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that pic.. i am.. His pet.. |
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it may not be my best photo.. but i like the way my hands lightly grasp and fondle the tail end of his ropework- it says something to me. thank you Sir.. |
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i am putting the kebash on the community for a little while. i do not always like the person i become when i attend events. i get a bit over the top on the attention whore scale. i need to get back to the sweet giving submissive i am when i am with Sir- i need to be that way at all times- not just when i am with him. i have some things to work on and stepping back is the best way for me to do this. he exceeds my expectations as my dominant.. i want to exceed his as his submissive. sometimes a girl needs to do the work to become what he wishes her to be- what she wishes to be for herself. i am doing the work.
i am not giving up my good friends in the community.. i am not giving up my mentors and teachers.. i am only backing off from munches and parties. i care for you all deeply.. you know i do..
lusty~ |
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i am extremely happy and completely satisfied in my current relationship. i am only looking for friends.. a way to stay connected to community.. |
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is anyone else getting mail from the "do you own a blood pressure cuff?" guy? oy vey iz mir.. |
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added new pic. yeah, i'm a geek.. |
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having been involved in this "lifestyle" for some time now i have noticed that some things are lacking- culture being on the top of my list- i am not and never have been the kind of woman who *ugh* shoots pool, bowls or does shot after shot of tequila. i'd much rather spend a day in a museum, an evening lingering over dinner at a restaurant that doesn't end in erkins or enny's :) |
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perusing profiles.. some friday night for lusty, huh? it's hard being the "side dish". it gets lonely. |
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i regret my tattoo- my one tattoo.. i tell people i don't but i do.. mostly because my mother says i marred her perfect creation. how sweet is that? |
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heh, i suppose i should change the age to 51.. lazy ass submissives.. sheeesh.. |
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stupid overtly sexually demeaning emails do not get lustys attention. i am a human being first. get to know me as such before you start in with the other comments. thank you :) |
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stupid non thought provoking emails do not get lustys attention. |
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i have never been happier, calmer, more satisfied in my life than right now. |
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i love it when someone writes to you forgetting they have already written to you- several times.. lol |
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we go dan-cing night-ly in the at-tic~~
while the moon is ri-sing in the sky~~ |
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currently involved.. now.. that said, i have to admit there is one at this very site that has piqued my interest and intrigued me with his wit for as long as i have been at CM. lusty and her no guts no glory mentality. too shy and not always so sure of myself to approach with an offer. eh, sometimes the fantasy is better anyway :) |
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meanwhile, i was stiiiiilllllllllllll thinkin'
lusty loves rolling stone covers of chuck berry songs. ok, lusty loves chuck berry too... |
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i just may leave CM and alt for good.. i am really liking fet. i feel i can be more "me" there. |
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mmmm lusty happiest she has been in months.. mmmm |
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what a lovely V-day so far.. a single red rose and candy from an admiring customer. two very very sweet phone calls from one i am somewhat taken by.. sigh, i only wish i was attending the local event tonight.. alas.. |
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going home to visit in march.. cant wait.. miss so. ca. so much some days. need some time away from everything and i just want to laze on the beach near newport pier.. take the balboa island ferry.. go to shaws cove beach in laguna- it holds some special memories for me :) funny, i am so different now .. i was the ethereal sun bleached blonde tan surfer girl.. funny how things change.. |
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well i bit the bullet and joined .. same name as here.. contact me and add me if you wish.. |
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he hated my quirky hippie chic/semi goth clothing and makeup. the way i scrunch up my mouth when i have a distaste for something always irritated him yet he loved my crooked smile. he could never get into the lifestyle or the community and i couldn't leave it- what better support system is there than a community of pervs that understand each other? he loved my creativity and my eagerness to please. he cannot be with me because of circumstances i cannot control at this time.. but .. he.. just .. cannot... quite... let me go either.. he has lost interest in the lifestyle. it is embedded in my psyche so deeply now i can't leave it. he is my "one that got away". |
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well, i did it. i grew a set and laid it on the line. only time or an email will tell. expectations? none. hope? infinite. but for now, i shall retreat into my my meek mouse corner and wait.. |
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photo 5 is new.. from an event i attended last weekend.. :) |
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starting to get frustrated and disillusioned, wondering if i will ever find my One.. so much so that i have resorted to joining non kink sites... maybe at 50, i shouldn't be so choosy but i have definite ideas in my head of what i want desire and need.. i am not ready to just.. settle.. yet.. |
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the fetish formal was a great time.. felt good to get out and dress up.. my escort was fabulous and i had fun dancing and just being my goofy self.. thanks to the group for having such a wonderful event. |
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a man actually expected me to be his plan B in case it didn't work out for him and another woman..do these men think we have not one ounce of self worth? |
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the trouble with being guarded emotionally is i have no one to share my pain or my triumphs with. tormented artist syndrome.. the palette of color is my friend. i can create it and if it is not to my liking, i can destroy it. the strokes of my brushes can be soft and curving.. or harsh and spattered..
i find it odd that i can be the life of the party but when it comes to the one on one friendships.. i am ill at ease..
and now i feel bared.. stripped.. |
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as they pulled you outtta the oxygen tent, you asked for the latest party...
the diamond dogs are poachers and they hide behind trees..
(lusty loves bowie lyrics)
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i have a real live date tomorrow.. poor man, he's gonna see what a truly geeky thing i am..
doc-tor said i need rest~~ put me on the cri-ti-cal list~~ |
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pic 11 is new.. gothic baby doll.. i just cant be the soccer mom.. it's just NOT me.... hopefully approved soon |
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RIP delaney ..
from the first time we met i knew- i'd sing my neverending song of love to you~~ |
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i am avoiding him because i know.. he is 30.. i am 50. i need feedback.. anyone? i'll take the good and the bad.. |
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nothing says xmas like rockin out and singin along to zeps boogie with stu - hips undulating , black hair flying.. |
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and oh what fun this naughty elf had on XXXmas eve :) |
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all i want for christmas is for someone to bind me tightly to keep me away from musicians and composers.. you'd think i would have learned that lesson.. but nooooo... i'm going to him tonight.. my new prettty young thing.. i will be all gothed up in red latex basque.. red cotton petticoat with train.. black long flowing skirt red heels and windowpane stockings.. at least now i can be me.. no more pretending like i had to for the last few years.. i feel liberated.. |
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and i vowed i would never post a pic of myself in my glasses.. vow is broken. pic 4 is new.. ho ho ho merry merry all :) |
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there's a place .. for me...
somewhere a place for me..
peace and quiet and open air..
wait for me..... SOMEWHERE~~ |
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must be the season.. of.. the witch *grins* |
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it is insane and tragic and perverse and sweet and sickening and maddening but .. i am happy in this wuthering heights unrequited gothic/romance life i live. makes me strive to be better.. and better.. all the time. after all, i'm only happy when it rains~~ |
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bought beautiful new jade colored corset today. it feels.. soooo good.. 2nd best feeling in the world to be out of plus sizes. i am sooo proud of me and i do owe some thanks to someone else for helping me get on track... now, i just have to keep it up. still would like to drop 40 more pounds but if i don't, i am pretty happy- ecstatic even- with where i am now. |
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the video chatrooms are kinda fun for exhibitionist sluts like me.. |
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sadly, the community is so small that it is difficult to meet the "one". at least that's how it goes for me.. or, i meet someone and he is 15-20 years my junior and it just feels too weird...intriguing and titillating.. but how can people of such vast age differences really form anything long lasting.. i should call joan collins.. if only i had her number.. or her money... |
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walking my two dogs in this weather.. not my favorite thing.. especially since the cat just lazes in the window and smirks at me every single time i take the beasts out.. |
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i am not going into any detail but i sure did have a good time at the party this past weekend. a wonderful respectful crowd.. great food.. some great scenes i learned a lot from by watching. finally getting to know people better.. so shy.. working on it.. |
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answering this here because i get way too much mail about them.. yes, they are real.. no, the are NOT store bought. i hope i have quelled any distress my breasts may have caused. |
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pic 14 is new and taken today.. hopefully approved shortly.. |
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pour your misery down on me.. |
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he smiles.. He grins.. when the gal with a touch of sin walks in :) |
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i used to love to write here.. oh sure a lot of it was just fluff and drivel but some of it was important to me. now, i am afraid to expose myself.. my insides.. my thoughts and feelings.. i don't know why i have become so meek and afraid. |
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thoughtful and kind emails today.. thank you :) |
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stood on a ridge.. and shunned religion.. |
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photo 10 is new and also.. oddly enough.. my favorite.. |
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i had such a good time last night.. my favorite kind of evening.. outdoors in the cool fall air.. light rain.. leaves falling all around.. sitting around the bonfire chatting and laughing... getting to know people in the community.. |
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hmm...i have not written here in quite some time... |
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my first ever play party coming up this weekend.. a bit nervous.. but i love and trust the vixens so it will be a great time, i'm sure. i am still so green in so many ways... |
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this is my favorite week of the month.. i get to see the vixens tomorrow night, attend a fun event weds evening, my favorite munch on thursday and tonight was rather special too. i did something i never thought i could do. am amazed and in awe of my abilities.. and how just because one is 50 .. that does not mean she cannot learn new tricks :) |
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you'll be my tarzan - i'll be your jane
ill keep you warm and you'll keep me sane
sit in the trees and eat bananas all day..
just like an apeman :) |
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small world..went to sing last night at local bar..3 blocks from home..saw and hung out with two lifestyle people i know.. they didn't know each other.. one of the women i met at a munch once and then never saw her again til last night.. a blessing..i really hit it off with her. i believe in fate. |
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de-li-ver me from rea-sons why... you'd rather cry- i'd rather fly.. |
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off to the renaissance.. always a day late and a dollar short.. corsetted tightly.. cloaked in velvet .. brocade shoes and beribboned all in red and black finery.. it's gonna be cold.. *girl tosses her pirate hat on* huzzah! |
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i wish i could have attended the ren fest with my group but alas and woe, i had to work. it was a rough day, some not very nice customers.. eh, well.. as always i got through it.. i am pretty new to serving there so i am bound (no pun intended ) to make a mistake or two. evidently, apologies and trying to rectify the situation are not enough for some people. on a lighter note, i have a date tonight.. nervous...my shyness kicking into high gear.. i always think they are too good for me. he and i have this thing.. we are both sarcastic and have the same offbeat sense of humor. it should flow nicely- i shouldnt worry so damned much. so, i am going to go with the flow and relax.. |
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disrespectful emails today. trying to get to me via shock value doesn't work. |
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news-pa-per taxis appear on the shooore---i like eltons version better.. |
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even working so early tomorrow morning i am still going to try to make it this evening to Pi bars carnivale of deviance tonight. i love to dress in fetish wear and if in costume- no cover charge.. plus i look forward to hanging out with the other wicked vixens :) |
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with the RNC here, my menial server job at mall of america is very very busy so i went from working 30 hours this week to working almost 60 hours. i'm cringing thinking of being on my feet that much but i'll get through it.. i always do. |
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in a "hide in the shadows" mood. |
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working a lot this weekend.. staying in..have several candles lit throughout the house.. peaceful.. restful.. |
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Do ya wanna see me crawl across the floor to you~~
i don't want to faaaade a-wayy~~ |
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have you ever met someone.. and though the D/s dynamic is the same for both of you.. you just click anyway? that has happened to me.. |
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i have been reaching out more and trying to get to know people in the community.. if people only knew how truly difficult this is for shy goofy me. i am interested in other peoples perspective of the lifestyle. i like knowing what makes others tick..and i want to make more friends in our community. most of my vanilla friends tolerate and love me in spite of myself. am out to everyone i know.. with the exception of my dear sainted mother.
feel free to say hello any time. |
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i attended this party last night. oy vey iz mir.. i had a wonderful time.. bonfire, good friends, good food, the vikes game on tv and karoake setup.. yes i sang- hole's, celebrity skin.. and it just isn't a party at R's 'til lusty tosses her clothes in a heap on the ground and swims interestingly and acrobatically in the *very frigid* pool. (and no, i was not drinking). |
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some very good things happening in my life. i fear writing about them.. if i do, i jinx it. today i shall avoid black cats, opening an umbrella indoors, walking underneath a ladder and posting of my joy. |
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i said "learned" not "turned". |
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i went to whipsters tonight. i even learned a trick *woof* |
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i do not get the online relationship deal.. self flagellation? self binding? i'll pass.. although, i would most certainly be harder on myself than any Dominant... :) |
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i had so much fun at the Wicked Vixen munch last night.. a nice small intimate group of kinky women chatting, noshing, drinking and laughing. the group is so small i am forced to to be social which is sometimes difficult for me. |
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is very flattered her photo has made it onto someones desktop.. who'da thought a 50 year old woman could do that.. not me.... very flattered indeed. |
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renfest was fun but just too hot.. i wandered a bit.. saw many friends and aquaintances. as alwats spent too much money on costumes and i also bought a nice red and black brocade corset... saw a couple of shows and as the day wore on, i faded- just too hot for me :) |
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off to the faire.. Huzzahh!! |
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we're white punks on dope
mom and dad moved to hollywood
hanggg myyyself if i get enough rope... |
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i just have to get through today then..i can race home.. shower , primp and play all night long.. long week, bleh.. |
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i had a vision of love..................then i came to my senses :) |
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tired.. working six days this week.. lots of server shifts.. must make $$$ to attend renaissance fest on sunday. this time i am going alone so i can see what i want, when i want and besides, i like my own company. now i just have to decide which of the zillion renfest costumes i own to wear. some don't fit since the weight loss- some, i can make fit.. we'll see.. |
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thanks to all for the appreciation of wet girl in claw foot tub pics.. just wait til you see loincloth'd girl tied to oak tree! |
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excited.. good things.. great day at work.. more server shifts.. more money to spend on frivolous baubles and beads and lingerie..my friend told me he liked the fact that he could have me at anytime going to my lingerie drawer and putting on stockings and something pretty just for him..i told him i don't have a lingerie drawer.. i have a lingerie closet.. of course he heard it as sarcastic and smartassy but i meant it to sound like i am so into it .. a drawer won't work- i need an entire closet..
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He says i look beautiful in my new photo. well duh, i've been trying to tell Him that for years. i guess i am just used to Him telling me i am not good enough.. thin enough.. pretty enough.. when i get the balls to leave Him for good, He will miss me.. i know it.. He knows it.. He loves my wicked imagination..but i am more than just another kinky brain dammit!! the girl wonders why the ripping apart of her self esteem is so important in this lifestyle.. but then she realizes she has something He desires or he wouldn't come around time after time, sniffing and pawing, and needing more. |
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there is someone here who can point out my shortcomings.. my faults.. my weaknesses .. and he does it in such a way that i do not get defensive pouty or angry. he makes me see.. what is good.. what needs to change..more importantly - what needs to stay the same. i tend to mold myself to what others wish me to be. he tells me not to lose shy sweet lusty.. i think that is very endearing..
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a note to some "Dominants". pissing and moaning via journal postings about people that suddenly blocked you for "no apparent reason" doesn't come across as very Domly- to me, anyway. it's happened to us all.. most of us just move on. bitterness is not attractive.. there, i said it.. |
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very nice munch last night. calm peaceful informative and humorous at times. kudos to Master F for keeping to the subject at hand. i love this group. |
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funny.. when i am asked to post new blog quips, ideas, phrases and thoughts, i can't do it. |
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supposed to go see my new friend tonight but.. i think i need to break it off.. he is truck n tractor pull and i want to go to the newest show at the art inst...i thought the whole opposites attract deal would be novel and fun and it was, for a time.. he also scoffs at the lifestyle and i, at this point, cannot give it up. lusty is always in a quandary.. i need to find my place.. still.. and being with him is NOT it. |
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new pic approved.. the other one- which is better.. hasn't been approved yet.. i might have to make that one my main profile pic.. both photos are titled "wet girl in claw foot tub"
*smiles sweetly* |
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tired, moody, contemplative.. |
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ugh.. 2 more days .. then finally a day off..hardest and most fun job i ever had.. |
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seems to be some tension in one of the groups i belong to.. my intuition was correct.. while i enjoy the topics of discussion at this particular munch, i do not enjoy the backbiting and gossipping. i am now glad i never attended a party. sad that people cannot be adults even in adult situations. (i may catch hell for this post but it is how i feel). |
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i need to visit the UK again.. only this time i won't be wearing a ripped and held together by safety pins, sid vicious tee shirt .. well.. maybe i won't.. ok, fine.. i probably will.. with some gothic mesh skirt.. must keep semi au current.. *flips long black hair* |
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is it wednesday yet? me go stay all night wrapped in his arms.. sigh~~ |
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i see and chat with these young men at the site and a Domme feeling washes over me.. like.. a fiercely protective feeling mostly.. not so much sexual.. i am constsantly accused of being a Domme.. maybe i am- sort of- to younger.. i don't know.. i do question my feelings at times.. i just cannot visualize myself in this whole harold and maude scene.. |
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browsing profiles seeing why so many are alone.. unrealistic expectations abound at CM.. also some extremely defensive people.. i don't "get" that.. can't people be themselves without being rude? then, of course, there are the profiles full of wit and humor.. beats out boned and toned for me, any day of the week.. funny and being able to poke fun at oneself has always gotten my attention.. |
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another very nice evening last night.. touched by something tragic that i cannot go into.. nothing between he an me.. but nonetheless i'm glad i was there for him.. |
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it's so dreamyyyy~~
oh fantasy free mee~~
so you can't see me- not not at all..
in a-nother dimension ..
with voyeuristic intention..
well secluded- i see all.. |
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i am loving this mad intense insane crazy lusty feeling of infatuation.. the way my heart races when i hear his voice on the phone.. the shyness i feel when he looks into my eyes.. i swear, i feel 15 and not 50.. and it shows- looking better than i have in years.. |
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is it friday yet? so what if i work 2, 10 hour days in row sat and sun.. i can't wait to spend the rest of the weekend hours crawling and slippin and slidin on HIM |
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i sure do like this guy i'm seeing but for the no interest in kink.. sooo.. lemons .. lemonade.. you know the saying..
i went "shopping" today for "items" that might slowly change his mind.. a girl can hope.. and dream.. and yearn for more.. |
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girl is trying to find lyrics from any song at all that describes how full her heart finally feels.. |
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most perfect weekend ever.. the pessimistic pisces in me is not even fretting.. i'm thinking this is the real deal.. |
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the 2 1/2 hour drive to see him tonight will be like foreplay.. this definitely could be IT for me.. thank you my great CM friends for wishing me the best in this.. |
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cloud 999999.... last night could not have possibly been more perfect.. from the breezy less humid weather to the free flowing conversation full of laughter.. listening to each others painful, yet hilarious, tales of growing up.. our life stories.. flirting with light touches and soft kisses.. i had worked all day so i was tired and went to bed in "my room" at 1. i couldn't sleep.. i snuk into his room , stripped to nothing.. molded my body into his and well, let's just leave it at.. i still didnt get any sleep :) sigh~~ if only i didn't have to work today... |
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is it 5 30 yet? by then i will be showered, scented, spruced, curled, stocking'd and heel'd, lipstick'd and ready to be on my way.. |
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ok ok.. ok... i met someone.. not from this site.. not kink.. i met this person several years ago and have sort of known of him- we travel in some of the same circles. i can't seem to meet the right partner for me here and that is okay- maybe God or Beelzebub or whoever has a different plan for me. about the kinkiest this person is, is he loves roleplay as do i. he is always anticipatory of how i will be dressed or not dressed when we see each other next. i'm staying way up north with him tomorrow night.. an evening on his small town or on his boat, then staying at his house- in my own room. if i have learned anything at CM , it is to not jump into the sexual part of a relationship too quickly. in my case anyway, it seems to cause the person that i am with to see me as nothing more.. and that is not all i am about. luckily for me, he feels the same way. i hope i don't get cold feet and change my mind- i hope he doesn't either. we laugh all the time.. who knows.. maybe the weekend will be a bust.. maybe we will just end up being good friends..or maybe this could be just what he and i have been waiting for.. i hope writing about it doesn't jinx it.. |
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:sings the ahh ahh ahhhh background: |
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highhh priestess of myyy heart~~~ ahh ahhh ahhh~~~
it's definitely a lazy Heep listenin kinda day.. ty buddy for re intro-ing me to this song... too bad the youtube version blows.. i foresee an electric fetus trip in my near future... |
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my big plans of rowing the alumacraft rowboat to the middle of cedar lake, stripping naked and sunning, have to be put on hold.. looks kind of like rain out there. while i do enjoy a bit of mild electrical play... lightening hitting the metal boat with me in it is not so so appealing. :) |
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a very very pleasant evening indeed.. :) |
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i attend three different munches in the cities. at two of them i feel warmly welcomed and quite comfortable. at the third i feel like people just look through me- i wonder if it is due to my shyness.. i wonder if i have some kind of wall up..i wonder if because i am just too shy for public play, i am ignored..then , i think it's my age but there are many many people my age or older there. if i met the right person and had a very trustful relationship, i would be more open to public play (i think).
reevaluating self again.. life is such an ongoing learning process.. |
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one of these days, i'm gonna swing my hammer.. down.. a-way from this red dirt town.. gonna make a joyful sound~~~ |
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that party.. very exciting in so many ways..i really needed to get out and have some free spirited , uninhibited fun with friends i adore and trust. and fun, i did have :) |
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i have a, sort of, date tonight.. nervous as a schoolgirl.. hey, that gives me an idea on what i should wear... |
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stood on a ridge
and i shunned religion
thinkin' the world was mine
i made my break and a big mistake
i was stealin' when i shoulda been buyin' |
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well.. finally.. one more day of work then off to the party of the summer. i am so excited. i'm going to try to behave.. something about the air up north.. i almost always manage to get myself in some kind of trouble... usually involving a secluded dark country dirt road and the hood of my car.. |
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i stayed up late last night.. call it intuition but i felt something just was not right in the house..i kept smelling something hot.. i thought maybe i had dropped a cigarette onto the carpet or something..i searched the entire house and was just about to call it a night when flames shot from a surger outlet. i panicked- like a girl..but then came quickly to my senses and got the fire out by myself- minor damage- the carpet is ruined but you know when you have 2 dogs and a cat - well, the carpet wasn't exactly in the best shape anyway..well, just glad my best friends, spike, tess and le mew (sue me, i love hockey) are all ok and you better believe i thanked God or whoever for that. |
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someone suggested i remove the photos with the nudity so.. here goes..his reasons made good sense.. bye bye nude lusty! |
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i've been thinking of leaving the lifestyle. it would not be the first time i have done this. silly .. because i always come back because something is always lacking in my vanilla relationships. i've had a couple of cocktails tonight.. for one that rarely drinks, it is affecting me big time.. making me think and reflect on past relationships be they kink or vanilla. i will probably delete this post in the morning and laugh right outloud at myself- because if i cannot laugh at my own insecuirities and foibles, how do i ever grow as a submissive... |
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i have to say.. i love love love the all womens munch at Pi. |
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so much kind respectful mail lately. lusty appreciates thoughtful people. |
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pic 10 has been approved .. yay :) |
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i can't sleep so here i am browsing collarme photos and listening to.. dare i say it.. carly simon's haven't got time for the pain..how funny is that? |
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it's going to be a very long day today- at least i am serving and should make upward of $200.00. then short shifts all week and off next weekend for the weekend party of the year. excited- my very favorite event of the summer. the only thing i do not like about this event is the tenting.. i am not very outdoorsy but the party is worth going through some slight discomfort. i am expected to be more flamboyant than the last year- every year so i am wearing scallop shell pasties and a long flowing skirt that just sets on my hips.. oy vey, how can i top that next year? |
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now i'm loving pre 1980 j geils band along with wet willie.. bluesy rock n roll..gotta have it.. |
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much has happened these last few days.. almost all of it good. it touches my heart that a man has been waiting over a year to have his chance with me.. and here i thought i was the one learning patience.. i am so used to being the hidden dirty little secret that i was blown away when he asked me out to coffee. it was nice- the conversation flowed easily. i can see this person being a great teacher/friend/mentor for me. i only hope i can offer back to him something of equal value. |
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he hated my stevie nicks meets bettie page meets morticia adams "look".
:twirls and twirls with long flowing diaphonous scarf trailing behind her: |
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the post below is probably my favorite thing i ever wrote. most of my writings are too personal for here but that one was just written on a whim.. |
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she stepped into the tub, checking first with her toes to make sure the water was just the right temperature- hot and steamy but not scalding. she sits down in the tub closing her eyes and concentrating on how the warm water feels against her bra, panties and nylon clad body. she inspects herself- bra clinging tightly to her full breasts.. panties showing the outline of every fold of her pussy and ass.. nylon clinging so tightly to her legs that they look almost like vinyl on her skin- shiny and wet- she likes the look.. and the feel of this new sensation. she sits for a few minutes just enjoying this oddly new sensation of- in a way- water bondage. she reaches over to her bathroom hutch and grabs her heels- the ones He likes and slides them onto her wet feet and immerses them in the water and she wishes He was seeing her now.. wet.. warm..face and breasts flushed from the heat of the water and the steam rising in the room- His personal high heeled and nylon'd wet slut. she slinks down into the water and lets her hair get as wet as the rest of her then slides back up and leans her back into the tub.. her wet hair has much the same effect as the nylons- clinging to her neck.. little rivulets of warm water running down into her cleavage collecting into her bra. she is unusually calm in her private sanctuary- several candles ablaze, basking in her lemon/mint scented bath thinking of His rough touch followed by His tender strokes on her.
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not being a doormat, i will NOT let anyone tell me what i can and cannot write about here. this blog is my personal space to write of my happiness, my fears, my hopes and my dreams. women thank me for saying what they feel. men admire my ability to laugh at myself. all admire my "grit and guts". |
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since i've manged to drop one fifth of myself i am trying to wear heels 24/7. not easy but i will say this much- they are much much less uncomfortable now than when i had more weight on me. i'm getting there. |
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i have a "funny" submissive story.. not sure whether or not i should tell it.. i did nothing wrong but it may come across that i didn't care about the person i am seeing.. quite the opposite..oh well.. here goes.. so.. when He decided he was going back to an old vanilla girlfriend.. i was so lost.. i was distraught and distressed.. heartsick and alone- never felt more alone. was chatting with someone from AOL not in the lifestyle- a very kind, gentle person that i've always gotten along well with but never thought of as anything more than a springboard for my one-liners in local chat. he asked me to meet him for late night coffee.. i agreed and then the ways of the submissive crept into my psyche. i ask him what do you want me to wear? he says.. wear what you want.. what?? what i want? i didn't know how to respond.. really. anyway, to me, his not making the decision of what he would like to see me in completely threw me and i mumbled something about having to get up early the next morning for work .. all this because i didn't want to nor do i really know how to..make the decision on what to wear to meet a man. have i been completely brainwashed? no.. just trained well. |
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pic 4 is new.. and approved already.. on a holiday no less.. |
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okay.. i did NOT march in the parade but that was okay by me. i did go to the ceremony for the retiring of the old leather pride flag- it was so beautiful and heartfelt, i actually cried a little.. (i'm such a girl). ran into many old and new friends.. danced sang.. walked the festival.. and allowed myself to eat really tasty but not so good for me, food. had several people ask to take my picture.. lots of compliments on my choice of attire for the festivities.. all in all a great pride parade and fest. |
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listening to steely dan..
i foresee terrible trouble.. can i stay here just the same ~~ |
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i wonder if my "i heart my cunt" tee shirt from oregon state's version of the vagina monologues would be too much to wear in the parade on sunday. i hear it is going to rain so maybe i'm better off wearing something in a pvc dress... i paid someone an obscene amount of money to work for me on sunday just so i could march with the leather pride people and show my support for our lifestyle and at the same time give all my love to the gblt community. i have been going to pride fest and parade for 18 years running .. my daughter has always attended with me since she was old enough to understand. my greatest acheivement has been raising an open and accepting child- now adult. i just cannot miss this opportunity. |
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i enjoyed the munch last night. forced myself to be social which is really just not like me at all. i'm pretty much the meek mouse in the corner observing (with wonder and awe and wishing i was less shy). people are finally noticing the weight loss too which gave me some newfound confidence. all in all a good night even with the amicable breakup this week. it was definitely time for us both to move on and i am truly not sad.. it was what we both needed for a time but things change. it was convenient as he lives so close but convenience is not always a plus. i am feeling calm and at peace with the whole "affair", tumultuous as it was at times. AND i will learn from my mistakes.. yes.. i made some mistakes.. shocking huh? :smiles: |
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it's funny to me how when something ends how swiftly new opportunities arise. |
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i am now actively seeking the one. i am LTR oriented so if You are just looking to fuck, i am not the girl for you. if You are looking to explore all the possibilities .. i might just be the one YOU seek. |
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longest day ever. i don't think i've ever been so glad to see my front door and my two beautiful dogs waiting ever so patiently for me..now i'm going to go soak in a hot lavender bath and wash away all the days cares.. |
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dealbreakers = not being able to show any emotion.. running scared..unwilling to take a risk..
i refuse to live my life cloistered, hidden and somber. i want to live my life with zest, joy and openness. |
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i like my profile at that other site much better than this one. i should change this profile. i appear to be more intelligent and less flighty in that one. of course i do not receive near the amount of mail there that i do here but the emails i do receive from alt seem to be from people more my intellectual equals. i also like my screen name at alt much better than i like this one. maybe i should try to find a balance between the two. |
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i do like the new pic.. pic 4. i think it shows the real me.. shy..but kind of out there.. |
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taking forever for new photo to be approved.. sigh~~ |
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i went out to dinner last night.. alone..to a nice restaurant ..the waiter bought it for me.. nice ego boost.. needed it..
day off.. all semi gothed up and running out to play at electric fetus and muddy waters.. maybe browse some uptown shops.. |
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listening to jethro tulls crosseyed mary - maybe her a-tten-tion is drawn by aqualung.. while i get ready for work.. |
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life.. falling into place.. things are so much better for me these days. i just could not be happier. i found a quote from sylvia plath that fit how my life has turned.. unfortunately i cannot remember where i put it. part of the piscean charm is being an addlepated goofball. the downfall of being a pisces is the waiting for the other shoe to drop.
last night was beautiful.. the crescent moon.. the stealing away of moments with Him. .. the cool muggy weather- those things are my church. i am serene. i will revel in and relish this serenity. |
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waiting 'til dark for my drive by .. HE knows what i mean .. |
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a mishmash of things to say today..
1. pvc dresses do not work well with bonfire parties. trust me on that one.
2. the latina girls at work, all of whom i adore, put makeup on me yesterday to make me look more exotic. hard to look exotic and sexy when one is of fresh faced scottish highland descent. they overdid it but it was fun and i wore it all day at work :) and i might do it up like that for fun, occasionally.. |
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the munch was fun last night. bought a leather strapped bar gag thingy.. yeah, i've been wearing it all morning while perusing CM and doing my housework. it IS NOT very comfortable but i want to get used to it.. you know.. because :) |
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i just can't help it.. smitten.. admire His intellect..like a force of nature.. pulls me to Him..and i think He needs me *almost* as much as i need Him..so i will be there and i will continue to be patient and understanding. |
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heavenly wine and roses seem to whisper to me... when you.. smile |
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a few here know ive been on alli for a few months now. im down 3 dress sizes. i have to admit... i feel much more energetic.. still, i look in the mirror and don't see it..i need to work on my confidence. it was shattered, you know.. i also met someone.. actually an acquaintance from a few years ago... i don't know that i am ready for this but we shall see where it goes. as per my usual, he is much younger.. tall.. lean..smooth.. too pretty for me- in my eyes anyway.. i am sure i will find a way to sabotage it. maybe i just won't let it go any further. i am afraid. |
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thinking of reVAMPing my profile.. while basicly i am the same girl i was almost two years ago when i found collarme...well face it, life is all about change and i have changed- i like to think, for the better. i am just not sure yet what to say.. |
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someone named it.. i was in shock and complete amazement that anyone could..what makes it even more interesting is it was someone across the pond and well into mainland Europe. i am amazed daily.. but this was a good one.. |
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from my favorite song.. wonders who, if anyone, can name it...
it's the pain.. of your secret heart...bringing you to tears.. filling you with fears.. for your mind and for your soul............. |
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apprehensive, shy, skittish, hedging= how i've been feeling lately which to me are all unattractive qualities. there are people i know that think i am the most confident woman they ever met. if they only knew what was inside.. |
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ever do something so stupid that you wanted to kick your own self in the teeth but you're not bendy enough to do so? yeah, me too :)
i need to learn to just leave my phone on.. missed opportunities blow.. |
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funny, alt wont allow me to post a breast bondage pic but ... if you turn it into art, voila! they allow it.. new pic posted :) |
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i had a dream last night.. about being what others perceive as being normal. nameless faceless people telling me to change who i am but this morning i put on my spandex long black dress with the cutouts, black leggings and black suede wedged heels, gothic/celtic silver belt and fabulous black metal shoulder duster earrings.. will i be sitting in a rocking chair at 80 looking like this.. probably.. sometimes, i'll admit.. i feel like it's all "drag" but if i wear pastels i feel tooooo tooo soccer momish. anyway spike, my rat terrorist(terrier) and i are off to that uptown coffeehouse i love so much.. peruse some local magazines, sip on a nice hot latte, and just enjoy my day off.. happy in the knowlege that i can be ME. |
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my new speaker woofer things make nirvana sound like 2 live crew.. |
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i wish i could post the strip show karoake pics but.. alas.. the groom to be who is not into kink at all.. is in the photo.. tried to crop him out but then the pics just look stupid.. alas.. woe.. |
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can ya show me the shine of your ja-pan
the spar-kle of your chi-na
Bodhisattva! |
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i had so much fun doing my act last night, shoulder's killing me this morning. will post all about it after meds kick in.. |
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so i was walking my 2 beasts.. the big one saw a squirrel and i think she dislocated my shoulder (slightly) by yanking my arm damn near off the leash.. this might put a damper on this evenings festivities ..but i hope not. am looking forward to teasing the hell out of the groom to be.. |
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*feels appreciated* for my humor and my wicked wicked twisted mind. |
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i have to write about it because i think it is hilarious that this is the second time in recent months that i have been asked to do this. friday night i am.. ready?
i am doing a strip tease for a bachelor party.. more of a fun racy silly strip deal as it is in a crowded bar. i do love to perform and the bride to be begged.. i just have to figure out which song, how little i can get away with wearing and which props to use..
then i think.. are pickins that slim that a 50 year old woman is stripping for a bach. party? eh, what the hell.. i know i may not be a classic beauty but i also know i have "something". |
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a very nice Moms day spent on Lake Mtka with my angel. she is such a good girl and so successful. i feel blessed to have been such an integral part in so fine a creatures life. |
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nothing says mothers day quite like xtube felching videos... no, i didn't seek them out.. they were sent to me and well... i HAD to watch.. |
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it's my favourite performers birthday and in his honour i'll type like i still live in UK... in the morning, when i rise ...that's the time, that's the time... i love the best..
wears her love like heaven.
Donovan Leitch is 62. |
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happy friday evening :lifts top: |
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thanks to those that wrote about my new goofy pic.. i like it too :) |
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i still call myself "girl". have always felt not quite grown up. maybe that is why i am so subserviant. i try to analyze myself all the time.. why am i this way.. am i wired differently from most people??.. i liken my lifestyle to being gay- maybe this is why 50% of my very best friends are gay men. of all the communities, i seem to fit in well in theirs. my campy inappropriate humor makes that so. i should embrace and welcome my differences and i'm getting there.. it's been a slow process.. do other submissive women feel this way? |
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So, i was asked out by a guy wearing a shirt that read, "keep staring - i might do a trick". from musician to magician.. if a circus clown is next in my future, i give up...
oh, i declined his invitation.. not because he is a magician...because he is way too beautiful for the likes of me. |
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posted new pic.. should be approved soon. i call it my "You want to do what to me with that big, thick, tasty monster?" pic. |
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i need to throw in the towel and just get over this thing He and i have..all this waiting and sitting on my hands for just a tidbit.. all this work i've done to improve my body and mind.. turning away potentials for a once a month(maybe) encounter with Him..being there for Him in His times of need. i do not mean to sound whiny and needy but two years is a long time to hold onto something that is apparently going nowhere. i am terribly distraught and distressed but i know if i do not just end it, i will be even more miserable and may even run the risk of becoming bitter and sad. i like my sunny outlook on life and i don't want that to change. friends at collarme will be relieved to read this and will hope i actually follow through. i may need some support on this one..because like that stockholm syndrome deal, i loved my torturer with every part of me.. too bad he never saw it.
i am not jumping into anything new right away. i really just need to grieve- please respect that for now.. and now? i think i'll go sprinkle a few drops of tea tree oil in a hot bath, light twenty or so candles and meditate as i soak away my pain. |
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i get a lot of of "you look more Domme than sub" mail.. looks, as we all know, can be deceiving... |
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pic 9 is new. i need to grow up. |
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listening to spirit.. randy california.. is he dead? i don't even know and if anyone would know.. i would, er... should..
IIII IIII gotta line.. Igot a line on you babe~~ |
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i DID bring the house down.. fun night.. people even took pics which kind of threw me off.. not sure if it was because i looked like some sailor moon/jessica rabbit caricature or my stunningly angelic voice.. maybe it was both.. |
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tonight i'm going to sing can't find my way home- my favorite.. i can usually bring the house down with it.. we'll see.. |
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HE has taught me two very valuable lessons. one, to take pride in my appearance and my health... two, patience indeed is a virtue. i am grateful and just need Him to know via this forum how i feel about His helping me grow and change. |
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sometimes the lights all shinin' on meee
other times, i can barely seee...
late-ly it occurrs to me...
whattaaaa long ~~ strange trip it's been.. |
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what i learned this week: if you're 50, you really need to get a flu shot. i have never been so sick in my life. had to have friends come over and take care of me and rush me into ER. dehydration is not pretty. i think i slept 65 of the last 72 hours.. ok.. slight exaggeration..finally feeling more like ME again though.. even going to work today.. |
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This extremely humbling menial job i took in Mall of America is turning out to be more fun than i thought it would... much more fun- love the people i work with.. |
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Little old lady got mutilated late last night..
*worried look*
werewolves of London, again.. |
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HE doesn't like my new smurfette pic (pic 9). guess i'll remove it in a couple of days ..me? i love it. |
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i love my friends. all were so supportive when the place i work for went under. good friends helped ease my fear of interviewing and boosted my confidence. and now they are behind me 100% as i start this new job on monday. It's wonderful feeling so loved! |
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sittin on the front porch coolin in the shade, singin' every song the radio played..waitin for the hour of the sun to go down - two red dirt girls in red dirt town~~
love the emmylou :) |
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na na na na i gotta job :sang in the style of The Offspring: yay me :) |
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just when my faith in politeness is dwindling, i receive two very nice emails- not creepy- not the usual i'm a Dom, come get on your knees before me, kind of trash..rather; polite, kind and sincere. to those that write these kinds of emails, some of us appreciate them greatly. |
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Silk Degrees is the best album ever recorded.. Listening to it as i compose my letter to the editor to star-trib. yes, i am acting up and expressing my opinion on being a pink collar worker in the USA. thanking HE knows who He is for the courage to write this letter. |
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photo 14 is new.. what a pouty brat! |
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blissful nirvana and complete calm. Thank You Sir. |
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so blow you old blue northern
blow my love to me
he's drivin' in tonight from ca-li-for-nia
he loves his damned old rodeo as much as he loves me~~
someday soon, goin' with him, someday soon~~
:wipes lone tear from decolletage: |
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d'ya wanna see me crawl across the floor to youuuuu~~~ |
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i really hate seeing that 50 number up there because i dont look or act 50 and i sure don't feel 50.. i shoulda lied.. so many here do, you know... |
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just a typical friday morning .. sipping kona coffee, bangin' head to some sabbath.. wondering if i should take the new job offer...figuring out what to wear to rocky horror tomorrow night... |
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He's strictly rhythm...
He doesn't want to make ME cry or sing...
:smirks and tosses back long black mane like only she can : |
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yeah, it's not til next friday but i changed it.. ugh.. 50.. i don't feel 50.. someone feel me.. do i feel 50? |
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there is no Master, only students riding a wave of psuedo thought. |
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i went to rocky horror picture show tonight to check it out for friends.. heard it was crass and vulgar from a few but i found it to be pretty much like it was when i last attended.. in like.. 1987 :)
i actually found this cast to be quite charming and very energetic. i had a great time and absolutely cannot wait to go again.. |
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i really should update my profile. some things i just do not want to share with the entire community. i am always chastised for not having it written all down here for the world to see.. some of my kinks are personal and i do not want to share them with everyone.. my mom said.. "never write it down". i heed her advice.. well, some of it :) |
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what i learned this weekend : deep purples' space truckin' is not a good karoake song (for me) |
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you new york witch in the dungeon of the day...... |
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we're white punks on dope
mom and dad live in holllyy-woood~~
hang my-self if i get e-nought rope~~
can't clean up even tho' i know i should~~
la la la |
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dressed all in red satin and black and red moire net skirt wistfully thinking of what is the greatest love song ever written.. i think my idea of love songs is different than most peoples.. most would pick unchained melody or something like that. me? i choose lady stardust for my own personal odd reasons.. |
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why do i live here? -15 and i am afraid to look and see what the windchill is.. and my plans for last night.. cancelled.. but i did have a nice dinner and great conversation with my g/f. so all was not lost. |
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lovin the 70's glamrock- fripp and eno, iggy pop, mott the hoople.. bowie of course.. |
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i don't need no doc-tor coz i know.. what's ailin' me~~ |
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ya look like a star but ya still on the dole...
all the way from mem-phis... |
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to most this will sound silly but i am so proud of me for figuring out my new phone. i am so tech-impaired.. |
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i like the smoking fetish people
:slides back into her chair.. wearing her black lacy bra and thong and sky high heels.. eyes shaded by dark glasses.. she pulls the bejewelled cigarette holder to her ruby red lips..crosses her legs and lights her cig in the dark..takes a deep long drag and then exhales..staring intensely into his eyes: |
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it's all so sugar-less
hooker-waitress
model-actress
oh, just go name-less
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added new pic.. now to wait for the almighty collarme Gods to approve :) |
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in march.. i am going to act like a grownup and change it from 48 to 50.. really i am :) |
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nobody wants him
they just turn their heads
nobody helps him
now he has his revenge
:bangs head to guitar solo: |
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is it saturday night yet? |
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i think creeque alley is my favorite song. |
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today i feel as though i am blindfolded and bound as my toes hang over the plank.. just waiting.. for someone to give me that fatal push.. |
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you are the reason i been waitin' all these years..
some-body holds the key...
but i'm near the end and i.. just can't find the tiime...
and i'm wasted and i.. can't find my way home~~~ |
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i wanted to tell my story at the munch but i am too meek to speak in front of a group. mine was much different than that of others. so i will tell it here..
why do i identify as submissive?
because my father was USMC officer.. oh not just an officer but a decorated viet nam fighter pilot. my mother was the epitome of southern gentility. my mother gave me much girl training. i watched and learned.
my strength= my sense of humor- i am good at amusing others- sometimes at my own expense even :) and.. my sense of honor.
my weakness= i can be difficult, pouty and whiny. not great qualities in a submissive. i am better now than i was a year ago. always learning, always growing and changing.
why do i come to the munches? to feel like i belong .. somewhere. i am not very vocal but i do learn from listening and watching others. |
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yippeee, my dsl is finally fixed.. now the pron will download faster. (i'm not THAT much of a masochist.) |
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received some nice feedback.. utilizing the suggestions is the difficult part but i will attempt to do so. |
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lol.. do people not read these things? |
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i see the trolls are out in full force today. again, if You are in .. let's just say.. Texas.. don't bother.. no online stuff.. i think it is silly.. the online/ phone deal.. bleh.. |
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i just ordered the most beautiful ensemble to wear to an event.. while everyone else will be wearing black red and purple.. this girl will be shaking things up in ivory and black.. |
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:dons her coconut bra and grass skirt and sings we're havin' a heat wave~~ a tropical heat wave~: |
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HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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interesting evenin.. not going to elaborate but i, for one, sure had a great time.. i'll say this much... i discovered a new love.. the singletail.. when it's used correctly.. and it was.. |
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girl nervous.. shaking in her sky high pumps |
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friiidayy yay.. i want to sing tonight :) |
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ohh ohh...afternoons.. will be measured out.. measured out with coffeespoons.. and.... TS Eliot.. la la la |
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taking a moment to reflect on this last years bounties and lessons....
*LIFTS POLKA DOT BRA*
i cannot stay serious for very long *elfish grin* |
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okya, i'm officially into it.. i just bought a 3 ft aluminum xmas tree.. there, i admitted it... |
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woke up feeling very happy for her Sir friend *licks her pouty red lips lustily* He is getting the best Christmas present of all. it warmed my 2 sizes too small heart hearing about it. |
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was supposed to have coffee with someone tonight but i chickened out because i am a shy geeky dork who is afraid of her own shadow these days. i just dont think im good enough for anyone lately. have received some weird mean collarme mail and some other things have happened to destroy my self esteem. i also had something that scared me happen i think i'll just hibernate for awhile... |
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wow. waking up today was the best.. looking outside.. all the snow.. it is like magic.. been living here for a very long time and still .. it is so beautiful and awe inspiring to me to see every branch covered in snow.. |
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i am attending a new munch tomorrow night.. well, it will be new for me. i won't have my comfort zone entourage of the usual sub males i hang out with at TIES so i will be forced to be social with people i don't know. it will be good for me, i think.. |
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added new pic taken today.. hope it won't take too long to get approved :) |
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we go dan-cing nightly .. in the attic.. while the moon is ri-sing in the sky. i think i'll go dancing tonight.. even if i am not a high noon fan (bleh)... i need new friends :) with better taste...eh, i love em.. |
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it is so cold, my nipples could cut diamonds.. i prefer the emerald cut.. |
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i love..when He bites the fleshy part of my inner thighs. oh, it stings like hell and i yelp and whimper.. but.. it leaves His mark on me for a good 2 weeks afterward.. i have been yearnign for that all day.. |
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i just realized something i neglected to mention in my profile. i have lived in many different places. Okinawa, Japan... Essen, Germany... a little north of London when i was very young. i also attended British RAF base middle and high school when i lived in Essen. i am very well travelled- have been all over Europe and GB and parts of SE Asia and Japan as well as Mexico and Canada. i have seen every state in the US including Alaska and Hawaii. i have lived in Ca., Tx, NC's beautiful coastline, Fla.
Semper Fi to my fighter pilot Father for affording me the opportunity to see half the world.
death before dishonor Papa.. |
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it's a Depeche Mode night |
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thank You bama man for the kind words :) roll tide roll or war damn eagle! |
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i was so up and happy go lucky last night.. then today, after reading collarme mail, i realized i screwed up because of my own insecurities. i need to learn to let my guard down a little.. to just leave the shields down.. for a bright woman, i sure can do stupid things.. incredibly stupid things. i try to convince myself that i am being assertive but it always comes out wrong. things tend to get lost in translation online and i am the guiltiest party of that. i am not always very articulate. i should brush up on my skills..
at least i realize i need to change so change i will. i want to change .. but i do not want to lose "me" in the process. even now i wonder if i make any sense at all. |
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to the gypsy that re-mains...faces freedom... with a little fear~~~
***** twirls and twirls *****
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ill.. and so much to do this weekend.. baking for an all girl get together. going to an office cocktail party with friend..must feel better..
:kisses doll: |
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went to bizarre bazaar yesterday.. wasn't going to go but it is 4 blocks from my house so, snow or not.. i really had no excuse not to go. bought some fun stuff.. didn't stay long.. my painful shyness gets the best of me and i get a little panicky.. but i'm glad i forced myself to go. |
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i sure do miss singing on friday nights. |
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i can't stop self zapping myself with that damned bug zapper i bought last night at the munch. |
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:whoooooosh:
is the sound of me being sucked back in....
greatfully, and happily Sir. the girl beams. |
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today i started a new stained glass panel. my hands are like hamburger from all the cutting. i need to be more careful. i also designed a mural for my coved cieling bedroom.. imagine a vertical panorama. i hope it turns out. |
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i am available.. lol.. again.. but this time i am making it stick.. will NOT allow self to get sucked back in. i deserve better than what i got. my friends here have been pushing me to get away from this for a long time. i thought the doormat treatment was part of the scene. i learned. it just took me the length of an average human gestation period to realize that.
please don't send me condolence emails. i am happy about the way this turned out and looking forward. |
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if you were here, i could deceive you... |
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dark, brooding, moody. new pic reflects that. |
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Heavy Red gothic clothing and accessories company makes the best steel boned corsets. i don't think i've ever sat up theis straight in my life. :) |
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Immortal fear
that voice so clear
through broken walls
that scream i hear
cry little sister |
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just sittin' relaxin' after work listening to my favorite soundtrack - jesus christ superstar!.. singin along- pigtails swayin'. in a good mood, finally, after wranglin' with abatement companies and centerpoint, i have heat again! girl enjoying the warmth. |
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whenever i have sex with someone else.. lo and behold.. He is right there.. as if by majik.. He wants every detail down to the smallest most underwhelming part of it. being a fast learner, this has sunken into my head quickly. if i subtly allude to something having happened between me and someone else i know i will get His attention. yes, maybe it is a game.. but it is my game. maybe it isn't right.. morally..but i just don't know that i want to give my pretty little nilla boytoy up. he provides the romance in my life.. of course if "HE" told me to let boy go, i would.
for the record, i don't sleep around- this boy has been in my life for almost.. coming up on 4 years ..so do not email me thinking i am easy- i am not.
there, i bared my soul a little.. trying to be less closed up.. must learn not to worry about what others think..and not one lyric in the post:) |
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i sort of want to write about my adventure.. i wonder if i dare.. |
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she's some kinda demon dusting in the flue.... |
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i'm not "allowed" to post lyrics.. but sometimes the lyrics best describe how i happen to be feeling emotionally.
runnin' .. hidin' ... losin'... cryin'.. nothin' left to save.. but MY life..
stood ona ridge and shunned re-ligion- thinkin' that the world was mine.... i made my break and a big mi-stake- stealin' when i shoulda been buyin'..
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ummmmmmmm.. best. halloween. ever. |
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my batwings slammed into everything at work this a.m. poor things took a beating.. may have to wear different costume to TIES munch tonight.. |
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getting the last minute accoutrements for my fabulous costume (which im going to try to wear to work tomorrow.. that should be intersting trying to play waitress in gothic vampyress attire.. tips will be good :) |
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my way too short black leather halter top dress with the red laces may not have been the best choice in attire for the bonfire i attended in monticello tonight .. but.. it sure got me a lot of attention.. i'm glad my vanilla friends accept me just the way i am :) |
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so overwhelmed with social obligations this weekend that all i want to do is disappear. maybe i can find a dress to match the wallpaper. truthfully i'd just as soon be shackled in a corner and left to my own devices for the entire weekend. i am a bit of a loner... |
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happpyyy fridayyy :lifts top: |
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i love the Bettie Page bondage pics from the l 50's. campy in a way but still very erotic and inspiring. i want to pose like that .. i need some new lifestyle pics anyway.. |
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i want every night to be like friday night.. |
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if i just wanted sex, i'd go to AFF. (people need to get a clue, she said sweetly.) |
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tired of being a doormat. have tried to open lines of communication.. been thoughtful and sweet.. to no avail. *sad* but as always, i am strong.. smart.. and still looking at the world through my rose colored glasses and i know in my soul, things will be going the way i want them to eventually. i always have hope. i never give up. nothing can break my spirit. |
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today i have to go find a marilyn wig .. i'm singing a special song tomorrow night ala a special request. i have the marilyn dress and the fan to blow my dress up over my head but no wig.. wonder how spendy that'll be... |
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SOMETIMES.. i think i am too sweet and naive and too much of an easy target for this lifestyle. there, i said it... that should make up for the lyrics i posted in previous post :) |
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the people laughed when she said....................................
BURN |
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i am sooooooo happy.. down 35 pounds..bought the cutest flirtiest black and silver threaded skirt with sexy black cami spandex top to wear to the big bash i'm attending tomorrow.. some may not recognize me.. oh wait.. no one else in that group has huge dark eyes and long lush black wavy hair :)
on the flip side, i managed to break a couple of those tiny bones one has in their feet on thursday. i can walk still, luckily, but the pain without the pain meds is irritating and i am not one that likes being incapacitated mentally or physically. |
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rain .. restless.. need.. sighs heavily.. is it friday yet? big party saturday in isanti.. what to wear.. rain i hear.. |
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Renaissance fest was.. muddy.. half my fabulous dress was covered in it.. left early.. still had fun.. always sad on the last day.. |
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had fun tonight.. you know, the kind of relaxed and laid back fun one can only have with old friends that have seen you - warts and all. sang a few linda ronstadt songs. i never have to go up or down a key with her songs. was asked by request to sing happy birthday mistah pwesident ala marilyn monroe at a party in 2 weeks for a friends boyfriends birthday. i'm going to do it.. and do it right.. embarrass the hell out of him.. straddle him.. rub on him.. sing it breathily and lustily - all while wearing something completely disgraceful. |
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while i do enjoy a humiliating servicing sexual encounter...there's something to said about a face to face-eyes locked together. passionate slow, intensely erotic encounter as well. |
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:restless and bored: think ill go to uptown for a coffee.. |
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one size fits all form letters sent 4 times .. You'd think a person would have learned by now that it's not going to get an answer.. |
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taking a moment to be proud of me. i have now lost enough weight that i actually bought an item of clothing in a non plus size store.. and it fits.. beautifully.. happy. thanks to Him for getting me on track and keeping me there. thnaks to me for having willpower. |
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i had so many plans for today but my dogs changed that for me. while on our long walk of the day, the big dog saw a squirrel and yanked her leash so hard she slightly dislocated my shoulder..not so much pain as discomfort.. i'll live :) |
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my greatest joy : waking up to see an offline message from Him chastising me for quoting old Donovan songs. He will think i mean that in a smartass way.. but, i don't. |
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when i look out my win-dow... many sights to see.... and when i look in my win-dow .. so many different people to be.. that it's strange.. so veryyy strange.. you got to pick up every stitch.. you got to pick up every stich.. you got to pick up every stitch...
MUST BE THE SEASONNNN OF THE WITCH~~~ |
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i'm only happy when it rains. |
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great weekend.. great week actually.. renaissance was a blast- saw so many i knew.. even a coupla collarme folks :) i danced.. i sang.. i flirted in the bawdiest campiest of ways, at fest. i always have a great time there.. one of the few places i feel i can be the real me without being judged. |
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nervous.. apprehensive.. anxious.. can't breathe..will get a "look" for not wearing the black shoes.. |
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going to go out to purchase the right shoes today.. no platforms.. red or black classic pumps with the highest heel i can stand wearing.. |
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i am a woman, therefore, i have selective hearing :) i misunderstood some things yesterday. what have i learned? think before i go on a rant and type things i'll regret.(and really don't mean anyway.) Dominants have feelings too. remember what i asked for- it was only given to me. there's more.. it's early.. i'm tired.. humbled.. learning to be more gracious.. |
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my feet hurt.. anyone have a nice pair of broad shoulders for me to rest them on? 0:) |
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added pic taken when i got home from renaissance faire today.. i let my hair do it's nbatural curl thing.. i like it.. i'm sure it will take collarme several days to approve.. |
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:exhales: i am calm now.. HE knows why. |
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decided renfest tomorrow.. i just could not get it together this morning.. feeling scatterbrained and indecisive. think i'll just take a day to screw around.. after all, next week i start a 2nd job.. then, i'll have no time at all to just goof off.. |
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renaissance today .. huzzahh!! i'm going to roast in red velvet.. but i'm going to wear it anyway.. |
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i cant help it.. i love the obscure 60's stuff.. ( it's even before my time ) listening to best of spirit.. next up savoy brown..
let me take you babyyy... down to the river-bed~~ got to tell you sumthin' - go riiight to yourrr head~~
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i must have done something karma-inapropriate.. today the windows were all smashed in my car..and now my dog is at emergency vet care.. upset. i understand things happen.. but it's been all to frequently happening to me and mine lately.. |
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well, i got the baby married off.. love grand marais.. could live there easily..happy to be home..tired.. |
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well, i'm off for 5 fabulous days on the north shore for my dumplin's wedding.. who knows, maybe i can hook up with a groomsman in a closet somewhere to keep it interesting :). i'm kidding, of course.. but it is an interesting thought, nonetheless..i'll miss my pals at collarme..stay safe, be well.. skol! when i get back, the real work starts... |
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i ride my bike .. i ro-llerskate.. don't drive no car..... don't go too fast but i go pretty far.. for some-body who don't drive i been all a-round the world..., some people say i done alright for a girl~~~ |
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ummmmm.......
best.night.ever. |
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i got in trouble :) but then i was rescued before the trouble got out of hand .. whew.. thank goddess for friends that act as my conscience...fun night.. girls tipping me by sticking $$ into my cleavage.. just for singing..i do have fun... |
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i think i may have overdone it on the goth look tonight..eh, well... i like to shock and awe them... they sort of expect it.. |
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singing linda ronsatdt songs tonight. i love friday nights :) i think ill dress like her too.. all i need is a gardenia to wear in my hair... |
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one week until....
VAY CAY SHUN |
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i got my mom of the bride dress-very retro stevie nicks flowing long with beaded shawl, 4 inch heels, slight sparkle cream colored thigh highs, evening bag and jewellry.. the mom is not supposed to outshine the bride .. right?
{like that could happen} very excited to take 5 days off and go up to the north shore.. will be great to see family i havent seen in years.. love my new son in law to be.. nice to see my babygirl so happy..less than 2 weeks and counting the days... |
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i must be ill.. i didn't go sing....and.. it's friday..insanity i tell you.. |
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i have to say this publicly. Gandy, thanks for being a friend. i appreciate your kind words so much.. more than you know.. |
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it is so humid today that my hair is doing really weird things. i look like i should be auditioning for some perverse version of the musical Annie!. |
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tried to make a clean break.. HE's got some kind of hold over me.. i'll be celibate as i promised.. i'll continue with my weight loss/excersize regimen..i'll focus on A's wedding.. my new additional job, saving money, my apartment search, then i'll know if i've been played.. and if i have.. it's a good lesson for me... humiliating, yes.. but a lesson nonetheless.....
am i afraid? yes. have never been on my own.i have always been coddled and taken care of. yes, scared to death.. but .. it's time i did something for me.. spread my wings and fly on my own... sounds cliche' yet so true.. |
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while the fires are ragin'... hotter and hotter... the sisters of the sun are gonna ... rock me on the water now~~
rock me on the water- sister willya soothe my fevered brow~~~ rock me on the waterrrr...
i'll get down to the sea some-how... |
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she's a witch of trouble in e lec tric blue~~
in her own mad mind she's in love with you~~
with you~~~ now what you gonna do?~~
STRANGE BREW~~~ kill what's insida you~~
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one door closes.. another one opens.. life is indeed .. surprising.. |
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i sure do have some very caring friends here.. You are all adored. i love ya man :swigs beer with no hands: |
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vowed i'd never let anything affect me so much that i become cynical and untrusting. i am fighting it.. lately i have been dressing all in black sheer chiffon or net.. i look like a cross between stevie nicks, bette page , betty boop and a greek widow in mourning......the way i dress is how i express what i am feeling- i can't do it with my art- i end up destroying my own work. need to pull self up by bootstraps and not let things get to me... i sure like my sunny disposition a lot better than i like me as i am now.. today. i don't like to expose my dark side.. but... maybe if i do.. i'll heal. |
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:scratches head in disbelief: |
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i feel you try-ing~~
though in my heart ....i know you're lying~~~
and thought your love for me is dying~~
i see you crying~~
it's the pain of your- secret heart.. bringing you to tears...filling you with fears... for your mind and for your soul~~
i touch you soft-ly now~~ borne on by hope un-til the end some-how~~
(now that's an obscure one.. who knows it?) |
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i feel empowered.. strong...and only 2 of us know why.
going to the renfest preview today.. dressed up .. fun.. |
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Unselfish submission defines love for the Piscean, who gains more pleasure from giving than from receiving. They often succumb to temptation, and float from one partner to another. In this way, or by refusing any partners, they avoid becoming hooked by deep emotional commitment. Those who refuse both these directions and take a middle way are richly awarded. They are never egotistical in their personal relationships.
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i should have gone out tonight. shoulda coulda woulda.. silly me... |
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wednesday night- intoxicating .. invigorating... soul restoring... mind blowing...
i must learn to keep my mouth shut
i should have been sent home for my insolence but i'm glad i wasn't. |
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i am soooo proud of myself. lost almost 10 pounds and can get into my leather corset-bustier and voila! no "muffintop". yay me.
i might have to wear it out tonight somewhere... |
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:lifts top and tweaks own nipples for that farmer in mankato: |
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what a night.. some collarme people joined me tonight where i sing and i have to say.. i was very touched..thank you C,n, and b for coming. it made my whole night.. love, pami |
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i seriously need a weekend to recuperate from my weekend. that's all i am saying about the subject. i know You all have pretty good imaginations... |
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i am so excited for pride this weekend. this will be my 17th mn pride parade. i went to the long beach, ca. one in 97 too- which is a great one as well. it's so nice to feel that energy, that freedom to be oneself and just to see the joy of such a diverse group of people. i always run into friends i haven't seen in years and it is a wonderful way to reconnect. i'll be the girl in head to toe black .. something much too young and too revealing for a woman of a certain age :) if you see me, say hello.. thanks, pami |
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added pics.. dont like the motorcycle one much but it was the 1st time i'd ever been on one.. yeah, i'm a late bloomer.. |
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i am a brave soul.. i think ill take my minpin AND my red heeler to uptown to sit outside, sip iced coffee and peruse the paper.. ands local periodicals.. pride kicks off tonight with the boat cruise. i should have bought tickets.. alas.. |
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girl tries to be honest and tell a man in a nice way she is not interested and he sends her a hateful venom filled email.. i am thinking tinymeat.. i'm just sayin'... |
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what i learned this past weekend:
1)you know youre getting old when you need help getting off the harley 'lectraglide.
2)girl can be life of the party without the help of alcohol
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i don't feel safe in this world no more~~~ i don't wanna die in a nu-cle-ar war~~i want to sail away to a different shore~~~ and make like an apeman.
i'm in a Kinks phase.. kinks and steely dan. summer..
my daughter is getting married- i bought my mom of the bride dress thru a fetish site- Inkubus.. actually quite conservative black with white trim empire waist just below the knee.. |
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i had a lovely evening.. could not have asked for better.. was afraid at 1st. his soothing hands and voice quickly put me at ease. this was difficult for him- given part of my situation. i want him to know how special he made me feel. i did well with my limited allowable vocabulary- proud of self for that. |
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i read the following at a site and it made me laugh:
49/f ISO like minded male for 3 to 9 month relationship that will end in acrimony, emotional chaos and possible legal proceedings... |
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i was a lonely soul.. i had no-body 'til i met you...but you keep me waitin' alla the time.. what can i do..
it's your life~~.. you can do what you want.. do what you like~~.. but please don' keep me waitin.. |
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im off to sing now.. hoping for a night filled with debauchery... |
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i was told to wear something demure and conservative to the bar tomorrow night.. pink latex corset, 3 inch heels, daisy dukes and pink fishnet thigh highs it is then.. pink is demure, right? 3 inch heels are conservative, right? |
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i actually had a man here at collarme ask me to be his mistress to his mistress.. so.. that would make me number 3 after his wife and his other? .. i really don't need to be anyones dirty little secret on the side..i passed on his gracious offer..lol.. |
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"i bow down and pray to every woman i see... ain't no mother****** gonna cri-ti-sise me"
these days i'm loving chuck prophets music..... |
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THOSE OF YOU OUT THERE WITH THE SENSES OF HUMOR.. TY FOR ALL MY NEW LIMERICKS :) MY DAY IS SOOOOO MADE. |
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i wish i was the kind of woman men wrote sonnets and love songs about but i am more the type of woman men write dirty limericks about.. i guess it is better than nothing :) |
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oh yay friday.. and i cannot wait to sing.. this has been a long difficult week.. |
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it's been almost 2 months.. i really should change it to 49 but i'm kicking n screamin n fighting it.. |
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Life is too short to be mean to others in collarme emails... i'm just sayin'.. i think i'll just blame this past weekend's weather :) on the rude email i received .. |
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i touch you softly now~~
borne on by hope until the end somehow~~ |
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another satisfying friday night spent with friends.. laughing so hard my tummy hurt.. laughing so hard i had to reapply makeup...singing, dancing, flirting with men half my age.. life is good. |
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i went to the munch last night.. and had a very good time- i like to attend so i feel a connection to the community.. starting to come out of my shell and be more social- proud of myself.. |
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from the files of :it can only happen to me:
i went to targhetto this morning to peruse cheap sunglasses and baubles and beads..got home.. unlocked door but the dog gate had fallen (more likely was pushed by an insane mutt) and blocked the door from opening..i had to borrow a ladder and in a dress, climb up to my 2nd floor bedroom window to get inside.. it wasn't pretty..... |
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holy crap i need to move to west va. hey, i can chew ona piecea straw, wear daisy dukes n shake my hips to hillbilly rock.. |
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i received karoake fan mail.. how he/she got my aol screen name is beyond me...i knew if i camped it up enough someone would notice :) |
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now it's a lonnggg darrrrk roooad...and you know......... i... love you... yes you know... i love you~~~~
this song has some of the best harmonica ever... |
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i think i had the most fun i ever had in my entire life tonight.... |
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we were so close~~
ther was no room~~
we bled in-side each others' wounds~~
we had all caught the same di-sease~~
we all sang~~
the songs of peace~~~
lay down lay down- lay it all down~~ |
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i bought a hula hoop today..i don't know why.. guess i just like jumpin' thru hoops... maybe it reminded me of youth and spring/summer..my puppy is afraid of it. |
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happy easter :wiggles nose, waggles ears, shakes her round bunny-rump: |
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i have a cold/flu.. ugh.. anyone wanna come rub vicks all over me and make me theraflu? wrap me in down comforters? no guts-no glory.. a girl never knows 'til she asks.. |
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my friend says to me today HE has no more PMS. PMS=parked motorcycle syndrome.. i wanna go for a ride.. |
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received my bitchinass latex dress from eros today.. but... it was the wrong one! then................................i tried it on.. they must know my body better than i do :) i'm keepin' it. |
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i got to hang out with Daddybear today.. yay me :) |
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i got my spankings.. ty Daddybear :) |
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you've got the u-ni-verse reclining in your hair..
my dog hates T Rex |
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weds, mar 14 is my birthday.. who wants to spank me 49 times? Anyone? hello? hello? |
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after talking with one i have decided to make a major change in my life. right now i am working on making that change happen and i may not be available for anything more than friendship. i have been thinking about this for a long time.. now, i have been given the insight and courage to act. |
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and once again the girl's search continues. i'm feeling down and humorless today and perhaps a bit cynical- which is something i told myself i would never allow myself to feel., not very articulate.. grieving.. |
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girl would love to hear from other sub/switch women :) |
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happy ash wednesday :pulls top back down: |
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happy mardi gras!!! :lifts top: |
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i hab a code.. someOne come rub vicks all over my chest? |
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btw, if i want to just fuck? i have AOL for that.... :she types with a touch of sarcasm:
think i'll post a pic of spike- my ankle biter designer breeed dog.. was browsing photos.. lots here post pics of their babies... |
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oy vey.. some of the mail i receive.. :rolls eyes: and they say romance is dead... i almost went all lorena bobbitt on one of them.. keep your crass coarse comments to yourself. a kind word, a friendly hello work much better.. take my word for it :) |
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"what i learned this week at collarme" by sweet pami-jo
this week i learned.. no matter how pressured i feel into meeting someone.. maybe it is best to wait.
the end :)
oh ya, posted new pic.. waiting for almighty good and pure collarme to approve :) |
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tonight i was told i read too much steven king.. :giggles: i am not at liberty to elaborate.. girl is happy :) |
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yeah, ok.. i added the cliche of all cliche's pic.. |
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has anyone seen my daddy? |
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tgif.. its friday.. that means karoake for me.. i am wearing something fetishy.. so the women eye me with distasteful glances and the men fall off their barstools climbing over one another to get at me..it's what i live for.. i need a hobby, i think.. |
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after breezing thru some photos here.. i decided margaret cho was right- BDSM people, trekkies and renfest folks are all pretty much interchangeable..W/e are definitely an interesting and creative bunch :) |
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cant seem to find what i need here.. maybe i need a break.. i did chat with a couple of people several times but it went nowhere.. fast.. too bad too.. had lots in common in lifestyle with both. one was bothered by my age- i think i look pretty damned good for pushin' 50 in less than a year and a half.. the other? can't figure that one out.. think he was just pretending to be a Dominant.. anyway, i am so much more than just a girl to grab her own ankles..maybe i shouldn't be upset :) i think i have a lot to offer. i shall re-evaluate myself.. |
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as god is my witness i shall never drink jack n cokes and sing songs of questionable taste at karoake ever again (shakes fist at orange georgia sky) |
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i added a new pic.. still collarme won' accept the pics i want to post.. but i like this one i just added.. |
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ive been :eyerolled" for my sense of humor..some appreciate it.. but there are those few with no sense of fun in their lives that think it is their right to tell me this is not the forum to be funny.. i decided i have to be myself. my journal entries bother you? simple solution?> don't read it :) |
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since i cannot seem to keep resolutions, i have decided this years resolutions are as follows....
1. gain 40 pounds
2.smoke twice as much
3.flirt less with men half my age |
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HAPPYYY NEWWW YEARRR!!!!!!
::BLOWS ...."HORN":: |
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raise your hand if you're going to the munch tonight
*raises hand* |
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all i want for christmas is.. to be under His consideration.. i just hope i am worthy.. girl wishes the best holiday season ever to A/all that celebrate.. |
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i have a box under my xmas tree to hold a man.. but it has no airholes 0:-) |
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my cavity needs a filling |
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having a 3 month old min-pin dog is like having a 3 year old human child. i don't think i've ever been so tired in all my life.. i think i'll bring her to the munch tonight. (maybe i'll get lucky). but how will i know for sure if it's my puppy or my breasts? well.. time will tell... |
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i got my miniature pinscher tonight.. she is named spike.. my older dog and my cat have bonded with her..she looks adorable in her leather spiked collar.. i love her.. she seems to adore me as well |
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i'm bettin collarme will not approve my updated photos.. being a limit tester.. i had to try.. right? |
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every time i hear humble pie's "30 days in the hole" i get arroused.. is that wrong? |
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am i the only one that finds it odd that it isn't allowed to post bondage fotos at a BDSM site? |
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it's Sunday.. i'm ready for my religious experience now... |
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