|
there are so many of us on here looking for the correct person to meet our needs...for us to meet their needs...there are probably lots of choices for most of us...some are on here looking for their first relationship in this lifestyle while others have been exploring this way of life for years. ....what we all have in common is the need to feel accepted and loved for who we are. Some of us have a hard time loving ourselves..warts, old age spots..funny legs...weird eyes...whatever...and all. we all have our faults and failings and little human being imperfections. The only thing that stops some of us from finding a person to serve...be served by...be loved by is fear. Fear that you can get hurt. Fear that the person won't measure up to what you are hoping for or are fantasizing about. Fear that when you get what you want you still will not be happy. Fear that what you need is wrong...or sinful...Fear...it is a great motivator and a great inhibitor.....the funny thing is...the real fear most humans have whether they are in the lifestyle or not is being alone....and let's face it...being alone is how we all end up...so...maybe i need to quit being afraid...maybe we all do...
|
|
|
|
|
hello to all friends..i have not had much time for the computer these days...life is good. i did want to make sure to wish everyone a Happy St. Patrick's Day.
|
|
|
|
|
i was wide awake at 4am. at least i could enjoy my coffee on the porch when it was still cool outside. it seems despite my worst intentions, i have become a morning person. |
|
|
|
|
a long day today, after being off work most of the summer it is exhausting to be working again...but satisfying. |
|
|
|
|
good news in my family. my sister went back to rehab. this is the fastest she has ever turned things around..maybe this will truly be her last attempt and her best attempt to live a clean and sober existance. i sure hope so. |
|
|
|
|
why is it that all the Doms on here who have Harleys are either short, illiterate, or just plain mean spirited? |
|
|
|
|
well i went and did it. Chopped all my hair off. |
|
|
|
|
i have been so proud of my sister the last few months..she went through rehab got sober...unfortunately i just found out this evening that she started drinking again. it is a sad possiblity that i will eventually get a phone call from someone someday telling me that she is dead in an alley somewhere. it is heartbreaking that i can not do anything to change the path that she is on. all i can do is keep myself on track. there have been times in my life where i got into a bad habit with alcohol, i am glad that i have been able to gain control of my actions and figure out what it was in myself that needed changing. oh well, not one of the best days for news. i do hope that things will be better tomorrow. |
|
|
|
|
i am such a dummy sometimes. i make assumptions when i should be asking questions. you would think would have figured that out by now! |
|
|
|
|
just reading through journal entries of others is so entertaining. there is everything from humor to fear! some people use misinformation and scare tactics to try to sway others toward their narrow minded ideas while others share personal experiences that illustrate funny human antics. thanks to everyone who writes in their journal...it is wonderful to see the variety of personalities on Collarme. |
|
|
|
|
received this message a little while ago who then blocked me from replying he doesn't even have a photo on his page..what a chicken shit.
A good site for you to look at:
Deal-A-Meal.com
from someone called lookin4luv4ever |
|
|
|
|
my last few entries have been rather pathetic. i have to quit writing only when i am in a funk. i do appreciate that some have sent me encouraging messages. thanks. i have been talking the last week to someone who has had life experiences almost parallel to my own..it is a fun and comfortable conversation we are having. who knows if it will "pan out" but friendship is always a positive outcome. |
|
|
|
|
last night i was so down in the dumps. wishing for something and not getting it is frustrating. i have tried to focus on other aspects of my life that are wonderful. i am fortunate is so many ways. there is just that one thing missing...but, oh, it is a big thing. Love. |
|
|
|
|
i am obviously not young enough, pretty enough, rich enough, smart enough, witty enough or just darn submissive enough to serve a Dom. i am not worthy enough to be loved, cared for, under consideration of, a Dom. so, this piece of crap will stay on this website in order to read journals of those more fortunate than she is. |
|
|
|
|
it is funny when someone contacts you after a very long time. someone who you have been in something of a relationship with. someone who used to take me to clubs, rides, etc...but would not let me into his life; messaged me recently. I suppose he wanted a friend with benefits, and i wanted a DOM! lol so the relationship died ...well, apparently he found someone and wanted to let me know. i don't know why he bothered to contact me after so much time has passed..maybe to gloat? maybe with some misguided idea that i would be interested in a threesome? who knows and i really don't care. |
|
|
|
|
just read a journal entry which contained a racist joke. idiots are in every lifestyle i suppose. it is sad that intolerance is present in someone who follows a path not everyone understands or tolerates. some who don't understand BDSM consider those in the lifestyle as perverse, in need of mental help, and a danger to "normal" society. That same attitude is present in those who judge others on the color of their skin. sad, sad, sad. |
|
|
|
|
i am sure i am not the only one that this happens to, but it sure does bug me. there is an individual who messages me maybe every 6 months or so..each time he contacts me he acts like he hasn't messaged me before. despite that i have told him each time that i am not interested in him. finally, this time i blocked him. i could have done it sooner and would have if he had messaged me more frequently, but he wasn't that much of a pest. he is just kind of sad that he either doesn't pay attention to those he has sent messages to...or he has serious short term memory issues. |
|
|
|
|
i have come to the conclusion that i may never find the one i can call my Dom. Maybe i have used up all those Karmic chances in life. Perhaps, i have already had my fair share of relationships. maybe i am unloveable. i know that i am capable of great devotion, and i wear my heart on my sleeve..i am an easy person to read, i can not hide my emotions. and i have no problem with saying what i think. perhaps the last best love of my life was with the Dom who discarded me. i know my feelings for him are still strong. feelings of love and hatred comingled creating anger and longing. i want so much to be loved and to love someone who deserves it. |
|
|
|
|
i am having mixed feelings about the new Journal feature. i have kept a personal journal for many years and have read historical journals, so i have certain expectations. writing down ideas, thoughts and observations are what journals are for and i enjoy reading these types of entries immensely. However, i am not too thrilled by those who are now using their journal entries as a means of advertising. I also think that those who want to write a erotic novel should find another outlet. i realize that not all share my opinions on this but this is MY journal entry. lol |
|
|
|
|
if you contact me and i don't reply, it is because i can tell you have not read my profile. |
|
|
|
|
i appreciate it when someone messages and shows a sincere interest in getting to know me. what i am looking for, a real relationship in the lifestyle, needs to be based on compatiblity in all areas of life. it is not enough to have a perfect play partner if you can't stand each other over a cup of coffee in the morning! when someone asks me (out of the blue) what my secret needs and desires are i have to say....They're secret! That is information i plan on sharing with the man who will be my Dom...hopefully someday i will find the right Dom for me. |
|
|
|
|
well, here is another lovely message from someone who calls himself a Dom. he writes to me:
"please do the free world a big favor and lose that picture of your big fat ass... Its just disgusting" odd, he has no photo on his page...hmmmmm. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
when i was a little girl i looked forward eagerly to Valentine's Day. i knew that my father would bring me a small heart filled with dark chocolate covered caramels..my sister would get a small heart with milk chocolates and my mother would the the "big" assortment heart along with flowers. my Dad was wonderful at making "his girls" feel special and loved. he is a hard act to follow. he is my role model..a man who was strong and never gave up on committments. he was far from perfect with many faults and failings. .but he did know how to make the women in his life feel loved. now, i am alone, have been for awhile, maybe my chance at love has long since past. but at least i know what can be possible because of him.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I have baked dozens of cookies of various kinds, wrapped presents for family and friends, bought food and planned menus for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day so the holiday is alive and well here. I am looking forward to the opening of presents and watching everyones faces(especially the young ones) as they find what Santa brought...i feel very fortunate! I wish everyone here a very Merry Christmas. |
|
|
|
|
Another holiday season has rolled around. i am taking the day off work to do all the baking for tomorrow. this has to be my favorite time of year only because it affords me so many opportunities to make good food..i hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving. |
|
|
|
|
well another rude message came to me yesterday....why would someone go to the trouble of messaging someone just to insult them? i hope that they got some satisfaction from it and i am glad there is the "block" feature available on this website...i pity those who feel that they have to make others feel bad in order to feel good about themselves.
|
|
|
|
|
today someone called me "a close minded bitch"! they contacted me after reading my profile which clearly states that i am looking for someone in my age group. i politely told them that i could not be interested as he was close to my daughter's age and im not comfortable with that... i can't believe some people on here! |
|
|
|
|
due to unforeseen circumstances i have a second day off in the middle of the week..i appreciate it as i know that it doesn't happen often these days.. at least i have time to catch up on correspondance..also, it is a beautiful day outside..i am not going to waste it sitting indoors. |
|
|
|
|
i am a silly little slut..i actually believe what people tell me..i need to quit being so gullible. |
|
|
|
|
it is another day in the desert. weatherman said around 107 and drier than it has been. this is the time of year when going to the lakes, rivers or swimming in pools has lost their appeal summer has seemed to go on forever. everyone is longing for cooler days. at least the early mornings and late evenings are pleasant. i take my coffee out to the back porch before the sun comes up. it is my favorite time of day this time of year. |
|
|
|
|
is there a Dom for me? i am not sure anymore. my need to serve is strong but i don't want to make the mistake of serving for serving's sake. in other words, to serve the wrong Dom is worse than being alone. there are too many who are more concerned with youth and outer beauty instead of the things that really matter...i have been guilty of that myself in the past. i am not young, rich, or beautiful. i am simply a good hearted, well intentioned, and honest person. perhaps there are no Doms looking for those qualities anymore. |
|
|
|
|
i do not like to see others go through rough times or be unsuccessful. i want everyone to be happy..even if it is not with me. i can't understand why someone would say something rude just because i knew i was not the right person for them..i was not rude to them..oh well. |
|
|
|
|
There are those who believe that there is someone out there for everyone. There are also those who believe in love at first sight. i am not a romantic. love, for me, is something that grows with time and through daily commitment. Love is an investment in someone else. i think a person could love many throughout the course of their lives, i am not quite sure that love could be equally distributed though. . i am sure that there are those who would disagree. finding love, or someone with the potential for you to love, in this lifestyle is even harder i think than in the vanilla world. it is much easier in the lifestyle, though to find those interested in a more relaxed situation...many are here to find someone to play with and while that is fine for those who want to experience the activities associated with the lifestyle..it is not for me. i guess i want it all. |
|
|
|
|
keeping your fingers crossed is useless...oh well. |
|
|
|
|
well, i actually met someone in person from CM that i liked. he could be someone i could have a lot of fun with. i am keeping my fingers crossed! |
|
|
|
|
most of the responses i have received regarding Doms asking for more photos confirmed my own suspicions. thanks to all for comments. |
|
|
|
|
Every have a fun and safe 4th of July! |
|
|
|
|
i am getting excited about my upcoming road trip on Tuesday..haven't been anywhere for awhile..fortunately i don't have to do the driving! it will be nice to get out of the 114 degree weather here even 90 degrees sounds cool! |
|
|
|
|
i wonder how many submissives on this website have encountered the same situation as i have..... messaged by a Dom and begin online conversation..move to IM and talk for months..never actually meeting the person (in person) but the Dom is always requesting photos..more..different etc.. my feelings are mixed..i wonder what others think about this.
|
|
|
|
|
it has been so long since i have written on here..life is full and busy these days. it seems i come to this site often but only to respond to messages and then by the time i am done i have something i have to do elsewhere. i am happy with my life, i have nothing to complain about. i am looking forward and have few regrets. i am content. i am at the point in my life that i feel that whatever happens happens...i am open to finding the right person, but i am not stressed about it...good things happen to those who wait. |
|
|
|
|
the internet is a wonderful thing. meeting people from all around the country and world on a site such as this is a phenomenal development in communication. despite the technology it is interesting how it is still possible for misunderstandings to flourish. |
|
|
|
|
HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!!!!! |
|
|
|
|
yeah..one full week off from work..sleeping in for all those days. heavenly!!!!!!!! |
|
|
|
|
today i gave notice at my part time job. i have enjoyed working there but i just need more in life than work. |
|
|
|
|
my hair...i am in a bit of a quandary regarding it...my hair. it is something of an embarrassment to me. in this day and age there is something wrong with a woman of my years who has such long hair(it just isn't the norm in today's society) most women who have reached 50 have their hair bobbing around their shoulders or cropped into a hairsprayed helmet. i don't know why i can't bring myself to chop mine off. i have recently dyed it back to a medium brown...i think that is my natural color(however i have been coloring if for so long i can't be sure..haha) i like the darker look and it certainly has brought me a few compliments from friends and family...but with those compliments have come advice.."wow, now you should get it styled" "if you got it layered it would look really good" etc....... maybe i should just go ahead and cut it...get it over with...join the crowd...accept the age appropriate arrangement..lol but instead, i take two rubberbands and braid it down my back, or and wind it up on top of my head and secure it with chopsticks before i go to work each day... less embarrassing when it is back out of the way.. |
|
|
|
|
all my life is about these days is...work. not that i am complaining i need to keep myself busy. for so many reasons idleness has become my enemy. |
|
|
|
|
For the first time in over 20 years i did not fix or participate in some aspect of Christmas dinner. i worked instead. next year....i will cook. hope all had a great day though. |
|
|
|
|
to be submissive, to be someone who by nature finds fulfillment in making others happy is rather unusual in this world today. i am wondering....is it harder to be a submissive without a Dom, or a Dom without a submissive? |
|
|
|
|
early morning is my favorite part of the day. just before sunrise i take my coffee out to the back porch and watch as Venus and stars fade out as the sun comes up over the horizon and house tops. it is a time of promise or hope. a new day. another chance at getting things right, being productive, making a difference and maybe finding a new path in life. |
|
|
|
|
hope dims. |
|
|
|
|
okay.........it's over...i have made it through another big dinner..lol. this year i cooked for ten. not as many as some years but more than others. i made the full dinner: turkey, mashed potatoes, rice, dressing, gravy, corn pudding, green bean casserole, sweet potatoes, rutabaga, ambrosia salad, pumpkin pie(bought a pumpkin and made it fresh), a french apple pie, homemade whipping cream. whew...i am so full and tired but satisfied at a job well done...lol. i hope everyone had as nice a day as i had...my family ate, road their dirt bikes and quads in the dessert, watched videos and played guitar hero and song star...all in all a great holiday. |
|
|
|
|
Happy Thanksgiving. |
|
|
|
|
no matter what lifestyle a person follows meeting someone who is right for you is difficult. sometimes you meet someone and you are interested but they are not..other times they want to get to know you better and you want to run as fast as you can in the other direction..it can be very discouraging. |
|
|
|
|
Happy Halloween |
|
|
|
|
tonight i went into a chat room and someone messaged me without asking first. he asked me what i was looking for and i suggested he READ my profile and he would know. he came back and accused me of being superficial because he read the last entry i wrote here in my journal. i find it odd that i would be accused of shallowness when our society as a whole is overly infatuated with youth and beauty........helllllllllllllllllllo, i just want a Dom who is age appropriate, confident, kind and can give me good motorcycle rides....if that makes me superficial then.. oh well. |
|
|
|
|
here's a good one........ i was recently contacted by a Dom and when i responded to his message, i specifically asked if he had a HARLEY. He answered back and said "how's this for an answer...i train the techs who repair Harleys and yes i have a motorcycle" now, being that i have been around Harley enthusiasts when he answered in such a way...i assumed he actually had a Harley. most Harley people joke that Harleys are motorcycles and all the rest are just bikes...lol. so when he said that YES, when i asked him SPECIFICALLY if he had a Harley, i was thrilled..even though he was a bit shorter than what i prefer in a Dom(i know this is crazy coming from a super short woman)...anyway, i gave him my IM and the first picture of his bike i see, i ask...what kind of bike is that? he says.......honda. lol... then he got all defensive when i accused him of misleading me.. oh well, i can understand not being able to afford a Harley, but i can't understand deceit and anger. He literally gave me a diatribe on how unAmerican Harley's are and their history...(as if i didn't know). and i think, if he really isn't into a certain motorcycle, then why contact a woman who has gone to the trouble to list that particular item in her profile...lol..damn, do i have something on my forehead that i can't see that says..."i brake for bullshit"? |
|
|
|
|
i have an unexpected day free..what a treat. no work.............yeah. i think i will wash my truck. maybe bake something..i just did a dry rub on two racks of baby back ribs so i can put them on the grill a bit later..it will be a good dinner tonight.
|
|
|
|
|
yesterday i was on line and someone said well at least you get laid now and then....and i realized that i had not written about ending my friendship or mentioned it to anyone. shortly after i had written about how lucky i was to have a great family and a friend i could sleep with on occasion, i caught this so called friend in a lie. i had known him for several years and when i met him he had separated from his wife. i had not seen him in about three years when i moved back to this area and happened to run into him at Home Depot and we started seeing each other. going for motorcycle rides and to the Swinger's club now and then. his schedule was always busy just as mine is so i didn't catch on...lol. saw him in McGraths fish house with his wife...
i don't tolerate liars. no friendly sex for me...lol |
|
|
|
|
it will be a long day for me.......i start a little bit later though, so i have had time to do load of laundry before i leave for work......next break...10pm tonight....oh well..just call me Cinderella...lol. |
|
|
|
|
what a glorious morning! it is seldom that i actually like living in this desert city, but now that it is cooling down it is so nice. enjoyed my morning coffee out on the patio this morning and now i have to get ready for work. on mornings like this i feel energized and happy to greet the day. |
|
|
|
|
it was such a beautiful day today. i had a great time going to a museum and a nice meal with my best friend and my granddaugter.....i for a small moment missed my ex Dom...when i saw a couple going down the road on an ElectricGlide...oh well..if that is all i miss about him i guess i will survive...lol. |
|
|
|
|
i believe that there is someone out there who will understand my needs and i will understand and able to meet their needs. that belief is what keeps me here, that belief is what keeps me capable of trusting others to be who and what they say they are. |
|
|
|
|
it is finally cooling down in arizona..i am wondering if also the Dom i have been talking to is cooling down in his interest. he is supposed to be here this weekend but i haven't had any messages from him in five days. hmmmmm. i know he has a busy life..as i do, so i am trying not to see it as anything other than that..oh well, time will tell. what ever happens i am okay with it. with good friends and a loving family i am very lucky. |
|
|
|
|
it has been a very long day. i have been up since five thirty, went to work at seven thirty, worked till four pm. then came home and changed and went to my second job from four thirty to eleven pm. i am a strong woman, however, after a day like today i wonder how long i will be able to keep up with my schedule. on the days i do not work one or two jobs i watch my granddaughter...who also takes a lot of energy to keep up with. anyway, it is way too late but i am so tired i can't sleep...oh well... |
|
|
|
|
wow, it has been some time since i have written in my journal. i have been beyond busy! also, i deactivated my profile for awhile as to concentrate on the conversations i have been having with prospective Dom. he will be here in a couple of weeks and i am very excited to be meeting him in person. that is really the only way to find out if we are compatible. you can talk online or on the phone till the cows come home but being in the actual presense of someone is the only way to really see if there is chemistry. i would very much like it to work, however, my nature is to be leary of anything that seems to good to be true. and he definately seems to be what i have been looking for in a Dom: intelligent, understanding, considerate, someone who values commitment and devotion. i sure hope that he is a Dom who does not trample over a person's feelings like a bull. there is fine line between pushing a person to expand their limits and breaking a person's spirit. well, i am up early to go to work and i really should get my self into the shower... i reactivated my profile because i am proud of being who i am and the photos i put in here are recent and taken for the Dom i hope will become my Master. |
|
|
|
|
hope every one enjoys the 4th of July... |
|
|
|
|
i am content. perhaps that is why i am not setting up meetings and dates and jumping at every message sent to me as a possible match...i am polite, i answer emails, however i am not in a hurry to find someone just for the sake of being with someone.
i have a roof over my head, enough work to keep me busy and sometimes it is even rewarding on a deeper level then just getting a job done.
i have family that love me and want me around.
i have a good friend to eat lunch and go to movies with.
i have a friend i can see that i like enough to play with sexually but not enough to see all the time.
so, i guess i don't feel as if i need to find someone right this minute in my life...i want to enjoy life and if i find someone that is great, but if i don't that will be okay too.
|
|
|
|
|
lately i have been up very late at night. due to schedule changes i find i can't sleep till the wee hours of the am. i like keeping busy and earning a meager living..but the late nights are rough. |
|
|
|
|
okay, i have come to the conclusion that i am not going to find a Dom that is right for me. i think i am asking for too much...i want someone who is firm, but loving...kind of rugged but intelligent, age appropriate, sense of humor, and who rides a Harley. |
|
|
|
|
way too busy working. oh well, i knew it would be rough when i decided to work two jobs. |
|
|
|
|
HAPPY EASTER! |
|
|
|
|
i have had one too many people tell me that i look sad in my photo on here...so, i had one take outside of work today...smiling. not the best of photos and definately not the most flattering outfit..but what the heck...i am who i am. |
|
|
|
|
when life gives you lemons they say you should make lemonade. i make lemon tea cookies. |
|
|
|
|
well it finally happened....someone sent me a message that was so rude, so uncalled for that i was forced to report the person. it is sad that people think that they can be rude to someone that they don't even know....as if being on this site gives them the license to say whatever they want regardless of how another might feel. Obviously the concept of accepting and respecting others is not something this person has learned yet. i hope that this individual is not indicative of most people who are lately joining CollarMe. |
|
|
|
|
i had a wonderful day yesterday. spent it at the Aloha Festival. Ate great Hawaiian food, watched hula, and spent money on a few things i liked. then came home to eat leftover corned beef and irish soda bread i had cooked the day before. it has been unseasonably warm here, but still not unbearable. |
|
|
|
|
Happy St. Patrick's Day to all. |
|
|
|
|
i just watched the movie, The Holiday. It was a sappy romantic movie, and of course i cried as i am a silly woman. i identified with the Kate Winslet character, as i too have wasted time loving someone who wasn't worthy of my love nor returned my feelings. i like movies with happy endings..life however rarely imitates art. |
|
|
|
|
happy birthday to me! |
|
|
|
|
i took the day off work today, watched my granddaughter. also cleaned things up a bit in preparation for a visit from my oldest daughter from out of state. this has been a busy and fun few weeks. it is warming up here..not too cool and fortunately not too hot yet. |
|
|
|
|
it was a fun day at the Renaissance Faire. ate great food, great weather, enjoyed the shows and the shopping. |
|
|
|
|
i have used this journal to record day to day activities, put my thoughts into words, comment on various aspects of the lifestyle and to vent when something is bothering me. my feelings are that if someone takes time to read my journal than they will get a good grasp on who i am as a person at this time in my life. a few people who have read my journal have said to me that it appears i write just to write and that for the most part i don't sound like i am concerned about the lifestyle..so..i feel as if i should address that idea. first of all, i am on COLLARME...i am not on eharmony or some other personals website. it should be a given that i am not looking for a vanilla situation ! secondly, BDSM is a lifestyle but people live lives. no matter what kind of philosophy a person holds, or what their natural leanings are they are human and go about their days in various ways...work, family, friends, hobbies etc. i don't discuss the BDSM "life" all the time, i am not a BDSM enthusiast as if it were a hobby. i am by virtue of nature/nurture a submissive. i did not choose to be such. it is who i am and i don't feel the need to belabor that point...for me that would be like me telling everyone over and over again and talking about how interesting it is that i am a female, or that i have freckles. okay, well, enough said on that subject. |
|
|
|
|
i made the oddest dinner tonight...tuna casserole, peas, rice, and porcupine meatballs. such a strange combination of things. everything tasted good though. comfort food night i guess. don't know why i decided to record my dinner tonight...i guess that there is not much more exciting going on with me this evening..just trying to wind down and get geared up for another day of work. |
|
|
|
|
it is usually difficult to go back to work after a long weekend, but this week it was a relief to get back to work...moving is so stressful and tiring...but YEAH it is done..the packing, the loading, the unloading, and the cleaning...done.
lots of things to look forward to: my birthday...spring break.....a camping trip. i am looking forward....looking forward....looking forward.........and as much as i would like to sometimes...i won't look back. |
|
|
|
|
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY |
|
|
|
|
packing up boxes, too many filled with shoes...moving down the road again. |
|
|
|
|
there is an old song by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young with the line.."if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with". in some respects this seems like a valid philosophy...i have even practiced this idea in my life...but i think that was before i really truly deeply loved someone. now that i have loved and lost it just doesn't seem to work...maybe because the one i loved so totally dominated my life and emotions that all others are measured by his ability to control and hurt me. maybe because i have not met someone with the vitality and sense of adventure i crave...all i know is i want to try to love and submit to another...i want to serve and make a Dom happy in all aspects of his life, i want to learn from my mistakes of the past to build a better future for myself and for whomever chooses me for his own. |
|
|
|
|
what a lovely time i had on my trip! seeing such beautiful scenery really lifted my spirits. |
|
|
|
|
i am getting super excited about my upcoming vacation. i finally get to wear boots and coat i bought for cold weather! Life is good! there is a fire in the fireplace tonight, i had a great meal and good conversation....i ate a little too much today though...oh well...longer walk needed tomorrow..i really need to go on a stupid diet. an ex of mine once accused me of trying to sabotage his diet by cooking too well....i don't know who he blames now as he has definately gotten fatter.. last week was a fun week, i wrote a lot.(my cookbook project). worked a little, cooked some, and enjoyed family. this upcoming week is going to be busy, i don't think i will get a chance to relax till i get on the plane.... saw a movie on Saturday, but i can't recommend it...unless you want to be depressed and disappointed...Children of Men had good acting and a good amount of violence, however the story line/plot seemed lacking..i almost felt like i need to go watch a comedy after sitting through it just to change my mood. hope everyone has a good week, well not everyone...there are some folks on the planet that i hope have a terrible week.
|
|
|
|
|
it is a cold, windy and wet night here. feel good about staying home and keeping warm by the fireplace. the last few weeks is were so busy that i am appreciative of down time when i don't feel the need to put on makeup and figure out what to wear. it looks like the next month or so is shaping up to be crazy busy. i think busy is good, especially to keep the mind from dwelling on things that can't be changed or fixed.
|
|
|
|
|
on the New Year i spent some time contemplating unresolved issues, past mistakes and life disappointments as well as goals reached, good choices and victories over obstacles. i think, over all, despite stuggles and sorrows, i have come out ahead...at least to my mind. the only major unresolved issue involves some of my personal belongings that the ex a..hole in Iowa refuses to send to me...i have basically given up on him having any class so that issue... though not resolved is merely a sad commentary on the one big bad choice i have made in the last few years...but, yes, it was a doozie...lol. oh well, life goes on and so do i. looking forward to a my eldest daughter's visit tomorrow, and my trip to Georgia in a couple of weeks. |
|
|
|
|
survived cooking for 23 people...now i can relax and enjoy the New Year's festivities... |
|
|
|
|
the cookie factory is closed, cookies have been distributed and i have a couple of days of rest before the big meal preparation...yeah...! saw the Rocky Balboa movie today, it was a good ending to the series. it is almost Christmas...so Happy Holidays to all. |
|
|
|
|
i think i am starting to get into the holiday mood finally. tonight, after work, i am going to start the cookie baking frenzy. i will do one or two types of cookies each evening till the 21st and on that day finish all the other types. family expects me to do a variety of cookies each year..i give them away as gifts to neighbors. this year's list of cookies include all the basic ones..gingerbread, sugar, snickerdoodles, russian teacakes, chocolate shortbread, date pinwheels, sugarplum drops, peanut butter thumbprints, and oatmeal with chocolate chips and craisins. i think that is it. well, i had better get ready for work.
|
|
|
|
|
there are some people that you meet through life that make an indelible mark upon you, altering your perception of yourself and others. there are some individuals that just by knowing them you are forced to look more closely at your own heart and question your priorities. no matter what lifestyle you choose or how old you are or how much money you have, you still are influenced and changed by events and people you encounter. this is the time of year lots of people dig deep into theirselves and show kindness, give charitibly, and forgive those who have wronged them...and ask for forgiveness from those one may have wronged. this year i am grateful for being wronged, forgiven, and given kindness and charity. but i am most grateful that i was forced to question myself and my priorities and make changes in how i live. |
|
|
|
|
went to the movie Casino Royale today. the new Bond is great...he is my second favorite Bond...Connery being my favorite..i always enjoy going to the movies with my friend L. i came home and made Filipino food for dinner..now it is late and i need to go to bed..alarm rings at 5:30 am..yuk, better get to sleep. |
|
|
|
|
i had a very nice time last night with Master M and his lovely submissive K....thanks very much for the food and friendship.
Plans for Vegas for the New Year at Sir Daniel's...look forward to that!
Christmas is just around the corner...wow, time sure does fly by...i hope everyone is being naughty and nice.
|
|
|
|
|
Phoenix area has been hit with cold northern air. it was in the 30's last night, and only in the low 50's today..they say it will only last a couple of days and then go up to the 70's again...just letting you all know it is not always warm here.. |
|
|
|
|
i woke up this morning with a rotten head cold. i am so glad i avoided getting sick when i had to cook Thanksgiving dinner, but there was no way i could go to work this morning. now, i am feeling better and the decongestants are working...hopefully i will be able to breathe better tomorrow. i can't be sneezing on all the students.. this weather is what is doing it...warm during the day but cold once the sunsets... had a great day yesterday meeting friends old and new..during the day and then to dinner for barbecue with family and then went to look at xmas lights...ho ho ho already. |
|
|
|
|
Things i am grateful for: a delicious meal and the ability to prepare it, my daughters, my granddaughter, my "adopted" nieces and nephews. i am glad that i can enjoy a novel, see well enough to do puzzles, hear well enough to listen to music, and the size to fit comfortably into a regular size bathtub. i am also grateful for friendship and the wonders and pleasures and pains of affectionate and kinky sex..
Hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving! |
|
|
|
|
the weekend went by way too fast! this week should be fairly easy though...only working two days. Wednesday is the pre-Thanksgiving baking day..so i will not go in to work. then all day Thursday cooking. Friday recuperating and hopefully fun activities the rest of the weekend. i think i am deserving of some fun. |
|
|
|
|
It is Friday night and it has been a long week..but productive. i turned down an offer for dinner out and an invitation to the movies..put my flannel jammies on and relaxing with a fire in the fireplace. Sometimes a night home is just what the doctor ordered. |
|
|
|
|
Another Monday, beginning yet another work week....yawn. i love being up as the sun rises, but i always wish i were going on a trip instead of work. i have been trying to see each sunrise as the beginning of a new adventure regardless of what is planned for the day. |
|
|
|
|
i fell in love hard only once in my life. i had loved before, but not the kind of all consuming love that takes you over like a heroin addiction. it was a love that made me act in unfamiliar ways and feel emotions...jealousy, insecurity...manic happiness..and anger; i had never known to such a degree. when the relationship was over i was a wreck. i had always prided myself on my resiliency and strength but it was if all my emotional stamina had been drained away. i put these words here in my journal to remind myself of my ability to love, to caution myself to love more discriminantly, and to chastise myself for indulging in self pity. |
|
|
|
|
things i know to be true are: when you quit smoking you gain weight, when you are on the back of a motorcycle your hair gets tangled no matter how tightly it is braided, love is hazardous to your health, my sister is hazardous to my mental health and my children are the best gift i ever gave to myself. |
|
|
|
|
it has been a long Monday. work was stressful. i am so glad i did not have to cook dinner tonight, and was instead treated to some really terrific Turkish food. love that hummus...lol. |
|
|
|
|
another morning with a bit of time to spare before getting ready for work. i am coming up on an anniversary of sorts. the death of a relationship...more like the murder of one really. time has eased the pain somewhat, however, for self preservation's sake, i hope i never forget that first anger and sorrow. the last part of October and the month of November have historically been rough for me. if life is going to take a turn for the worse, it usually does so at this time of year. it is as if my personal life coincides with the changing seasons. |
|
|
|
|
i have a confession to make...i am on this site quite a bit...and yes i enjoy the conversations in the chat rooms, i like the messages i receive from interested and interesting Doms, but one thing i really like about Collarme is the games. i spend way too much time playing Tetris! |
|
|
|
|
i was contacted in the last few days by a 25 year old Dom who already had a 24 year old sub. he basically said he was looking for older slaves and become a family. he wanted to leave the state they were in and move to Arizona. needless to say i explained to him that i had children his age and did not want any more children. i have to admit to anger.. did this young man actually think i was a lonely old woman who would accept a situation like that simply to avoid being alone...was he looking for an easy mark? i really can't presume to know his motives, but if anything, this contact reminded me that a person can't be too careful. |
|
|
|
|
Another early morning and a little time to spare before going to work. recently, i had the opportunity to look at two separate contracts drawn up by Doms. It is rather interesting to see what some individuals require of their submissives. One particular thing that stood out for me was a stipulation that the submissive must agree to wear high heels and stockings at all times when not otherwise required to wear something different in the workplace. In otherwords, when the submissive was home, she was required to be in heels. I thought about this...if the sub has a job that requires professional dress the only time not in heels would be when she was sleeping..if the Dom said she could take them off to sleep(this was not mentioned in the contract). So that would mean 112 hours a week in heels. if she did not have to wear them to work and didn't sleep in them, it would still mean 72 hours per week in high heels. Now, i am a shoe addict. for never being a hooker or a stripper i have a fairly large selection of sexy heels..i love them. there is nothing more exciting when getting dressed up to go out then to slip some gorgeous heels on...but do i love them enough to wear them 72 hours a week? physically, it would be painful, and i think destructive for my feet. This requirement by a Dom illustrates to me the unrealistic expectations so many of us have in this lifestyle (myself included). He, the Dom, probably has never had to wear high heels and did not consider the problems many women suffer later in life due to bad shoe choices. Perhaps, he didn't really mean what the contract stated, maybe he actually meant, that he would expect his sub to wear them when he requested her to do so. any sub who would sign such a contract would want to clarify this particular point. i suppose in general it is important to go over every point and requirement when considering a new D/s relationship. i have certainly gone into situations uninformed and unprepared for what was actually required of me...it lead to much frustration, anger(which i tend to direct at myself), and heartache. i believe contracts can be a beneficial tool in assuring both parties know what the relationship guidelines are...but, Doms need to check the wording to make sure they are clear about exactly what they expect and subs need to make sure they are truly capable of fulfilling these expectations before they sign anything. |
|
|
|
|
wow, it has been a long day. i suppose it didn't help that i had a bout of insomnia last night. however, i survived the day. came home to fix dinner and i think i will go relax in a nice hot bathtub. Baths are one of my favorite forms of R&R. It helps that i am short enough to fit comfortably inside even a regular size tub. i always take a book in and read while i soak. someone(who will remain nameless) once gave me a hard time about wasting water by not taking a shower and by not just using the hot tub outside if i wanted to soak...this person did not really understand the whole bathtub experience, book, bubbles...etc. oh well, i think i had better go take one before i get too tired to run the tub. |
|
|
|
|
i have been thinking about ultimatums. why do some people get so nit picky about the little things and don't make a stand about the big ones that matter? do they do this to ensure that they have a way out of a relationship if they get bored or have to work at something? the more i learn about human nature, the more i wonder how we managed to last this long as the dominant species on this planet! |
|
|
|
|
it surprises me how many people use the two terms submissive and slave interchangably as if there were no distinction between the two. primarily the differences lie in the areas of opinions and choices. at least that is how i understand things. |
|
|
|
|
Had a great weekend.... a motorcycle trip down to southeast Arizona and took in the sights at Sierra Vista, Bisbee, Tombstone. Perfect weather to travel in Arizona finally. |
|
|
|
|
Another early morning for me. it has been a fairly easy week at work, but the days are seeming longer. i have a weekend trip to look forward to and i can hardly wait. it is always good to get out of town. |
|
|
|
|
yuk, it is Monday. a long work week ahead. well, i am just going to see it as an opportunity to afford more shoes. haha.
|
|
|
|
|
i woke up way too early, an hour before the alarm. not something i appreciate as it only gives me more time to think about the dreams that woke me up before i have to leave for work. i try not to live in the past, or hang on to hopes for things that are not going to happen, but i have found it is important to hang on to memories if only to insure i do not make the same mistakes again. one mistake i will not make is to jump into a relationship with someone. especially someone who seems to be infatuated with me almost immediately upon meeting me. Anyone who can talk about loving you before they really even know you is emotionally retarded. They can fall out of love as fast as they supposedly fell into it. there are some men or Doms who have a history of sweeping a sub off her feet and then getting bored with her AFTER she has made a commitment to them. i think some men in general like the conquest but in the long run they don't have the moral fiber to actually view their sub as a human being with feelings. some just have emotional adhd. they are like teenagers who have a "fantasy" of what a sub is and when that sub is actually human, they can't deal with it. then there are those Doms, who say they want control but they can not control themselves, they are petty tyrants who will make a huge fuss if a can is out of place on a shelf but they won't be strong enough to help a sub or control a sub in areas the sub may really want them to be strong in. oh well, see what happens when i wake up too early...okay, i guess i should go get ready for work. |
|
|
|
|
i am up and about to get ready for work. although it is still getting hot during the day, it is wonderful here first thing in the morning. this is the time of year when living in a desert city becomes bearable and almost enjoyable. the sun is almost up and so must i into the shower, thanks to all the interesting folks contacting me..i look forward to checking my mail every day. |
|
|
|
|
Today was my favorite day of the week. my library day. the few hours i work there each Saturday heal all the stress of the week. |
|
|
|
|
the weather is starting to cool down a bit here. i am glad..if i hadn't had a few trips out of here this summer i don't think i could have handled it. the desert is definately overrated. i was supposed to take my granddaughter to her gymnastics class this morning, but my daughter ended up staying home from work and took her. this leaves me with some free time to work on my two current projects...i am compiling a cookbook for my granddaughter of family recipes along with a little bit of family history..my second project is putting together and editing some of my poetry for "hopefully" publication. i have tentatively titled the book "The Last Ten Years of Men"..lol..it amuses me and in the end that is all that matters. i have received so many messages offering friendship and encouragement and met so many nice people in the chatrooms here. this is such a great place for all of us who see things just a bit differently. |
|
|
|
|
a strange day for me. i voted in the primary election here. my former Dom would not allow me to vote as he knew my vote would cancel his. i thought i would feel good voting today...getting a civil right back..but, what i felt was sad. i would gladly give my right to vote up if it meant i could undo my mistakes and be loved. |
|
|
|
|
i have met quite a few interesting people here. i have also noticed a ex Dom on here too...lol. i am not looking actively for a Dom at this point being rather satisfied with how things are for me at this time. but it is still fun to chat and talk to others who share experiences. |
|
|
|
|
it has been awhile that i have been on here. the first few days there were so many messages that i ended up deleting them before i could personally respond..it was a bit overwhelming. hopefully the (right?) person for me will try again if i did not respond..anyway, this sure is a fun website and though the chatrooms are kind of odd, the people are nice. |
|
|
|
|
this is the third day on this website. i went into the Gor chatroom last night and enjoyed it immensely, until my keyboard started malfunctioning. i hope the people in there didn't think i was rude. i tried to type hello and nothing showed on screen. i think i will go back to the old type of keyboard and mouse. this cordless set is more trouble than it is worth..hello to all that contacted me. i need more time to sit down and contact each individually. |
|
|
|
|
what a shock it was to get so many responses to my ad. it will take days to go through all of them. i was made aware that my first journal entry sounded as if i were new to the lifestyle. i suppose i should clear that up. i have been in the lifestyle for many years but never been a member here at Collarme. anyway, it seems as if this website is filled with interesting people. |
|
|
|
|
this is my first hour here at Collar me. i am not sure how this service works yet but i hope i can figure things out. i filled out all the appropriate blanks and checked all the appropriate boxes. i wonder if there is a man here who has a Harley who would love a loyal, sincere, fun loving woman to ride on back for life? well i guess i will find out. |
|
|
|
|