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| The old profile......
Im a 38 year old Swedish woman. Im submissive, well i know, that is debatable. Submissive with slave tendancys that are beeing developed. I am transitioning in to slavery. To be compleatly honest, im a slave at heart.
Im looking for a Master, a Owner or a Perverted Sadist. I am absolutly not looking for an online master. I did the online submissive for years and after finaly going in to real time thats where i need to stay.
Due to my family situation relocating is out of the question.
Please take the time to actualy read my profile before sending an empty cut an past message to me. Just becuse i am submissive does not meen i have to submit to everyone that caps there name. It takes a bit more than "Hi" to get me to my knees.
English is not my native language and im also dyslexic so my spelling is not the best. Trying to humiliate me by using the way i write and express myself here is for me, an absolute deal breaker. Only a compleat ass tartgets this. And guess what, I dont go for asses.
Beeing submissive is what i am, not what i play. It is a part of me, it is part of my life. Its just not all about the sex and the toys. Dont get me wrong, the gadgets are fun to.
It is to a large extent how i make sence in this world. Its why im good at my jobb and also why nilla relationships just dont work for me.
I dont give out my msn, yahoo id, phone nr or real name. I dont give out my home adress and i dont whant you to come vist me. Please respect that.
I will block you if i have to.
and yeah, i can be a bit of a bitch at times to but my first responcibility is to take care of myself right now.
The choice I made when i finaly accepted that i was submissive was to accept it or not.
Once I accepted it, I stepped in to myself
and I started to finaly make sence of who I was
and the world I operate in.
It is how I relate to my significant Other
It is after all how I move in this vanilla world of ours
I am a thrillseeker, I am adicted to the rush of not knowing,
addicted to be taken to places I didnt know i needed to visit
I am submissive but I am not weak.
I am strong, I am capable and I can be alone
But, for the rigtht one I dont whant to be.
I dont whant to lead, I whant to folow
I once thought that sumbissive meent needy and helpless,
Someone who cant take care of themself
now I know the opossit is true.
I am hungry and needy, desperatly and shamlessly so.
But it takes strength to admit that.
Submitting is not giving up the right to stay safe, it is taking responcebility for your own needs and learning to stay safe despite of yourself.
Submitting to your own needs, and leting yourself be taken on this jurney is to accept your own power, and placing that in the hands of the one you chose to folow.
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i did it, i finaly did it, after years of whanting to, i did it. i just came home from the tattoo parlour.
i got "pet" tattoed on my foot.
it was my idea, my design and i payd for it. Its not just a nickname, its what i am so it was important to me that it was my tattoo.
i did OK it with Master before. He did have imput and agreed.
but i did it, i finaly did it. |
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No, i dont obey just anyone who happends to call themself Master. I obey my Master and Owner when i have one. Till then i have to listen to my own heart and my own judgment. It realy is as simple as that.
Im submissive true but it is part of my personality not everything that i am and if you whant to get to the submissive part you do need to get to know all of me.
Im looking for a lifepartner were Ds can be a part of the relationship, Not the only part. I have found out alot about myself during my last relationship and one thing is that im greedy. I whant a fulltime relationship, i wish i culd settle for less but its not what i need and its not something i can learn to live with. I tried it and it just dont work for me. I have to be open and honest about that from the start so if your only after someone to order around, hurt and fuck every now and then im sorry, im just not your type of girl. Move on. |
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Sometimes i wish i was more service oriented than it turns out i am. I wish finding a Master to serve wuld be enough for me. That i culd dissconect the emotions and find peace in the simple act of beeing of service to One.
As a submissive i think i culd do that but after starting to transition in to slavery and coming o terms with the deapth of my need and desire to belong to One i found it impossible to sepperate need and love from the comitment of beeing ownd. And, unfortunatly after having experienced that i dont see how i can go back to just serving someone.
so right now im stuck inbetween.
im desperatly looking but not ready to find One. |
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so, im singel once more, un ownd and how i hate it. After beeing ownd even for a short time i found out thats what im suposed to be. Beeing singel just feels plane wrong.
But im greedy. I whant and i need the whole package. I whant a Master that is more than just someone who i serve. I need a friend, a mentor, a partner, a lover, someone who i can have a life with. Full time. All the time with everything that comes with that.
Yet in week moments i think maybe i shuld just find somone who i can serve. Someone to guide me and give me a center.
But beeing with One simply becuse you dont whant to be singel... that also feels just plane wrong. |
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you know,. i probably shuld not be supriced at the level some people stay at in a place like this.
once again the sado ass is harassing me for this and that. the latest thing.. i cant spell. wow, who knew, i never noticed that about myself before. I meen, its not like im hiding the fact im dyslexic. Actualy, i dont even give a fuck about it anymore so trying to make me feel bad that i cant spell realy dosent work. Besides, if he whant to do the humiliation play he realy do have to find someone who gives a shit about him. i dont.
so the sado ass is blocked. that whay i dont have to smell his shit anymore. |
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ohhh, goodie.. two scamers at once
nr one is unfortunatly about to die, but desperatly needs my help to make shure chairities get all her money..
nr two just loves me and think we will make a good conection as husband and wife..
i think my Owner might have something to say about this but shure.. ill ask if i cant marry a guy from nigeria that i never met or spoke to... im shure He will agree. |
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and again things change...
i am ownd.
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it seems things once more.. change in my life
my former Master has returnd on the scene..
and we are taking it slowly.. to se what happends.
He and i are exploring my desires about slavery...
right now.. im not ownd. but involved still
and still not looking |
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whant - need
i have been speeking some with my former owner. about whants. And in a way i feel compleatly self absorbed when i say i whant something. Or i need something.
Speeking in nilla terms. When you whant or need something, you also have expectations that you will gett it, that its your right to actualy have this.
when i say i whant something. its more a sugestion. i can whant all i like. it dosent meen it is going to happend. or iven that i expect it to happend. I just wuld verry much like it to. BUt at the same time. i will accept it if it dosent.
need is a bit tougher. Needs are conected more to necsesety, things i have little controle over. i need to be taken care of after something heavy. If it dosent happend im a mess and i get hurt. i cant help that. i need to cuddle.
and still. when im in that "yes please Master anything you whant" mood, i dont care about my whants or needs so i have to be carefull to make it clear before that. i have to figur out my own needs.
now, thats a tough task |
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have you ever had that feeling. You know your pushing someones buttons and you cant wait to see the reaction?
You tease, and play. You make darn shure that when you finaly meet. they will be ready to just expload.
Well... im hoping the explosion will come tuseday.
and i cant wait for it to happen. |
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i know that BDSM is a verry sexual act. That sex is a big part of it but why do so many chose to give you a close up of there cock the first thing they do?
am i expected to chose my Master from its size, shape or color? Is it the amount of vains or the girth of it that shuld make me fall to my knees in shere deight?
I thought i wuld serve a man, not a cock. |
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Right now in my contry we have two cortcases that involve bdsm related games. The strange thing is that the biggest problem in the cases is the one they focus on the least.
both men whanted underage girls. I dont care if you tie someone up but thanks to the bdsm aspect of there games thats what they focus on.
one case deals with a man having sex and doing a scene with a 14 year old. she consented and signd a contract from what i undestand. now they whant to inturprit the law to say that you cant consent to beeing beaten. So cuz some sick fart whats to bang a 14 year old my right as a submissive to give my body over to someone to whip, beat, cane or flog is take away.
its not the bdsm aspect that is sick. its the old fart who whants the 14 year old. a 14 year old cant consent to bdsm. She cant even consent to sex with somone that much older. Focus on that.
the second guy is a former police cheif. He to had a thing for the underage girls. and both humiliation and daddy play. Ok, humiliation isent my thing, daddy play isent my thing but seriucly. Focus on the fact that again, they go out for the under age girls.
So, now my sexual orientation is in question and people think that my way of life is sick.
i look at the picturs of the perverts toys that they publish in the newspapers and i have most of the things myself at home. Honestly, i have far wurs things than they had. The only difference is i am sain enough to choose a partner who can consent to what happends.
we didnt need this. honestly, we didnt need this att all. BDSM practisioners have only been "sain" in sweden for the last couple of years. That is, its not considerd a mental dissorder anymore.
People whanting to bang 14 year olds... now thats a whole nother question. |
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One day i wuld love to play with a real Sadist. Or atleast someone with sadistic tendencys. I whant to se how far i can go, or need to go.
I cant say i get turnd on bu the thought of pain in it self but as a tool in the bigger pictur. It does exite.
I know i tend to become what the One i serve whants me to be. I like that about me. But for purly selfish reasons. I whant to try just a scene or two. To get a taste of it. |
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im having verry naughty ideas for the UK vacation. Shure family will be in the hotel at the same time but im thinking... fake a migrain and just have a night of oh so much fun and games.
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*laughs and shakes my head cuz this will probably get me in trouble*
im hungryhungryhungryhungryhungry
i need to play, let go and just be. need to be pushed and need to submit.
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Just cant seem to get out of subby headspace right now.
its been a long time since things ended with my former Master but we still have contact. maybe im just horney for some good old kinky loving. Maybe im just not cut out to be on my own anymore.
I find myself sleeping in my cuffs, just cuz it feels secure. i am re-aranging the toy closet. fixint the photos in the computer and reading books. and that definitly whont help me get out of subby mode... only deaper.
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Its funny, not funny ha ha but funny in a sad desperat way that some people just cant get it.
im a real time submissive but im not stupied. Maybe im overly cautius but i need to keep safe. I meen, i dont know who is on the other side of the e mail that pops up in my e mail box here.
So why do you insist on knowing my real full name in the second letter you send me? Whats next, do you whant my IM info, my phone nr or why not, my home adress right away?
im submissive, im not stupied so im sorry but i whont give out personal information that can lead you to me. I have had enough of crazy stalker type people in my life i dont need another one and this one armed with a whip and a pair of leather cuffs, i had enough problems with the normal nilla cazys.
So please let me keep a few secrets till we know echother a bit better ok? |
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I think my profile got profile-napped. One day it was here. The next it was gone. Now i have to re think all those smart, brilliant things i said about myself (hmmm, i realy didnt do any of that).
Its so hard to write a good profile. To sum up who you are in an interesting way without over, or under selling who you are.
I meen. Im alot of things besides beeing submissive. But submissive is always apart of what i am and do. I think its eaven why im good at my real jobb. Cuz it gives me the opertunity to serve other people in a way im not able to do at home right now.
So what do you realy say in a profile when your not looking to be found by the DOM of your dreams? (ok, to be honest, if im found then im found but im not looking to be found right now if that makes any sense att all). |
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i soo need a housewife or house hubby.....
im just not the domestic type. Cleaning, cooking, all those oh so nice things that need to be seen to in the house makes me crazy.
My own little dirty fantasy is actualy to have a housewife or househubby, i realy dont care. Wuldent it just be wunderfull to come home and be waited on hand and foot?
Problem is that i actualy am submissive and i dont think my Dom wuld take to doing domestic service just cuz i cant stand it. Not that we live together so ohhh, maybe i shuld ask if i cant have a househubby?
Nee, its just a nice little fantasy of mine. To keep me entertaind when i strap on the 4 inch black platform heels and do the dishes (dont laugh, i actualy do that sometimes to exercise walking in heels and just to do the dishes more interesting). |
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No.. beeing a submissive dosent meen i have to take crap from anyone
I guess its just one of those days here in happy CM land.
Beeing a submissive dosent meen i submit to anyone that caps there name. Im sorry, im a bit harder to get than that. Its actualy the same thing with beeing fat. Just cuz im overveight it dosent meen ill fall in to your bed just cuz you tell me to. I actualy do have standards.
But somehow people get the idea that a fat sumbissive (imagen that) is just about the easyest thing to lay your hands on.
Hmmmm, you realy do need to work a bit harder guys. |
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Cut n paste???
Honestly, i think im a pretty polite person. i usualy do take the time to answer every e mail i get here, eaven the stupied once.
But if you get what is clearly a cut n paste job why shuld i realy bother? I meen, if im not worth the time to eaven send a personal mail why shuld i take the time to answer it? Just out of respect for what might be a real life dominant?
So, new rule for me,
i will still answer the stupied mails (ocationaly)
i will eaven answer the moronic once (just to piss somone off)
but i whont answer the cut n paste jobbs...... |
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Whats in your toybag`?
I know, in nosey sometimes. But it realy interests me. I love seeing photos of other peoples toybags. I look online for peoples pages were they show up all there wounderfully deliciuse kinky stuff.
I keep photos of my own as well, some i show of here. Others will probably end up at my webpage eventualy (if i can only deside on what language to use).
Right now my toybag is growing. New kinky craft projects and new things i got from the local leather shop (love the place). I guess other peoples toybags just inspires me to ad on to my own.
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you know...
You can pretty much erotozise anything you whant.
Like, right now im sick, i cant speek, my doc actualy told me im not alowed to speek for five days.
I got frustraited and also exited. my Dom is probably stoping by tomorrow... and i cant speek. i whont be allowed to speek.
Sounds just yummy to me |
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Who wuld have thought it... i love sleeping in nothing but cuffs.... How about that for a nice mental image for tonight. |
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Its all so pink and fluffy
Have you noticed that? Last few weeks i have been prowling the kink stores were i live. But the stuff is just so pink, sparkley, blinged up with fake stones and above all, fluffy. You cant find a pair of decent cuffs that isent lined with leppard print or with a pink scull on it.
Maybe its just me but i just dont whant the pink stuff, it dosent do it for me anymore. Not eaven some of the things at home i made myself does it. To nice looking.
But that lead me to my new fav shop. Lädervärkstan. Im so going back there to find other stuff. Best thing is that the quality is great and the prices arent half bad. I have seen the pink and fluffy things cost more than a pair of nice black leather cuffs. |
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i got my verry first pair of real leather cuffs last night after work (im such a perve). Last few days since the playdate has been filld with all kinds of lovely bdsm type activitys. The toy making, fixing up the storrage for the toys and things like that. It feels like i eat, read and sleep bdsm right now and it left me in a strange headspace.
I can only describe it as a sub drop what happend when i got home with the yummy cuffs. i got depressed, feelt compleatly abandoned and alone. i cuestioned the cuffs, they were to big, to black, to tight, to hard. Just hours before that i loved them.
Well, eventualy i went to bed, wearing the cuffs and it feelt great. woke up feeling normal (with the exection of a bad cold).
Just finnished the storrage rack for the spreader bars and other long things. Probably need to shorten int a tad but i can do that easely later on. Im just happy its upp right now. Noting falling over.
A place for everything and everything in its place.
Now what to do with the ropes. Right now they are in the plastic bag it came in, maybe just make a pouch of fabric or something? Dont whant a 30 meter long rope knot.
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Kinky craft day continues
A girl and her toys, what a yummy combination. And no, im actualy not talking about THOSE toys but tools. Real stuff.
I got it in my head after my last playdate with my Dom that i need spreader bars. I admit, my toy colection have been sadly lacking a few of them. So, a trip to the home depo type store here in sweden and then home to play.
Finaly finished a set of three, black with hooks and all. Im actualy pround of them since its my first try. Next ill try my hands at something more... metal.
But i culdnt stop there now culd i? So, 30 meters rope (love the price at this place), chain, carabiners, and now im working on a stand for the spreader bars and crops.
All the toys are now housed in a lovely waredrob that needs some more fixing up. Lights, color and all that. I whant my little Alladins cave to look spectacular when the door opends. |
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Idiots come out to play
i just dont get it. Just cuz you have a name like SadoDude does it realy meen you have to go around trying to insult and humiliate people who call themselfs submissive? am i suposed to go all warm and fuzzy inside becuse you show how big and Dom you are by insulting me?
Honestly, grow up and get a life.
This is what i got in my mailbox from said SadoDude today. In swedish ofcorse but ill translate it for you.
maat? Är det vad du äter alltså? Har blivit en del, eller hur?
"maat? Is that what you eat? Seams like its been some of it right?"
to make things clear, mat is the swedish word for food, maat is the name of an egyptian godess for those who might not know ancient egyptian mythology. |
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| Age: 26 |
| Zamboanga city,
Philippines |
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