Lurid

I recently earnt two kinky merit badges, the collaring and the flogging badges. As my Goddess has an obsession with threes, she gave me three benchmarks to pass for each of them.

Flogging:

The flogging badge consisted of a variety of different flogging scenes and although they were somewhat mixed up, I'll describe the different aspects in (no particular) order.

Part of the task was to submit to daily floggings, of twenty lashes with my very stingy flogger, over a two week period. Some of these were really quite intense, as Goddess Pinky doesn't believe in making things easy. While I've certainly been beaten before, I'd never really been beaten by someone who was so inclined to reach my boundaries. In fact, on first being beaten by Goddess Pinky, I did start to have feelings of inadequacy to an extent - I have been much more used to play partners who were scared to hurt me too much. But I can honestly say, through screaming myself hoarse on occasion, that it was an amazing experience and led me deeply into subspace on occasion. On one occassion in particular, Goddess was particularly vicious, and this was a very hard beating to take, partly because I'd earnt extra strokes for whingeing, and partly because Goddess was intent on taking me past my fear and pain threshold. As I was taking the strokes on all fours, a couple of them had me hollering as the tips of the flogger got my scrotum. I think I was crying by the end, but Goddess held me afterwards and I was swimming in subspace, for the first ever time, and I was glowing with my love for her.

More generally, the daily floggings were a constant reminder and strengthening of the power and kink dynamic between us. Goddess jokes that I need a regular beating in order to keep me in my place, and there is certainly a sense in which it makes me more submissive. But I think that this was (and is) a two-way street and Goddess takes confidence from my regular submission in this way and clearly grows in authority with it. In part it let us both explore and test our boundaries. While I am reasonably tough and very subby, there is no doubt that I have come a long way in trusting her; the cautious and patient approach she has taken, while always pushing me further, has been much appreciated.

Also, I think its fair to say that while Goddess has had slaves, she has been more used to being a bottom, and this sort of regular scene has been important for her in embracing being the top in this case. It has been wonderful watching her become more assured to the point where she grins with evil glee at the thought of having me as a pet and all the wicked scenes she wants to try.

Another part of the task was to endure a particularly severe flogging. We did this in a private dungeon that we hired out for four hours. This was quite difficult, but it was a source of immense pride to be able to please my Goddess and be beaten for such a long time, albeit with a great deal of screaming. Of course, it wasn't a constant four hours of flogging, and we tried various different scenes, but I believe the intense flogging part went on for a pretty relentless full hour. For this "main" part, I was strapped down to a whipping bench and flogged with at least three different floggers, though I must confess that I was very soon beyond the point where I could really tell which was which - I mostly just reacted and yelled.

Goddess tells me that in he break, I collapsed in tears, but I dont quite remember - I was off somewhere, feeling happy but overwhelmed. Suffice to say that in the last portion of that afternoon, when I was wearing a huge butt plug and was restrained while Goddess administered some tease and denial along with cbt, I was somewhat relived that she was going so easy on me!

The last part of the task was to take a public flogging, which we did at Subversion. This was our first public play and was a very emotional evening. It started with Goddess putting me in a cage for a short while and then, as we became comfortable with the surroundings, leading me to the play area and strapping me to a cross. As always, Goddess pushed things quite far - at one point I couldn't understand why I was having so much trouble taking the flogger and I found out afterwards that she had been using an extremely nasty and heavy rubber hose for part of it. Thats the hose she thinks is a bit too nasty! I think that she could see the determination in my eyes that I was going to take the beating well and wanted to make sure that that would be tested. "Its no fun if its easy!, as she likes to say.

By the end of the night I was very sore, very happy and filled with love and adoration for my owner. It was a very special night, and as I sat at her feet afterwards, I felt totally content, only to end up beaming with pleasure and gratitude as she turned to me and said, "Lets take you home and give you a treat!"

Collaring:

Again, Goddess required three aspects to this task. Firstly, I was to tell two close friends about my collaring. This was actually ok, and I did this with two of my closest female friends on separate occasions. In fact, this was pretty easy as I am fairly open about my kink side to close friends and am usually happy to share things. As it was, both the friends (who are open minded, but not actually into kink themselves) thought it was interesting and fun and it started lots of discussions about kink and my new owner. These can be tricky conversations, but I don't usually go into much detail.

Secondly, I had my collar locked on with a padlock for a continuous period of one month. I was a little nervous about this at first, mostly because of work issues. In fact, my work dress is very casual, but I was still a little worried that this might be a bit too far. Goddess was very understanding and agreed that if I had a problem, we could remove the collar. In fact, I had a spare key for the first two weeks, but not after that, so removal would have been harder toward the end, but at that stage I was confident that it would not be a problem. Its funny how I got used to the collar and it became a source of reassurance, when this was not something I had ever thought about doing myself. In fact, the first few times were somewhat nerve-wracking, as I somehow imagined that the world would be able to see what a pervert I am. But then, I am a pervert and in fact, the collar was fairly discrete and would generally not be recognised as anything other than adornment except for people with some kink familiarity. That said, I do admit that the padlock had me nervous on a few occassions!

Lastly, I was to wear the collar and leash in a public setting. Again we did this on the same night at subversion, which added to the intensity of the evening and the depth of the bond and the power exchange. You might think that this was embarrassing, but to the contrary, I was so happy at being owned by my Goddess - it made me feel proud and content.

In all, the process of badge earning has been an extremely helpful focus for the kink relationship with my Goddess. It has brought us closer and been hugely fun. So much fun, that when we got to the end, we pretty much immediately started talking about the next badge, which I am currently earning, and which I will write about in due course.

Yesterday, with the instruction of my owner, I sewed on the kinky merit badges - http://kinkymeritbadges.com/ - I've earnt to my pinstripe sash. These were the flogging and collar badges.

Sewing them on was a surprisingly bonding activity; I have some anxiety about doing careful things that require a certain amount of manual dexterity, and I got a lot of reassurance as well as guidance while I was doing it. I responded with a strong determination to do it as best I could - I think I focused extremely hard on it, to an extent that surprised me when I finished and realised how much I had been trying. It was also very satisfying to be working on something to please my Goddess, and the smile of pride and admiration I got at the end made me glow with pleasure. Not quite subspace, but something warm and comforting with a similar sort of basis.

It was well worth it and a great way to end the activity. I now have badges sewed on to my sash and I'm sure I'll be wearing it out soon.

Now off to earn the next lot!

I'll describe how I earned them soon. 

Goddess isn't going to let me cum for a while, so that I am "ripe" when we go on holiday. Hopefully, I'll get away with a week or so, but I know that the teasing is going to be very intense.