I am a sub in training to be Master's whore.  We met recently, I am very inexperienced and he is beginning to mold me into what he wants for me and I know that I am deep inside me.  Ive been a good girl all my life, very vanilla in relationships, loyal, loving partner, but have always had a vivid imagination and lots of sexual fantasies, and a kinky girl deep inside.  So a part of me has been a naughty dirty little slut that needs to be sexually humiliated and turned into a whore, Ive just never had the guts to have a real life relationship with a Master till now that I met Jack and have committed to be his owned property.  We have been seeing each other for a week after a month of online chatting.  This is going to be our first sexual encounter and I hope I can please him.  He sees my need to become his whore, to please him. and to be exposed and sexually humiliated in front of him. He knows and tells me that he knows how I ache to breakthrough as the sexual sensual being I truly am.

We meet at a hotel, to create the right atmosphere for the whore I am to become.  I arrive at the hotel bar, dressed as instructed with no panties, a low cut top showing off my beautiful cleavage, a skirt close to the knee length, and high heeled red patent leather pumps.  He wants me to pick him up at the bar, and he will take me to the room, so others there can think I am a hooker looking for some action.

We get to the room and he strips me without sexually attacking me, which is what I thought would happen.  I could feel our chemistry was strong and I thought he would just ravage me right then and there.  He seems to be a man with lots of self control.  It does arouse me.  He tells me that I will have to learn to obey his every command  one day, and that I will have to prove to him my obedience in the near future.  That even in front of his friends I might need to service him if he so desired.  I cringed at the thought of that humiliation.  To be so exposed to other men as a whore to my Master.  I was instantly wet and aroused at the thought.  I was naked in front of him and he asked me to show him how I would obey him if he asked me to suck his cock in front of his friends.  He sat on the bed fully dressed and told me to suck is cock. I knelt in front of him, got closer in between his legs, unzipped his pants and took out what seemed like a porno star sized cock.  He was quite thick and about 8 inches long and it was hard.  I was so hungry for him and I licked and sucked it hard for a while as he told me I was such a good little whore and how much I pleased him.He came shortly after forcing me to take all his cum load in my mouth. Telling me a good whore swallows all her cum while keeping his cock deep in my mouth and my head held from behind. I had never swallowed cum before, but he said I would not leave the room till I did.
He told me to get on the bed and spread my legs wide for him. He then proceeded to examine my breasts and fondling them as he talked to me. He moved down to my pussy spread wide and he gently and slowly touched my clit and surrounding areas as I moaned with pleasure. He aroused my body to no end, taking his time as he told me that I was his whore and how he wants me to show him that I am a whore as I began to moan and move my hips forward and back to his gradual stimulation with just one hand. I felt so exposed and vulnerable, naked spread wide for him as he touched me. With one hand he deepened his touch in all the right places, till I am heaving and very much in heat as I swayed my hips and back. He gives me positive reinforcement as my moves heighten and I feel exposed for his pleasure. "What a good little whore you are, just the way Master likes his whore to act." He then proceeds to tell me that I will spread my legs wide for all his friends one day and show him what a good whore I have become for Daddy. "But tonight you will spread your legs wide for a friend that is coming by. Ive talked to him about you and he is eager to fuck you and I will show daddy what a whore I am by sucking his cock, and offering my cunt to him as I open wide to show him my pussy.
Master said he would watch this first time with pride as he knows I am turning into a whore that day for him. That it will be the first of many till it becomes part of who I am. I will not be able to think one day without knowing I am a whore and do as Master trained me.
This whole time he has been talking, he is slowly and skillfully playing with my pussy and clit and I am in a heightened state of being. I cant wait any longer, I am so wet. His hands getting slippery in my cunt juice. He deepens his touch with the one hand and inserts his other finger from the other hand inside me and I orgasm. OMG it was strong.
We hear a knock at the door and I am panting as I know what awaits me and I am so naked here.

Here is a little erotica from my mind to yours. 

I cant wait till I have sweet milk in my breasts.  For me its the feeling of being suckled and I want to feel my breasts full of milk to nourish others, to submit my body fully to please and nourish men. In some thoughts, I am naked and sitting held against the back of a chair, with arms tied behind.  My Master has put me here to force me to nourish others, service their needs, and teach me how to be a true whore for Master. He enjoys pushing me and forcing me beyond my limits and humiliating me.  My breasts out and full of milk and two men sit next to me on either side grab my teats and push them deep into their open mouths, they latch on and begin to suckle me.  I feel the surge of milk exiting my nipples and moan deeply, I am so aroused.  As they continue, I become so wet, I am dripping from my cunt down my legs.  One of them notices and puts his hand between my legs and touches my clit.  I gasp, I can feel my clit so big and swollen aching for a cock inside me, aching to be touched and orgasm.  He gently puts his finger between my lips and tries to grab my clit, I moan again as I am breathing deeply now, and it just slips from his fingers thru my wetness.  I continue to feel my breasts being tugged on and my milk slipping out of me into their hungry mouths.  They blindfold me and gag me as they stop momentarily and I am afraid of what they will do to me.  One man takes my two nipples and pulls on them as if to elongate the nipples, it hurts and I moan, as the other is fingering my cunt now and drenched in my wetness.  I move my pussy forward and back as ache for penetration.  The other man unties my arms from behind looks at Master who gives his ok, and they proceed to put me on all fours.  At this point my cunt is dripping and I am a bitch in heat.  One man goes under me to massage both breasts and begin suckling my teats again, as the other one goes behind me and reveals a huge hard on, which he takes out of his pants and tries to push into my cunt.  I am tight, and he is big and hard, but he is determined to get inside me and pushes and slides his way into my hungry cunt.  I scream muffed noises from my gag filled mouth as I feel the tugging on my tits an breasts, and the ramming from this big hard cock inside me.  I begin to tremble as its too overwhelming for me, and scream loudly as I orgasm.  He feels my strong orgasm and continues to ride my cunt while I am being suckled, and he finally cums and fills me with his big load.  It arouses me to feel his seed inside me.  My Master then tells them to switch.  And its starts all over again, till my teats are dry of milk, and I full of their seed inside me.  They thank my Master for their fun and pleasure, and leave.  I am drained on the floor exhausted.  He lifts me to the bed and lets me rest for a moment as he fully undresses and shows me his throbbing hard on, by taking one of my hands and letting me touch it.  I want him so bad, but don't have the energy to move.  He stands near the bed and me and tells me to lick off his pre-cum moving his cock to my mouth and lifting the gag up for a second, and I do.  He gets on the bed and without a word puts me on my side as if we were about to spoon, but instead fiddles his hardness into my virgin ass.  I am still gagged and blindfolded.  I scream as he takes my virgin ass and opens it shamelessly like it has never been opened before.  I continue to scream as he rhythmically  penetrates me deeper in and out, and he cums inside me filling me with this huge load that oozes out.  Suckles on my breasts to make sure they are fully dry now.  Tells me I am to sleep full of cum like that tonight, but removes my gag which I have been drooling from for hours. I cant wait till I have sweet milk in my breasts for Master.

Breast pump broke, wish someone would send me one if they aren't using it any longer.

I have been trying to connect to spirit to find my way again.

I need a shift of mind and heart.

when I am working I am too busy to think about anything else.  When I am not working I am too depressed and burdened by finding lack of work to take action.

Maybe I am not one to find a true relationship.

Been fantasizing about being taken by a tall handsome man with a thick big cock.  he makes me his slave and trains me to be a good lil whore for daddy. 

Feel like Ive lost my way.  I have no work again and feel like I am purposeless.

I would love to find something to do to help me find my passion again and reconnect with my spiritual side.  I feel lost.

I fell and twisted my ankle, banged up my knee, and not even sure if i dont have a hairline fracture in my foot.  Recovering little by little doing massages and putting ointment on my foot and knee, but wondering what this is all about ennergetically.

I try to find meaning in everything.

I feel like I cant seem to have the energy to accomplish my goals for today or for my life.

Need to swift kick in the ass. Or maybe an inspiritation to move me forward.

Its been so long since I have been looking for work and cant seem to find even a menial job, its gotten me so down.  I need some good news to brighten up my day.

I breast pumped today after weeks of stopping, and boy did they hurt.  I was imagining sitting on a hunky alpha male's lap while he suckled on my breast as he fondled and massaged the other one.  yummmmmm

Sorry to disappoint those that have been urging me on.

I have stopped my efforts to lactate.

I just havent had time to pump and am no longer taking the herbs.

I think its best left for having a master who will help with the process.

Thanks to all those that encouraged me.

Hope all are all well and those with Masters, please seek to lactate its going to be a wonderful gift for your master and something you can share for as long as you want.

My menstruation has returned, i am giving all these herbs a break to see if menopause comes back.  I think i am just too stressed in my life right now to lactate naturally.

I do look forward to one day finding my Master Daddy that will want my breasts and lactation as part of our connection.  And I look forward to it.

Have a wonderful time milking everyone.

as of today i am off the motillium.  it really messes with your brain...brain fog lack of concentration.  maybe if i didnt have to work and try to find more work it would not be an issue.  i would just be at home and taking care of daddy, then it might be ok.

my tits are fuller than ever, and i cant seem to lose weight.  i did hear that the motillium makes you gain some weight so not happy about that.

wish i had a gentle breast massage and lymph nodes...now why isnt that incorporated into all regular massages. we are so prudish as a country.  I did have one male massuese ask me if i wanted it on a trip i took to northern california, but i said no cause i was so shy about it.

wish i had said yes.

still no milk. need a daddy

hello updating again.

I almost gave up and didnt pump for a few days.  the supplements i mentioned before are still not enough to help me thru.  Still no milk.

I realized that i needed to give motillium a try.  have started back on it, just taking one to two pills a day this past week and some of the supplement.  It seems the motillium may have been the cause of me getting my period after december when i tried it last and got my period again.

So if you are menopausal, know that it might happen if you take these meds.  I dont mind having a cycle, what bothers me most is the brain fog, trouble thinking clearly sucks.

Having a menstrual cycle increases my libido and makes me horny.  I still have it and am horny as heck.

Nipples are sensitive and they were hurting for a few days but feel better now.  They are hard.

I think nothing replaces the mouth of a Master in this effort.  Dont think pumping alone will result in lactation.  Of course stress can be a factor in producing.

i wanted to thank those that email me with encouragement and support.  It is helpful.

I probably would not have attempted it alone knowing what I know now.

But if you have a willing Master, who encourages and makes the time to suckle you, massage breasts and help in the process, then I definitely think all female subs should do this at least once in their lives. 

week 12 revisited

ok, i found i had more herbs and back on, so i didnt have to completely stop on them and am pumping twice a day...i had bought lactate support (which includes fenugreek, fennel seed, blessed thistle among other things) also still have shatavari...

i could have sworn yesterday that some liquid came out of my left nipple, but i think it was the breast pump with the lanolin ointment that is what i touched.

So for those wonderful gentlemen encouraging me not to stop, I wont.  i will continue as long as meds are there and continue pumping.  You know maybe the pump i have is not very strong and that is why i havent lactated yet.

i do massage my breasts after pumping, and i tend to be braless and in panties when at home.

not sure if being braless is good for this process or not.

i did buy a nursing bra, with the hopes that i will have milk and i will be ready.

If i have milk, i will need to pump or nurse every 4 hours or so.  just wondering how many men would be interested that are local.  the offer is just to nurse, no sex.

just curious.  who wants MILK?  and who wants nursing?

week 12 update

Ive lost a lot of momentum, though some gentlemen here have been so encouraging, and I want to thank them for that.  It does help. One very special one, you know who you are.

I did pump twice today and even though some drops from my left nipple had come out, but it seems to be the lanolin ointment i put on the nipples sometimes before pumping so they wont hurt. but it was a surprise and for a moment it was exciting.

Ive run out of fenugreek and blessed thistle, but am still taking what is left of the shatavari till it ends.  I just dont have anymore funds to buy these herbs.  I did want to get goats rue which was told it was good for inducing but i cant afford it at 28 a bottle.  I hate being in a financial rut.  If i had milk i would probably sell it to the highest bidder.  its a pity i am stopping now when i am so close to producing and all the long weeks of hard work i have put into it.

I do have a whole box of Motilium 100 tablets unopened, if someone is inducing and wants to go the fast route to get there, and doesnt mind the mild side effects.  Let me know.

I will keep pumping once or twice a day see if anything happens but unless you have a partner who wants it as much as you do and encourages and suckles you, i dont recommend it.

just out of curiousity, are there any gentlemen daddy doms out there that are looking for a milking sub in south florida, and serious about a relationship.  drop me a line.  my time is limited right now (close to my age please, as much as i like younger men, 20 years or more difference is ridiculous)

about week 11

Its been hectic to say the least.  Busy with other survival things in life.

Am still taking the herbs, fenugreek, blessed thistle, and shatavari.

Girls I heard from many other ladies lactating that are taking shatavari and suffer from fibromyalgia and perimenopause that its help them considerably to lessen some of the symptoms of those ailments.  So you might want to try it just for those reasons.

I have not been able to tell the difference to tell you the truth.

I was taking it all daily and not in as large a quantity as i should but just ran out of fenugreek. 

I have lost my focus on the pumping and havent pumped in a few days and when i do its once a day and if i get inspired up to three times a day on rare occasion.

I am losing momentum and interest.

Maybe if i saw a drop come out, it would excite me and motivate me to do more.

i pumped today and got very aroused by it.

I couldnt help but play with my pussy as i pumped in between writing emails and doing some computer work.

Maybe a good suckle and a big cock between my legs would get me motivated again.

I was really hoping to give nourishment to the world, and my would be Master if i ever find him.  But its hard when your mind is elsewhere and you lack sleep for a prolonged period of time.

For those inducing lactation, please dont lose sight just because i have.  but i highly recommend you have a partner that will encourage you with more than just his mouth on your nipples and continuous suckles.

Will let you know how it goes, as i try to hang on day by day and see if it happens.

Happy Holidays everyone!

starting week 9 update

Hope everyone had a great weekend with your families.

I have been non-stop with cooking and baking friday and saturday morning.

I made the vegetable casseroles dishes this year and brought the bread.  So its been hectic. 

Still taking the shavatari x3 daily, blessed thistle and fenugreek as well x3 daily, and trying to do my breast pumping a few times a day.  but i think not enough.  Certainly this weekend it did not happen at all.  And to top it off, I got my period on friday night.  so wasnt feeling that great overall, but not as usual.

Breast nipples where hurting for a few days before and during, now they are just very soft as they normally get after period though its still here.

I pumped today and did feel horny but i didnt masturbate.  When i get my period i do feel horny in those first few days, but i feel so yucky, that I dont really want anyone to touch me in a sexual manner.  I dont think men understand that.  And if you are penetrated during your period, your body is swollen and achy, so it doesnt feel as good, then your period slows down, but it then last longer in slow manner.

will pump breasts later again before going to sleep.

Still no milk.  I know i need to do better on the pill taking and the more of the pumping to get things started.

I started in the first three weeks with 6 pumps a day which was exhausting and i wasnt taking any pills other then a small dosage of fenugreek.  Learn from my mistakes.  Get all the pills on hand before you start, as some takes weeks when you order online to receive.  Then start taking them for a few days and begin your pumping to as many times a day as you can. 

i switched from the motillium cause its side effects leave you in a bad mental fog.  You cant concentrate or stay focused on things you need to do.  Some people get a bad headache, for me its mental fog and i hate it.  so i changed to shavatari an indian herb that is supposed to serve the same purpose but without much on the side effects. 

I wonder if these herbs brought on my period?  that is a good question.  I am in the early stages of menopause and hadnt had my period for 3 months.

Well its been a weird year for me.

I was hoping to celebrate the year with my milk and cookies.  It might be happening January if i can get myself more disciplined in the meds and pumping.

If i had to do over again, i would not do this alone.  It really requires the commitment of a couple, to support one another thru this and make it happen.

But i am not giving up, i continue, and though ive made many mistakes and learned a lot in the process, I know now what the right steps to take and am going in that directions.  kisses and hugs you all...happy new year. 

week 6 or 7 update i think

havent been able to handle the motillium /domperidone, as i am in constant mind fog, at a time when i am doing continuing training for two weeks.  this morning i took some web courses and in the first hour, i have no idea what i read.  crazy.

so had lowered dosage to nothing, but i ordered shavatari an indian herb that is used widely in india for lactating.  just got it and started today.  dont know if its because i havent slept well in days but my mind feels like its in a fog right now, so maybe all lactating pills give you this foggy brainless feeling, but i dont like it.  and i am thirsty just like with the dom. 

i got suckled on sunday and breasts were plump and nipples big and hard, thought well suckling is way better then breast pump.  so if i can get suckled daily i will probably produce milk way sooner.

nipples a bit sore, and pussy does get hot and wet with every suckle and breast pump, but i have been having a hard time cumming...or maybe its just how tired i am.

this week i spent one morning masturbating for an hour and i may have fallen asleep...lol but did not reach orgasm.  not sure if all these herbs are doing this to me, or just my foggy mind not getting off.

if i start being incoherent, in these blogs, then you know the mind fog has gone too far.

i hope all you sucklers are suckling, and milk maidens milking, and...OMG is it the twelve days of christmas.

good night...and much tittie milk to you all!!

Week 5 update.

Well I found out a few things this week.  I was only taking like 1/6th the amount of herbs i needed daily, that may have been the reason why I was not successful with Herbs.  I am going to order the blessed thistle to compliment the fenugreek.  So now i am taking it right as of two days ago.

Also got the motillium and taking 10mg x3 daily.  The mental fog i had initially now seems to be of lesser strength.  But i am having lots of trouble sleeping, which might not be related.  And no longer constipated. which might be too much information, but not for ladies going thru this process.  they need to know.

I have found that i am not very horny lately, my breasts are sensitive and touching my nipples gently does feel so good.  I have only masturbated 2 times this week in the morning.  Have not had anyone suckle me, just using the breast pumps and hands.

I pulled a shoulder muscle this past week carrying some boxes and its recovering, especially after cutting the hedge in preparation for the christmas lights.

Ive been focusing on other things this week and i need to get organized, so i have been pumping only 3 times a day for 20 minutes, and once it was more like 10 minutes cause i needed to run errands.

I am still hopeful with the increased herbs that will happen, but i might need to increase the meds as well.  Don't lose hope, keep at it girls.

Week 4 update -

I am very excited today, just got my motillium and took my first pill.  Heard it might have some minor side effects so will monitor my first pill, but it should help me to induce in a week or so i suppose.

I am breast pumping right now like a good girl.  Hope my future daddy dom is reading this and emails me to connect.  There has to be some local Masters interested in Adult nursing.

Once I have milk, who wants a suckle?

I am also going to sell overflow, so if anyone is interested let me know.

You all have a wonderful day.

I have this thought of two men one on each tit suckling my milk for long period of time and making me orgasm just from the suckling feeling.

Week 3 midweek update

Still at it, struggling with the schedule pumping and getting behind daily.  Tired of doing it frankly.  Starting today no more playing with clit and reaching orgasm.  Just pumping while i work on my computer.  Hey its really important that you take an old bra with padding is better, and cut a Plus sign cut on the middle and put the pumps in nice and tight and fixed.  then you put the bra on and pump and you can do other things like work on the pc.  time passes faster and i dont feel you have lost your day pumping.  If you do the marmet technique then off course you will just focus on that.  might as well go in your private backyard topless and lay in the hammock while you do that and relax and get some sun and breeze and enjoy the light of day.  Make the effort to relax and enjoy what you are doing if time permits.  Its all about the journey in every thing in life.

i got my first nipple enlargement pump 1.5 inches.  Kind of new self pumping instrument, quite cool and testing it right now.  Its too big.  It took most of the areola, and rushed blood to it, i think it might be good for inbetween pumpings, but its not enlarging anything as it takes nipples and areola into the suction.  I was hoping to elongate the nipple some.  I might test on clit.  In the pics it seemed smaller overall.  But its just like measurements said.  Interesting new play tools.  A little lanolin on the nipple and areola and it doesnt hurt, but i only suctioned 1 inch.  it suctions really, this new design will be a big hit.  Will do more research and testing.

Week 3 - just started yesterday on week 3 

I have to say i dont have the swelling i had in week one, nipples to hurt a little, but he lanolin ointment on the nipples is still doing a great job and i only put it on once a day around the areola and nipple.  the skin tear is not hurting and skin is healing well. 

i am still pumping 5-6 times a day for 20 minutes each time.  it really is exhausting, i did cheat on monday and only did 4 pump sessions.  It would be nice to get suckled again.  The machine i am using i think is getting weaker, probably not used to all the use i am getting out of it.  i am starting to use the marmet technique more.

I massage my breasts for a minute or two after each session, it helps to get breasts back in check.  and i have noticed today that my breasts are fuller from all the attention and massaging and breast pumping.  so i am really happy with that.

I also have my nipples hard most of the time, and when not, if i slightly touch them they get hard again.

I do get a bit horny still, but not trying to orgasm anymore.  I think it was wearing me out.

So i am taking it slow for a few days and recover. 

still taking the fenugreek, havent gotten the brewers yeast, and waiting to receive the motillin.  so far i was hoping to have a master by now to help with the pumping and suckling to get there.

Its not meant to be done alone.

If you are wanting to induce lactation for your slave or sub, google inducing lactation and look for a stargate library website.  and also has a group with the same name "inducing lactation".  there are two good sources that will lead you with dos and donts and discussion and any questions you might have.

if you do let me know.

Week 2 update

Been getting a lot of emails that want to induce themselves...order the herbs and meds first.  read below.  and thanks to all who have shown interest and have encouraged me.  i really wasnt expecting that and it feels good that i am able to help others starting out.

Middle of the week Pumping going well, my breasts have gone back to normal, like they adjusted to the pumping and i am taking the fenugreek herb.

No longer sore and breasts looking normal and soft.  I do like massaging them after i pump.

but i get so wet and a master has asked me to masturbate after or during each pump to orgasm.  goal is to orgasm when being suckled ultimately i suppose.  I liked the idea.

i am orgasming twice a day...that is all my body could do for now, pumping 5-6 times a day for 20 minutes each time.  no sign of milk anywhere. 

I did order the motillin, domperidone from inhousepharmacy.biz, it will take 2-3 weeks to recieve.  so i must be patient.

will look for goats rue to take with the fenugreek.

so i pump and play with clit during and after, and i continue till i orgasm or get tired.

have only had one friend suckle once in the weekend.

It was my first experience, thought there wasnt milk yet, it felt nice.  we got on the bed on our sides with pillows and i kept petting his forehead and just touching his back and head gently.  With the suckling on my breast my pussy got wet but not really horny. He found it restful and thought it was ok....of course he is vanilla and really doesnt have interest in milking me.  maybe it would have been different with a master in the lifestyle and with sexual desires.

Oh very important, before you start doing it girls, buy the lanolin ointment for sore nipples. you can get in the pharmacy in the baby section the have stuff for breastfeeding.  put it on your nipples before you pump and will certainly reduce your soreness and any skin tear or dryness.  it is wonderful and has totally changed my experience. cause i was ready to stop 4 days ago after nipple got hurt.

so keep on trucking....stay determined and give milk to your men girls.

over and out

Still week 1 update:

I am still pumping away at my teats.  Its the 6th day, of the first week, and the pain is beginning to subside as my nipples begin to adjust to the continuous suckling.  I have to massage them after each suckling and it helps.  Have started to put on some balm or cream at the end of the day to ensure skin doesnt get hurt.

For the first four days nipples were in bad pain and sore and swollen.

had to reduce 1 scheduled suckle less, in order to be able to hang till now.  but finally udders are getting used to it.  Still sore, but not so much swollen.

I cant help wanting to touch my breasts all the time.  At home I dont wear a bra, just a tube top type cover, and you can see my hard nipples sticking out.  It feels good to massage them.  My nipples now seem thicker to me.

When you pump like this your pussy gets so wet.

I do my pumping in front of the computer so i can do some multi tasking.  I have the two pumps inserted tightly on a bra that i just put on for each scheduled pump.

Some very generous masters have offered to pass by and suckle my breasts to help speed up the process.  That is very kind of you.  And that you are interested in knowing more of my progress.  So i will keep posting info on how it goes.

wish you all a great weekend and Masters please dont ignore your subs udders, they need playtime too. lol xoxoxo

Week one- Inducing lactation

Have decided to go full fledge into inducing lactation and being milked by a master.

Just started pumping yesterday, 3x 30 minutes.  my breasts are not used to it and already last night and this morning they were sore.

The rest of this week will be 6x 10 minutes.  Already did 3.  i can tell you nipples are sore.  Am going to have to get some special cream or oil to help massage them and care so the pumping wont tear my skin after we get into it for a while.  Week 2 is 6x for 15 or 20 minutes.  this increases a little for 6 weeks trying out fenugreek and other herbs to stimulate and help induce.  we'll see how it goes.

if you are interested in periodic updates of the progress...drop me a line and let me know.  and i will keep you all informed.

Been on the fence lately thinking that i am not cut out for this.  Definitely can't see myself being a slave 24/7 to someone.  Giving up my life and ambitions and daily vanilla needs.
I have realized i am and would never be 24/7 sub or slave, I am still looking for long term relationship with an alpha male, but just looking for it to be kinky in bed and vanilla romance and living.  I love to travel and I still have things to accomplish.
I still want my partner to push my limits when in play and to be the Dom.  But I also realize that some fantasies are meant to be fantasies and that is ok. I dont think my sub needs will all be met by making them reality.  Reality will not live up to my fantasies and creative mind.
But I do like roleplaying and lots of kinky play in sexual play and that will be enough.
I dont want to be swallowed up by sex as a main leader of my life.  there are just too many things to do and live than sex.
If there are any subs out there that are just starting out and would like to give me some advice i would welcome it.