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I like to make sure my play mates and friends know what’s going on in my mind at all times. I say what I am thinking!
I am by nature and intent a totally honest person, as such this is my most important demand of my friends and playmate. Which doesn't always do me favours but it’s how I like to live my life.
I’d like to describe myself as genuine, nice even and one that likes to help others. In my vanilla life, I'm an engineer who loves his profession and yes I am a geek and proud.
Meanwhile in kinky land, some people find being a nice guy a contradiction to being dominant. For me, dominance doesn't mean you have to be nasty – it’s not a role, I don’t pretend or take on roles for scenes – I’m simply me, a natural dominant in and outside of kink.
I am what I would define as ‘sexual sadist’ so this means I get off on the reactions of my playmates. This means my limits change from partner to partner – her limits become my limits. And yes I do have firm limits but to date, the ones that I thought I had, have shifted in my need to please.
The difference to me between a sadist and a sexual sadist is thus:
• A sexual sadist gets off on the dynamic, the reactions, and humiliation etc.
• A sadist gets off on the pain, the marks, the blood the mutilation.
I have come to realise that this is a sliding scale; I’m a 80:20 sexual sadist: sadist. I do get off on the pain and marks. But more importantly, my ‘nice guy element’ would never let that happen without the play mates’ enjoyment – her limits are my limits.
So what does this mean in terms of play? Well, I like to find her curiosities, her loves and needs and then help her to explore them to ‘her limits.’ I think that 99% of the fun to be had is in the last 1% of our limits; like an adrenaline sport and as time goes on, these limits move but it’s at her pace not mine.
I find different play partners require different levels and it’s the reaction I crave not the level of play. I think a good and safe dom should be easily adaptable which I like to think I am.
I believe strongly in safe words, which is why I have two.
• Yellow – you need a break, you’re at your limit.
• Red – you are past your limit.
I like to play back and forth from yellow but never red.
If she calls red I have failed.
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