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| Greetings to everyone and thank you for reading my profile.
My profile has gotten a little long. To save everyone's time, if you're a husband-hunter looking for a vanilla husband or a swinger looking for casual vanilla sex, then please pass me by. Not that there's anything wrong with either, it's just that we're not a match.
Online-only relationships have no attraction for me. One can read about something, watch videos, and talk to people, but there are some subjects where to learn the only choice is to hop in and do it. It's true for swimming and BDSM. I enjoy exchanging a few emails to see if we're a match, but then I prefer to meet somewhere public for coffee and an in-person talk.
At the risk of sounding old fashioned, I'm not into illegal drugs, heavy alcoholic drinking, or wild parties. I confess to being on the shy side. Socializing is not something that comes naturally to me, but I do try.
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I'm a Dominant male looking for friends, play partners, and possibly a submissive partner.
My wife is also a Dominant, and we have a vanilla relationship. Usually we have our own subs, although occasionally we have co-owned someone. She lives in another state and we get together for long weekends whenever we can. Please note that I'm looking for a polyamorous relationship, in particular a Dom/sub (D/s) relationship. I'm not looking for another vanilla wife.
From my point of view, the basis of a D/s relationship is power transfer. It's all about control and voluntary submission. What the sub is willing to transfer to the Dom is a matter of negotiation. Keep in mind that like any relationship, a D/s relationship has to ensure that the needs of both parties are met. It's a two way relationship, otherwise the relationship won't survive. My job is to keep you safe and see that your needs are met. Your job will be to tell me, honestly, what you need and how you feel. Remember, if you're not having fun, then something is amiss and needs to change. People become submissives because they like it.
I will tell you that a Dom/sub or Master/slave relationship has the potential of being really intense. The bond between a Dom and sub or a Maseter and slave can be much stronger, more erotic, and more intimate than anything in a vanilla relationship.
Regarding the type of person I'm looking to meet, I have an open mind. I"m not fussy about age, race, religion, marital status, weight, and things like that. Every person I meet has the potential for a relationship...we just need to negotiate up front what level of relationship that will be, whether it's just friends, play partners, or a D/s relationship.
Within BDSM I enjoy a variety of activities. Particularly enjoy bondage, especially rope bondage. I"m always looking for someone to practice my tying on. I enjoy most impact play, such as spanking, flogging, whipping, and caning. Regarding all impact play, my style is to start low and gradually increase intensity with lots of verbal feedback. I"m not into edge play unless I really know my partner well.
My play style tends more towards the sensual than hardcore sadism. I enjoy orgasm play, such as finding out how many times my sub can orgasm in an evening, or how many different ways I can produce an orgasm, or how long I can tease her to the point just before orgasm and keep her there. Depending on technique, an orgasm can be produced from a spanking, or caning, or a whip, just as easily as from a vibrator. From my point of view, the most important sexual organ is the mind. Different people find different things turn them on. Often what turns a sub on one day may not the next. I enjoy having someone tell me her fantasy, and seeing if I can make it come true for her.
Outside BDSM, I enjoy art, music, fine dining, and going for hikes in the woods. I'm learning to play the guitar and bass guitar. Time permitting, I enjoy experimenting with my new digital camera.
I realize most submissives get a ton of email, so I won't take up a lot of your time. If you're interested in meeting at a Barnes & Noble bookstore for a coffee or tea, feel free to drop me a line.
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It's interesting to hear what people think is a 24x7 relationship.
Being a sub or slave involves a relationhip. That relationship doesn't end just because the scene is over.
If someone is my sub, then they're my sub regardless of whether they're in the same room or half way around the world.
Being 24x7 doesn't mean being locked in a cage in the basement all the time. The truth of the matter is that real life gets in the way. We have jobs, other relationships, other duties outside of the scene that are required to live.
One thing that always bothered me about the BDSM fiction is that the characters usually live in mansion, where no one has to work, no one has to cook, no one has to to laundry or go shopping, and no one has to manage their money. Real life doesn't work like that.
Being a collared slave or submissive means an ongoing commitment to a relationship. It's a two-way commitment, Dom to the sub and the sub to the Dom. The rules are negotiated, the power exchange may vary, but the commitment extends beyond the dungeon.
I would expect to spend vanilla time with my sub, not just with her tied to the rack. There are times for BDSM play, and there are times for going out to dinner, holding hands in the park, snuggling in bed after a long day. |
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Sex is negotiated just like everything else. Some subs are not available for sex with their Dom, others are. Here I'm defining sex as the vaginal penetration of the woman by a male penis. Some subs reserve vaginal sex for their boyfriends or husbands, but are open to satisfying their Dom orally. It varies. Some subs want a one-on-one D/s relationship with their Dom, others are open to their Dom having more than one sub, or to having more than one Dom. Again, it's negotiated in advance and it varies. You'll see subs with one Dom, subs with multiple Doms, and Doms with multiple subs. Some people are open to polyamorous relationships, and some aren't. It's whatever works for them. |
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There seems to be some confusion or bias among newcomers to the scene against playing with married people. It's as if people assume that one person is cheating on the other. Or maybe they're looking for an unattached person for a vanilla spouse. I don't know. I've been in the scene for over 20 years, and in that time learned that the nature of relationships within the scene is quite different than what is the norm in the vanilla world. Within the scene, it's not uncommon to find two Doms, or two subs, married to each other. In this case, they sometimes can't fulfill each other's BDSM needs. So it's not uncommon for a married Dom to have other subs, or a married sub to have a Dom outside the marriage, with the spouse's full knowledge and approval. Or maybe one person in a couple has no interest in BDSM. Again, with the spouse's full knowledge and consent, that person may seek a Dom or a sub outside the marriage.
Something similar applies to playing in public dungeons with other people. Some might equate doing a scene with someone as having vanilla sex like a swinger. In my experience, this is not usually the case. A sub may play with several Doms, and yet not be sexually penetrated by any of them. It's a lot like going to a dance. People may go as a couple, but other than the first and last dance, they dance with other people. The fact that they're dancing with other people does not mean they're being unfaithful to their partner. |
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