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Taking some time off to regroup and find myself again... so much going on... not spending enough time on me to be good to anyone at the moment. |
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The WITHDRAWAL
A wasted heartland of bitter loneliness
The broken bridge of promises, lies, and deception
The uphill climb with no end in sight
Weary from this journey
Silent tears coursing down my face
Slowly I am building the wall...
even higher and deeper
The question remains...
am I keeping others out or myself in
The withdrawal is almost complete. |
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snow... snow... and more snow... think i will be digging out for eons probably like many others... it is however tiring. I love snow but after digging this much, i might have to change my mind.. lol ! |
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Well and truly into student teaching now... so far so good... love the little ones I am working with... more nervous about my second placement where I will be working with high school students instead of the first graders I am working with now... Life is so fickle and things change so very much on a day to day basis.. all one can do is roll with the punches!!!!
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Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays to you all!!! I finally have my grades... woo hoooooooo 4 A's and 1 B. Exciting !! Hard work but I did it!
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I finally am done with this most horrible semester... ok now that I have the bad stuff said... the field placement that I had was wonderful and the students were great (especially since they were 5th graders lol)... i finally can breathe after handing in 800 pages of assignments that i have had to compile all semester.. so i am happy and thankfully taking a well deserved break till jan 18 |
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Sooooo... 2 more days of being in the classroom and taking finals.. then 3 weeks in the field. Woooooo what a ride this semester has been and I have to say I am happy it's almost over. So many issues with profs, so many anxious ridden moments, and I am tired of stressing. Thankfully I will have a month off to recover before student teaching. Thanks to all of you out there who encourage me and keep me going... anyone who thinks being a teacher is not difficult has not ever walked in my shoes or taught anything at all, in any manner. |
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Well in I am in the thick of things in my final semester of classes! Thankfully not working as there is no way I could do it this semester. I jokingly told a vanilla friend that this semester is sadistic and that I did not know that I had signed up for BDSM 101, 201, 301, 401, and 501. She laughed and said well to each his own and def did not get it! OH Well!! I am managing to deal and so far have all good grades. |
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After today I have one more final. One burden lifted from my shoulders till the fall. Some time to rest and relax. And hopefully find me again... I tend to lose myself when I am this busy. Looks like I will be going to Chicago in June for a week. Thinking that trip will either be very good or very bad.. will have to see. For those of you that have been checking in on me THANK YOU!!! I could not have done these last 5 months without your encouragement. |
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Well 1 week of classes and 1 week of finals and no school for me until the fall. Looking after that for elementary school where I work to close for the summer. then will hand in resignation for full time job so that I can rest before the hardest and final semester. |
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Hmmmm what a difference a few weeks make. I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. School is over in a few weeks. Thankfully i have all a's and b's still. Then daytime work is over first week of June. Then I will only have the job that I will work at night for another month after that, and will quit it so that I can be ready for my hardest 2 semsters next year. I am looking at a possible trip to Europe as a reward for all of this hard work. It seems like a good idea right now anyway. Breathing a sigh of relief !!! |
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Did you ever have one of THOSE days? The kind of day when you just want to give up and say what the hell was i even thinking. Well it sure seems like today was one of those. After working over 12 hours today all I want to do is crawl onto someone lap or curl up beside them and just be held. I feel like a good cry is so close on the horizon. Kinda scary how bad you can feel sometimes. |
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Just a quick note of thanks to let you know that I am always thankful for all of the support that you give me, all of you friends and strangers alike! Especially those strangers who become my friends. A Huge THANK YOU and a HUG!! |
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I have money in the bank, barely any time for anyone family or friends and rather tired... that said I am adjusting, bills are getting paid and school is going quite well so far. I miss chatting with my friends and family but know that the greater good will be served by my sacrifice for now. I will do this and stay strong for as long as I have to!!! |
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So I find myself temporarily doing both the 18 hr job a week for the career I want after i graduate, working full time for the $ and benefits and also attending school starting this week and all I ever hear is how will I have time for anyone or for relaxing. It seems like I will just have to be selfish for myself right now and let the cards fall where they may. I hate that everyone so far that I have talked to seems to be very selfish that I am not available. I am talking about friends and family here. They all seem to think that my time is ther time for some reason. Oh well!!! thats life. |
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So I find myself in the ridiculous position of being a full time student, working full time and having been offered a job in the field my degree will be in and starting to really hate the full time job. I am exhausted and need to weigh my options. Well since it is late and I am tired now is not a good time to do that.... sigh |
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Once again, I find myself disheartened and ready to give up. Life sure does get in the way of so many things. I started a new job... its taking a lot out of me. I can only hope that I will be used to the odd hours by the time this next semester starts. I have a friend who assures me that submission requires strength and that I have it by the bucketful. She reminds me that I am able to endure and just need to hold my head up high and be proud or who and what I am. I feel like I am in the middle of an uphill marathon and sure hope that I crest the hill soon. |
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Well after a few weeks of being off of here, I am finally feeling better. I am finally driving and I head back to school next week. Thank goodness I feel like I have been in my own isolated prison while in recovery. Thank you to everyone who has sent their support my way. |
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Well once again I have made it online but now after answering some email find myself getting tired so will be getting offline here in a min. I am finding it is easier each day usually but progress is not as fast as i would like... guess i have to just make the best of it as usual. |
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First time up and about after surgery ... recovery is slow and i am tired... however the surgery was 100% success and this current pain is so worth it. I will get online again soon and update to let all know how i am... Thanks |
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Well 1 pm is slicing and dicing time for me and i am like a cat who is outside in a bad thunderstorm, all worked up. I am going to try to stay wake for a short while yet then try to get some sleep. I guess now is the time to try to work on putting it out of my mind.
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I just wanted to let all of my friends here know, (that I have met and that have supported me), that I will be offline for a short while due to some surgery. Thank you to everybody who has helped me with my worries over that and I will let you all know ASAP that I am fine. Thank you All!!! |
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