hate hate hate statistics  ugh

so its been awhile, lots has happened.  moved into my new place..loving it so far.  did pretty well with my classes  got an a,an a-,a b+ and a b- for last semester..hopefully will do better this semester. I'm no longer officially dating anyone though we all still live together and are leaning towards fixing the problems also had a couple family members pass recently so Ive been pretty down but trying to bring my spirits back up. hope all is well with everyone out there. my laptop screen was smashed in the move so until i can get a new one my presence here will continue to be scarce. if you have my cell # feel free to say hi.

so sick . . got sent home early from school cause I apparently look like I feel(geethanks lol) .hurts to breathe so I cant stay asleep but im soooo tired so not fun 

Alivia is going through a flare up of her fibromyalgia due to stress and the weather not being consistant. she asked me to put this here so that those who are curious enough to check up on her at least here will understand why she isnt responding. she says thanks to those who sent her a text to see if she was ok. she is currently in a great deal of pain and may or may not be going to the hospital for IV pain medication depending on the severity of the pain and how much longer it lasts but she says not to worry jamie is taking care of her and she will be better soon.

sooo I recieved a message today asking if i am in fact a man lmfao...why yes yes I am im a man with a lesbian gf and a straight bf who i have been able to fool for years, not to mention scroll down my journal and read excerpts from an email from a Dom I sessioned with in the past lol man must have some good skills to be able to hide that Im a man while I was naked not to mention I have a bunch of pics and a video and have voice verified with people or the fact that I did in fact give birth to 3 children  yup mister or miss no picture yes I am indeed a man lol get a life.

in far off dreams she takes them there
 with commanding whispers and handfuls of hair
she raises not her voice but they know from her glare
they are in trouble they've faultered again how ever did they dare
 she can smell their fear in the air
with a wicked smile she greets their fearful stare
she administers the punishment with her own certain flair
with a hushing touch she wipes the tears dont fuck up again this Mistress cares
the harshest punishments come from the heart so make sure youre ready before you beg to start

registered for next semesters classes..in case anyones curious next semester i'll be taking: honors english 105, contemporary biology, statistics( hate math but gotta do it), intro to sociology, concepts of chemical dependency II, tai-chi, and yoga so another very full schedule but right on track(if not a little ahead credit wise) so Im happy about that think Ive gotten everything straightened out with the bf so the crying has ceased thanks to those who were concerned. . . now to start packing up my place... anyone wanna do that for me? lol  enjoyed talking with a potential sub last night,he made me laugh when he was amazed that i was in fact real and i was glad i heard from him this morning...kinda sad that people get excited about someone being real, not sad on his part at all just the site in general and in the same respect its also sad that I dont expect anyone to follow through with what they say and i get surprised when I hear from them again after they realize that I am in fact serious

crying today... i hate crying   but such is life  thank you jeremy for attempting to make me smile

It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again! lol

Funny things said by my gf:

her: I'd take this shirt of but Im cold

me: so turn the heat up( as I remove my shirt)

her: whoa you just did


I wish I could breathe them in (in reference to my boobs) but i cant its just skin

it tastes like syrup, maybe its my lips lol

my shirt keeps ridin up cause Im chubby

sometimes I just laugh because i do... like right now lol

if you take your pants off i'll give ya a deck of cards

I cant see i've been blinded by the boob

shes got thewhole nipple in her hand cause thats the only part she can fit

i wait for the day my hand grows big so i can fit your whole boob in it

smush me

pretty sure I'm about done looking here perhaps I'll try elsewhere...not exactly ecstatic about the fakes and flakes, tired of investing my time into people who arent serious....if youre not ready say so apparently thats too much to ask for. i am not looking for online so if you want to talk as friends fine but dont try to manipulate every conversation into one you can get off to..if.my yahoo is freaking mobile that means its going to my cell be patient or dont bother talking plain n simple...complaining about my lack of response will get you intentional non response..Im a busy person I have lots of other things to worry about than people who seek to do nothing but waste time maybe in a billion years when i have run out of better things to do i will get back to you. ...  

sigh...here we go again...

I hate research papers or as I call them regergitation papers and their lack of creativity ....hate hate hate them and why are there always multiple due back to back? I swear the teachers are conspiring against us! In other news, completely enjoyed making someone squirm last night

I was browsing profiles (yes I actually read what is written) when I came across something written I really liked..thank you "youranimalobject"for allowing me to post it here. the following is an excerpt from his profile:

i am for real in that i seek to actively serve You.  i don't seek to merely play all the time.  Granted, play is fun, but i think a slave's first and foremost priority is to serve.  Serving is more than just getting off.  Serving is more than just satisfying a fetish.  Serving is not taking a spanking or two, and calling it a day.  To truly serve, one must be deidcated to the Person they serve.   They must serve them mentally; spiritually.

I post this because I get many messages asking if someone can serve me and then upon further talking I find they are looking for occasional play...there is a difference.

I'd also like to just vent for a minute right now... first, if I say I intend to keep you in chastity this means you will not be having sex..with me or anyone else, if you cant deal with that then I'm not what you're looking for. also, if we have been conversing and things are going well and we are planning to meet to discuss things further please don't just flake on me and disappear, it's always nice and curteous to simply say"I'm no longer interested, or I'm not ready at this time"  its that easy..I'm a nice person and very sane so I'm not going to flip out or anything...another thing if I give you my messenger info and you notice I'm mobile that means I'm not at my comp, I do have a very busy life and I cant always answer. my messenger signs into my mobile anytime I sign off from my comp automatically so dont expect that I have nothing better to do than talk to you, be patient or dont message unless you see that I am in fact actually on my comp. and last, if youre asking or begging me to take you under consideration and I ask you to do something simple such as showing me a picture of your face or writing a journal entry  and you refuse to then dont expect me to take you seriously since you just refused my first very simple request of you. the picture one makes me laugh, you can see my face and I'm not even asking that you show the public just  me and how do you expect to serve someone and have them never see your face? lol  Finally, if you want to be "friends" and you stop really talking to me at all cause you've started talking to my gf and you like her dont expect me to have anything to say to you when you decide that you feel like talking to me again,I like my friends to remain friends regardless of who theyre talking to and being too busy to reply to me but having time to continue to exchange messages with her does not go over well since I do in fact know that youre still conversing with her so the im busy excuse is a lie and I dont like liars. oh almost forgot, I recently recieved a message asking what they were feeding me in the U.S. and saying that I was beautiful but that us americans are all fat bastards lol, 1. I'm feeding myself lots of good stuff,I'm an excellent cook and enjoy good things and apparently have the means to eat well, I'm sorry if you do not 2.I'm half african american and half italian both of which enjoy good food and link them to family gatherings this means i get a lot of soul food and tons of carbs. 3. I make no apology for the way I look I love myself the way I am and the people that matter to me and others involved with me love it also. I take good care of myself and am healthy. 4. everyone in america is not fat nor is everyone here a bastard and there are many fat people and bastards in other countries including yours, I am sorry if you lack the class to simply pass a profile that you don't like and move on and that you feel the need to put other people down to feel better about yourself, perhaps you should seek counseling. The fact that you have no picture on your profile assures me tha you are in fact the most gorgeous and fit god's gift to women ever created so stop viewing my lowly profile lol.

ugh...frustrated thats it for now

for everyone asking how my search is going.... it is going well, I've had many inquries and quite a few lil pets interested. Im currently playing with the ideaof maybe taking on more than one.. maybe two. goi ng to be" interviewing" two people very soon..the first is tuesday this lucky little pet gets to come and serve me for that day and night and see if he cant earn a more permenant place beneath me. Im looking forward to testing him *devilish grin*

I've invited another slave to "interview" for the position as well but no date has been set for that as of yet...I'm still waiting to see how he does on his journal assignment...not much time left for todays entry, hope he doesnt fail me.

exchanged some messages today with a female slave and I have to say I like her so far, I'd love to get into her mind  and turn her into my little puppet, MY myla...time will tell...

there are some others who have peeked my interest but just havent reached the interview stage so Im still reviewing their applications and resumes. There seem to be some fairly reasonable people out there

"trusting desire starting to learn, walking through fire without a burn, clinging a shoulder a leap begins stinging all over asleep on pins so here we go...here goes.."

"the heart may freeze or it may burn, the pain will ease if I can learn, there is no future, there is no past, I live this moment as my last"

" A  tiger in a cage can never see the sun. this diva needs her stage baby lets have fun " ;)

"Im more of a man than you'll ever be and more of a woman than you'll ever get"

" that drip of hurt, that pint of shame goes away just play the game"

"I'd die without you" (this is ultimately what I want my sub/slave to feel )

Yay, bio lab! No disections today but still fun ...family pictures tonight :) i enjoy pictures  maybe you should send me some ;)

When you're good to mama, mama's good to you.....lol

so those who have gotten to know me will know that I have fibromyalgia which causes pain and fatigue among other things and the weather change recently is not my friend..I stayed home from class this morning  because my legs hurt. I could definitely use a massage. I did recieve a text from a guy I tutor in psychology asking where I was and thanking me for my help because he recieved a 93 on his last test. I so enjoy bringing out the best in people and being able to guide them to a better place :)

I find it funny that people still question how real I am... or they assume becaue of other peoples profiles that I seek money lol so not the case.. read into me a little..Ive been here for years and am very honest so feel free to ask questions. I've recently been chatting with someone who once knew me as a sub.. we did have a session where he was the Dom andnow he seeks to be my sub however, this is proving to be hard for me since when I talked with him on the phone my mind slips back into sub so sadly I feel that it will not work, he is a very kind man and took very good care of me. the following are exceprts from his emails to me which i adore and i hope he doesnt mind my sharing them..but this will give some an idea of what I can be like.

I relived our time together as I have so often... and certainly everytime I pass through your town.  You were a perfect princess in my arms, Alivia, and even more ravishing planted across my face

My of my... how those heels brought out the very best in you.  Showcasing your precious toe tips, shaping your calves... adding a new dimension to your thighs and buttocks.  I was charmed by your smiles as I suckled on your breasts like a thirsty calf... adored how you beamed when wrapped those gorgeous lips around my shaven man meat.

And since then... I've thirsted for you sweet gushes of nectar, Alivia, and all those daring hues of cocoa and pink and apricot... the cafe au lait tones... of your luscious womanhood and your adorable pulsating pucker.  Your warmth and grip and scent... that fabulous release of womancum... smooth and silky... melon-sweet... and oh so nourishing.

Ours was an afternoon I'll remember and cherish always, Alivia, and in all ways.

Like your poet savouring every nuance of her stormy shoreline beneath gifts from above sent by a higher power... I discovered a new sense of wholeness in every precious ounce of your graciousness... from the first droplet of your warmth... through every gush... to the last lingering jewel caressing my flesh and my soul.  You swept me away to a better place... a higher purpose... and freedom I have never before known, Alivia.  Yes, as part of something bigger

In the spirit of halloween I've uploaded some halloween pics of me . Hope everyone is enjoying the holiday

Since it's been brought to my attention that there are some people who actually read my journal and enjoy my writing I've decided to post something I've written that's not in blog from lol.

She walked down by the lake, her floral print notebook and matching penin hand as she did almost every night. She knew almost instantaneously that this would not be a night that her mind would give birth to great new poems and deep thoughts but that didnt bother her. The calm she usually felt while filling the empty pages in her notebook was replaced by another calming sensation as the warm moist wind blew in gusts swirling her hair about her.She loved the sound of the waves as  they crashed against the shore behind the force of the wind; it always painted a picture of in her mind of herself standing there on the shore the waves rolling in enveloping her and pulling her  back out into the restless waters. She didnt panic, she pound peace in the silence beneath the water. She always found that she was calmest after such a vision.

She scrunched her nose in response to the tickle of the brassy smell of ozone that filled the air. The thought of the impending rain drew a slight smile across her face. A flash of lightening and a crash of thunder made her eyes light up as they grew bigger. She had a look of devilish delight, as if she was enjoying something she was told she mustn't. Almost instinctively she tipped her head back, turning her face to the night sky and she was greeted  by light raindrops that gently kissed her face as they landed on her eyes, her cheeks, her lips. The drops grew heavier and more abundant the same way light playful kisses turn into deeper passionate ones.

It was pouring now, Her clothes were drenched and clinging to her body. She didnt retreat to shelter, instead she stood there, head tipped back and arms outstretched welcoming every drop that graced her body, each drop soothing her as it slid almost lovingly across her skin.

She loved a good storm,it always made her feel a sense of freedom and in some strange way whole, a part of something bigger. to her dismay the rain began to let up as the clouds moved her beloved drops further and further away. She let out a long sad sigh feeling some what cheated but lingering there taking in every last drop thesky would bestow upon her.

When the storm completely stopped, she smiled a polite thank you to the sky and turned, her hair slicked to her face, sopping wet notebook in hand and began the long walk home.

She hadnt written a single word but to the universe at least, her soul had been heard

lab was awesome..loved disecting the heart..aced my mid term..102..did i mention im awesome? lol on another note im very fucking irritated right now some people read too much into everything n if its really that big of a deal n its gonna be whined about u dont need to be here...got the bf n the gf both complaining today..so fuck it..I am what I am n how I am..everyone makes their own choices  n they can accept  n deal or go the end end of story.

so I showed my gf this site and now nshe's interested...she now has a profile here you can finder under jamiewants2use . we have different styles and are searching for different things so dont confuse us as one and the same. i may not be open to the things she is and she may not be open to the things I am or we may collaborate on things together so if youre curious feel fee to ask one of us.

so far my first paper of the week came out well, my test is done n over with time will tell how that went, my awesome grades n tutoring got me priority registration for next semesters classes go me :) my career research paper presentation went well, 100 on my psych assignment now, time to do a pre lab for tomorrow(disecting a heart tomorrow, Im so psyched) writing another paper and studying for my midterm tomorrow evening. hope everyones weeks are going well.

busy week at school lots due n lots to do tests n midterms etc plus time with the gf so I wont be here as much. if u have my y messenger info feel free to contact me there. the messages will get sent to my cell n I'll answer when I can

soI finished it... not in love with it but I gave it my best effort and its all  I got to give... printing then bed and up early tomorrow.


p.s. my favorite books in the whole world were delivered the other day... the sleeping beauty trilogy by a.n. roquelaure aka anne rice...no its not about vampires lol for those who haven't read them they're bdsm erotica ..they're what first turned on the light bulb in my head as to what I was searching for in my relationships. if  you haven't read them I definitely reccomend  them..it starts with the book the claiming of sleeping beauty.....anyone up for a bedtime story? lol

so I have writers block and it sucks! I also miss my daddy very very much. why does cali have to be so far away? I cant wait til november :)..... is it novemeber yet? well back to trying to produce something for english in the morning...

ok must get my butt off of cm and the internet in gerneral and do my homework. just a "short essay" 3-4 pages lol gotta love honors instructors idea of what a short essay is lol

A part of me is sad and disappointed to find that my little pet lacks true sincerity. he tells me how important I am to him and seems excited about what i had intention to make him however when asked to spend an overnight at my feet  he can never do it.  this from someone who wanted to be my house pet is not acceptable n makes me want to bring my crop to see him at work and show him his place in front of everyone....but i will not definitely not appropriate for work but he has definite punishment coming  that is IF i decide to keep him around.