livesinleeds10

What to do?

So I am free...for a week anyway.  I have time off work and nothing planned, but what to do?

Spend forever trawling the internet and educating myself?  Maybe a little, but I'd really like to get away from staring a computer all day and all of the night (great record, that one - by the Kinks).

Take full advantage of the fact the neighbours will be at work during the day and play my records at full volume?

Put abusive tweets onto the Chancellors' new Twitter page?  Tempting.

Go to the train station and just see where I end up?  Again tempting, but those are the sort of expeditions where you find yourself wanting to be at home when you are half-way towards your chosen destination.

Reply to the 'findom' who emailed me several days ago?  No.

Hmmmmmm.....

Answers on a postcard, or sealed-down envelope, please...

What Puzzles Me Is...

   After 39 years on this planet there are still some things which really puzzle me.  One is just where my hand-written recipe book has got to.  I moved house several months ago.  I have seen it since I unpacked, but can I find it?  Perhaps it's hiding with the role of sellotape which manages to vanish whenever there is a birthday in my diary or when Christmas is exactly seven days away.  Another poser for me is the matter of why we keep letting Piers Morgan back into the country when, it would appear, even the Americans don't want him.  Perhaps he should try North Korea.

   But what I really can't understand is the activities of fake-dommes on line.

   There are, of course, numerous website where they ply their trade - thankfully it would seem they are few and very far between on this one of CollarMe.  They are, however, very much in evidence on two other well-know and slightly more vanilla websites which have three letters before the dot in the web address; I'm sure you know which sites I'm talking about.  So here's a bit of advice to the fakers:

   1) There are very few highly experienced dommes who are 25-years-old in the world, let alone 25-year-old experienced dommes living in such spas of the north as Doncaster and Hull.  So don't try to write something like that on your fake profile.  Sure, pretend to be a young and experienced domme if you like. But put somewhere like London as your home town.  At least there is a chance of someone like you existing in a city of five million plus people.

   2) Make sure your face on each of your pictures which you have added to your profile matches.

   3) When taking photos of yourself, make sure you are not standing behind either an American-style wall socket or light switch!  Ours look different in the UK.

   4) Don't say something like this in your instant messenger chat: 'okay baby, well hit me up on skype then'.  Word to the unwise - NOBODY SAYS HIT ME UP IN THE UK!!  That is unless they are bleached-white, shaking like a leaf and in need of a desperate heroin fix from their dealer in some glamorous semi-derelict flat in somewhere like Doncaster or Hull.

   5) Oh yeah, the British spell things like humour with the letter U.

   Finally, you (the potential victim) can always use your brain a little and type their id into skype and do a search on it to see what comes up.  Sometimes, and I kid you not, the person who may say they are in Doncaster will crop up as being registered in California.

   I like America and I like some Americans (provided they aren't gun-toting Republicans with a pointy white hat and a few pints of petrol in their wardrobe) but the stupidity of some people does astound me at times.  So, in the words of Douglas Adams, I say this to all you non-evolved life forms out there: 'the secret is to keep banging the rocks together, guys'.

Right...rant over.

Why Are We Here?

   Well, I suppose we are all here for the same reason and - although I am something of a beginner in all this - it is not just sex.  Now, some of you may already being doing that sharp intake of breath thing, that is if anyone ever reads these blogs, but let explain that last remark from where I sit and, hopefully, one day where I will kneel.

   Those of us who fall into the submissive bracket (that sort of sounds like some new kind of toy, don't you think?) want to give, right?  Yes, we want to give our body, mind and soul to someone else who will control them, exercise them and help them grow, But what we want to give most is pleasure.  We want to please someone and make them feel valued and in a strange sort of way get the validation we need by knowing that we are pleasing the other person in the equation.  Screw the roses and the thorns because words like 'good' and 'well done' really do do it for me.

   And so begins my journey in March 2013 as the snow continues to fall in Yorkshire and the Submissive Spring still feels an ice age away.  If entering into the world of BDSM and submission was anything like taking a train, I've probably been sitting on the platform for the last 15 years thinking either 'I'll get the next one' or 'you know what...I'll just leave and take the bus as usual'.  Now, however, I am cashing-in my bus pass and taking the decision to leave a world of vanilla behind.  And that in itself feels really quite liberating.

   For some of us, the idea of not just having but pursuing a BDSM relationship has been something of a pipe-dream.  First you think stuff like 'yes...but could I ever really do those things?' and then you start to think 'yes...but learning about all this and then finding someone could take years'.  In some ways I can kind of understand why people (okay, let's be honest here and say men) pay to see a professional dominatrix.  It's quick and relatively easy to find one if you know where to look.  But surely that then degrades the notion of being a submissive to something which is rather like a Sunday coat that you put on once a week?  No, I never have paid to see a domme, and this brings me to the crux of the matter and the question of why I am here.

   In advance I will already apologize to the lady whom I wrote this explanation to the other night, because I'm about to plagiarize the letter I bashed-out to her especially.  Genuine submissives, I believe, do not do well in vanilla relationships.  Okay, I will concede this is only in my experience but perhaps - be you a man or a woman...a dom or a domme - some of you may understand this.

   My experiences tell me that submissives get walked all over (with fluffy slippers from the Disney Shop, as opposed to sharp elegant high heels) in their vanilla relationships because the other person in the equation just doesn't understand what they have got their hands on.  They have this person who wants and needs to be moulded and shaped into something which pleases the other; they want to please them in bed, in the frozen food aisle of Tesco - by sticking their arm into the cold freezer - and at Costa Coffee by saying 'no, you sit down and I will get you what you want and bring it over...that way the inevitable spillage goes all over me and not you'.  But because the other person doesn't know about submission, doesn't understand it or just doesn't want to know they, perhaps, start to think they can do just as they please because the submissive will just take it.  They take and give nothing back.

   Now, some of you may see that as the role of a dom or a domme: to take and give nothing back.  But I beg to differ.  They take but they give masses back to the sub.  That's because the sub offers themselves up for the taking and it's appreciated by the dominant person.  The dom/domme knows why they are offering themselves up and knows how to treat them and educate them so they can offer more and more of themselves over time and, in doing so, feel safe, valued and worthy.  It's a power exchange and I need to give that power to someone who knows how to use it and not abuse it.  Naturally, they can abuse me but not the concept.

   So, that is why I am here.