Manawyddan

Male Submissive, 27

Joys of parenthood! Toddler's been quite sick, probably norovirus. Much vomitting and some diarrhea. A few nights ago we were all in the living room and she started to fuss. I asked her if she needed to throw up and she said no (of course, she's a toddler, she always says no). But shortly after that she started to gurgle, so I scooped her up and ran down the dark hallway to the bathroom so she could throw up in the sink. She projectile vomitted right into my path. I slipped and skid at least a yeard, somehow managing to sent a towel rack (with my foot?). My front and back, the latter section of the hallway, and the bathroom were covered in vomit. Amazingly, she was fine (though scared) aside from one bruise on her leg. It took me a while to get up and I had a massive sore spot on my hip where I landed. My wife got the baby cleaned up and I got the hallway and bathroom cleaned up. And once she determined that we were both unharmed, she proceeded to giggle on and off for the rest of the night. It was all very slapstick. The next day I made it to my chiropracter, so I am now walking like a 40 year old rather than an 80 year old.

I'm still figuring out how to wrap my head around this one. For several years, I have used the online nick BlackLion. Never in a sexual context (beastiality, even with me as the beast, is not a fetish), although often in a cuddly, mildly-dom context. I have also roleplayed being lionesque during scenes. Then something happened last Saturday night. My partner called out "BlackLion" a couple of times (which she'd done before). What was different this time was ... he actually came out. This was not roleplay or fantasy fulfillment, and a completely different phenomenon from what has happened before. I was literally picturing a lion form transposed over my own, and as I said this was NOT a fantasy of mine. The other thing that is different is that BlackLion hasn't gone away. When I would dissociate and have him come out before, it was a part of me that would color my personality, then go away. But now he is curled up in the back of my head. For the first time ever, I can ask him questions and he answers. We asked BlackLion why he came out now and not before. The response was, because [the partner] called me. She thought about that and realized she had said his name during sex before. But we guess it wasn't as direct before and maybe he just wasn't around at the right time until now. This is all so weird. And coming from me, that's saying a lot! Fortunately, I'm enjoying the heck out of it (he isn't just around for sex or to make me more 'dommy' ... now that he's out he wants to play and protect and father. He even came out at work; folks there don't know me well enough to have seen the difference, they probably figured I was just in a good mood ... though when the tasks became too repetitous he went back inside my head to nap (he spends most his day asleep, just like a real lion ... he's also not used to being 'out' and we have found that when he is out too long he gets raging headaches, which go away when he goes back inside)). He's also informed us that 'BlackLion' isn't his real name ... but more for later.

It's been one heck of a month. I came down with the flu, and barely got over that when I contracted food poisoning (probably from raw oysters, though one can never know for sure; nevertheless I think I'll abstain from them from now on). I barely got over the food poisoning when I was involved in an auto accident and hurt my hand (the chiro x-rayed it and nothing's broken). The chiro also x-rayed my neck and collarbone just to be safe, and guess what? I have osteo arthritis. That explains a lot of the neck pain which I thought was just stress. It's not debilitating, but it's in the serious range, and my x-ray so closely resembled the poster in the office it looks like a textbook case. So maybe the accident was a blessing in disguise, as otherwise this would have continued and gotten a lot worse before it was detected. My first thought was, 'Welcome to middle age.' I also felt a bit annoyed, in the sense that in my relationship, it's my job to be the healthy one (my wife is disabled). I have no business contracting arthritis. It also changes the whole way you think of yourself, from someone who is basically healthy to a 'sick person' (even though I'm not much impaired). On the other hand, the month ended on a festive note. An internet acquaintence of mine is touring with the Australian Pink Floyd, a PF tribute band (the only 'official' one acknowledged by the original band), and gifted me with a pair of comp tickets and backstage passes. I'm not particularly a PF fan, but the music was interesting enough that I didn't get bored. This was also the first concert I had ever been to that featured light shows and projections ... most punk bands or jazz bands are not into that much spectacle ... and while normally I'd have found it distracting, under these crcumstances it was the perfect addition to make it feel like an 'event.'

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