets the primal instincts in many males and females, both the testorone of the fight and the instinctive need to own , possess and protect ( He with the most toys wins after all LOL ) , or to be owned and possessed, giving up all rights and responsibilities. I’ve always found it interesting the paradoxes involved. I battle myself even now after all these years with many of the paradoxes., polyamory being the prime one. A slave friend of mine once said it’s just natural, it comes from the need to perpetuate the species…..but again I wonder have we not evolved, or have we digressed by denying our own human nature ? What IS the true answer to that question? It is my belief that everyone needs to answer that question for themselves, that it is a matter of individual preferences and beliefs, and that those if we are honest with ourselves, are in and of themselves ever changing and evolving. So who are ANY of us to judge one’s ideals versus another’s. What we should be judging and defending is the basic principals that allow us ALL to be free to follow our desires, and only attacking those that try to take away our rights to follow our own paths and be who and what W/we are. Thoreau said “If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears the beat of a different drummer. Let him step to the music he hears however measured or far away”. Words to live by if you ask me, and may we all find the yin to our yang.

12/28/2008 4:58:34 PM
The Dance Of The Submissive The music begins, and her arms move in a tense,almost awkward way as her feet step as awkwardly to The markers on the floor she knows she is to follow. A learning and growing submissive is rather like one who is learning to dance. she stands, her body tense, her mind focused on her Moves, on the steps she needs to take. She knows that her arms, her legs, her body must all move in specific ways for her movements to be seen as The dance she desires to perform, The music begins, and her arms move in a tense,almost awkward way as her feet step as awkwardly to The markers on the floor she knows she is to follow. She watches the markers, while her mind races to ensure her arms are completing their movements, and suddenly she remembers too, her body must carry a rhythm, so her hips and chest purposefully begin to Sway, almost in an exaggerated effort to get it right. She hears her instructor, she hears the command, 'smile' ... as she lifts her head ... her eyes wide with concentration as her lips rise in a forced, mechanical grin as her mind attempts to focus on All she is striving to do. Her instructor will stop the music. He will stand Before her. He will take her hands, and raise them, He will stand behind her, holding her, guiding her, Showing her how the dance is to be performed. He will then stand back... He will turn the music Back on. He will watch her. He will correct her. At times, this correction will come with a hand movement, other times He will stop the music all together. He will make her go back, and redo steps, Until she gets it right. She will watch Him for guidance, for correction. Her Eyes never leaving Him. Her feet will stumble, her arms will move awkwardly, and at times she will lose Her balance completely and fall. And her smile will Turn to tears of frustration. Her instructor will patiently stand by her side, waiting for her to rise again, and at times, He will bend to pick her up, to help her to her feet, and He will continue to do this, as long as Her desire remains to dance. As the days turn to months, He will see her take Graceful steps. He will be astonished by the beauty in which her body moves, He will feel frustration as she loses focus, He will feel sympathy when overconfident, her eyes leave the markers on the floor, And she slips and falls. But one day, she will arrive at the dance studio. She has practiced these steps for months, and her Body, her limbs and her mind become one. He stands back, his heart filled with pride as He watches this beautiful creation glide across the floor, no longer watching and following the markers, but moving with And to the music He plays. A proud submissive is not one who performs the dance perfectly before the audience; for no one is perfect At anything. She is one however whose performance appears to the audience as flawless, and only her and Her Instructor are aware of the errors she has made. But as time goes on, and the more she performs, her Errors become few. She will have good performances, and other times she will have off nights; nights when she herself is not pleased with the way she danced, But again, her mistakes are not apparent to observers. And, in her struggle, to be the best at what she does, she will be more critical of herself Than anyone else, including her Instructor. And... There will come the performance... The night, when she will stand under the lights, the theater filled with admiring observers, will be hushed as she Stands... Ready. From the wings, her Partner, her Instructor, her Confidant will walk out, and take her hands. The music will begin, and together they will dance beautifully, magically, and seemingly Flawlessly; each complimenting the other's moves. Each feeling a sense of pride in each other, every step Taken, with each other and for each other. And they will continue to dance, dance over the applause, dance through the standing ovation, they will dance over and Over and over again, until the music ends. Until their feet can no longer dance, until their bodies can no Longer feel the music, until there is no more music. And that is a very, very long time from now. author unknown

4/11/2008 2:38:25 PM
THE OLIVE TREE A confused sub came before a wise Master who adored her. She felt that to submit to him would mean she would open her heart to unbearable pain should he ever leave her. She hungered for him and needed him, but was ready to walk away in panic. The gentle Master knelt her before him and started a tale of love and devotion. As she looked up at him his arms began to widen and open like a large tree stretches its branches to the sky. At that moment the Master appeared rooted to the floor and his impressive size towered above her like a giant tree. Then he began to speak... The Olive Tree I'm here for you...now and always no matter how far time and space takes us.... Whether you walk away from me today or you stay and serve me I will not turn from you. I am as patient as time itself; I will take not from you unless you give freely and completely of yourself but I give onto you regardless-- for my love is unconditional.... Like the olive tree that can both feed you and shade you I am there seemingly eternal to your short life on this earth. If you need my fruit to feed your hunger I will give you all the fruit you need... If your skin grows dry and loses its luster, the oil from my fruit will restore it and make it glisten, When you need comfort my leaves will gently caress your face with the slightest breeze, When you need discipline my branches will correct you when the wind blows strong, If you just need my shade to protect you from the sun, my branches will shade and protect you. If you need warmth at night my fallen branches will fuel the fire to keep you warm and safe; if you need a refreshing breeze my leaves will fan you and cool you. You are my gardener. When you submit to me; you tend that which keeps me vibrant and full of life. When you kneel under me an till the soil you give breath to my roots, When you water me, my sap flows strong through me and raise my limping branches, When you soil yourself collecting fertilizer with your bare hands you strengthen me, and humble me with your devotion. Although my life will go on, life would not be the same without you. Your dedication and unconditional care for me keeps me vibrant and nurtures my very core. The sustenance and protection I give you seems little reward for your servitude. Still the gardener serves the tree from her heart and the tree gives to her heart all that he can!

4/11/2008 2:36:40 PM
Smiles, let me begin this with the fact that I’ve been here online for over eight years now and I’ve seen and done a lot, both good and bad. I’ve hurt others badly and been hurt by others badly , and I'm not necessarily proud of the things I’ve done or how I’ve reacted to what has been done to me. I suppose in some respects I look at this and following blogs as a penance, a method of purging myself and helping myself and the others I’ve affected both for good and ill along the way. Many know me for many roles, as varied as a venerable family figure ( grandpa ) to that of lover or master. I claim nothing other than what I am, how you see me is completely up to you. I’d like to thank you for sharing in this adventure that is my life, and being a part of it. Trust is an incredibly fragile thing. The only thing that I can equivilate to it that comes to mind is an egg. Minute small cracks can occasionally be healed, but large cracks or broken shells can never fully be repaired. Trust is the egg that should never be broken, for if it is, the very life force within will seep out and be lost forever. There can be friendships that remain afterwards ( an empty shell in comparision to what was before ), but the likelihood of continuing and maintaining a fully working relationship, whether a bdsm one or not, is to say the least excessively difficult. Whether we like it or not, trust is something that cannot be rebuilt easily no matter what we do or how hard we try. I speak from both sides of the fence here as well, but most recently as the one that broke the trust, even if not in the recent past. Any trust broken costs you dearly. And what it costs you is usually nothing in comparison to what it costs the person whose trust has been broken. The person that violates the trust is usually the one that loses the least, because they at least know the full story and extent as to what is going on. They do not get blindsided by anything unexpected. The funny thing is, when you’re violating the trust, you usually do it in the name of trying to protect the others feelings for whatever reason, but what it basicly boils down to I’ve discovered is some need for attention. The human creature craves the touch of others, and will inherently seek it out, for better or for worse. To deny that need for touch is to deny our need to be human, and that would lead to a very destructive and violent situation. I do not mean this as an absolution or an excuse, I mean it as a simple statement of fact. People that have others around them, such as children or others, that there is physical contact will find it easier to deal with circumstances. And by touch I don’t necessarily mean physical, though I am not trying to downplay the extreme importance of that as well. Emotion connection is equally as important for if either partner feels disconnected for whatever reason the relationship is doomed to failure. Keys to trust: being completely open and honest, no matter the cost, because the cost of not being so is greater. If I could do things over again, I’d definitely have been more open and not as selfish about how I communicated things. I have needs I tried to deny in the name of “celibacy”, even though fulfilling those needs may or may not have had anything at all to do with my emotional attachment to my partner. That is not to say that one should go around fucking every cute thing that walks by, because there are repercusions to any and every thing and situation that arises, in particular in a distance relationship. But in regards to that , if one does not see your partner for six months and there is not fairly constant communication and openness ( my biggest fault ) then the relationship is doomed to failure. There will be some that argue the fact that makes me poly, and I would argue that fact, though not nearly as vehemently as I would have a few years ago before I’ve experienced what I have. I believe faithfulness is very plausible, but it takes extensive work by both partners to make it viable. It’s kind of weird, because I don’t believe I’ve ever had a problem with a woman being faithful to me ( honest yes, but that is a whole other ball of wax }, but my own personal situation with distance relationships has always been being true to the partner I was with, whether it was from an open emotional standpoint or a purely physical standpoint. I think in part my upbringing in a strong, sometimes overbearing female household has affected me in such a way I feel the need to rebel against women, both in terms of having become a “Master” and in regards to trying my faithfulness to my partner. But yet I think back and it’s not been until online came into my life that I have ever had a problem with “faithfulness”. I’ve had very successful relations before that, I think the inherent distance issues have been where my problems have come from. This may sound weird, but I think sometimes it’s worse being in a distance relationship because you erode yourself with it. As humans we need to feel loved and wanted, and yet online inherently flows against that because you cannot see or be with the person you want to be with nearly as often as you want or is necessary. You then try and fool yourself into thinking that you can relate to others of the opposite sex without this affecting it somehow. In many cases you can, don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to insinuate that friendships are not possible between men and women: on the contrary I have many great female friends, real life and online: Dominant, submissive and vanilla. But you are tempting fate in this under circumstances involving distance, because there will always be someone closer or someone more available, and it has nothing to do with how you feel about the person you are with. The need for touch will many times overcome the need to not let it affect you. There comes a feeling of not being loved or cared for enough because that person is not with you, whether they choose to be or not. Communication is the key I believe, the thing I’ve always lacked in myself in this regards. Well this has been interesting fodder I’m sure, and I fully expect to hear some things coming back from this that will open further discussions and further roads to discovery , both for myself and the people reading these as well.

4/11/2008 2:35:54 PM
Pride the two edged sword. This ought to be an interesting entry. Pride is a thing to be both coveted and feared, for it is a necessary evil. Like anything else, pride needs to be balanced. For years I have struggled with this, and am still continuing in this struggle . The last few years have been exceptionally difficult. The one edge leads to arrogance which will cost peoples pain. As important as it is for a Dominant to have confidence, that is a slippery slope that needs to be treaded with caution. It’s easy to fall into the trap of being more important than those around you. You tend to become self absorbed and believe that the world revolves around you. And I don’t mean that in the literal sense, just that you tend to forget others and take only your own needs into consideration. I’ve fallen into this trap personally and I’ve hurt many people in the process, and to those of you that I’ve hurt that are reading this I’m truly sorry for the pain I’ve caused you and others along my journey. My past arrogance has lead me to the other side of the sword The other edge of the sword is the loss or lack of pride. This summer has been a pretty humbling experience for me, one where I’ve seen my world pretty much crash down around me. For those that do not know, I’ve been unemployed since mid June. This has been an incredibly crippling thing for me, for anyone that knows me can tell you my work becomes to me like a child. I’ve also, for all intent and purpose, been without my woman for that long if not longer. Although the official ending has only recently taken place, I’ve felt the weight of her absence and loss for some time now. Now thanks to a lot of you out there, and some special new friends as well as my friends from offline, I’m starting to put things back together and shake off the funk and depression I’ve been in. The trick now is to learn the balancing of the two, to be properly centered like a good sword, not too top heavy or weighted too much at the hilt. This will require some serious hard work on my part to stay focused on keeping centered. I’m also going to need a bit of help from you out there in the studio audience watching this blog from the comfort of your computer chairs at home. I’ll need constant reminders, both from myself and everyone in my life. The reason for this blog is part of a journey of self discovery and improvement, and I’m sure that both this and the last topic will be re-visited and re-addressed in future blogs as well. As always feel free to throw your two cents worth in folks, I’ll take it with a grain of salt when necessary and a hearty handshake when needed as well. As always, thanks for listening and thanks for having stuck with me through the bad parts of the journey.

4/11/2008 2:35:12 PM
Polyamory and the single Dominant Get ready for some long, controversy raising talk here folks. Sorry this isn’t the one I promised but I think this needs to be handled more than a sense of humor does, cause anyone that knows me knows I don’t lack for a sense of humor ( just a good one ). I’m not exactly sure why I feel so strongly that this needs to be discussed here and now , but I do. Maybe in part it’s to answer a question I received from someone that I never answered. I can only hope this with some of the past blogs may help put things in perspective. I used to have really strong feelings against poly relationships, but now looking back at my own life and experiences I’m not so sure. And do I even have the right to be against it if others are fine , happy and content in their relationships? Where do my judgements or opinions overweigh theirs as to what is correct for them? And of course let’s not forget to throw the age old sexual preference thing into the mix then. Many of my best online friends are lesbian or bisexual. Am I , no, but do I have the right to judge them any differently or treat them any differently than my other friends who are straight? It’s funny, and many have heard me preach this in the past, but we are in one of the most persecuted groups in the world, ridiculed all over , and yet here we are not willing to give the very tolerance we ask for of those outside ourselves. Is dating more than one at the beginning polyamory? This raises some interesting questions for me personally because I’m coming to terms with the fact that there is always a different way to look at it then my own. Even before I discovered the Dominant tendancies within myself, as a youth I dated pretty freely. There were times when I was with just one girl, and there were times when I was with more than one girl. If the relationship was exclusive I always made sure that my partner was aware of that fact ( i.e. going steady for the teenage vanilla world). So was I poly even before I knew that the term existed? In some opinions I would be I suppose. I mean the girls , in some cases, were aware I was dating others, even though I was never specific and never had them meet or talk. Most of the time however I did not see the point in telling them, if she and I weren’t yet exclusive, that I was dating or going to date someone else. And let’s throw the sexual preference curve ball in here. I have noticed that the best poly relationships I’ve known have involved at least one partner that is at least bi-sexual. I think the triangle that is fully connected on all sides tends to be more of a stable structure than not. And that is not to assume that any poly relationship needs to be limited to just three people. So when does it become poly versus be “player”.? Was I already a “player” at 16? Chuckles that I suppose is the $64,000 question. I think all people , of all orientations and sexes, go through that stage where you experiment with what you can and cannot do or get away with. I mean, honestly, who here can say that they have never dated more than one person at a time? Even me in my geeky youth, I managed to do it, so I know you beautiful people out there in my captive studio audience have had similar experiences. I also think the fact that I grew up in a totally female household with no solid male role model around consistently may have contributed somewhat. I’ve never really seen how a man and a woman in a solid relationship acted and reacted together. As an adult I have but as a youth, when formulating and learning, there was no example. I often wonder if that’s not where my behavioral patterns come from. Lord knows television, movies and other teens in general are not the best examples to learn from. (10/5/2006 6:30:20 PM): LOVE me, USE me, TAKE me.... OMG he's SUCH a player! He USED me! He TOOK me, he HURT me... (but isn't that what you asked for?) Now this quote, from a very smart friend of mine , deals with a conversation she and I were having involving submissives online and how things tend to happen in the relationships with them. It’s funny when looking back on things how the submissives, both male and female to be fair, fall under this category. And from my own personal experience, I’ve found that many can be even more hypocritical when you toss their real life relationships into the mix: anything from I’m married or living with someone to children or health issues that they’ll hide behind. I bring this up because I’ve found that many that accuse me of being a “player” have fallen under this category themselves in fact, either with live-in boyfriends that they’re not happy with or husbands that they will supposedly leave. Now let me clear be on this , that does not justify some of my past actions at all, but sometimes people need to take a deep look at themselves before they begin to accuse people of things. If you’re in a situation that you’re sharing yourself in, don’t expect the other person to not share as well, especially if that person has been clear that they seek something that does not involve sharing. If not when does it become such? I suppose that the key here may be the interpersonal knowledge of all parties involved, whether it be the submissive and his/her Tops, or the Top and his/her bottoms. The successful poly relations that I’ve seen always have involved a personal relationship between all parties involved , as an example the two submissives must also be friends and like and care for another, otherwise the ensuing jealousy will rapidly tear the relationship apart. If all parties involved are aware and in agreement as to where things are, then perhaps there is a chance for survival. I also feel it important to add that I’ve seen very few poly relationships last for more than a few years. I feel the reason for this may be inescapable, and also where my own personal belief about poly relationships comes from. That inevetiably we as humans, both Top and bottom, are selfish creatures that want to have a one on one relationship with our partners. Again maybe this is my upbringing, maybe it’s a moral code drilled in by society, where it comes from I’m not sure. I know, speaking for myself, I do not share well. From what I’ve seen the trait of “not sharing well” is a non-exclusive trait among Tops or bottoms. If somehow this is non-existant or minimized in a poly relationship then I can see where the possibility for success can come from. I just no that, knowing myself, I do not have that capability. I’d love to be able to say that im’ not selfish enough, that I could love someone enough to be able to share them on a consistent basis to make them happy, I just know that for me that is not a possibility. So, am I for it no; do I want it , no; do I understand it; I think a little better now than I did in the past. The key is communication: Again as in any relationship, and even moreso I think in that of a poly group, constant communication flow between all the parties involved must be kept, and kept honestly. The biggest downfall I’ve seen is people trying to be “self-sacrificing” by stating that they are comfortable with things that they are not. Then things happen or things get said that could easily have been avoided otherwise. Too many times have I seen people delve into things that they ordinarily would never consider, even as simple as the poly relationship itself, not that it is simple, please do not misunderstand me. But I’ve seen many a time where the Top will discuss the possibilities of a poly relationship, and introduce the bottom to the potential addition, to be given a positive response even though the bottom does not really want that type of relationship. They will just “take one for the team” so to speak, and then end up ruining the relationships of all involved by not having been honest in the first place. Do they do it meanly or maliciously, no, but the pain and damage is still real nonetheless. And the ripples and wake of the event reach far beyond that single time frame. The reverse of this is also true when it comes to poly bottoms as well. As I’ve stated before I don’t share well, and I make this painfully aware to any I get involved with. Now some will call this hypocritical of me given my past, and some would be right to say so. Dealing with my past mistakes: (10/5/2006 6:31:59 PM): Men who can't control their lives get online and think... well, I hate my wife and my life is miserable, let me find some poor girl who just wants attention and I can take out my aggressions on her There are going to be some that see much of what I’ve said here to be very hypocritical, and in some regards they may be right. I’ve never been one to shy away with my opinion, which is in part why I’m here dumping all this crap and /or pouring my heart out, whatever your opinion may be. The above quote was by the same young lady as the last one, from the same conversation. When I first came here to the online world I was coming off some bad relationships and was in a world of hurt and insecurity, and fell into that role mentioned by my friend above. I wasn’t and never have been married, but I was in a situation I felt I had no control. And as any Top can tell you that is a very bad place to be. I did in fact look at my life as miserable, and here I found an abundance of people, women in particular, that made me feel good about myself. I became the perverbial kid in the candy store , stuffing my face with as much of whatever I could get my hands on. At the time it felt really good, but I had no idea of the consequences of my actions. I’ve learned over the years that there are real people on the other side of this keyboard, with real feelings and emotions. I’ve reined myself in and become more disciplined, or so I hope. I may still “pig out on the candy” from time to time, but I’ve got it much more under control and I’m much more upfront and honest about who and what I am. The times of a different girl in my lap for each room I’d go to are long since gone. Did that make me poly? I’d like to think not, but then again one always has a biased opinion of ones self until later when one can truly step back and take an objective look at oneself. In the past I’ve had someone tell me that if anyone was capable of handling a poly relationship, I was it. They said I had to skill to multitask women , the heart to make them all feel important and loved, and had the honesty to deal with it openly. Looking back at the time I was told that, I think she was right on two of the counts. But I don’t feel that is the right thing to do, nor is it truly what I want in my life. I don’t believe I have the honesty to deal with a poly relationship because deep down inside I don’t like hurting people. My opinion is that in a poly relationship, eventually someone is bound to feel some pain, and not in a good way mind you (wink wink, nudge nudge) .life in general causes enough pain, and it is my personal belief that any personal relationship, even ones between Tops and bottoms, is one that is based on easing each others pain not causing it. Am I good at that? I don’t know some would say yes, some might say know. Wet right now is the only one that can truly answer that question. I’d like to think I ease a little of the problems of her life. Is that arrogant? Possibly, but if it is it’s an arrogance I strive for, and I’d hope that she and all others would as well. The world would be a better place if we all just thought about others in our lives. Again this is to others to try and avoid the pitfalls I’ve had.

4/11/2008 2:33:32 PM
over the next few days i'll be posting some blog entries here from my yahoo 360 account in an effort to allow some insight into myself and to also hopefully generate some conversations along the way. i hope you enjoy them thoroughly, and feel free to comment for good or for ill. thanks. What Is A Dom? Author Unknown I am a dominant man. I am just that. I am not dominant because of any superiority on my part. Not because I feel I am more intelligent, or wiser. I am not dominant because of the strength or mass of my body. I am not, nor would I want to be dominant with all women. Yet to you, I am Master. I am your Master only after earning your trust and I embrace your submissiveness. I have looked into your heart and mind and clearly see your desires and passions. You have thrown away your fears and inhibitions. You tell me of the needs of your heart and body. You have given me total access to your soul, and I accept the responsibility and honor. You are a woman. You are not weak or inferior because of it. You are a treasure to be cherished. We are not equal. I have the strength of body and mind and the instinctive need to protect, possess, defend and provide for you. You are a woman and instinctively stronger of will and heart. Your belief in me gives me courage and direction. Your strength disperses my doubt. Your needs and desires encourage and give purpose to my efforts. We are not equal. We are halves of a whole. We compliment each other and make each other complete. My desire to dominate you is instinctive. It is not to degrade you nor is it degrading to you because you are secure in being totally feminine. We each recognize and accept our worth, and our need for someone to trust and fulfill our needs. You are sure, strong and proud in your womanhood. You do not submit as acceptance of inferiority, but from strength and passion. You expect a man to stand strong and be a man. You desire and flourish in the strength and control of a man. In return you present control of your body, unqualified trust and honesty, and the faithfulness of your heart. You submit because I have earned your trust. Because I have opened my heart and soul to you. Because I have listened to your words with my ears and heart and have learned to anticipate your needs and emotions. And because I have proven worthy in your eyes, you have given me the only true treasure of life; you have given me dominance over you. What you give is not abnormal, but pure, natural and the rarest gift a woman could give a man. You have given me complete and unshakable assurance of your commitment to me. Your submissiveness is a magnificent gift and sacred responsibility. I accept this from you with humility and joy. I understand the rarity and purity of this gift. I recognize it is your body and soul, your heart and mind. I dominate you only because you have allowed it. I dominate only because you have allowed me to and when I see your body kneel before me, in my mind and heart you are raised above all other woman, and all the treasures of the earth. What you give freely can not in reality be bought

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crouchingtigress
 
 Age: 19
  Michigan