Mike2003


mike285 Male Switch, 59, Wellington	mike2baller Male Submissive, 18, Racine, Wisconsin	Mike2657 Male Dominant, 44, New York

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	About Mike2003 I'm a heterosexual Dom in Northern Virginia. I'm looking for friends and play partners who enjoy bondage, both mental and physical, as well as other BDSM activities. I love tying someone in ropes. If things work out that we're a match, I'm also interested in finding a submissive or slave for a long term collared relationship. My wife, Mistress Bleu, is a Dom in her own right. We have a vanilla relationship. When it comes to BDSM, we both play with other people, although we have had scenes where we co-topped a slave at the same time. Usually our slaves are individually owned, but we have co-owned a slave as a couple. For me, being a Dominant is what I am, it's not an act or role playing. This doesn't mean I'm in "Dom mode" 24x7 or can't separate my vanilla life from my BDSM life, it's just my point of view on life. Marital status, age, race, body type, national origin, and experience are not as important to me as personality and spiritual things are, like honesty, trust, and loyalty. Some people are reluctant to play with married people, I'm not. My best slaves have been married. I have no problem maintaining a poly BDSM relationship when a woman has her vanilla needs met by her husband or boyfriend. I really enjoy reaching the level of intimacy and trust where a woman shares fantasies and desires with me that she wouldn't share with her husband. Please don't take this paragraph to an extreme. I do enjoy vanilla activities with my partners...both married and single...such as dinner, the movies, snuggling on the couch, and taking walks in the park. BDSM play is definitely sexually erotic. However vanilla sex--defined here as the penetration of the female vagina by a male penis--is not a requirement for a BDSM relationship with me. I don't have vanilla sex with every play partner that crosses my path. I prefer to stay fully dressed when doing a scene, however my partner may have as many orgasms as she likes. In my opinion, the most important sex organ is the brain. I try to take the time to find out what turns on my partner because what turns on one person may turn off another. Or what turns on my partner today may turn her off tomorrow when she's in a different mood. I have seen my partners orgasm from nipple play, a light caning, spankings, etc. Others can't orgasm without pain. However properly done, BDSM play can put the sub into a euphoria called "subspace" where she is flying mentally in a wonderful fantasy world that subs and slaves alike enjoy. My view of Dom/sub and Master/slave relationships is that it's consensual power exchange. It's a negotiated relationship, but the only power a Dom has is that which the sub agrees to give. I believe D/s and M/s relationships are a two-way relationship where both parties needs are met. If my partner doesn't feel safe, have fun and get her needs met, she's not going to want to stay with me. I like to use contracts for my collared partners. The contracts may be for 3 months, 6 months, or a year...you don't have to make a lifetime commitment if you're not sure you can. My contracts aren't legal documents, they're just talking papers to help both of us talk about the important parts of our relationship...the rights and responsibilities of each, the expectations of both in terms of commitment, interests, and limits. I'm a member of the Crucible, Black Rose, Bess, and a few other BDSM organizations. I'm a regular attendee at Dark Odyssey and Black Rose conferences. I'm an occasional attendee at a number of other events such as the Master Slave conference, Turtle Hill Event's Beltane festival, and various events at the Crucible in DC and the Playhouse in Baltimore. I've been in the BDSM lifestyle for over 26 years. There are still a few new things I'd like to try, such as owning a couple, or owning a lesbian slave. My wife is daring me to try a male slave or a gay female...think that's payback from when I told her I was more comfortable with her having female slaves than male... Within BDSM, I have a wide variety of interests and am open to trying new things. I enjoy using paddles, floggers, canes, single tails, and a variety of impact play. Enjoy playing with my partners in a variety of positions, often including bondage. Especially enjoy rope bondage, breast play, and orgasm control play. With the right partner, I enjoy wax play, knife play, electric play, needle play, and a variety of edge play. Role playing is a favorite past time, including D/s and M/s relationships, age play, pony play, and puppy play. I also enjoy helping people new to the scene and helping people live out their fantasies. Will consider short term training relationship to get a new Dom or sub started with a variety of play and safety instruction, as well as introducing them to people in the scene. If you're reading this and are new, take a look at my journal where I'm starting to write down the most common questions that I get from newcomers. Personal interests include music and lots of outdoor activities such as walking in the woods, backpacking, camping, fishing, target shooting, photography, swimming, and playing guitar. Enjoy both the mountains and the beach. I like to travel sometimes, both within the USA and overseas. Don't have many dislikes. Not really into scat, blood, or heavy humiliation play. Don't have a lot of patience with people who are snobs or preach that only their version of BDSM is the right way to do it. Potential friends, play partners, subs, and slaves are welcome to contact me. Don't be shy about telling me what you need or want to try. Think in advance about your interests, limits, and any medical issues that I need to know about. A good match for me would be someone who can negotiate and is at least somewhat open about their lifestyle. For negotiation, don't agree to anything you really can't live up to, don't say something is ok if it isn't, and don't hold onto something that you can live without. By both giving up a little, the idea is that we can get a relationship where both of our needs are met in a satisfactory way. Regarding open lifestyle, I will respect your privacy. However you should be able to carry on a conversation in a normal voice at a coffee shop or bookstore about issues like BDSM and sex. I don't claim to be perfect or to have found the only right way to do BDSM. By definition, a Dom makes their own rules, so each Dom will be different. One view is not necessarily better than another. My way of practicing BDSM relationships is just that...my way...not an attempt to tell someone else how they should do it. I believe people should be themselves, yet try to learn and grown...try new things. I don't try to be something I'm not, nor do I try to make a slave into something she's not. The best advice I can give is "Be honest and be yourself". All contacts will be treated confidentially with respect for your privacy. I enjoy playing in public dungeons like the Playhouse or Crucible, however I don't mind playing in private where privacy concerns are paramount.

Mistress Bleu and I signed up for Dark Odyssey Winterfire in Feb, 2011. It should be fun.

I've agreed to train a new submissive, a lovely lady named Wendy. It's going to be a six month training contract. Should be fun.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.

For the record, I do read people's profiles before contacting them. I don't claim to be perfect...sometimes I miss something. Often it's just a simple fact that two people can read the same text and come up with a different interpretation.

Attended another DO conference in DC. Didn't do much this time...my wife came down with a bad cold the first day. She spent most of her time sleeping. I attended the bondage and single tail classes, as usual, as well as a good class in Flirting and Sharing What You Want With Your Partner.

Happy Holidays everyone. I just signed up for Dark Odyssey Winter Fire over Valentine's Day, 2009. Should be fun!

I just attended Dark Odyssey Summer Camp from Sep 10-15. Had a great time as usual. Attended with my wife Mistress Bleu, my slave Samira, and her husband. Sunday morning we attended a "Bambi hunt". The submissives/slaves played the part of the Bambi's, and the Doms played the hunters. I used a Super Soaker water gun with red dye in ice water. There were about 5 Bambis...four female and one male. They were given a 10 second head start, but had to stay in the main grassy area above the dining hall. My slave was one of the Bambis...so of course I shot her first. Some of the Bambi's were not so cooperative. Another one resisted being taken back to the base at one of the cabins. So I had to wrestle her to the ground and try to drag her. That's when I found out that what I had previously thought was sun block that she was rubbing all over her body, was in fact oil. She was so slippery...and strong...that it took three of us to drag her back to base. Once caught, they all escaped again...so off we went a second time. Snuck up on my slave and shot her from ambush...hey, it was hot, I'm sure the ice water felt good... Once again ended up shooting the troublesome Bambi...again took some help to get her back to base. This time I hog tied her and emptied my squirt gun on her...all the other hunters followed suit. We ended after a couple of hours, with the Bambis skipping off into the showers talking about next year's hunt, and the hunters dragging themselves down to lunch for a rest.

Summer is finally over. It's been busy. I attended the Dark Odyssey Winterfire in March, 2008. Highlight was a present for Mistress Bleu...I set up an Objectification Room for her. Two pretty subs agreed to be the objects. I used a couple of photo stands to drape a sheet halfway down the bed. The two women lay naked, face down, with the sheet covering the upper halves of their bodies. Pauline could not seen their faces, nor they hers. So she walked in, all ready to play, and had a wonderful time. I enjoy doing things like this for her. Attended the Beltane Conference in May. Pauline and I were handfasted in marriage on May 2, 2008, at 2:00 PM. My slave Samira, her husband Ribert, and a few others were in attendance. It was a pretty wedding. Attended the Master/slave conference in August with my wonderful slave Samira. Lots of good classes...most of which emphasized talking and communication. Getting ready for the Dark Odyssey Summer camp in Sept...should be fun.

Holiday Greetings to Everyone: Hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday season. I attended the Crucible Christmas Party Saturday night. Not a lot of people showed up, and few played. Didn't stay long, just said hi and chatted with a few people. I did update my Crucible membership for the next year. It should be easier to remember by doing it near Christmas.

Playhouse: Attended a party at the Playhouse this last weekend. One of the owners demonstrated fisting for the group, and two other women volunteered to try it as well...the poor presenter looked exhausted by the time he was done with his third demonstration.

BR XX: Attended the BR XX conference this last weekend. Got there on a Thursday night and left the following Monday. It was nice. Friday night we had the public collaring ceremony between Samira and myself in the Oasis room. Opening comments were made by Samira's husband, and the Mistress of Ceremonies was Mistress Bleu. Ropeprincess provided security. It turned out pretty well. Rest of the weekend was spent alternately eating out, attending classes, and playing in the dungeons. Met up with a slave from the Chicago area and had a nice scene with her. Arranged a scene for Samira with an old Dom friend of hers, and set up a couple of scenes for Mistress Bleu with sub males. As a collaring gift, my slave bought me a new set of canes...three of them had recently broken. Of course, I promptly tested them out on her. The most interesting class seemed to be the one on Binding the Jewels...a course on genital bondage. I just watched...very interesting...while Mistress Bleu practiced on Samira's husband. It was fun, watching a semicircle of women sitting on the floor in front of their male counterparts who have their pants down. Lots of silly grins, giggling, and cries of "Ooh, that looks so pretty!" There were a few comments about why I was keeping my pants on, but they got by without me.

Collaring Ceremony: I asked my slave Samira if she'd like to have a public collaring ceremony at this coming BRXX. She's been collared for a while, but I was thinking it might make her feel special. Much to my surprise, she said yes. We're planning on hosting the collaring ceremony Friday night, 11/30/07, at 7:30 PM, in the Oasis room. My girlfriend, Mistress Bleu, will be the Mistress of Ceremonies, and Samira's husband will give the opening comments. Come join us and help us celebrate!

Monday update: My slave Samira got a job! First one she applied to! I'm so proud of her. She's a hardworking, intelligent woman who needs to work and needs to serve. Even though it means I'll be seeing less of her, I know it's what she needs. Congratulations Samira!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dungeon Monitor Duties: Last night I attended the Dungeon Monitor (DM) class at the Black Rose party in the Crucible. Afterward, I finished my introductory training by DM'ing from 9:30 PM to midnight. Today I completed the CPR class. It was a great class...finally learned how to use an AED (shock box). For those of you who don't know what a DM does, a DM is a safety officer for a play party. The job entails ensuring that all scenes are safe, crowd control, and making sure that all scenes obey the posted rules. I've been meaning to do this for quite a while, and finally got around to it this weekend when my schedule opened up.

A day of drama: Interesting how much drama I can get involved in without even trying. Ond of my slave's old play partners has told her not to contact him anymore...as an Alpha Dom he's not comfortable with me...and I don't even know the man. Another submissive friend of mine asked me to escort her to a BR party...then tells me that she's invited someone else up for the weekend and will be going with him instead. Sigh.

10 Year Anniversary Party at the Playhouse: The Playhouse in Baltimore had their 10 year anniversary party last nigt. I attended with my slave Samira and a submissive friend. This was the second time for me topping two women at the same time...it was great. They both stood up next to a steel tripod fixture, and I tied their hands over their heads. For the next couple of hours, I played with them...knife play, floggers, paddles, single tails, feather dusters (they hate being tickled), and my personal favorite, lots of breast play. They both have beautiful breasts and large nipples.
Did my quota of socializing to practice my social skills...said hi to someone I thought was a female Dom and turned out to be a slave, and to somoeone I thought was a slave who turned out to be a female Dom. They really should consider name tags....something that also indicates top or bottom at least...maybe a button that says "I want to play" or "Not available". The place was pretty packed...probably 75 people there...and the Playhouse isn't that big.

Everyone seemed to have a good time. My submissive friend started feeling an upset stomach, so we left a little early, around midnight.

BDSM Organizations: A question I often get from new people is, "Where can I get started?" Below is a list of BDSM organizations in the VA/DC/MD area. These are reputable groups where you can meet real people. Simply point your web browser to google (or any other search engine), and search for the keywords below.

Black Rose

BESS

Black Beat

Dark Odyssey

The Crucible

CUFF

Control issues: Had a interesting conversation with another Dom tonight. The issue was courtesy versus control. The question is, can a Dom be nice and still in control? From my point of view, the answer is yes. There's nothing in the rule book that says being a Dom is an excuse to be self centered and rude. I worked for many years in Army installations worldwide. They certainly understand control and chain of command. Yet the most soft spoken, politest people that I remember meeting were the generals. The people with the most power were the most polite. They didn't feel the need to shout, be rude, or put people down to be in control. I admire that. I don't feel like less of a Dom if I open a door for a slave or buy her flowers. I once met a potential submissive at a Borders Bookstore. I bought us both coffee, then we sought a quiet corner where we could chat. Most of the chairs were taken. Finally we found one chair way in the back. So I offered the chair to her to sit and I sat in the floor. We talked for an hour or so. Later I emailed here and asked if she thought me un-Domly for letting her sit in the chair while I sat at her feet. Her response was that she thought there was nothing un-Domly about it...she thought I was being a gentleman.

Another night at the Crucible: Went down to the Crucible last night. They were hosting a cookout/play time. Not a lot of people there, but enough to make it fun. I'm not very good at socializing, but from time to time I do make a special effort. Went alone and didn't play with anyone, but did chat with a few people. Got to know the bar personnel for the evening. Had an interesting conversation with Single Tail Steve about single tail whips. He likes Mike Murphy's whips....which are some of my favorites too. My red and black bull whip is a Murphy. He also like some of Morgan's whips, which I like but don't own. Our conversation was cut short when a beautiful female submissive swooped down on him and carried him off to a dark corner for playtime. Met a nice couple visiting from VA Beach. Met a really pretty submissive lady that I"d previously chatted with on Collarme. Just before closing I met a female Dom from Baltimore who agreed to go out and pick up some Chinese carry-out with me. All in all, an interesting evening.

Friends of the Playhouse party: Attended another party at the Playhouse Sunday evening. This is a fund raiser type party. The Playhouse is now offering memberships just like the Crucible to raise money for renovations. A slave friend of mine is a member and she invited me to escort her. Had a nice flogging and caning scene with her. Warmed her up and then shared her with a female Dom friend of ours...with her consent of course.

Bought her and our Dom friend a cup of coffee at the donut shop around the corner. Nice evening overall.

I like the party being from 4:00 PM to 8:00 PM...hate driving home from Baltimore at 1:00 AM in the morning.

Another evening at the Playhouse: Attended a party at the Playhouse in Baltimore last night. It was a costume party for those who were interested to dress up like schoolgirls. Not like any schoolgirls I've ever seen...lots of miniskirts, stockings, and no underwear. Didn't play, but it was fun to watch. Got to chat with the Baltimore crowd...which I haven't done for a while. Watched a scene by a female Dom friend of mine. She played with a CD slave that belonged to a friend of hers....rather sadistically I might add. The slave seemed to have fun, as did her Dom who joined in for a co-topping session. Glenda's minions talked me into buying a raffle ticket to raise money to fix up the Playhouse. They've changed the place around since the last time I've been there. Looks nice.

Confusion on swinging and BDSM: Some people seem to mistakenly assume that all BDSM people are swingers. Such is not the case in my experience. Part of the confusion may arise when vanilla (non-BDSM) people visit a dungeon and don't understand what they're seeing. Just because a Dom plays with someone other than their collared slave doesn't mean they're swinging in the vanilla sense. Compare a BDSM dungeon to a dance party. I go to a dance with my date, dance the first and last dates with her, and otherwise we alternate between dancing with each other and other people. When it's time to go home, my partner leaves with me. In the same way, I go to a BDSM dungeon or play party with my slave, usually I will play with her first, and then the rest of the evening we may or may not play with others. When it's time to leave, she leaves with me. Just like in a vanilla dance people dance with other partners than their date for the evening, BDSM people will sometimes play with other partners during an evening. That doesn't mean we're swinging. I play with other people sometimes...I don't have vanilla sex with them. I am not a swinger, and am actually pretty sexually conservative about new partners. From my point of view, sex belongs in a committed relationship. It's not a casual thing done with strangers just for a few minutes pleasure. I don't mind fellowshipping with swingers, and have been to a few swing parties, but I didn't get laid...just watched. On one occasion I watched a woman have sex with seven men at once. They took turns pumping her missionary style, while the others stroked her body and she stroked their penises. As each man finished, he got up, got dressed, and left. When all seven were finished, she beckoned me to take a turn. I politely declined. I had no interest whatsoever in being anonymous sex partner number eight....that's just not me.

Dark Odyssey:

I attended Dark Odyssey this last weekend. Had a wonderful time wth my slave Samira and her husband. Samira surprised me a couple of times . I had two chore sessions selected...gate guard on Fri and Floater on Sunday. On Friday, she traded her chore with the person on duty with me, so we sat there and checked id's together as people came into the event. On Sunday, I was assigned the task of running around and refilling all the torches with fuel. She had already completed her chores...but she just walked up to my partner and asked if she could take his place. So we drove around the camp refilling torches together and chatting. The reason I'm surprised is that one of her complaints about her last Dom was that he never gave her private time. So I thought that while I was doing chores would be a good time for her to go have fun without me....classes, shopping, whatever. But it was her choice, and she chose to run around with me. Hey, I tried. Camp was fun. Got to see some people that I hadn't run into for a while. The Sexorama was pretty uneventful...as usual...except that this year they added a Stripper Room with glass panes on the doors so people could watch, but not touch, the strippers. That was pretty nice. Oddly enough, it was the other strippers who were up front screaming and hopping up and down in front of the windows. They had a blow job contest between two women...one from NY and the other from Jersey. Think they performed on 20 guys. The lowest part of the weekend was when I went down to the pond to rest. The geese weren't there anymore. I asked around...people said that the foxes or dogs had gotten them. The pond isn't the same without the geese running up, waddling, looking hungry and so totally ridiculus. They have no teeth and no claws, so they can't hurt you...but they sure look intimidating...at least until you start feeding them. I"ll miss them.

Did a few scenes with my slave. In one scene at the dungeon, I worked her over with paddles, canes, floggers while she was tied to a bench. She becomes such a zombie when I play with her. Later she helped me practice with my bullwhips, and I got to do some bullwhip wraps on her. Did another scene with anal play...she was new to that and seemed to like it. Did another scene with needle play on her using the needle play kit she bought me for my birthday. It was fun.

Didn't have the opportunity to play with anyone else. Last time I went to DO, I asked nine women to play with me...and all nine turned out to be either Doms or tops and turned me down. This time I only asked one, a switch, who wasn't in a bottomy mood. I need to get better at my people skills.
Still not very good at asking people to play...or at least getting them to agree.

Thank goodness I had my slave with me. DO was much more fun with her there. Not sure I'd have even bothered going alone.

Thoughts on Dom/Dom relationships: Sometimes people in a BDSM relationship are not in the typical Top/Bottom, Dom/sub, or Master/slave arrangement. Dom/Dom couples seem to be rare, but they exist. For example, I met one female Dom who lives in Philadelphia with her husband. Both are Doms. The husband has three female slaves. The wife has one male slave. The husband and wife have a typical vanilla relationship...the only exception being that she lets him tie her up from time to time since she loves rope bondage but doesn't trust anyone but her husband to tie her up. She told me that once her husband had tied her up and suspended her in a dungeon, and she was mouthing off at him. Another Dom walked by and said, "That's the mouthiest, most disrepectful submissive I've ever seen." The husband laughed and replied, "That's my wife, not my submissive." She said people would often ask about her relationship to her husband's slaves. She told me that, to her husband's slaves, she was the Dom's wife. Plain and simple...she didn't Dom her husband's slaves, and he didn't Dom her slave. Both had their own rules and relationships with their own slaves. One of the rituals that she enjoyed was that each morning her male slave would bring a tray of coffee and pastries to her room to wake her up...and then gently perform oral sex on her for about 30 minutes while she tried to wake up. She said she preferred to start her day that way.

I'm a Dom and am dating a female Dom...Mistress Bleu. We're both Doms, yet we have a pretty typical boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I don't Dom her slaves, and she doesn't Dom mine. We did have one time where we jointly owned a female slave, but that was the exception rather than the rule. From my slave's point of view, Mistress Bleu is her Dom's girlfriend...to be treated with courtesy but not as her own Dom.

I met another Dom/Dom couple at the Playhouse. At first, I thought they were a sub/sub couple since they were both wearing collars. However they told me that they were both dominant, and that they had collared each other. When I asked how they would work out playtime since neither of them switched, they laughed and said they hadn't gotten that far...they'd been together only a few months.

Attended the LF&P at the Crucible. Had a great time with my slave Samira and her husband. Did a fun single tail scene with another female slave using a Morgan signal whip. Didn't buy any new toys, but did enjoy looking around. Bought my slave a new dress collar. It's two collars in one...a black leather wide band with velcro on the inside and a purple narrow band on the outside. Quite lovely on her. Samira gave me a birthday present...a needle play kit. Of course, she'll be seeing this kit again.

Thoughts on married people in the scene.

In the vanilla world, it sometime happens that one partner has a much stonger sex drive than the other. This can lead to problems in a relationship because one partner never feels they get enough sex, and the othe partner feels that no matter what they do it's never good enough. So it's becoming more commn these days for couples with radically different libidos for the partner with the higher drive to take an additional sex partner.

In the same way, somtimes when experimenting with BDSM, a couple finds out that they can't meet each other's needs. Sometimes it's the case that both partners are Dominant or both are submissive. If they can't bring themselves to switch, at least occasionally, then this leads to problems in their relationship. Sometimes one may be Dominant and the other submissive, but they don't work well together. Marriage is a contract...an equal power sharing arrangement where both have a voice in family matters. Yes, one can submit to the other for a play session...but the real question is can they switch back to being equals when playtime is over? If someone wants a 24x7 Master/slave relationship, then this too may cause problems in the marriage because by it's very nature M/s and D/s relationships are about power transfer, and from a vanilla point of view, have a Catch-22 built in by default--they're inherently unfair because one person is voluntarily surrendering power to the other.

As a result, it's not uncommon for married people, and people in an otherwise commited relationship, to look outside the marriage for a Dom or slave. I know two couples, where each husband Dom's the other man's wife...it works better for them. I've met a number of women who tell me they're married and very much in love with their husband, but he's submissive...not a dominant bone in his body. In this case, the wife is not looking for a full relationship...she's not looking to replace her vanilla life with her husband. What she craves is occasional release, a chance to relieve the pressures of daily life produced by her husband, children, and her job, even if only for a little while. For those of you who are new to the BDSM scene, I assure you that sex alone will not satisfy a submissive or slave. A submissive longs to be controlled; a slave longs to belong to someone. Some husbands just can't provide that control and domination to their wives even though they love them very much. I once knew a woman who dated two men at the same time. She told me that one of them treated her like pure gold, giving her everything she wanted and doing everything she asked. The other treated her like dirt. He was verbally abusive, hit her occasionally, and demanded that she wait on him with drinks and snacks while he watched football. She confided to me that she wished she could merge the two men into one...because she craved what both did to her. Neither men by themselves could satisfy her. From my point of view, that's what a Dom is supposed to be...a combination of both tender loving care and occasional rough treatment. A submissive or slave doesn't always want to get everything they ask for. Sometimes they simply want to be controlled and to serve. The control or service may or may not be sexual, but it is the primary driving force for subs and slaves. On one chat list, I had someone email me and say "Mike, you come across as a control freak". My response was, "Yes, you've got it!" Without control you don't have a D/s or M/s relationship. The real question is how much control the sub or slave is willing to surrender--and that is negotiated. In the beginning of a relationship, they may surrender very little. Later on, as trust grows, they may feel the need to submit more.

Personally, I like working with married subs and slaves. They already have a vanilla life and a husband. What they need from me is BDSM, so we're free to concentrate on the BSDM aspects of our relationship.

Thoughts on poly and BDSM.

Just like in the vanilla world where relationships are not always one-to-one, the same is true of BDSM relationships.

Part of this stems, perhaps, from an imbalance in partner pools. For example, heterosexual male Doms outnumber heterosexual female slaves a hundred to one. So there are times where two Doms will share one slave...similar to having two people on the title of a car. The ladies have their pick in this case. The reverse is true for female Doms. For every female Dom there are a thousand male slaves looking. Male slaves also have to compete with female slaves who are looking for a female Dom. So it's pretty common for female Doms to have a stable of slaves, sometimes of both sexes, simply because the demand for them is so great.

I find it funny that on many vanilla chat lists when people talk about a Master owning multiple slaves, it's often portrayed as an abusive male with a harem of females. From my experience, it's much more common for a female Dom to have a stable than for a male Dom to have a harem. Most male Doms have trouble just keeping one slave satisfied, much less two. Yes, it's fun to to more than one slave. But meeting the emotional needs of more than one woman can be a real drain even for the best men.

Thoughts on swinging versus polyamory.

Definition of swinging:

d.	(of married couples) to exchange partners for sexual activity.

Definition of polyamory:

Definition:

participation in multiple and simultaneous loving or sexual relationships

One of the problems in discussing the differences between swinging and poly relationships is that everyone seems to have their own definition of the terms. I pulled the two definitions above from dictionary.com as my impartial reference.

Just like in BDSM, it helps to try and define the terms before starting a discussion.

Just like a Master/slave or Dom/sub relationship in BDSM, a poly or swinging relationship means just what the parties involved negotiate it to mean. So all of these relationships can be highly individual. From my point of view, swinging and poly are two fundamentally opposite ways to have a relationship. With swingers, the question for a married couple is "How do we have additional relationships without damaging the primary marital relationship?" The swinging philosophy is often to have additional sex partners, but no emotional ties are allowed. As long as both parties simply restrict their additional relationships to sex only, and often change partners frequently, then the risk that one of them will fall in love with someone else and leave the marriage is minimized. So the motto of many swingers is "Sex only--no emotional involvement". Poly relationships are just the opposite. In poly, it's ok to love more than one person. The relationshiop may or may not be sexual, but it is usually romantic and loving. Poly is often described as being either open or closed. In an open poly relationship, the parties are usually allowed to add additional partners at will. In a closed poly relationship, the parties are usually in a sexually committed relationship. In my experience, the most common sucessful poly relationships are closed triads...two men sharing one woman, or two women sharing one man--threesomes. Love may be unlimited, but time is not. So most people are limited in how many poly partners they can have by time available to maintain a mutually satisfactory relationship. Some people claim to be both poly and swingers. However I suspect what they really mean is that they have sex with any available body they can find.

One of the questions I get pretty often from new people to the scene is "Does a slave or submissive have any rights?"

First, every D/s and M/s relationship is negotiated between the people involved. A Dom by definition makes their own rules, so every Dom will be different. Every submissive and slave is unique, and each will negotiate what they want and their limits...so what you get at the end is a unique relationship.

From my point of view, slaves and subs always have certain rights:

1) The right to safety.
2) The right to use a safe word at any time to stop or prevent any activity.
3) The right to know the plurality of the relationship...that is exclusive one-to-one, poly one-to-many or many-to-many, or just casual play partners with no commitments on either side.
4) The right to privacy...no personal information should be shared with anyone else without prior consent.
5) The right to have their negotiated limits respected.

Chatting with some of the other Doms in the area who have been in the scene for a while. Some express frustration about the newer crowd in the scene. Seems to be a lot of hard feelings about how the new people don't pay attention to the older traditions or bother to learn the history of BDSM. Some even suggest the scene needs to go back to a "vetting" process for new people to prove their knowledge and skills. Seems a bit strange to me. The old time "vetting" process was not for technical skill...it was simply to make sure everyone knew who was joining so they didn't get arrested. It had nothing to do with technical skill...no one cared what someone did in the privacy of their own dungeon. With the newer laws and social attitudes changing so much, I don't see how a vetting process can help. It's just too easy for new people to join and do things with other new people...regardless of what the old guard thinks. It seems what the older players are actually complaining about is a loss of control...many are frustrated that they can't control the new people anymore...largely due to the influence of web sites like this one. What seems really odd to me is that so many of the really old guard crowd may complain that they want to influence the new people, but then when new people show up at places like the Crucible or the Playhouse, they're ignored. Too many cliques who feel they have enough members and snub the new people. I've heard those comments from both new Doms and subs who have visited the Crucible and Playhouse. If we want to influence and help train the newer generation, we need to be willing to talk to them.

Visited the Crucible last night. Had my first scene where I was topping two female slaves at the same time. It was greaat!

I signed up for Dark Odyssey and Black Rose XX. Looking forward to attending these.

Attended the Master/slave Conference in DC this last weekend. It was a good conference.

mike08021 Male Dominant, 41, Pine Hill, New Jersey	Mike Male Dominant, 48, Auckland	mikeyboy Male Switch, 35, DC metro, Virginia	Mikyle Male Dominant, 29, New York
Mike1037 Dominant Couple, 40, Arvada, Colorado	mikeob Male Submissive, 51, Boise, Idaho	mikeyme Male Submissive, 52, Buffalo, New York	mike18142003 Male Dominant, 41, Austin, Texas
mikan Male Submissive, 37, Ontario	mike404 Male Switch, 41, Indianapolis, Indiana	mikedom Male Dominant, 46, halifax	mike12345 Male Submissive, 41, Malmö

Mike2003

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