I am ever changing, ever flowing, ever blossoming, and ever growing. I am a rose in all its forms; it is my metaphor--who I am. I bite, I bleed, I cry, I wither, I shun, I cut, I strike out. I protect and fight for everything I love and everything I believe in. I am a person, deserving of respect, love, and confidence. I am a poet who writes from the heart and pours out from the soul. I am a writer who tells the stories of self, pain, hope, cleansing, and redemption. I am me; everything that I do makes up a part of who I am and when you take me, you have to take the bad with the good-- if you can get beyond the barriers. I have been hurt, betrayed, abandoned, left behind, and I don't trust easily. I cling when I shouldn't, I'm sensitive, overemotional, and irrational; I'm a paradox and a hypocrite, but I'm not a bad person-- just a little lost like everyone else. I know and admit my faults; it takes courage to fix them. One day, I'll get there.
Once upon a time In a small chateau There lived a noble Man As He dined one day A rose bud in the garden caught His eye He never saw the thorn sprouting beneath her "What a beautiful delicate thing" "I shall nourish this exquisite object", He thought And when she was thirsty The Man gave her water The thorn drank the excess The bud became aesthetically pleasing Instant gratification All of the Mans expectations met Exactly as He envisioned her In the shadow of the rose the thorn grew The Man showed her to everyone The rose was displayed Just Like the story of O Enjoyed by all who visited The thorn was never noticed The Man spent many hours Inhaling her fragrance Caressing her soft petals Protecting her from the wind The thorn stood erect and watched One day the Man was called away On a business or political matter He was not there When the wind blew And the rose hungered for more When He returned He saw to his horror His rose was gone All that was left was one petal Impaled by the thorn He went inside Returning with shears He chopped off the thorn And tossed the scourge aside Cussing this ugly monstrosity The Man never knew The thorn He cursed so Knowing the Man loved the rose Caught the petal on the way down for Him For the thorn loved the Man On the ground The thorn still stood erect For although rejected The thorn embraced His pain Her only sadness was for the Man only saw with his eyes.
Steps into the life once more.
Wow I thought this profile was lost forever. I habe been looking to see when collarme would be back up when today I came across this link. I was shocked to see that my profile was still here. Im glad because I have alot of writing here and I thought was all lost.
3/17/2013 1:00:58 AM
Delete
Edit
(A poem I love, Its called In The arms of a Dragon.) ?
she awaits His arrival? ?
head bowed? eyes downcast? ?
a heart so fragile? ?
happiness rarely found to last? ?
but the Dragon has won her? ?
in His care she feels peace? ?
and in His powerful embrace she finds true release? ?
at His footsteps she quickens? ?
body trembles beneath His gaze? ?
her heart longing for the sound of the Dragon?s loving praise? ?
at the touch of His hand her blood turns to liquid fire? ?
her only thought? to fulfill the Dragon?s every desire? ?
beneath the bite of his lash her body does dance? ?
her screams and her cries? ?
the sounds of a Dragon?s romance? ?
her trust she has given? ?
an oath she has made? ?
to be the willing captive of the Dragon?s steel blade? ?
from the mouth of the dragon cold metal shines bright? ?
the curve of the blade? ?
the Dragon Master?s delight? ?
He wields it with skill like no other she has known? ?
with the blade of the Dragon the Master has made her His own? ?
the Dragon is the only Man to make this girl fly? ?
under the Dragon?s control she will give anything a try? ?
to go back to the past would never be the same? ?
now that she has felt the searing heat of the Dragon?s blazing flame? ?
the shine in her eyes comes from the touch of His hand? ?
she longs for the day she wears the Dragon Master?s brand? ?
in the arms of the Dragon the girl she does sleep? ?
for, to the Master she adores, she gives her submission so deep?
I have been sick over the last few weeks. Feeling like a human once again. Wanting to back into my writing again.
Things have been a bit busy for me over the last few months. They have finally settled down some.
At the start of 2013 and Planned on moving back to fl. It has taken me almost the whole year to do so, But I am here. Back in the warmth of the sun. The weather here are unmatched anywhere. It just goes to show when you put your mind to something you can do anything.
I haven't been feeling well for sometime now. So yesterday I spent my time in the ER hooked up to wires while they took every test they could. My heart has been skipping beats. They found a small blockage in the right side but other then that looks like I'm going to live lol. Fun Fun.
Pain is my Pleasure
Moving right along the path of life
I sing a brand new song.
One of pain and pleasure intertwined.
Step out of the darkness and into the light
for there is where you'll find my spirits flight.
Lifes flames can burn
but in that fire is born
a mighty strong heart.
Beating faster and eyes wide open
a new song is sung.
My soul has wings that you can be sure.
It can fly high above.
The sorrow of the Stars as years go by
the joys of the moon in my eyes.
With chains that bind my body
here nothing can hold my soul.
My pain is my pleasure that's for sure.
My eyes cast to the floor
my knees ache as I wait.
OH what a time I'll have
for my pain is my pleasure.
Golden cuffs upon my limbs
as the leather strikes the skin.
Floating high above in subspace,
my pain is my pleasure that's for sure.
by Mazzy Rose
The Past is gone but not forgotten.
This poem is wrote by me.
That times our past hangs out in the back of our minds.
I happen to be one that likes to write. This is about past heartaches.
My Shadow.
You think I don't see you hiding in the dark.
Watching, lurking, waiting,
for what I don't know,
But I know your there.
The Darkness does not hide you well
for I see you clear as a bell.
That was the problem was it not?
You sneaking around with other sluts.
Trust is just a word tossed about,
has no meaning now.
You told me lies then turned them around.
I can see for I walk in the light.
You write my everything,
but behind her back you were watching me.
You think I don't know?
Your lonely and even with her at your side.
She can't even begin to understand the desires you have.
Twisted around the rose bush is a dark shadow
watching and waiting for his pray.
Blending in the pain and songs of love
but never understanding the true meaning.
I walk in the light with a shadow.
Scar on my heart from the knife.
My pain is as real as you and I
but I'll be damn if I let it run my life.
My shadow can follow if it likes
watching the Rose under the bright moonlight.
For this Rose you see
will bloom again.
by, Mazzy Rose
World in Flames
target="_blank">
rld In Flames"
"World In Flames"
It's two thirty a.m.
I slowly come awake.
I know somethings not right.
I walk slowly to the door,
and feel the heat through the walls;
smell the burning outside...
And all I can see are these flames around me.
And all I can think is I'm here alone.
Please find me and save me...
Even if the world ignites into flames you'll be right here by my side.
And as it burns away,
you smile at me and say that,
"not even death could take me away from you...
" The fires are growing close,
and all I smell is smoke...
Yea. Still it's beautiful to me.
I hope you get here soon;
I've been waiting here for you.
I believed in you...
So hurry please.
There's these flames around me.
Find me and save me...
Even if the world ignites into flames you'll be right here by my side.
And as it burns away,
you smile at me and say that,
"not even death could take me away from you...
" Where are you tonight?
Come find me... Come find me...
Cause you're not here by my side.
Even if the world ignites into flames you'll be right here by my side...
Come home to me...
Where are you tonight, love?
Where are you tonight, love?
Cause you're not here, you're not here with me.
Please come home...
Please come home...
Please come home...
It's burning outside!
Please come home...
Cause you're not here,
you're not here with me...
I've been waiting here for you...
I hope you get here soon.
The flames are right outside my door...
Only you can choose what mood your in. You have control. I choose to be in a good mood.
A new path lay before us. We can choose to move forward or stay in place but the one thing we can't do is go back. We ether leave the pains of the past behind us or we carry them along. Over time they will grow heavy and weight us down. The choice is ours to make.
The morning light cast a dim shadow over the clean white paper. I sit at my small desk drawing a blank. I have the urge to write but no words come to mind. Looking at this blank paper makes me feel uneasy. I shift in my seat then look outside my window. The morning has such peace to it. Looking back down on the paper it dawns on me that life is a lot like this paper. We start out clean and new then as we grow we fill in the pages. Each day a new clean page to fill. Some days the story is slow or boring others filled with love and heartache. What most never see is that each day we are given a fresh clean page to fill how ever we want. We are the writers of our own stories. We can change it anytime we like. We can choose to let it write its self or we can take control of it. There are days upon days that I let it write itself. Why because I have failed to see that only I can make myself happy and I've become lazy. I can moan and complain about how bad my life is. Or I can pick up this pen and write how I want it to be. Today I sit at my small desk and begin writing a new chapter.
This is a poem I came across some time ago. It was wrote from. a Master to his Slave. I changed it so that it was from a slave to a Master. I posted this because of a good friend. Also because its beautiful and I can relate to it. We all have pains in our past. At times its good to share with others so that that see their not alone in their suffering.
There were tears upon my silks , Tears upon my face Tears of anger and denial Of shame and loss and disgrace The lie in which I had caught him he knew would cost him dear He knew what I now had to do The words even I could not bear to say. The collar, worn around my neck I wore with joy so well I knew my neck would soon be bare By my eyes alone, could he tell. The lies Which I had heard and believed before Were answered with but my silence As I gestured towards the door. I loved him with a passion that Yet defies my ability to say This man who I knelt before in tears. As I took my collar off...and turned away. For of all the laws of the D/s world Be they carved in steel or written in dust The one above all that is most enshrined Is but a simple word...called trust. For without trust there can be naught else Love, honor, respect...they have no sway And as I felt my heart near break in half I took my heart...and walked away Tonight, I sat upon a hill side Where once before we used to play And looked into the starry sky And thought back upon the day And as I sat there in the moonlight Thinking how like diamonds they do shine These tears upon my silks... These tears...both his...and mine
I am just about over using CM because it gotten where it only works about half the time on my cell.
Work and no play, Its life at times.
thinking its bed time. Closing then opening is just to much. So sleepy.
?Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.? ?C.G. Jung
Time to cut that junk food out and the soda. Sugar is my weakness lol. But when one can't button your jeans its time to change the way you eat. I don't believe in diets. I believe that by looking at what your eating and taking out the empty calories can make a big change.
every rose has its thorns.
Not perfect.
New photo :)
The sun is out:) In the shade its freezing but the light is good.
Updated my photos and changed my profile picture. Sometimes change is good;)
I'm finally bored with the red. Time to switch it back. Brown for awhile then blonde again. Blonde being my nature color anyway.
I'm an enigma. Most will never understand me. Most are so wrapped up in their on little world they could never understand.
Most people never go very deep into their selfs. You want to know me then when you can truly understand this you will.
target="_blank">
Ready to move back to Florida. 60 days and I'll be in a bikini on the beach with a drink in my hand. One with the little umbrella in it:) Can't wait for the sunshine warm water and sand. St Pete here I come. Going home.
Aww Florida how I miss you. Warm beaches, sunshine.
I'd like to share with you a email I got. This one takes the cake. It made me laugh.
im looking for total domination of ur life....what u'll wear (when u need to), what u eat, ur job, ur breeding, i'll need ur address/full name, social security number, bank account number, everything eventually....as my slave, u'll be caned, spanked, whipped, tortured, abused,branded, tattooed, u'll eat shit, drink piss, sell urself, do animals, ur daughter,sleep in a cage, do porn movies, model for magazines/websites and i'll take ur money...is that what u want?
Allow me the strength to answer questions I can't fathom. Allow me the spirit to know His needs. Allow me the serenity to serve Him in peace. Allow me the love to show Him myself. Allow me the tenderness to comfort Him. Allow me the light to show us the way. Allow me the wisdom to be an asset to Him. Let me be able to show Him each day my love of my service to Him. Let me open myself up to completely belong to Him. Let me accept my punishment with the grace of a man. Let me learn to please Him, beyond myself. Grant me the power to give myself to Him completely. Give me the strength to please us both. Permit me to love myself in loving Him. For it is my greatest wish, my highest power to make His life complete, as He makes mine.
I posted this some time back but it was out of order. It was wrote in 4 parts so I thought I would post it now all together.
Abandoned to the mercy of the wolves. They stock their pray hungry for the young slave. She shrinks at their touch, but can not run away. Their fur smells of death and decay as they watch their little slave. She sits very still for fear has it's grip, that no hand has the strength to pull her back. She hopes and prays that one day he will find his way back before it's to late. Then what he will find is dead flesh and bones. Nothing more nothing less.
Watching from the shadows the evil ones stock. Waiting, watching the little one cry. The sounds of paws hitting the ground sounds like thunder to her small ears. All at once silence hits the air. Through her tear stained eyed she see a hand reaching out to her. Fear has her frozen where she kneels. A voice soft as wind says rise.
As lost as you may feel a hand of reason is sometimes all we need.
She reached up and took his hand not knowing what lay ahead. As fast as she could blink he pulls her up and out. The circle for death left behind.
When she looks at this mighty creature she has never seen such beauty before. Loving eyes and a soft touch but a heart of a Dragon.
(A poem I love, Its called In The arms of a Dragon.)
she awaits His arrival?
head bowed? eyes downcast?
a heart so fragile?
happiness rarely found to last?
but the Dragon has won her?
in His care she feels peace?
and in His powerful embrace she finds true release?
at His footsteps she quickens?
body trembles beneath His gaze?
her heart longing for the sound of the Dragon?s loving praise?
at the touch of His hand her blood turns to liquid fire?
her only thought? to fulfill the Dragon?s every desire?
beneath the bite of his lash her body does dance?
her screams and her cries?
the sounds of a Dragon?s romance?
her trust she has given?
an oath she has made?
to be the willing captive of the Dragon?s steel blade?
from the mouth of the dragon cold metal shines bright?
the curve of the blade?
the Dragon Master?s delight?
He wields it with skill like no other she has known?
with the blade of the Dragon the Master has made her His own?
the Dragon is the only Man to make this girl fly?
under the Dragon?s control she will give anything a try?
to go back to the past would never be the same?
now that she has felt the searing heat of the Dragon?s blazing flame?
the shine in her eyes comes from the touch of His hand?
she longs for the day she wears the Dragon Master?s brand?
in the arms of the Dragon the girl she does sleep?
for, to the Master she adores, she gives her submission so deep?
My Old profile. Changed on 3-16-2013
I have been in this lifestyle most of my life in one form or another. I have been domie, a slave to 2 gorean Masters, a sub, a slave, switch. Over the years I have found my place as a slave. I'm most comfortable as I am. Having said that I must worn you I do not live in gor. Meaning I respect all but I'm not going to kneel to just anyone and everyone. Walking up to me demanding anything from me will get you blocked faster then you can blink. I say this because being a slave does not give every self proclaimed dom the right to rule over me. I'm very respectful to all. I'm kind and soft hearted but not a push over. I'm very obedient with my owner. I have limits and ask they be respected. I know this game of cat and mouse all to well. There are lots of fake want a be's on cm on both side. I'm not here to play games. Asking me my email or IM phone number or photos without getting to know me well will be you blocked. Sure I get that some pose as girls that are not and most just want to know I'm a girl. I'm always up to meeting new people making friends. But my Master will be the one who will take the time needed.
I understand I may sound very harsh.. I really don't mean to be. Its just that I get a lot of mail and the first thing that is ask is what's you yahoo. Or can you meet me tonight. That's just a little crazy to me. As a slave I understand its not very becoming but as a woman I have to think safety first.
Take the time to say hello get to know me I'm really a sweetheart.
Here are a few things you might like to know. Calling me slut will not go over well. I don't take kindly to it. Leave your ego at the door. Nothing worse the someone showing off. Bragging about ones self it not a good way to show what a great person you are. I'm not one who cares about how great looking you are. Or how much money you make. I work so don't care about that. If your under 30 don't bother me. If your a sub/slave I'll only talk to you as a friend. Asking me to do chat or IM will get you no. where. I'm on a cellphone and typing is harder.
( profile photo is of my art work )
I am so looking forward to summer. The warm sun and the beautiful beach.
I find it strange that people send friendship request without even talking to you. Why on earth would you ask someone you don't even know to be your friend?
What a beautiful day its going to be. Its amazing here on the cost when the sun is out;)
Raise your words, not voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.? ?Rumi
not feeling to great tonight :(
?Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.? ?Rumi
"Schism"
I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them fall away
Mildewed and smoldering.
Fundamental differing.
Pure intention juxtaposed will set two lovers souls in motion
Disintegrating as it goes testing our communication
The light that fueled our fire then has burned a hole between us
so We cannot see to reach an end
crippling our communication.
I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them tumble down
No fault, none to blame it doesn't mean I don't desire to Point the finger,
blame the other, watch the temple topple over.
To bring the pieces back together, rediscover communication
The poetry that comes from the squaring off between,
And the circling is worth it.
Finding beauty in the dissonance.
There was a time that the pieces fit, but I watched them fall away.
Mildewed and smoldering,
strangled by our coveting I've done the math enough to know the dangers of our second guessing
Doomed to crumble unless we grow, and strengthen our communication.
Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any Sense of compassion Between supposed lovers/brothers Submit.
target="_blank">
those who dares not grasp the thorn, should never crave the rose!!
those who dares not grasp the thorn, should never crave the rose!!
Silver Slowly, silently, now the moon Walks the night in her silver shoon; This way, and that, she peers, and sees Silver fruit upon silver trees; One by one the casements catch Her beams beneath the silvery thatch; Couched in his kennel, like a log, With paws of silver sleeps the dog; From their shadowy cote the white breasts peep Of doves in silver feathered sleep A harvest mouse goes scampering by, With silver claws, and silver eye; And moveless fish in the water gleam, By silver reeds in a silver stream.
Walter de la Mare
I posted a list of limits the other day in my journal. By all means this is not all The limits there are. People seem to forget the every day life limits. An example.
Work
family
friends
money
clothing
food
I've talked to a few on both sides Dom/sub that seem to forget or don't understand that limits are more then just sex. Also that both Doms and Slaves have limits.
I have found that Doms seem to over look their own limits. Its important that everybody knows theirs.
Their are a lot of so called Doms that say they want a slave with little to no limits.
My question is why?
Most that don't have limits don't care for themselves. The only reason I can come up with is that your looking for a doormat.
Ok so keep looking because I'm 100% sure you will find someone willing to be that for you. I on the other hand I'm not for you.
I have limits. I respect myself enough to know that Im no doormat.
As a matter of fact I call myself a vary strong woman.
Now I do know that a slave is label someone that has no limits that's not really 100% true. You see in a good healthy relationship their is trust. A great deal of trust. With that trust a slave would have no need for limits because she or he knows that their Dom would never do anything to realy cause harm. That my friend is the difference.
Trust.
Sweet Moon, I thank thee for thy sunny beams; I thank thee, Moon, for shining now so bright;
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name! What's in a name? that which we call a rose By any other name will smell just as sweet.
Life is Beautiful
Live to be the best you YOU can,
only you can make yourself happy.
Be Loving to yourself as well as others
Honesty First
Respect all Loyalty is earned
Trust comes in time
Patience comes to those who wait
Humor can get you though the hard times
Humility is to be human
Compassion for others as well as self
Forgiveness is sometimes hard.
Live for the now Let others live life the way they want to,
As I will live mine
by, Mazzy
1-5 for how much a turn on it is 5 being the most.
Abrasion-
age play-
anal hook-
anal sex-
anal plugs-
Armbinders-
Bathroom use control-
Bestiality-
Beating (indicate hard or soft)
Belt-
Blindfolds-
Being Serviced-
Being Bitten-
Boot Worship-
Bondage (light)-
Bondage (heavy)-
Bonage (public)-
Breast Bondage-
Breast whipping-
Bukakke-
Cages-
Caning-
Capture
Cat o nine tails-
Cattle prod-
Cells/closets-
Chains-
Chastity belts-
Choking-
Chores (domestic)-
Collars (indicate public or private)-
Corsetry-
Cross-dressing-
Cuffs (there are various kinds of cuffs, please indicate for each)
-Chain-
-Leather-
-Metal-
-Rope-
(please indicate any others you may enjoy and if you prefer tight or loose fit)
Dildoes-
Dolcett-
Double Penetration-
Electrical play-
Erotic dance-
Exhibitionism (friends)-
Exhibitionism (strangers)-
Face Slapping-
Fantasy Rape-
Fantasy Gang rape-
Fear-
Fisting-
Flogging-
Following orders-
Food play-
Foot worship-
Forced Dressing-
Forced homosexuality-
Forced masturbation-
Forced nudity-
Gags-
Genital sex-
Given away-
Gyno Play-
Hair brushes-
Hair Pulling-
Hand jobs (giving)-
Hand Jobs (receiving)
Harems-
Harnessing-
Head (giving fellatio/cunnilingus)
Head (receiving)
High heel wearing-
Hot waxing-
Human Puppy dog-
Humiliation (private)-
Humiliation (public)-
Immobilization-
Incest-
Interrogation-
kidnapping-
Kneeling-
Lactation-
Lectures-
Licking (non-sexual)-
Lingerie (wearing)-
Modeling for erotic Photos-
Nipple biting (soft)-
Nipple biting (hard)
Nipple clamps-
Nipple leash-
Nipple Piercings-
Nipple torture-
Nipple weights-
Over the knee spanking-
Orgasm control-
Orgasm denial-
Outdoor sex-
Paddle-
Pain (mild)-
Pain (medium)-
Pain (extreme/severe)-
Personality training
Pony girl/boy-
Pregnanacy-
Punishment (private)-
Punishment (public)-
Pussy/cock whipping-
Pussy/cock worship (giving)-
Riding crop-
Restrictions/rules-
rubber/latex clothing-
Saran Wrapping
Scat-
Sensory depratation
Serving (indicate for each type
-Food/drink-
-as Furniture
-as maid-
-as sexual toy/slave-
-other Dominants (supervised)-
-other Dominants (unsupervised)-
Sexual Depravation (short term)
Sexual Depravation (long term)-
Slutty Clothing-
Snuf (death)
Spanking-
Speech restrictions-
Spreader bars-
Standing in a corner-
Straight jackets-
Strapping (full body beating)-
Suspension-
Supplying new partners for Dominant-
Swallowing Semen-
Tattooing-
Teasing-
Titty Fucking-
Triple Penetration-
Uniforms
Verbal Humiliation-
Verbal Praise-
Vibrator on Genitals-
Voyeurism (watching others)-
Voyeuris (watching your owner with others)-
Video (watching others)-
Video (recording of you)-
Water Bondage-
Water sports
***** Dark Side Clubhouse BDSM Community *****
www.darksideclubhouse.com
You have the right to be treated with respect. Not only do you have this right, you have the right to demand it. Being submissive does not make you a doormat or less of a person than anyone else. The word "submissive" describes your nature and in no way diminishes you as a human being. You have the right to respect yourself as well.
You have the right to be proud of what you are. Being a submissive is nothing that should ever bring you shame or feelings of reproach. Your submissive nature is a gift and should always be a source of pride and happiness.
You have the right to feel safe. Being a submissive should not make you feel afraid, insecure or threatened. Submission is not about living on the edge or flirting with fear. In any situation you should feel safe or there can never be true surrender.
You have the right to your emotions and feelings. Your emotions and feelings come from you and they are just as valid as anyone else's. You have a right to them. Those feelings, whether positive or negative, make you who you are and suppressing them will only bring unhappiness later.
You have the right to express your negative feelings. Being submissive does not make you an object that no longer has negative thoughts or concerns. Your concerns are real and you have every right to express them. If something doesn't feel right, bothers you, makes you feel bad or you just plain don't like something, say so. Failing to express your negative feelings could give the mistaken impression that you are pleased or satisfied with something that is not pleasurable or agreeable.
You have the right to say NO. Being submissive does not take away your right to have dislikes or negative feelings about things. If something is happening or about to happen that you feel strongly opposed to, it's your duty to speak up. Remember, failing to communicate the word NO is the same as saying YES.
You have the right to expect happiness in life. Being submissive is not tantamount to being miserable, suffering or a life of despair. Your submission should bring you joy, peace and fulfillment. If it doesn't, then something is wrong.
You have the right to have input in a relationship. You are an active partner in any relationship you enter and have every right to contribute to it. You are submissive, not passive. A relationship that doesn't include your needs, thoughts, hopes and desires is not one you should be in to begin with. This applies to friendships, partnerships and D/s relationships.
You have the right to belong. Being submissive greatly involves the feeling of belonging. Many submissives have expressed that it was in discovering their submissive nature that they felt as through they "belonged" for the first time in their lives. You belong to the lifestyle and will eventually belong to the One. It's in that relationship you should find the final fulfillment of "belonging" at last.
You have the right to be loved and to love. Anyone who tells you that love doesn't fit into a D/s relationship has never experienced the fulfillment of all it truly can be. Submissives are by nature loving and needing of love and have every right to expect this to be a part of their lives. It takes love to bring your submission into full bloom, so don't settle for less.
You have the right to be healthy. Health involves your physical, mental and emotional well-being. Any relationship, D/s or otherwise, that causes you to suffer physically, mentally or emotionally, beyond your limits, is abuse. There is no place for abusive behavior in a D/s relationship and it's up to you to make sure those lines are not crossed. Being a submissive does not give anyone the right to harm or injure you in any way. The D/s community will stand behind you if you should encounter such a situation but you are the one who has to make them aware before they can help.
You have the right to practice safe sex. Not only is this a right, it's a duty to yourself and others you may come into contact with at a later date. Sexually transmitted diseases have reached epidemic proportions and must be a concern to any sexually active person. Safe Sex is something you have the right to insist upon and protecting yourself should never be discouraged by anyone who really has your best interests at heart.
?
?
?
?
?
?
With my 43rd birthday coming up I'm not crazy about the idea I'm getting older. Part of me still feels young then my body says no way. Turning 40 was very hard for me. The idea of 50 only 10 years away is scary. I can recall then I was a kid and my mom turning 30. I thought man she's Old. That makes me laugh now. What one would give to have a 30 year old body. I can how ever say that I like the 43 yr me much better in the inside. I feel much more centered now then when I was younger. I have a better sense of myself now.
I've decided to go out dancing and enjoy being with friends. I'm not one to go out much anymore. In my younger days I would go dancing every weekend. Its my favorite hobby:)
only 12 more days til my birthday:)
looking into getting a new laptop. A mac or a Dell. Not sure yet. Iv been using a mac for 10 years amd loved it. So switching over to a pc is hard.
I really hate working a close open. by the time you get home its time to go to bed then you can't sleep. laying there stressing over the fact you have to be up early.
I'm a heavy metal girl. I live all kinds of music but most of all Rock. Music is a big part of my life. It can express your emotions or ease your mind. I find the type of music I listen to depends on my mood. Sometimes I want to relax and sometimes I just want to jam out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtube_gdata_player&v=JNP9H2q2eXg
My last day off for the week, so I'm going to head over to the beach for some wave watching. the sun has blessed us again today and I plan on enjoying it before it goes back into hiding.
I find it strange that a Dom/Master puts photos of themselves nude or of the cocks. it just seems like something a slave would do. any thoughts on that subject?
My baby Sister had her first baby last night. So cute. Little girl 7 lb 4 oz.
yay I'm back online. got a new phone after work today. so happy.
one more day and new cellphone yay....
Why does one feel the need to control with guilt?
Using the kids cell lol. Just wanted to pop in and see what's going on. Have a great day.
So I have killed my cellphone by dropping it one to many times. I will not be getting a no one until the 18th so that mean I'll not be on much. I will be back.
What a beautiful day. Its amazing what some sleep can do for ones mind and spirit. The sun is out and the air is crisp.
Today is my last day at work for 9 days. Can you say Vacation ;) Yay....
Eyelids heavy and week from the days long hours. Thoughts of budgets and margins dance in my head. Body tired and ready for bed as I sit and wonder. Out in the darkness the waves do crash upon the shore. No stars out tonight nor any moonlight. Time for bed and dreamland. Off to my bed as I say goodnight.
Will not be online much tonight. I have to write my performance assessment for work. This is of great importance because its what I'm graded on for my yearly raise.
I am ever changing, ever flowing, ever blossoming, and ever growing. I am a rose in all its forms; it is my metaphor--who I am. I bite, I bleed, I cry, I wither, I shun, I cut, I strike out. I protect and fight for everything I love and everything I believe in. I am a person, deserving of respect, love, and confidence. I am a poet who writes from the heart and pours out from the soul. I am a writer who tells the stories of self, pain, hope, cleansing, and redemption. I am me; everything that I do makes up a part of who I am and when you take me, you have to take the bad with the good--if you can get beyond the barriers. I have been hurt, betrayed, abandoned, left behind, and I don't trust easily. I cling when I shouldn't, I'm sensitive, overemotional, and irrational; I'm a paradox and a hypocrite, but I'm not a bad person--just a little lost like everyone else. I know and admit my faults; it takes courage to fix them
A small jagged cliff high upon a mountain she watches the night sky. Stars shining bright moonlit night. Soft pillows of clouds flow past leavening dark shadows upon the valley below. In the distance the trees branches move slowly in cool night breeze. All she senses alive and strong. Eyes looking for a darkness to move across the night sky. Her ears tuned in for the beat of his wings. Her sense of smell waiting for a hint of smoke. Her soul tells her he is near. Heart beat speeds thumping in her chest as a small smile forms on her soft pink lips. Feeling the soft grass under her feet she kneels and waits. I'll wait a lifetime or a 1000 lifetime she whispers into the night.
I have to say I find it quite unsettling when someone snaps off because you don't answer the mail or because its not in the timely matter they would like. Writing me and bitching about it will only show that your not patient or you're just an ass. The other thing if I block you and you go and make a new profile or login with another is just plan creepy to me. Can you say Red Flag. These are bad signs.
~LEARNING~
as time flow into the sea?
as the waves wash over me
the sky floods with tears
clouds form and gathers
lighting crashes.
?
trees grow from the rain
rivers fill and over flow.
flowers bloom
and spread there seeds.
?
On my knees
eyes to the sky
looks for what
i don't know
for today is a new
and tomorrow is gone.
?
pain comes and goes
love and hate can sometime feel the same
?
as with time it will fade
past is gone but not forgotten
?
Learn it share it
clam it.
?
Be proud of your pain for you live it
pass it along, teach it.
?For life gives us all pleasure and pain?
?with the birth of a child comes the greatest joy.
?
Live and learn
love it hate it feel it.
Glittering Stars that grace the heavens Beauty that will never fade Diamonds, rubies, precious jewels Ermine, Ivory, Silk Brocade Gold and silver, riches, splendours All these treasures you would trade But my gift is given freely There is no price to be paid Worth much more than all possessions All I am, before You laid.
POOR-ME SUB: This "sub" always has something going wrong in her life. Of course, it is never her fault.. she is always being played upon and victimized by others. If only she found the *perfect* dom, her life would be problem-free and forever-blissful. Favorite IM to send: "Will you be my dom, sir? I am just a helpless little subbie." Favorite IM to receive: "Just do what I say, slave!" 2. JUST-DO-ME SUB: This "sub" just wants to be beaten. It doesn't really matter by who, or what..as long as he (I use "he" here because these are typically male) can feel the lash. Frequently misbehaving on purpose, this sub can drive a dom *crazy*. Favorite IM to send: "I have been naughty and need to be punished. Spank me now, Mistress!" Favortie IM to receive: "You are a bad sub and need to be punished! Bendover!" 3. BARBIE-SUB: This "sub" just likes the way she looks in leather fashions. She is afraid of the whip, and has never seen a clamp in her life. Her favorite store is "Dream Dresser", and her whole paycheck is spent there each week. Favorite IM to send: "Would you like to know what I am wearing, sir?" Favorite IM to receive: "What are you wearing?" 4. HE-HURT-ME SUB: This "sub", without any negotiations, talk of limits or safewords, rushes out to a country cabin to to play with a dom she met 2 days ago online. After letting him tie her up and whip her, she decides he is a menace to society, and can't wait to tell all her "sub" friends he is a "BAD dom". Favorite IM to send: "Subsis, I need to pass on a warning to you!" Favorite IM to receive: "My poor subsis, you have got to warn everyone about this creep!" 5. I-JUST-NEED-A-MAN SUB: This "sub", after exhausting all her singles bar and healthclub meting places, decides that the D/s world would be a good place to meet a *man*. she really has no interest in D/s, she just needs someone to spend the rest of her life with. She is a close relative of POOR-ME SUB. Amazingly, when she "gets her dom", she suddenly looses interest in any type of sex. Favorite IM to send: "Sir, will you take care of me forever?" Favorite IM to receive: "I have always dreamed of having a large family." 6. NO-ONE-CAN-TOP-ME SUB: This "sub" longs to submit, yet claims no dom is strong enough to top her. Some say she is really just a domme in disguise. Favorite IM to send: "Think you are strong enough to put me in my place,jerk?" Favorite IM to receive: "No, Mistress,
The 'I Am Dom Hear Me Roar' Dom: All shiny new leather wear, with a belt full of toys just bought at Jack's Whip-O-Rama). Of *course* he knows what to do! He read SM101...and even watched Exit To Eden three whole times! 2. The 'I Just Wanna Get Laid' Dom: Roams the halls of AOL sending IMs to the ladies in the Chateaux telling them "On your knees! I am a Dom and U R my slave!". When he gets irate IMs back from the Domme he just sent to by mistake (what, read a profile? you *must* be kidding, right?), he quickly changes his tune to "R U a FDom? I am your slave! May I lick your boots?". 3. The 'Dungeon Slut' Dom: Has a new 'lady love' each day (sometimes 2 or 3 a day). He swears each time that *this* one is his 'eternal true love'....at least for the next two hours. 4. The 'Psycho-Stalker' Dom: Wants to know *exactly* what you do...every minute of he day and night. Insists on BCCs of all sent mail, and Forwards of all read mail, plus access to your account to check up on you. Do you get the feeling that someone is watching you? With this one, you're probably right. 5. The 'I Just Wanna Be Your *Friend*' Dom: Offers to guide you and protect you....you innocent sweet thing you. Oh, those other 10 subs? Just friends. Really. 6. The 'Of Course Im Dom...Uh Oh My Wife Is Home Gotta Run' Dom: Warning signs: Picks 'no response' on marital status in profile. "No honey you can't call me at home...call my voice mail instead". Often disappears in the middle of a hot n heavy cyber session...uses an excuse like 'my power went out' when asked about it. "Of *course* Im not married!" 7. The 'Im Not *That* Type Of Dom' Dom: Squeaky-clean image. The type of Dom that everyone *knows* is a good guy. He would never do something less than up-front and honorable. Uh-huh. 8. The 'Tom Cruise' Dom: He's young, rich, handsome and perfect....until you meet him in person. Then you find out that the 'Tom Cruise look-alike' you've been subbing to is 5'4", 400 lbs, bald, 48 years old, and living with his elderly mother. (Oh yeah... and he works as a clerk at 7-11...not as a CEO of a 'major corp'). 9. The 'Alex I'd Like to Buy a Clue For $200' Dom: Ok, now you've got a sub....now what? 10. The 'I Don't Have A Sub Bone In My Body' Dom: Really a bottom at heart, just refuses to admit it...even to himself.
Looking back over the past year and seeing all the pain and joys, I can walk away with this. Life will be hard at times no doubt about it. But in the end its really up to you how you handle it. Its your life your choice how well you come out. Choose wisely. That's easy to say right? Right. Most the time we can only say that afterwards. This past year I lost 2 Masters. One I was with for almost 4 years. Thankful we are still friends. The other well lets just say the damage has been done. That can't be changed or erased. The sorrow and void it let me in will heal in time. My outlook for the new year will be a positive one. For I want that energy sent out there that way knowing that's the energy that will return. I wish you all love and happiness in thus up coming year.
Getting ready for dinner with the boss lady. Love dressing up:)
I'm as deep as the sea and as shallow as a steam. I'm as sharp as a blade or as soft as a feather. My mind is a treasure that can be unlocked with the right key. Inside is where my true beauty lays. Its not an easy task I must confess. Inside can be a jumbled mess. Looking past all the junk one will fine what is hidden inside. A treasure unknown to most.
My ties have no bounds. My flesh at times full of pain. My mind free of guilt for what I do. I was once ask how can you truly be free with that steel ring about you neck. My answer was , to truly be free in mind one must release the beast inside. No guilt or shame shall I find. For in my Masters eyes beauty is the same. I give my heart to one such as he to tame that beast inside. I'll open my mind to his wise words let my soul be free as a bird.
I'm feel somewhat better, but not a 100% yet.
Oh how I hate being sick. First time in a year and here I am stuck in bed:(
Still pretty sick today. Home in bed now:(
In gor all free men are called Master. It's the way of life there. Here on earth its not that way. For a man to be called Master it shows a great deal of respect. I watch as they come and go. Some will demand it right away. Not because they say call me Master but because a slave can tell quite fast if he's a Master or a so called Dominant. I have a dislike to the name or label Dom. But understand it has its place. I fully believe a Master has learned his trade and like a doctor has earned his title. Over the years I have learned that most don't really understand the differents between a Dom and Master. A slave or a sub. A pet or a toy. Each has there place. But each are not the same. Just as not all Masters are alike. But one thing holds true and that's they know there trade. I can tell within 2 or 3 email and some with one if your a Dom or a Master.
Merry Christmas.
she awaits His arrival? head bowed? eyes downcast? a heart so fragile? happiness rarely found to last? but the Dragon has won her? in His care she feels peace? and in His powerful embrace she finds true release? at His footsteps she quickens? body trembles beneath His gaze? her heart longing for the sound of the Dragon?s loving praise? at the touch of His hand her blood turns to liquid fire? her only thought? to fulfill the Dragon?s every desire? beneath the bite of his lash her body does dance? her screams and her cries? the sounds of a Dragon?s romance? her trust she has given? an oath she has made? to be the willing captive of the Dragon?s steel blade? from the mouth of the dragon cold metal shines bright? the curve of the blade? the Dragon Master?s delight? He wields it with skill like no other she has known? with the blade of the Dragon the Master has made her His own? the Dragon is the only Man to make this girl fly? under the Dragon?s control she will give anything a try? to go back to the past would never be the same? now that she has felt the searing heat of the Dragon?s blazing flame? the shine in her eyes comes from the touch of His hand? she longs for the day she wears the Dragon Master?s brand? in the arms of the Dragon the girl she does sleep? for, to the Master she adores, she gives her submission so deep.
What fine gift shall I give to thee? That thou canst cherish. Thine eyes doth see. Gold and trinkets I give thee not, for shallow gifts thou hast got. Tis worldy goods thou dost disdain, to seek instead a deeper grain. Tis my soul that thou shall find, tribute for thee and repose of mind. In dutiful homage on bended knee mune eyes cast down I give to thee. Bounded body and shackled mind. Uncommon love thou wilt ne'er find. I pray thee Master as I bend low in humble curtsey thou shalt know mine only gift to thee can be, my body and soul- I give thee me.
Smiles.
My very soul breathes once more.
Watches and listens to the wise one. For he knows the way.
Seether ( wasted )
Dominant men want to rule over woman. Masters become Masters over them.
Subs want dominant men. Slaves burn to be Mastered.
Dominant men have subs.
Masters own slaves.
Subs are part time and pick when to be a sub. They have limits.
Slaves are born and are nothing more then what they are a slave. They have no limits. Their desire is to only be own by Master .
A Master will learn his slave inside and out. He will Master himself as well as his slave.
A Dom will dom over his sub but nether really Masters his self.
A true slave services with Fire. That fire can burn the untrained Master. A slave is not weak and will not stand for a weak man. She is intelligence and strong. She is wise and respectful. She will not lay down for just any man that walks passes by. She will eat him alive if he shows he can't handle his self. A Master always has control over his self other wise he has no control over his slave. A slave is one who will learn from him. But he must be willing to learn from her also. He will learn everything about his slave inside and out. She will open like a flower for him.
There are a few things I would like to point out. 1. Subs are not slaves. Slaves are not subs. 2. Being to pushy to fast can scare one off very fast. I get about being Dominant but grabbing a girl and trying to make her do as you say is a sure sign of an untrained Master.Full Respect is earned. Being respectful is a given for sure. But walking right up to someone and trying to make them your playthings don't cut it with me. How you percent yourself is how I will response. Choice carefully and wisely.
Well its getting that time where I'll be super busy this coming week. Not sure how much I can be here. I'd like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas.
Well it's the 21st and looks like im still here. Guess I've been left behind hehe.
Raining ice water out there:(
I find it strange how people come and go here. They say I'm looking for a dom/slave then never seen again. Why is that I wonder. Why take the time to get to know someone then leave.
Sometimes the past can bite you on the ass.
New storm tonight 60 to 70 MPH wind and lots of rain.
Watching the Dragon.
When she looks at this mighty creature she has never seen such beauty before. Loving eyes and a soft touch but a heart of a Dragon.
As lost as you may feel a hand of reason is sometimes all we need.
She reached up and took his hand not knowing what lay ahead. As fast as she could blink he pulls her up and out. The circle for death left behind.
Watching from the shadows the evil ones stock. Waiting, watching the little one cry. The sounds of paws hitting the ground sounds like thunder to her small ears. All at once silence hits the air. Through her tear stained eyed she see a hand reaching out to her. Fear has her frozen where dhe kneels. A voice soft as wind says rise.
Abandoned to the mercy of the wolves. They stock their pray hungry for the young slave. She shrinks at their touch, but csn not run away. Their fur smells of death and decay as they watch their little slave. She sits very still for fear has it's grip, that no hand has the strength to pull her back. She hopes and prays that one day he will find his way back before it's to late. Then what he will find is dead flesh and bones. Nothing more nothing less.
Reduced to a salty tear.
Why now?
Dear lord how clear do it have to be. I'm not a Mistress. Ge wiz. My profile clearly say Slave. Why on earth would someone take that as being a domie is beyond me lol.
Why is it that some feel that a sub/slave are all sluts.
Yes some girls like being called that. But until that's understood between the Dom/sub.
Not all slaves are sluts and not all sluts are slaves.
Well I'm now stuck with only my cell phone to get online with. My desktop is in the shop:(
Limits.
What are they? You can find good list online. I would suggest you learn what they are. As a dom or slave, know yours. I hate when someone tell me they have none.
( if they say none they ask what's your bank account) trust me they will find a limit real fast )
Once they give you there limits list fined out why it's a yes or no. Slaves/subs its ok to ask a dom their limits too.
Its your safety at risk here.
Despite what some may think a sub/slaves have rights too.
Learn what they are and ask each other what they feel they are.
You're only as free as your mind lets you be. Guess who's in control of your mind?
Woke up this morning and thought to myself, self you need a change. So I'm now back to being a redhead:)
Woke up this morning and thought to myself, self you need a change. So I'm now back to being a redhead:)
Getting ready for cold weather.
What is a collar.
For me its a symbol trust. It should never be given lightly or taken lightly. Sure some jump in and collar the first Master that catches her eye. Some work out most don't.
The Rose and The Thorn
Once upon a time In a small chateau There lived a noble Man As He dined one day A rose bud in the garden caught His eye He never saw the thorn sprouting beneath her
"What a beautiful delicate thing" "I shall nourish this exquisite object", He thought And when she was thirsty The Man gave her water The thorn drank the excess
The bud became aesthetically pleasing Instant gratification All of the Mans expectations met Exactly as He envisioned her In the shadow of the rose the thorn grew
The Man showed her to everyone The rose was displayed Just Like the story of O Enjoyed by all who visited The thorn was never noticed
The Man spent many hours Inhaling her fragrance Caressing her soft petals Protecting her from the wind The thorn stood erect and watched
One day the Man was called away On a business or political matter He was not there When the wind blew And the rose hungered for more
When He returned He saw to his horror His rose was gone All that was left was one petal Impaled by the thorn
He went inside Returning with shears He chopped off the thorn And tossed the scourge aside Cussing this ugly monstrosity
The Man never knew The thorn He cursed so Knowing the Man loved the rose Caught the petal on the way down for Him For the thorn loved the Man
On the ground The thorn still stood erect For although rejected The thorn embraced His pain Her only sadness was for the Man Who only saw with His eyes
Tied My Hands By Seether
I can't understand What you meant to me Made me wild Then you tied my hands You tied my hands
Can you remember when When we used to laugh At those mistakes we made? Can you picture then How we used to drive And never reach the end?
'Cos I can't understand What you meant to me
Made me wild Then you tied my hands You tied my hands
Since you went away Made me find I have nothing to say Since you went away Made me find I have nothing to say
'Cos I can't understand What you meant to me Made me wild Then you tied my hands
'Cos I can't understand What you meant to me Made me wild Then you tied my hands
You tied my hands You tied my hands You tied my hands You tied my hands You tied my hands You tied my hands
Lyrics to Kill, Fuck, Marry :
Kill, f*ck, marry are the things I wanna do to you Your love drives me crazy but my bullets pass right through And passion feeds lust when the trust is questioned And the going gets tough when the pain is lessened
But how is it that I don't scare you You know my mind, you live inside it too
No, I don't scare you and that is all I need To keep me from a padded cell No, I don't scare you cause you know me And your face keeps me from a living hell Don't know what I should do Kill, f*ck or marry you
Kill, f*ck, marry are the things I wanna do to you But my insane love doesn't threaten you And passion feeds fury and the pain gets too much But I won't let it go, I'm gonna hold on to my love
But how is it that I don't scare you You know my mind, you live inside it too
No, I don't scare you and that is all I need To keep me from a padded cell No, I don't scare you cause you know me And your face keeps me from a living hell Don't know what I should do Kill, f*ck or marry you
And you got me out of my crystal mind Fragile like a damaged child Like a damaged child I must say it all, it all…
But I don't scare you and that is all I need To keep me from a padded cell No, I don't scare you cause you know me And your face keeps me from a living hell Don't know what I should do Kill, f*ck or marry you
Kill, f*ck, marry are the things I wanna do to you
A day off yay.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Let the fun begin. Cooking, feeding 20 people. Then black Friday. Fun fun..
Today work then come home to cook for Thanksgiving.
This week is going to be crazy for me. Black Friday is our biggest sell day of the year. Will not have much free time time week.
Going to be a lovely day.
Nice storm came in with 96 mph winds. It was still all good to me. Love a good storm. Sitting in a hot tub of water after a long day of work. Off to bed soon.
Back to the grind of work.
this was so far down my Journal that most dont see it so im going to repost it. maybe this will help.
My past:
I have been in this life for 25 years started off with my first husband. I have been collared 3 times in my life. Husband was the first, My Gor Master trainer was 2, my last Master was 3rd. but i would not say my first collared me so as far as being collared there are only 2.
I meet my last Master in an online 3d world called second life. Where we became friends first. He was married as was and still am. His wife knew about me and we became friends also.
I was ready to leave my husband for my Master but he was happy and asked me to work things out with husband. I did so.
I just moved from fl to the west coast last year to be with my Mother who is getting older and i want to spend time with before it's too late. i also have sisters here and have been away from my family for 25years.
Last year Master wife left him for her own slave. Leaving him alone. He asked me to come to him but by this time i could not. i have a family here and a job and can't just jump up and run off. this i am sure caused him great pain as it did me when i wanted to go to him. but it's something that can't be helped at this time.
Master meet a girl 2 to 3 weeks ago and she found out about me because im on his Facebook page. i believe she freaked out and asked him to pick.
Master needed someone he can touch and feel. So here i am.
updated
After this i meet someone here on collarme and we started talking on the phone. i fell in love with him and was going to move him here to be with me. but seems things dont always go as planned. i will not trash him but my feelings for him are mixed. and at times i really miss him.
judge me if you like but it is what it is.
After talking to some on here I have to point out that trying to Dom over a new slave right away is not always the best way to go. Try starting out getting know each other then see where that takes you. Respect is earned over time not given to anyone. I will be respectful but that not the same. Trust needs to be there. Take your time learn me. Play is one thing you just want to get off then say so. I don't collar easy. Do you want a easy lay or a beautiful slave?
Yay I have a day off. i have worked 10 days without a day off I so need some rest and just sit back and do nothing.
Will have the whole weekend free yay.
Sometimes we try so hard
to hold onto a memory,
but end up only to watch it slip out of ours hands
with the sands of time.
The sound of your voice
so soft and yet Hard
the way you laugh at my silly jokes
The way you and only you
can make me feel.
The way you looked at me
or how you loved me.
I can only pray that
with time I can hold onto
the good times and let the bad
be the ones to fade.
I forgive you
I miss you
and most of all
I Love you.
You say you don't wanna go but you've got to understand That you're so far away from me and I'm all alone Even when you're standing next to me Deep inside, I feel you want to go free
I wanted you eternally I see the truth, now that you've lied to me
Can't you see that the pain breaks me in two It takes me from you I feel it stop my beating heart, with every little thing you do It tears me apart, please make it stop and be mine again So we can take it right back to the moment Where we start again
And baby, you say you already know But you won't ever understand What it's like to feel you slippin' away from me I'm down on my knees Even though I tried to carry on Deep inside, I feel like I'm the only one
I wanted you eternally, but I see the truth Now that you've lied to me Oh and you lie to me
Can't you see that the pain breaks me in two It takes me from you I feel it stop my beating heart, with every little thing you do It tears me apart, please make it stop and be mine again So we can take it right back to the moment Where we start again
I feel like you're taking away My everything, my everything 'Cause everything you say and do It's like your playing a part When the curtain finally closes I wonder if you're going to take a bow Before you break my heart, before you break my heart
Now listen to me Can't you see that the pain breaks me in two It takes me from you I feel it stop my beating heart, with every little thing you do It tears me apart, please make it stop and be mine again So we can take it right back to the moment
"Miss You"
All, all it's not alright Your role it played through time Come and rescue me You're needed here at home
And your space, a moment in time A hand to hold a hand I tried Who was it called to you? Who called? Your stories alive with hellos and goodbyes And bright lights, first kiss and drunken nights How I miss you
I miss you now and Hey, I can't wait another day And hey, that crooked smile upon your face Oh, they'll never get old All the stories you told From the beach to the ring To the songs of your soul How I miss you I miss you now and hey
And the rain Falling cold outside Covered me the day you died You could have waited one more day And I should've called I dream of your life, the war and the fight The music you played, the love for your wife And I miss you Hmm mmm
I miss you now and Hey, I can't wait another day And hey, that crooked smile upon your face Oh, they'll never get old All the stories you told From the beach to the ring To the songs of your soul How I miss you I miss you now and hey
[Bridge:] And I'm mad at the age That stole you away By surviving that beach You gave me my stay And I understand by this that I am All that you were was changed by that sand But I miss you yeah I miss you yeah
And I miss you, yeah And hey, I can't wait another day And hey, that crooked smile upon your face Oh, they'll never get old All the stories you told From the beach to the ring To the songs of your soul How I miss you How I miss you
I think I'll fall to pieces If I don't find something else to do This sadness never ceases, Oh, I'm still in love with you And my headache keeps on reeling Is got me in a crazy spin Darling, darling, is this the end?
Still in love with you, They say time has a way of healing, Dries all the tears from your eyes, Darling is this this empty feeling That my heart can't disguise! After all that we've been through I drown my best but it's no use I guess I just keep loving, Is this the end? Still in love with you
Still in love with you Now it's all over, boy There's something I think you should know Baby, baby, think it over, Just one more time before you go Call on me, baby If there's anything I can do for you Please, call on me, baby Help me see this through
Still in love with you Still in love with you Still in love with you
There are times in ones life that you may feel alone and all you can do it deal with it and hope that soon that will go away. There are times when you miss someone we wish you could stop missing but you can not.
We say and do things when we are mad or sad that at times can come back on us and kick our ass.
There are also things that some will never forgive you for,
In time all wounds will heal but until that time comes it's very painful.
Not the kind of good pain but that kind that makes your soul cry. Thats the worst kind there is. I am a very strong woman and know that I will and can make it through anything life can toss at me.
I am now on a read where I can see the light at the end but it's a long walk down a dark road fill with pot holes and monster hiding in the trees.
Lucky for me i carry a big stick LOL.
I posted this sometime back but wanted to repost it again because it's so dear to me.
There are no roses without thorns
nor is there pain that can not be borne.
Between love and duty sometimes torn-
there are no roses without thorns.
There’s no promise of tomorrow
here in this world there will be sorrow.
Our time on earth we only barrow-
there’s no promise of tomorrow.
There is no pleasure without pain
and blue skies today precede the rain.
Life’s daily struggles our faith doth strain-
there is no pleasure without pain.
There are no roses without thorns
nor is there a loss we don’t still morn.
Between love and duty sometimes torn-
there are no roses without thorns.
~= Requirements of a D/s Relationship =~
1. Honesty. Without honesty, there can be no trust. Without trust D/s is nothing.
2. Trust. Trust is sometimes given freely or it is given after a long slog. D/s relationships rely on trust as the depths physically, emotionally and mentally can surpass vanilla relationships.
3. Love. Without love, the control a Dominant can have over a submissive, is dangerous. These are real people, real emotions.
4. Communication. How you communicate youre desires is your choice - but communicate! Take time to learn about your partner, learn about their needs, their requirements.
5. Self Respect. Value yourself. Being a submissive does not mean you are a doormat. Being a dominant does not mean you treat people like a doormat.
6. Patience. Learn to grow together. Take your time to explore each other, love each other, and respect each other.
I am a submissive woman ~Author Unknown
i find pleasure, joy, and fulfillment from being submissive to my Master in a loving relationship. i am not weak or stupid. i am a strong woman, with firm views and a clear concept of what i want out of my life. i do not serve out of shame or weakness, but out of pride and strength. i will look to my loving Master for guidance and protection, for never will i be more complete than when He is with me. i know that He will protect my body, my mind, and my soul with His strength and wisdom. He is everything to me, as i am everything to Him. His touch awakens me and His thoughts free me. Only in serving Him do i find complete freedom and joy… His punishments may be harsh, but i accept them thankfully, knowing that He has my best interests always foremost in His mind. If He desires my body for pleasure, i shall joyfully give it to Him and take pleasure myself from knowing that i have brought Him happiness. However, the pleasure of the flesh is but one facet of O/our relationship. The love, the trust and sharing, the words spoken and felt, those are all parts of this relationship. My body is His, and if He says i am beautiful, then i am. No matter what i look like to others, i am beautiful in His eyes, and because of that i hold my head high. If He says i am His precious jewel, then i am that…a beautiful, sparkling gem. If He says that i am His pet, His slut, His whore, then i am that.. as wanton and dirty as He wants me to be. My mind is His, to expand, to explore, to know only as He can. i have no secrets from Him… for secrets are a thing that would keep me from being more perfectly His. Secrets would put a wall up between my Master and myself… and i do not want walls. His lessons are not always ones i would seek on my own, but they are lessons He has decided that i need, and so i learn from Him. My soul is His, as bare to His touch as ever my skin could be when i kneel naked at His feet. Never a moment goes by when i do not feel His presence, be He miles away or standing over me. If i were to ever displease Him, His displeasure would be a blow to my soul, worse punishment than any lashes could be. The anguish of my soul that i feel when i disappoint Him is harder to bear than any physical anguish i feel. i am grateful that he cares enough about me to spend His time and energy so freely on me. i have the easier job, to feel, to experience, to let myself go and abandon everything to Him. i am His pleasure and His responsibility, and He takes both seriously . i am a submissive woman. i am proud to call myself that, my submission is a gift that i do not give lightly, and can only be given to the One who can appreciate that gift and return it tenfold. Only to my Master who has that strength, will i give myself fully, because i am strong and proud. i am a submissive woman.
~Author Unknown
somedays are harder then others.
feeling can't be turned on and off
and forgetting it not easy
a pretty love song or a sigh of a rose
can being you back in just a flash
i try so hard
and the tears still fall
i watch the stars
and looks at the moon
wondering if you see it too
dancing in the moonlight
arm around you so tight
then i am alone
and my dreams have left
Happy Easter:) Hope you all have a great day.
Im out for the rest of the day off to see family.
i have spent some time now on cm looking at profiles and i must say that some clam they are Dom's and are into BDSM but when looking over there profile i see little to nothing to do with BDSM. i see a profile that has hi my name is ... whatever it is and im in to one or 2 things. there is nothing on their page that would make a slave/sub want to even take a second look at them. so get out there people and put something on that profile. tell us about who you REALLY are. be Blunt be Bold and get too the Point.
i good Dom know's his shit and know's what he wants and will say so. if your not sure what your looking for how to you think your going to find it. and if you do know what your looking for by all means say so.
just because you say your a Dom don't make you one. i can say im a bird does that make me one? a real Dom will spend time learning his trade and Master it, (hint Master.)and will keep learning as time changes and new things come about. same for a slave/sub.
Be real with yourself and others and you just might find that there are others out there that can be real with you.
Yeah i hear about the fakes on here and how most just want a one night stand. please if thats what your looking for then say that. most will play along. not always but you never know unless you try.
i crack up at some of this because most have no training and have no clue what they are talking about. hey did you know that you can learn alot by reading. find out what you love and Master it. become the Masters you say you are. same for you slave/sub out there.
ok that was my rant for the day.don't to be to crabby about it, im just blunt and to the point.
As i look out over the tree tops i watch the sea. the waves come and go with each passing second beating the sands like a heart does inside your chest. some waves can be soft and lap at the shore and some can be big monsters that can crash down so hard the sound heard for a mile away, ringing of the mountains. the seagulls fly here to there looking for anything that looks like food. as the time of day changes and the sun moves so does the look and feel of the sea. dark and gray or light and blue. at times you can see sunbeams shining down. in this part of the world i live in there comes a time of year where the whales come to feed and play off our shores. what a sight it is to see a mother whale with her baby in tow.
i at times feel like this shore line, ever changing and growing. with each passing day i learn more. for here in my life i have come to see that life is only what you make it to be. so unlike the sands where they have no control over the waves i do have control over my life and how i want it to be, as do you.
BDSM Long Distance Relationships author unknown
A LDR which contains BDSM is very difficult to maintain and not something that should be entered into lightly. BDSM itself, is complicated and a lot of work. Relationships alone are the same way. LDR's are even moreso. Add BDSM to an LDR and you have a most difficult relationship in front of you. They are not impossible to maintain, far from it, but they do require a level of dedication that many can not achieve and maintain through this medium.
Like a standard romantic LDR a BDSM LDR requires commitment, honesty and time from the participants. It also requires an active imagination and a bit of extra work to keep the power exchange that a BDSM relationship requires in place. Through such things as daily rituals or assigning tasks the dominant can maintain that feeling of submission in his/her submissive. Through dedication and obedience the submissive can do their part to keep the power exchange healthy. Imagination, creativity and attention become extremely important here. A dominant who neglects the submissive because they are LDR, will soon find him/herself without a submissive. The same goes for the submissive.
Trust becomes more of a necessity in this type of LDR. The dominant must trust the submissive to be carrying out their orders. (Though with the camera programs that allow you to see each other, this can easily be checked up on, it is my opinion these programs should not be necessary for the dominant to know the submissive is following orders) The submissive must trust the dominant to fully understand the way he/she lives. This is only achievable through complete honesty. It is a necessity that both parties tell the other when something is wrong or something is going right. Feedback and communication become more imperative in an LDR BDSM relationship.
A relationship is highly individual. My relationship is not the same as yours and yours is not the same as the person next door. The same holds true in an LDR. Being yourself and not something you truly are not is an absolute necessity to make a BDSM LDR work. If you have little or no experience of the B/d And S/M parts of BDSM in reality, then it is most difficult to discuss how you might react to something, this should be made known to your partner. By hiding your lack of experience, you set yourself and your partner up for some serious hurt.
Scenes in cyber always go right. No one ever types in that they tails of a flogger wrap around and snap into the wrong spot on the submissive. The vibrators always work and have fresh batteries. The submissive can take everything the dominant dishes out because they aren't truly feeling the sensation, be it pain or pleasure. This is where knowing yourself and your reactions well becomes important. If you know that you react certain ways to certain stimulus, respond honestly. For example, you know that kneeling for more than 5 minutes in real life makes your back hurt and your knees lock up, say so if you are kneeling in cyber. Bringing that reality to the screen can take some of the romanticism from the relationship, but it replaces it with a firm base of reality on which the relationship can thrive. Stick to your limits and level of experience. This is not saying that you can't grow within those areas, because you can. But to lie and fake enjoyment or knowledge is to undermine the trust this relationship requires.
Frequent communication between the participants becomes even more important. The submissive needs to know the dominant cares for them and thinks of them. At least one email a day can go a long way towards preventing feelings of neglect. Letting the submissive know that you will be away if an absence is unavoidable, goes a long way towards preventing the submissive from feeling abandoned. Little cyber presents can keep both participants from feeling taken for granted. The same goes for the submissive in their treatment of the dominant. Communication must be open and honest, even if it hurts, if the relationship is to survive.
What each person is looking for in an on-line relationship must be discussed before hand. If your needs don't match, then entering into an LDR through cyber with that person is not a good idea. You will be setting yourself up for hurt. For example, if you are looking for an eventual r/l relationship, and the person you are attracted to is looking only for some on-line play, then don't get involved. Don't fool yourself into thinking you can change someone else's mind or outlook on things. Don't lie to the person you are attracted to because you want them so badly. It doesn't work in reality, it won't work in an LDR.
With a little effort and lots of honesty and commitment and LDR BDSM relationship can be rewarding and enjoyable for those involved. Keep it real and those rewards and enjoyment become even greater.
i have taken down my photo's because after some thought i just don't see the need. i am getting way to many guys and most are well i'll be nice and not say.
not to say i have not meet so great people on here i have:) but really what are looks with out your mind.
Some little Fact's about me......
i am a real girly girl, i love the color pink in any shade, purple also, but when im feeling that bad little girl coming out i like black and red.
i love fairys and dragons and Vampires.
i am very creative, i love to draw write paint. i build in a 3d world called second life.
i am very care free and love to laugh. life it to short to not to have fun. i like to make others laugh.
i can be a brat. i can bite but only when pushed to far.
i think im sweet and loving.
i love the mornings.
i love to read books and read alot of them. i can read a good book in a day or 2. once i start i don't stop.
i suck at math and my spelling to bad. my fingers don't always do as i tell them to when typing.
i don't eat like i should because i love sweats but i am small. so i end up cutting other stuff out to keep from gaining.
i don't care for meat to much. once in a while but i love my veggys
i am big on family and try to spend time with mine when i can.
i work at a place where i wear Jeans all the time but still have to look great.
i never leave the house with out make-up and hair done. and no i don't wear alot of make-up. i never leave the house in my PJ's or sweats thats just plan rude to me.
i look my best at all times other then in the mornings lol
i love rock & roll and think Skulls, spikes, and leather are hot.
i love the smell of leather it's a turn on.
i don't tan. why because it's not good for your skin and will make you age faster.
i don't like people that lie it just plain pisses me off.
what a beautiful day out. the sun is out and smiling down on us. i love it. it's been raining here for months and i could use a little light in my life ;)
today im feeling pretty darn good if i do say so. and i do hehe i am someone that loves the mornings and wake up smiling. most hate the mornings and are crabby, not me im a ray of sunshine as my mother tells me. how can you not be happy in the mornings your alive. i do how ever get a little crabby at night when im really tired.
i hope you all have a beautiful day and may the sun shine for you all:)
Submissives Creed
i Will Not Try To Manipulate my Dominant. I will not push. i Realise That my Actions And Behavious Reflect Upon His Skills As A Teacher And A Dominant. i Will Not Intentionally Embarrass my Dominant. i Wear The Honour Of Being His submissive. i Take Pride In Who And What i Am And Will Never Portray myself In A Negative Way.
i Will Keep An Open Mind And Try New Things In An Attempt To Expand my Limits. i Will Continue To Grow as a submissive and as a human being. I Will Try To Adhere To His Training To The Best Of my Ability
i Will Not Allow myself To Be Harmed Or Abused. By Giving my "Gift Of submission" Only To Those That Can Responsibly Accept It, A Dominant Of Honour. i know that submissive does not equal "Doormat". i Will Continue To Educate myself Because A submissives Safety Is Always A Concern.
i Will Be Respectful To my Fellow submissives. i Will Help Those New To The Lifestyle Start Out On The Correct Path.
I Will Be Responsive To my Dominant.i will communicate with complete honesty my needs, desires, limits, and experience. i Realize That Failing To Openly Communicate Will Prevent my Dominant And i From Having The Best Experience Possible, Or Cause Physical And Emotional Harm. "i Will Not Hide what my Mind And Body Are Feeling" i Will Not Expect my Dominant To Know my Thoughts Or Feelings Which i Do Not Share.
i Will Gracefully Accept In The Responsibility Of A Scene Or Relationship Gone Bad. i Will Not Place Total Blame On my Dominant If It Is Not Warranted Nor Will i Trash His Character" In Front Of Others Just Because i Am Angry Or Jealous. i Realize That Things May Not Work Out As Planned And Shall Strive To Put It Behind me And Move On.
i Will Be Respectful To My Dominant Even In Disagreements. i Realize my Dominant Has my Best Interests At Heart, And Shall Guide me With The Best Of All Of Their Knowledge.
This was not wrote by me.
What Defines a Great Master
The Value of My Tears
Please note that this essay was written about my former Master, Michael, to whom I was enslaved from 4-2-97 until 11-24-99. I am now with a new Master, Leather Hil, however, the qualities I talk about in this essay are not meant to refer to just one Master, but to any truly great Master.
This essay has been on my mind for a long time, because I think how your partner handles your tears is an excellent means of determining a caring Master/Mistress from one who doesn't know too much about this lifestyle. I've also heard a lot of submissives (and not just newcomers) tell me they are often told they are *too sensitive* and/or *too emotional* and this Essay addresses how very ridiculous that those comments are.
I come from a background where tears were to be shed privately if at all possible. It always seemed to me that tears seemed to embarrass, confuse, or irritate (perhaps all three) most men somehow. The mere fact that there was a cause for tears left a sort of void between whatever man (from father to husbands to friends) and myself. And most of those men left the scene of my tears as quickly as possible, saying something to the effect of, "Don't cry..." but never finishing the sentence or the thought behind it. The only possible exception where tears were "okay" seemed to be crying from physical pain, and even that had its limits.
There are many sources for our tears, and I am speaking about submissives, slaves, or whatever you choose to call us. I also want to point out that this article is not written to be *gender specific* at all. The obvious reasons for tears include, of course, pain (emotional or physical), various kinds of losses, and disappointment--but there are many others at the other end of the spectrum: joy, intense feelings of love, relief, gratitude, or overwhelming combinations of these emotions.
I hadn't ever really considered the *value of tears* until I met my former Master, Michael. Early on in the relationship, I found myself in tears that were a great mixture of love, gratitude, joy and amazement. This was the first man I'd ever known who didn't disappear, didn't tell me to stop, didn't tell me to shut up, and who was comfortable about my *emotional situation* whatever it happened to encompass. Even when I was incoherent from tears, he would seek to calm and comfort me and never criticized me for crying.
He has always understood the tears I've shed, and I knew right away that he knew my tears would often tell him things I couldn't find words for sometimes. He almost always knew when I am going to cry and why, and he always makes me feel that those tears (regardless of reason) are valuable to him, and necessary for me. Because my former Master understood me so well, I am no longer afraid to cry or show emotions within me that I've never shared with anyone else. This gives me a great sense of not only validation, but one of comfort and security as well.
Telling someone else about your most intimate thoughts has always been a potential "minefield" for me and I'm certainly not alone. Often revealing the inner self is a painful situation or one fraught with differing emotions; in other words, it's likely that tears will be shed when you are sharing the "non-public" person you are underneath. I don't feel this is a "gender specific" issue either... meaning it isn't only women who have trouble sharing deep emotions... nor is this really a *lifestyle issue* either, I suppose. However, this article is written from a *lifestyle point of view.*
Perhaps I have a somewhat skewed perception about tears and revealing deep emotions--I am not sure. What I do know is that I've had a great lot of emotional "rejection" in my life. This rejection ranges from receiving criticism about my being angry or upset, to being made to feel my deepest feelings were somehow "wrong" or inappropriate somehow. I've also been criticized in various relationships for being immature or ridiculous, and this hurt me a great deal. It also had the effect of my not wanting to share very much of what I'm really like inside. It made me withdraw and bury things--large or small-- that could have been worked out if they could've been brought to light, it seems to me.
Everyone, I think, has secret thoughts and fantasies and unrevealed desires (including dreams) as well as secret fears. If one is extremely lucky, they may have a partner who will listen and not make judgments. I've not been afforded that sort of emotional freedom before the relationship with this man who was my Master, and that includes my closest friends (outside the lifestyle).
I think my passion (for life in general, and the BDSM lifestyle in particular) threw most of my partners for a loop. Mostly I think my passion frightened them in many ways, because to them, I *over-reacted* and/or was *overly sensitive* about emotional issues. But I've learned a lot in all the years I've been participating in the Ds lifestyle and the biggest lesson is: it's not for everyone and vanilla folks just aren't going to get it, no matter how much explaining I do.
I am extremely fortunate to have had the relationship I did with my Master, Michael. For it is only since the relationship began (March of 1997) that I've felt totally fulfilled emotionally and spiritually, and free enough to be myself, without worrying about emotional rejection or harsh criticism. Also, for me anyway, this total emotional openness is the largest part of that so-elusive term, submission. And for my own definition, submission, means giving all of me to him, at all times... the good, the bad and the ugly parts of myself.
Although I am no longer enslaved to this man, I have discovered that I have retained the strength he imparted to me in that relationship. I know now that I should not and cannot settle for *less* in terms of the emotional support that is so essential to a slave.
I had to pick just one reason why this man and that relationship meant so much to me, it is that he valued the real *me* inside that no one else knows. This has afforded me total emotional freedom because I don't have to worry about *reacting badly* or watching what or how I say things. In short, this man knew the woman, as well as the slave inside of me that no other person had ever wanted to know and what a relief it is to just be *me.*
There are no roses without thorns
nor is there pain that can not be borne.
Between love and duty sometimes torn-
there are no roses without thorns.
There’s no promise of tomorrow
here in this world there will be sorrow.
Our time on earth we only barrow-
there’s no promise of tomorrow.
There is no pleasure without pain
and blue skies today precede the rain.
Life’s daily struggles our faith doth strain-
there is no pleasure without pain.
There are no roses without thorns
nor is there a loss we don’t still morn.
Between love and duty sometimes torn-
there are no roses without thorns.
A Master Creed
Above all else He cherishes His slave, in the knowledge that the gift she gives Him is the greatest gift of all.
He is strict and takes full advantage of the power given to Him, but knows to share the pleasure that comes from that precious gift.
He is in control of himself first and foremost, so that He may control others. As a stern and demanding Master, He can cause His slave real tears.
As the consummate lover, He will kiss the tears away without stepping out of character.
In times of trouble, a Master is a supportive partner and friend, never forgetting that this is a loving relationship between two caring individuals.
He is quick to understanding the difference between fantasy and reality.
He would never ask His slave to put Him before her career or family just to satisfy His own pleasure.
To win His slaves mind, body, soul and love. He must first earn her trust. He will show His slave humor, kindness and warmth.
He must always show her that His guidance and tutoring is knowledgeable deserving of her attention, that this is a man she can learn from and trust in His discretion.
He is romantic enough to be protective and gallant. When called upon, He will fight for His lady's honor. He proves to her that He is someone that she can lean on and depend on.
When it comes time to teach His slave her lessons in obedience, He is a strong and unyielding professor. He will except no flaw, nothing less then perfection from His student.
Never does he use discipline without a good reason . When He does, its always with a careful and knowledgeable hand.
He is always open to communication and discussion, always ready to hear her wants and needs. He is patient, taking time to learn her limits and knowing that as the trust for Him grows, so will they.
He never has to demand ritual behavior. She responds to Him out of want to please Him. Compliance from wanting to please, not the fear of punishment.
He understands the fragile nature of her mind, body and soul and never violates that trust given to Him.
He is secure enough to laugh at Himself and the absurdities of life. Open minded enough to learn new things. Strong enough to grow.
His tools are mind, body, soul, spirit and love. He understands that each partner gains from pleasuring the other. And both of them know that love and trust are the only bindings that truly hold.
A Slaves Daily Mantra
first half To my Master I give my love To my Master I give my devotion To my Master I give my submission To my Master I give my strength To my Master I give my weakness To my Master I give my worries To my Master I give my fears To my Master I give my happiness To my Master I give my sadness To my Master I give my everything
second half My Master gives to me His love My Master gives to me His strength My Master gives to me His happiness My Master gives to me His care My Master gives to me His guidance My Master gives to me His friendship My Master gives to me confidence My Master gives to me knowledge My Master gives to me faith My Master gives to me Himself
feeling better today but CM is not playing nice today lol
SCREAMS.......
we say we will stay friends but is that real?
how can i heal this way
i see your face everyday
how can i let go when your right there?
Please tell me how
i put on this smile thats fake as hell
what should i say?
that im happy and be ok
i don't feel ok
i feel broken
im in hell
my soul was ripped out
i say goodbye today
i cut you out of my life
because i can't breath
with you so near me.
Please forgive me
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name! What's in a name? that which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet;
My past:
I have been in this life for 25 years started off with my first husband. I have been collared 3 times in my life. Husband was the first, My Gor Master trainer was 2, my last Master was 3rd.
I am married and i do have kids but they are grown now. One still lives at home. I work alot and don't have a 5 to 9 job.
I meet my last Master in an online 3d world called second life. Where we became friends first. He was married as was and still am. His wife knew about me and we became friends also.
I was ready to leave my husband for my Master but he was happy and asked me to work things out with husband. I did so.
I just moved from fl to the west coast last year to be with my Mother who is getting older and i want to spend time with before it's too late. i also have sisters here and have been away from my family for 25years.
Last year Master wife left him for her own slave. Leaving him alone. He asked me to come to him but by this time i could not. i have a family here and a job and can't just jump up and run off. this i am sure caused him great pain as it did me when i wanted to go to him. but it's something that can't be helped at this time.
Master meet a girl 2 to 3 weeks ago and she found out about me because im on his Facebook page. i believe she freaked out and asked him to pick.
Master needed someone he can touch and feel. So here i am.
After this i meet someone here on collarme and we started talking on the phone. i fell in love with him and was going to move him here to be with me. but seems things dont always go as planned. i will not trash him but my feelings for him are mixed.
judge me if you like but it is what it is.
food for thought.
Cam's as i have made it clear in my profile i can't do cam. i have had some ask about it because some of you or maybe alot of you have found alot of Fakes on this website. I can understand your worry after learning this.
I can take photos if needed to prove who I am. It's really a easy fix.
my thoughts for the day.
i am sure his vanilla life will be hard for him but over all it will not stop him or make him change his mind. as a woman i understand his need for someone he can hold and touch. as his slave i am very hurt. mostly because this is something we have talked about over the past year and i shared my fears of this happening but he kept telling me that it would not and he would make sure i would always be in his life.
now even if he changed his mind and wanted me back i could not. there is a trust that has been broken now. i trusted him fully and that trust was miss used. i cant say he flat out lied because one cant foresee everything in life, but to be set aside so fast shows me he could do it again just as fast. he has only been seeing this new girl for 2 weeks.
now if i was to go to him and live with him he would take me. thats just it he wants me in him life as his wife. i can not. i have a family and cant just up and go as much as i love him.
now it's time for me to move on and heal. finding a new Dom will help with that healing. give me something to look forward too and not crying over him forever. and at this time thats what ii find myself doing.
we will stay friends for now anyway. i can't say how long that will last. i can see already the change in him. his e-mails are short and have no feelings. it's a shock to see how fast he has turned off his feelings. this maybe the only way he knows how to deal with this him self. but it's something that pains me to see.
as his slave all i have ever wanted was to make him happy and thats what im going to do. the one last gift i give him, freedom, to make his life what he wants by letting go of him.
even if that letting go hurts me. i will walk away for him. for his feeling are what i have lived for and shall do as told. walk away.
