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I hope to make friends here. I want to find someone who will understand me.(Tall order, I know! Sometimes I don't understand me) But that's what I want. I have a very submisive personality and I've been burned simply because I was too nieve to see the warning signs. Now, I simply want to learn. Safely, if you please. What I have learned so far is that there is a fine line between being mastered and being abused.(not fun) I also have realized that I deserve better. A man can be kind as well as firm, if he has to hurt me to control me then he does not control himself nor does he have the confidence to be a true master..(also not fun)
Oh yeh, If you're married, please don't bother. I'm seperated, have been on the wrong end of such an araingment, and do not ever want to be a part of putting another woman through that. If you're a submissive wanting to be dominated, please read the profile again and reconsider your proposition as you waste both your time and mine.
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You know, one of these days I'm gonna figure this crap out... I hate being wrong about people.
Get this; just because I'm submissive does not make me stupid. In fact, I'm far from it. And my fear? Well, that keeps me safe... |
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I don't much like being afraid. I'm not, always...just very careful. And then I go and do something crazily out of charactor for me like making that phone call. Then I do it again. I wonder if I really know all that's going on inside my own head sometimes... |
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I'm reinventing my life and although I am lonely, I have learned that only a foolish person trusts too quickly. I want to find a man who is trustworthy, yet I find myself fearful of taking that necessary step that allows us to meet face-to-face.
I don't do things halfway and I worry that I may once again find myself submitting to someone that will never really see me for who and what I am. I'm afraid that I'll be trapped by my own emotional attatchment. It hasn't been easy to fight back and ultimately walk away from my husband but I have and have a stronger feeling of safety than I have in a very long time.
I hope to one day find the one that makes me feel safe, secure, and loved. Maybe he's already smiling at me but I am just too afraid to let go of my own hard earned security. That is, if the bad man can't find me, he can't hurt me... |
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You let me fall. Again. What a shame. I'm supprised to find that I'm stronger than you. Again, what a shame. |
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My master, my husband. I am a slave in every sense of the word. How did you do this to me? I can still feel you inside me, still feel you gripping my hair and telling me to take it all. What have you done to me, that I'm begging you for more, wanting you to do more to me? My family thinks I'm crazy, but they don't feel what I feel. You tell me that you're going to take care of me now, and everything will be alright this time. I need you to, please don't let me fall this time. I'm tired of hiding from you, I don't want to run again, and you'll just find me anyway. |
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I didn't plan on that happening, Master. We've been apart for so long, but all it took was your command. I feel betrayed, not by you, but by my own mind and body, because I wanted everything that you did to me. You say that you'll leave me alone if that's what I really want, but you know me too well. You know that i can't tell you that and if I do, you know that I'm lying. My collar is invisable, but it's still there. I wish I could hate you. |
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It does you no good to be angry with me. I no longer fear you or what you think you can do to me. I'm stronger than you think; stronger than your anger, your jealousy, your madness. I am not your enemy, but you are mine and I see you for what you are. I'm free of you and all the terrible things that you did. You can't hurt me anymore, stop trying. |
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I'll be 38 this month, too bad I'm not where I want to be in life. I was once, and will be again. I learned the hard way that some people simply can't be trusted, no matter who they are to you. No matter who you are to them. What a shame. I sometimes miss my innocence, my wide eyed faith in humanity, my ability to look at a terrible person and find something beautiful and worth salvaging. Until I remember what it cost me. I was a child. I'm not sure what I am now, but I know that I may never again trust another enough to have what I really want and need. I don't believe the man exists that would have the patience required, or the desire to walk into my personal hell. Again, what a shame. This isn't something new that occured in my life, but I've come to the realization that this is who I am now. I have spent my entire life taking care of others in one way or another. I did what I had to do, no matter how hard it was or how much it hurt me. I have never been taken care of. Never had anyone to stand between me and anything in my life. I'm a strong woman, but maybe not strong in the right way. That's why I don't seek, I don't tell you what I think you want to hear. I have to be me, even when it hurts. Do you understand what I'm trying to say? |
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My name is Shellie, and God knows my name. He wants me to suffer, but I don't know why. My bruises hurt but it's my scars that remind me that I am not meant to be like other people. Every time I try, life punishes me. Jon, I think of you, I just don't know what to say. |
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Oh my,
Life has been crazy lately. Guess that's the way it is from time to time. Busy is good though, and I think I'm going to be just fine.
I do feel the need to point out yet again that I am not a stupid woman. I'm not going to do what you want simply because you demand it, you're not my master. Only he has that right. I'm not so desparate that I can be compelled by some guy demanding something from me when I have no idea who he is or what motivates him. That would explain things to those that have tried it. Don't be stupid, don't waste your time or mine. I am not a sub that will be ruled by anyone who CLAIMS to be a master, and good things aren't presented on a silver platter for the taking. Maybe you think that I'm just being bratty. Whatever, I don't really care. Maybe you think I need to be taken in hand. Maybe I don't think you're strong enough to do that. Most likely, you think this is some kind of silly game that you play and think I will to. I don't play with people, nor do I allow them to play with me. Stick to those that just want someone, anyone, to comand them and we'll both be happy. |
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There is no-one alive like me. You may not believe me, but that does not make it less true nor does it change my oppinion of myself or the world around me. I have to be true to myself and at the moment, no-one else. That may change at any time but one thing that will remain constant is that my life will never be an open book. I simply am not capable of opening myself up so completely to the world. It will be a rare person who can get inside my head, and he will likely never know the just how much power he will have over me at that moment.
Just because I am sub does not mean that I am sub to everyone. I am sub to who I choose to be sub to and I am careful. When I let them in, there's no backing up. No rethinking of things, I do nothing halfway. |
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I feel so lost sometimes, I wish that I knew the answer. It escapes me, and so I wonder like some lost soul. This is not me, not always. I don't want salvation, or justification. I want to be safe inside my head. Again, the answer is at this point beyond my reach. |
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I keep a journal, write in it all the time. It's something that I've always done. When I finish one, into the fire it goes. Makes some of my friends wonder why I bother. But the truth is, they can't hear the song that's playing in my head nor do they know the words.
Do i make sense to you? I don't think that I do but that's ok. You don't make sense to me either. |
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I'm really begining to like it here, bever would have thought I'd say that. The people are so interesting. I don't think I'll ever really be one to "play" at this online but then, games never were my specialty anyway. I can't help but think that when someone makes contact with me just to see if I'll take my cloths off and do things for them, that they're just playing some kind of game. Some things should be real, i think. Guess I don't get it, sorry to all that might be offended by that. It's truly not my intention to make anyone angry. I am a submisive woman, very much so. But I don't want to submit to someone that I don't even know or, more to the point, trust. I have met at least one nice, dominate,and kind man and when I'm comfortable I will meet him in person.
I look foreward to meeting other people as well. No more living in a box for me. This is why I'm here, not to play games but to meet real people that I connect to. To have real conversation, not make believe.
If I am very lucky, I will meet someone special and that will be the one that I obey and honor. And he will guid me with a firm yet gentle hand. |
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I don't know if any-one reads these things; doesn't matter, it suits me just to write them.
I love words; I love to write them as well as reading them so this pleases me well.
Had a bad weekend, glad it's over and expect the next one to be much better. I love aggresive, dominate men but I despise a lier. Hense, my bad weekend. It's all very simple and I don't know why so many people don't understand.
If you want my respect, you should respect youself. If you must tell me a lie, then there is something that you're ashamed of or maybe you simply aren't strong enough to say that it's yours to keep. Doesn't matter to me. A lie is a lie, no matter how you turn it.
Maybe one day I'll meet someone who understands. It doesn't seem too much to ask to me. I have so much to offer, and ask for so little in return. |
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Hmmm,
This is interesting. Amazing what you notice when you look at the menu on the left! I find this sight interesting and suprisingly educational, I float around still, just finding my way, you see. It gives me something compelling to think about as well as mostly quieting the demons inside my head. (figuratively speaking, theres no room!) I'm always thinking, always looking inward and wondering what I should have done differently. Not that it matters, just thinking a little outside my head.... |
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