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nyfsub4master
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Bluebubbles
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lilgirlofc
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unchainedmuse
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| Hi and thanks for taking the time to read my profile I am a strict and loving master looking for a woman that likes to be submissive and likes to be treated like the lady she is.
I am 51 years young I have been in the lifestyle about 3 years ii am looking for someone that would like a ltr looking for a sub or slave not a doormat I do not like marks, kids, blood. and un like many i do not share well if intrested would love to here from you. and let me give you the spanking you need
Alan
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funny and it is true
When you have an "I Hate My Job" day, try this: On your way home from work,
stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a
rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson.
Be sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the
curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.
Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair.
Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a
table, or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.
Now the fun part begins: Take out the literature from the box and read
it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:
"Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested, and
then sanitized."
Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I do
not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.
Have a nice day and remember, "There is always someone with a job that is worse than yours."
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A man walks into a Tattoo Parlor and says to the Tattoo artist, “I have a special request…I want a $100.00 tattooed on my penis.”
The Tattoo artist looks puzzled and says, “I’ve never gotten a request for that before. Why do you want it?”
And the man replies, “Well…I have 3 reasons:
- 1. I like to play with my money,
- 2. I like to watch my money grow, and
- 3. when my wife wants to blow $100, I can tell her where to go!”
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A little three year old boy is sitting on the toilet. His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what's up. The little boy is sitting on the toilet reading a book. But about every 15 seconds or so, he puts the book down, grips onto the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of his head with his right hand.
His mother says: "Billy, are you all right? You've been in here for a while."
Billy says: "I’m fine, mommy. I just haven't gone potty' yet."
Mother says: "OK, you can stay here a few more minutes. But, Billy, why are you hitting yourself on the head?"
BILLY SAYS: "WORKS FOR KETCHUP."
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FINALLY, THE 6 ANSWERS WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR:
Q: WHAT ARE THE SMALL BUMPS AROUND A WOMAN'S NIPPLES FOR?
A: It's Braille for 'suck here'.
Q: WHAT IS AN AUSTRALIAN KISS?
A: It's the same as a French kiss, but 'down under.'
Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Good year.
Q: WHY WERE HURRICANES NORMALLY NAMED AFTER WOMEN?
A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet. But when they go, they take your house and car with them.
Q: WHY DO GIRLS RUB THEIR EYES WHEN THEY GET UP IN THE MORNING?
A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch...
AND:
Q: WHAT IS A MAN'S ULTIMATE EMBARASSMENT?
A : Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.
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Well,
A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other,
And finally they got married,
and had a little sweet Potato,
which they called 'Yam.'
Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.
When it was time, they told her about the facts Of life.
They warned her about going out and getting half-baked,
so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed,
and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,'
and end up with a bunch of tater tots.
Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack
and make a rotten potato out of her!
But on the other hand she wouldn't
stay home and become a Couch Potato either.
She would get plenty of exercise
so as not to be skinny like her shoestring cousins.
When she went off to Europe,
Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out
for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland
and the greasy guys from France called the French fries.
And when she went out West, to watch out
for the Indians so she wouldn't get scalloped.
Yam said she would stay on the straight and Narrow
and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds,
or the ones from the other side of the tracks
who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say,
'Frito Lay.'
Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U.
(that's Potato University )
so that when she graduated she'd really be in the chips.
But in spite of all they did for her,
one-day Yam came home and announced
she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.
Tom
Brokaw!
Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset.
They told Yam she couldn't possibly
marry Tom Brokaw because he's just.......
Are you
ready for this?
Are
you
sure?
*
*
OK!
Here
it is!
*
*
*
*
A
COMMONTATER
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Man driving down road.
Woman driving up same road.
They pass each other.
Woman yells out window, PIG!
Man yells out window, BITCH!
Man rounds next curve.
Man crashes into a HUGE PIG in middle of road and dies.
Thought For the Day:
If men would just listen |
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The 11th Husband....
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin".
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times.?"
"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
"Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.
"Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
"Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
"Husband # 5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.
"Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
"Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
"Husband #8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.
"Husband #9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
"Husband #10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was lick it. --- God I miss him.
"But now that I've married you, I'm so excited"...
"Wonderful", said the husband, "but why?
"Your're with the"GOVERNMENT"..
This time I KNOW I'M gonna get SCREWED! |
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i am looking for LTR so if you are looking for a 1 night stand or just a play date please look elsewhere thanks |
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