mikeb33 on Collarspace

9/5/2015 7:40:05 AM

A Dominant man is not born. You can have desires, wishes, or lustful longings but becoming a Dom means much more than finding a sub. Step number one is being fully capable of controlling yourself. No woman should ever submit to a man who is unable to maintain his own willpower or command his own life. "He can't even run his own life, I'll be damned if he'll run mine..." A true Dom has self control. Own yourself before owning another. Be completely able to handle your desires. If your will is not strong you will never overcome the will of your sub.Learn to overcome petty wants and wishes. Carry yourself with respect by respecting yourself. Next, take time to understand yourself. Learn your wants. Learn what you enjoy, what pleases you. If you go into a relationship not know what you seek you do your sub a great disservice for how can she please you if you don't even know what pleases you? Be slow to apply a label on yourself or on your sub. Don't get caught up in names. This is a pleasurable and fulfilling experience. Tying yourself to a label limits your ability to experience things that may be outside of your repertoire. Examine yourself and seek what pleases you. Talk to others. Watch videos. Read journal entries. Take note of what gets you most hot. Your sub. She is special. She is amazing. She is yours. Take care of her. She is human. She has feelings. She hurts. She loves. Treat her with respect. She deserves it. Respect is a two way street. If you don't respect her then don't expect her to respect you. Yes, she is giving herself to you but she is still a valuable life, one that is now in your hands. Earn her. Do not take her for granted. Yes, you are the Dom and your word is final, but her opinion is equally valuable to yours. She needs to trust that you have her interests in mind, that she has nothing to fear. This doesn't happen instantly. Develop a relationship. Form a bond. Know each other. Learn her and teach her about yourself. Discussion, open and honest, is the only way this can be achieved. Time! Take things slow. Rome was not built in a day. Trust should not be easily given. Patience is a Dom's greatest and most necessary trait. Patience is the key to comfort. Allow your sub the time to feel comfortable. Try as you may, you can not take a sub. Give her what she needs and you will get what you need. Sound crazy? Then maybe you're not cut out to be a Dom. If a Dom makes requests that a sub is not comfortable with she will only be driven away. A sub gives herself to you. When you take of your sub it should be because she desires so strongly to give that she can hardly contain herself. When your relationship is truly ready to become a Dominant owning a submissive, she will be so excited from the anticipation that she can no longer control herself. This is where you come in. She doesn't give control because she is a sub by nature, she gives control because she can no longer maintain it herself from the way that you handle and treat her. Beware of a Dom who pushes for too much too soon. The right Dom will want to build the proper foundation with his sub before shaking the walls. A Dom who insists on playing upon first meeting is cause for concern. A Dom instructs. I don't like to use the word "order". Using your sub, again, goes back to self control. Being a Dom is an incredible responsibility. Confidence is key. Be confident that you can control yourself and she will have confidence in you to control her. Take her. Take of her what is given. Take what you need and take what you desire, but never take it all. Never use up your sub. Never take more than what she can give. When done properly this is a fulfilling experience for both of you. She will satisfy your every need but in doing so you need to be sure that she is taken care of as well. Emotionally and physically. She wants to please you. She wants to be your every desire. Treat her as such. Play is always consensual and always safe. The second that one person no longer feels this way, play stops. Immediately. I don't care how close to completion you are, if someone says stop and means it (safe words) you stop. If you truly care for and respect your sub then this is not a question. I'm not saying don't push the limits. Do! Push them! Soliciting a safe word does not have to be a bad thing! Pushing limits doesn't mean breaking them however. You know by now what your sub is capable of. Don't lose sight of that. She is counting on you to protect her! Discipline and Rules. You may be thinking, this is not a Dom! This is a big softy! False. A Dom does need a sensitive side, but he also needs to maintain strict discipline. When you own a sub she needs rules. She needs to know what is expected and she needs to know that there are consequences for her actions if she should cross a line. Punishment should be swift and severe. It should occur immediately when the wrong is done. She needs to know that she has stepped out of her place and she will be dealt with accordingly. A Dom will not stand for his rules being broken! Be absolutely sure that she understands why she is being punished. Make your punishment fit her crime. A Dom without creativity is boring, mundane, and will often cause a sub to act out in an effort to test him, to elicit a new response. Punish her firmly and make sure that she will not commit the same offense again! But when the punishment has been doled out, it's over. Everything is even. Never hold a grudge against your sub! She has served her time! Aftercare. Remember I said to take from your sub? This is where you give back. She gave you the most precious thing she has, herself. Now it's your turn. Give her back, but do so in a better condition than you took her. Praise her. She has been an object during your scene, a fuck toy for your use. This is where she becomes a beautiful human being again and it's your responsibility to be sure that this transition occurs. Make her feel whole. Let her know what a good girl she is. Hold her in your arms and show her she is safe. Stroke her hair and show her how pretty she is. If you've left marks on her body, kiss them. Show her compassion. Show her you care. Show her how much she means to you. Aftercare should not truly end until your next scene begins. In addition, a true Dom understands that a sub has every right to say no. However, if you are doing your job correctly, not only will she not want to say no, but she will never need to. If a Dom assumes that his word is final and there is no discussion on a topic that makes his sub uncomfortable, he has failed. He has broken the trust that they worked so hard to create. A sub trusts her Dom to care for her well being and to control her in a safe and sane manor. A Dom trusts his sub to obey rules and to speak up regarding her feelings and concerns. Kicking down a sub who raises a valid question makes you less of a Dom. Know your role. Listen to her, consider her opinion and if you disagree explain why. Don't assume that just because your her Dom that she doesn't deserve to know what you're thinking. By listening to her thoughts and explaining your own, you not only become a better Dom but you build a better sub and you strengthen the trust in the relationship as she knows that you will listen and that you truly do care. This dynamic is so loving! Treat it as such! Yes, whipping, slapping, chaining and caning are painful and may not seem loving to the society that does not understand, but between a Dom and his sub (should they choose that style of play) it's a wonderful exchange power, pleasure and trust. Listen to her. Read her body. Memorize her. Her reactions, her wants and needs. Take charge. Own her.