Maliria

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	About Maliria ? I still hate filling these things out but I will tell you a little about me.? First, I am a mother.? Although my children are adults, they will always come first in my life.? Second, I am a witch.? I?ve been a practicing witch for knocking on 20 years now, and my spirituality is an important part of my life.? Third, I am a submissive, and can be bratty at times (or so I am told).? I am not a service submissive, however.? Personally, I think that all individuals in a relationship should handle the day-to-day functions (such as cooking, cleaning, and paying the bills) that make life go round.? What am I looking for?? I?m looking for a friend first.? If we do not connect on the most basic level of who we are, then I see no point in things going further.? I want someone that likes the things that I like (or at least some of them).? I want to go to movies, watch TV together, and have things we can discuss about normal life.? I guess in some ways you could say I eventually want to get to the point of dating.? Yes, dating includes going to parties and having fun.? I want to learn with them as well as from them.? I want them to be able to learn from me as well.? There are 2 songs by Halestorm that say what I want from myself, from my partner, and where I want go in life.? The first is ?Let Me In Your Room?.? This is a song about telling me your deepest secrets and knowing that you are safe from me judging you for what you want.? If I let you see every part of me, then I want the same thing from you.? The second song is ?Private Parts?.? This song refers to showing me the parts of yourself that you do not show others.? Simply put, if you want to see what I do not show others, then you have to be willing to do the same thing. ?I want to know your hopes, dreams, and what I can do to make your life better, since you will expect the same thing from me.? If you want to message me, feel free, but be original.? Don?t message me if you profile pic is a penis.? It?s not going to impress me, and I will just ignore you.? Be original.? That is more likely to get my attention than a simple message that say?s ?Let?s chat?.? That does not show me that you have any intelligence whatsoever. ?

I can't count the number of times that some man has asked me about my sex life in some form. For example they will ask me "Do you ever get horny?". This type of question is completely ridiculous and here is why. For men that do not know this a woman's sex organ is in her brain. If you cannot engage the brain then you cannot engage the body. So before you go and ask her about sexual preferences ask yourself if there's enough of a connection with her to engage her brain in your relationship. Just my thought of the day.

I'm now wondering if it is time to walk away from this site. As much as I would love to get involved in a relationship in this life, it seems that I will not find that one person here. Even those that I have met in the lifestyle at munches simply want someone to play with and they don't want to have a connection with that person. I want that connection. I want it to matter than more than just a play session. Those are easily found and really hold no interest for me.

Well, today is Yule, or the Winter Solstice. I'm looking forward to the return of the sun and the new year. Life has not gone the way that I had hoped in the past year but I am hoping that things will change and be looking up in the coming year.

I have met some amazing people in the past year and they have helped me deal with the changes in my life. They make me think about who I am and who I want to be. To them, I say thank you for being there for me.

So what do I want for the upcoming year? I want a job that I enjoy doing. I want to make enough money that I can take care of me on my own. I want to meet someone that I can date and enjoy spending time with. I want more than just a kink relationship. I want someone that enjoys spending time with me and that I am compatible with. I want to build a solid foundation with someone that I can care about and that cares about me.

If that doesn't happen, I'm not going to be heartbroken. It just means that I can be content being with just me. I'm perfectly capable being happy with myself alone. I just want that added person in my life that can enhance what my life already is.

So today I have been pondering dating in the kinky world. Is there such a thing and if so what is it? It's certainly not a play date when I first meet someone, which is what it seems most folks expect. I'm not stupid enough to put myself into the hands of someone that has not earned my trust.

So is dating in the kinky world, having coffee and chatting (not that I drink coffee, but you get the point)? Is it dinner and a movie? Is it going to a bar and dancing the night away? What is it exactly? This is not a question that I have an answer to.

If you compound the risks of "internet dating" with the risks of "kink", just how risky is it to meet someone on the internet and get involved with them? At what point does a person decide when they are ready to meet someone? This is just not questions that I have an answer to. I wish I did.

Today, I am pondering the purpose of even updating profiles and looking at other profiles. I've always been uncomfortable approaching men about some things. For example, if I go to a party, I am not comfortable asking a Dominant to top me. Maybe it's the mindset of it's traditional for the man to approach the woman first. I can't even say that I look at others profiles on here. Maybe I need to consider stepping out of my comfort zone and seeing what is out there. But then I see who is viewing me and they don't message me so I see it as a rejection because he didn't message me. Maybe it's not a rejection. After all, who am I to assume what his reasons were for not messaging me?

I've messaged with a few people from this website, but eventually they stop messaging me for no apparent reason whatsoever. I would prefer the person to at least tell me a reason why. They don't think we would be compatible. They have found someone IRL and that is working for them. It's not like it would break my heart or anything. I would actually be happy for them if they found what they were looking for.

I know that I want a relationship that goes deeper than BDSM play. I want an actual relationship. I can't do casual play. It just doesn't work for me and I'm not comfortable with casual players because as far as I am concerned, being willing to place your safety in someone else's hands takes trust and that cannot be established through casual play. Once you are bound, you are at that person's mercy and if you do not have trust, then they can do anything they want to you and may not even respect your safe word.

BDSM is not like regular dating. You have to be even more careful because of the risks of this lifestyle. Do you trust that your partner will respect your safe word? Do you trust that they have practiced safe sex? Are you willing to ask for blood tests to make sure that person is clean? I figure if you ask and they are offended, then you need to rethink being in a relationship with that person. After all, it is entirely possible to have something and not even be aware of it. It happens more often than people are even aware I think.

Update: 1/15/15

What do I want in a partner? This is a question that I have pondered a lot lately and many times I will use music to communicate. Sometimes they can say what I want to say better than I can. For me the song "In your Room" by Halestorm says it all. It is an excellent song that explains what I want in a partner, be it in the BDSM world or vanilla.

Update: 1/27/15

I am a practicing witch, so if you aren't comfortable with someone that is pagan then I am not the person for you. I will not compromise my religious practices for anyone.

Update: 2/5/15

== Results from http://bdsmtest.org/ ==
100% Bondage Receiver
89% Submissive
88% Experimentalist
84% Girl/Boy
78% Brat
68% Masochist
64% Primal (Prey)
60% Primal (Predator)
58% Bondage Giver
50% Voyeur
46% Exhibitionist
46% Switch
38% Non-monogamist
34% Brat Tamer
34% Daddy/Mommy
34% Slave
25% Degradation Receiver
25% Dominant
24% Sadist
13% Vanilla
11% Master/Mistress
0% All-Rounder
0% Degradation Giver
0% Pervert

Update: 2/12/15

So who am I? I'm still working on discovering who I am. I believe that as we age, we grow and change. To stop growing and changing is to become stagnant and that is something I will not accept in myself. When I stop growing and changing, them going ahead and cremate me and send my ashes to Ireland. I am done.

But what am I not? I'm not a service submissive. I will not cook your dinner, do your laundry, clean your house, while you lounge around in your recliner watching tv. I'm not a maid. I am a partner. I would rather you help with cooking the dinner, doing the laundry, cleaning the house, and all of the other things that have to be done on a daily basis for life to move forward. If you are looking for a maid, then I am not the person for you.

Update: 2/21/15

So what are the challenges of finding someone on any "dating" website that might eventually lead to something real? IMO, it is a matter of weeding out the wannabes, the ones that claim "real dominant" as though there really is such a thing, and the ones that just watched or read Fifty Shades of Grey and think this life is something they want based on the books or the movie. Personally, I've never understood what a Dominant is trying to say when they say "real Dominant". Would that be the same as me saying "I'm a real submissive"? And if so then what is a "non-real submissive" or a non-real Dominant"?

Update: 2/28/15

So today I am questioning the purpose of profiles. So many individuals do not take the time to fill them out and I am wondering why. Is it laziness? Is it a desire to learn about the person in conversation? Is there some other mysterious reason that I have not thought off? Well, probably to that third question. But mostly I wonder why I take the time to do my profile, if others aren't going to take the time to read it?

mali2 Male Dominant, 55, Los Angeles, Florida	male491954 Male Dominant, 49, laurinburg, North Carolina	malisabic Female Submissive, 19	maleservant Male Submissive, 24
maleashtray Male Submissive, 24, zaandam	malesub1960 Male Submissive, 43, cincinnati, Ohio	malslv4yournee Male Submissive, 39, Chicago, Illinois	maleinmass Male Dominant, 69, springfield, Massachusetts
male4strapon Male Submissive, 25	malehomemaker2 Male Submissive, 47, Palmdale, California	maleslave4202 Male Submissive, 31, Orange, California	malesub4u Male Submissive, 40

Maliria

About Maliria