Lushrooms

Take a walk through my life,
Through the broken glass and the sands of time
Take a look in my eyes
You'll see a love that's blind..

It's true that no one really knows what a person is thinking or what their next move will be
So if you peek into someone's life..would you be shocked?
Everyone does silly things at times we wouldn't be human otherwise but sometimes I feel like that statement is made as a way to justify our actions.
I love that we all have a Jekyll & Hyde quality it makes things so much more exciting it's like reaching out for someone but your hands keep slipping away they may not be right next to you but you know they'll always cover you...a shelter..
I hope the person I'm writing about knows what I mean.

Last night I felt so much anger over a situation that happened about a month ago I don't really want to go into too much depth about it but I will state that I got hurt yet again by someone who called herself a friend..people keep leaving me for either my actions and now theirs. It does make me feel like there's something wrong with me..but you know if I love it's unconditional I'm bound to that person and would do anything for them it's why I never use that word "LOVE" unless I mean it. Why don't others do the same thing? 

I had to take a test at the CBT office and the results were that my loyalty was "TOO HIGH" how can loyalty be too high? Is this a bad thing?...

I get exhausted by thinking all the time of silly random things that are keeping me awake at night I know this is the anxiety and I'm letting it control me but I haven't figured out how to take that control as of yet but I'm getting help for it so maybe we'll get round to that.

For something that came out of the blue it's definitely lingering and ruining my life although in some ways it has opened my eyes and shown me the people who really do love me..
I know for a fact if a friend is at their worse I would never abandon them.
All I ask now is for the pain to stop.

My eyes are open.

Everyday I'm feeling like I'm getting back to my old self. Don't get me wrong I'm still worried that one day the anxiety will come back really bad and once again I'll struggle to get rid of it because I have to! It's so strange to think of it there lurking in the shadows getting ready to pounce when I'm feeling vulnerable I'm hoping now that I have gone through it my mind will remember and stop it before it even begins to plant it's seed.

I still think there is something wrong with me mentally but I'm coping and surviving so if there is,it would only be mild...right?

All I know is that I want to enjoy life do things out of the ordinary and be spontaneous because life is too short for boring plans to be made! I love waking up not knowing where the day will take me or wondering what if's and how..
Throw all logic to the chase of the wind and blow all obstacles down with the hair of my chinny chin chin..weirdly thinking...UNICORN!

From now on I only want positive people around me so I can feed off their energy and enjoy things..A chance to live a little without feeling scared...I hope this is possible