I will break you, because I love you enough to rebuild you
“If you never walk barefoot, then your first step upon broken glass will surely hurt you. However, if you walk upon hot coals often, than you can certainly tap dance upon broken glass.”
The real question is: Do you have the strength to go it alone? Possibly. But you’ll never be as strong as when you have someone there to catch you when you fall, and heal you when you’re hurt. The same person who will repeatedly push you back onto the coals. Not out of hate, or spite. But simply because they care enough to do so.
Obviously to any onlookers, all they can see is one person hurting another. In some situations sadly, that is true. But for those who practice degradation in their daily lives, every shove has a direct tie to love. Degradation is merely a tool, and like any hammer can be used to bash skulls in, hammers can also be used to build amazing structures of beauty and purpose.
Degradation is simply just one more experience that you (as a consenting adult) chose to have. It's a tool that if used correctly will break you down to your core, and force you to find the strength to carry yourself out of the fire. And for the times when you're not strong enough to do so, a (good) Master/Dom is there to pull you back from the depths of hell.
He is strong enough to carry you. He cares enough to heal you and protect you. He’s strong enough to heal any part of you that he breaks. He never breaks you out of hate, but yet breaks you apart to rebuild you in a way you never imagined possible. And once rebuilt, you can never be torn down again.
A Master or Dom who cares about you, will take the time to learn you. Not just your habits, or routines. He’ll expel the effort required to dig deeply into you so that he knows the source of your pains. Even when it hurts him to do so, he will keep digging to find the source. It’s he who holds himself accountable to never break you more than he’s capable of healing you. His intent is not ruin, but rather restructure. He will shatter your already broken self so that he may brush away the debris, allowing him to pour himself into you.
Think of all the parts of you which have never properly healed over the course of your life. With proper love, care, guidance, and support you can be stronger, braver, and more stable than you've imagined possible in your life. You’ll be filled with a sense of pride that you never knew existed. Standing in the depths of hell with demons climbing your back, dragging you into the abyss, his words cut through the darkness and melt away the monsters as he says, “Good girl.” His pride in you is the is the oxygen you’ve been missing your whole life. No one else has ever made you earn anything. No one else before him has ever put you where you never thought you could go, made you crawl back repeatedly until you could stand upon your own.
For once, you can know what it means to be truly fearless in the eye of uncertainty. Completely unshakable. Your strength rooted in his pride. Completely confident. Knowing that no one person can push you harder than he. No one is willing to pounce upon you and ride you deep into the trenches of your own personal hell, while serving as your personal protector. Your vessel back to safety and sanity. To experience true trust is to be thrown into the fire by he who is always there to pull you back. To know he is strong enough to heal you. And to be strong enough to let him.
There’s no hiding the cracks which lay upon your soul. No matter your makeup. No matter your dress. Your cracks show through like that of a fire in the night sky. It’s apparent that during your life, you've been broken many times over, and it shows from miles away. Now, wipe your running eyes and imagine something with me...
Let’s imagine that you're a vase. There you are with your little vase hips, and your little vase bust, with two little adorable vase eyes. Life isn’t so bad for you as a vase. Once everyday someone tends to your needs. They pick you up, dust you off, and ever so carefully place you back down.
Making sure never to leave such as a scratch upon you. Many years later you’ve been placed into a new home, with new owners. They don’t dust you but once a year, sometimes less! They’re reckless near you and pay no mind to your fragile state. You’ve begged them to stop, and pleaded with them to be more careful! Then, finally the day arrives when their carelessness has a direct, and irreversible impact upon you.
Lying upon the floor, spread out, exposed, and vulnerable for the world to see, you panic. The thoughts of how many times you begged them to be more careful is now the only thing you can hear echoing throughout your faded consciousness. As to not lose what your owner invested in you, he casually strolls away, later returning with a funky tube of superglue.
Pieces of you are picked up, slathered with gunk, and then shoved back together. Some pieces not even going back in their original place! “How rude!”, you think. Worse yet, some pieces are to never be found again. Lost bits of you which will never be seen again.
Over the years you’re beginning to notice a trend of people who simple don’t care, and lack the skill to fix you! Each time you break, your structure is weakened. Those who are so careless with you made the decision to stop using superglue years ago as they assume, “What’s the point? She’s always broken, or breaking”.
This leaves only you to pull all the pieces back together. Using the only thing you have left, your tears become your glue and yet again, you’re weakened. The cycle continues for decades, losing bits of yourself throughout time. Your cries for help fall upon deaf ears, like that of a raindrop during a storm.
Eventually you start noticing the missing pieces and how now you’re are left with gaping holes in some areas. The bond of your tears isn’t strong enough to keep you held together much longer. You’re covered in glue stains from all the previously failed half assed fixes.
Recently you’ve been placed in front of a mirror which you can’t look away from. The truth is now beginning to set in as would water, rushing into an open hatch of a submarine. It’s an absolutely inescapable, sinking feeling that leaves you short of breath!
This is the you that you're fighting so viciously to protect. You’re not as smooth and shiny as you once was. No longer are you the beautiful piece that your creator crafted with his bare hands. Now you’re jagged, and flakes of yourself are sticking out all over. With so many cracks, breaks, and flakes, you know no one will ever desire you in a way to ever take ownership of you. Who would protect something so deformed? Who would ever take the time to tend to the needs of something viewed only slightly above trash?
This is the same you which feels endangered that someone just may break you further if they too get too close. The frail and fragile you who is now hurt when someone says something too painful. It hurts because you now have too many cracks for the pain to flow into. Words seep in like poison being poured over you. With so many weak spots and vulnerabilities, you have no way to protect yourself from the onslaught of evil to come. Your shell is no longer your shield, and now only thought of as your prison.
Finally you break away from those who have damaged you so badly. Lost in a world with no home to call your own. The once bright and happy vase you were is now replaced with a deformed and broken self. So rough and jagged that anyone who reaches out to hold you is sure to be cut. Lost in your thoughts like that of a skipping record, “Who could ever care for something as disgusting as me now? If only they knew what I CAN truly be! If only they saw me before I was ruined.” Wandering from place to place, looking at all of the faces judge you as you pass, you begin to notice something very wrong… Your soul is now exposed for the world to see, and for shadowy figures to crawl into. Those who cause yet even more damage in their wake of running away from you.
Now let’s paint a new chapter of the story. One which is much brighter and filled with hope...
Imagine finding someone who you trust more than anything. Who you know will always only have the best intentions for you. You know because this person is a someone of integrity. Someone whom you look up to and respect very much. He is someone who cares enough about you to take you away from such a place, and protect you from the harsh careless world. He is the person who will bring you into a safe environment, such as his workshop. A place where he can hide you away from the world. A place in which you can bare all of your cracks to him, and him alone.
You’ve been broken so badly for so long, and finally someone has shown genuine care and interest in you. You’re afraid to trust him, yet you lack the strength to push him away. Carefully he looks over all of your damage. He exerts a great deal of effort in deciding what is the best course to make you whole again. With a deep breath rushing into his lungs, he asks “Do you trust me?”.
His eyes reveal his sincerity. Mustering up all of the collective strength you have left within yourself, you exhale a whimper saying, “...with all that I have left.”
“Very well, let’s begin!” Reaching out with his larger than life hands, he picks you up, kisses your forehead, and tell you everything’s going to be alright. Lost in the moment you hadn’t noticed when he let go of you or for just how long now you’ve been falling. The panic and fear begin to set in as you find yourself plummeting to the floor yet again.
Have you make a mistake? Was he not to be trusted? You begin to mumble as you lie yet again shattered and broken, “...not again.” What’s this? Something is different. His hand reaches down to pick up your trembling self. Unsure of what just happened, you try to forget about it. After all, he did reach down to pick you up.
Swinging you gracefully near a candle, he holds you up to the flickering light. Still unsure of what’s going on, you begin to care even less as you can’t avoid his intense stare. His focus is unshakable. What could he be so fixated on, you wonder? Brushing away the loose bits of you to the floor, he reassures you that his intentions are pure, yet now you find him ever so much harder to trust.
“SMASH!!” ...Again, you’re thrown to the floor. When he goes to reach for you this time, all of your words have escaped you. Nothing remains but shrill screams of pain and fear. Yet he seems to pay no mind or attention to your trauma. The cycle continues for some time until you forget who you are and why you’re even alive… Are you even alive anymore?
Only after every bit of self has been stripped away does he begin to work on you like that of a blacksmith pounding upon raw materials pulled straight from the earth. He bangs on you. He bends you. He even throws you into the fire a few times, followed by placing intense pressure on you in different areas. You’re now beginning to take a new shape.
With no more will to carry on, you begin to drift away. The last thing you see is him carefully collecting all of your pieces from the ground which his so fiercely knocked away only moments ago. After collecting all of what once was, he tosses the bits into the fire just before you close your eyes.
As you awaken you can’t help but notice that for the first time, you’re standing naked before him. Truly naked, you notice for the first time that you’re more than just your shell. So much more than the thing you’ve been fighting to keep together all of these years. You now realize it wasn’t you he was changing. It was you he was digging so thoroughly to find. Finally! For the first time in your life, through his embrace you feel free, yet now more exposed than ever. It’s a bittersweet excitement that fills your soul.
In all of your wonderment, you didn’t notice as he begun to walk away. “Not again... Not like this... You can’t just leave me here alone and a exposed! I will just die without you! Come back! I-I-I need you.” you pout as tears begin choking your words into silence. “Silly little vase.” he laughed. “I’m not leaving you. I’m forging a new you.”
Pushing away the tears in search of his return, you begin to notice something. He’s carrying something… What could it be? It seems to be glowing… He returns with your broken pieces, now red hot from the fire. Making haste he studies your every contour. Following his every glance his hand strikes down with such force onto your old bits. He bangs tirelessly upon them, so that every new piece fits flawlessly. Exhausted and overwhelmed from the experience, just as you don’t know if you can take any more, he brings you to a mirror, and shows you your new self.
Instantly tears melt down your sides as you look upon yourself. You’re more beautiful than you've ever imagined possible, but somehow that doesn’t nearly seem to matter. You know now that you were re-constructed with love. Something which was fabricated with his strength woven into its very core. You now know you carry in you his power, his strength, and his pride. You’re on top of the world for once when you both catch eyes and let out a slight giggle. Tossing you in the air higher than you’ve ever been, you begin to wonder if you’ll ever come down…
With your eyes closed you wait for him to catch you. “How high must he have thrown me? (giggle) I feel as though I’ve been up here all day!” ...moments pass and now too afraid to open your eyes. A deep laughter fills the workshop. “Are you ever going to open your eyes, silly little vase? ...You’ve been down there all day!”
What could this crazy man be talking about? Down where?! Trembling from the overwhelming fear of the unknown, you grasp what little breath you can, and crack one eye open. “I’m on the floor? Wh-- How-- ...But I never felt a thing!!”
With nothing more than a smile and a tear running down his face, he looks at you and whispers, “Look at you now. Not even a scratch! No one will ever be able to break you again my sweet little vase.”
The moral of this tale which I tell to you is that even broken and lost, you’re still beautiful and have such amazing value. The damage of scratches, cracks, and endless holes riddled throughout your soul can be healed. But only for those brave enough to face them. The journey is intense and not for the faint of heart, yet for those who find the courage, it will be an experience that you forever cherish. No longer will you have gaping holes which dastardly characters can crawl into. No more will those who hurt you be able to manipulate your sources of pain for their selfish ill gotten gains.
Those who forego such a journey will find much pain, I promise you that. But under the pain when the pressure is applied, you’ll discover something magnificent! Something whole, and pure. Something more beautiful than you’ve ever known. Deeply hidden away in the depths of yourself are the bits and pieces which you’ve locked away from the world, too afraid someone would come along and destroy them.
You’ve built walls so high that even those who you wish to let in can’t find you. You’ve never known true love and trust because you’ve always had to look out for yourself and protect what little you was left. Indeed, the world is a cruel place which will destroy those who walk into the lion’s den unprepared.
For those brave enough to seek out the one strong enough to break you, a great bounty awaits. Pure primal passion, true unquestionable love, and an unbreakable trust are just a few spoils to be gotten. And now I ask you: Are you strong enough to endure such a journey? Of course you’re not. Nor will he ever be able to carry only but himself out of the fires. For he needs a purpose. He needs a love worth carrying. And you need each other.
But for the man willing to step into the flames to carry you out, allow him to weave his heart into yours. Be bold enough to allow him to forge a new you. Forever entangled with one another. Stronger than either could ever be alone.
Without trust, it's simply impossible. Without love, it’s outright abuse.
