she adores her Master...

 because he understands my heart. This past Tuesday, he gave me the most beautiful gift ever, ever in a thousand years: he played and sang for me the song by Neil Young, "Birds." He did so because he understands, so beautifully, what it means to me.

 I believe with all my heart that the spirit of my late Sir has handed me over into my new Master's care. ~grateful beyond words~ I thought I could make it on my own...I fought my submissiveness, embraced aloneness. Because of a formerly abusive relationship, I believed I was ruined. Obedience was a natural joy, but it had led me over time to the brink of suicide and despair...so any idea of submitting again on that level or anything close, ever again, terrified me.

 Only a very special Man could even begin to have the patience, skill, or desire to coax someone like me back into life...and so, Sir, she needs to thank you here for all that you are to her. Always, she hopes to bring you happiness. She is truly yours.

the bed was a twin;

boxes were stacked against the window, to keep out the light.

 What furniture there was, was threadbare. He had given everything he had to those he loved. Of most value to him, there in that little apartment, were his books. During the hours he'd be at work, and I'd be alone there, I'd choose from the titles on his shelf, and read. I even took notes, sometimes. I wanted to understand the things he loved.

There was a small table with two chairs, next to his kitchen. (you can transform everything and anything with the light of one candle. *smiles*) He would speak the Hebrew prayers for the blessing of bread, or wine, there at that table...so very beautiful.

He tied me, because he didn't want me to leave.

I hadn't wanted to go. Was happy he took the decision out of my hands.

That small apartment was my home. I still return to it, in memory.

yesterday evening, my son and I were Christmas-shopping. In a bookstore, I privately noted (with some mirth) that I barely know who Lady Gaga is, and though I see their names everywhere, I really have no idea who the K. Kardashians are...nor Katy Perry (though I just followed a link here to a youtube video of her singing, with fireworks coming out her tatas! *knows  it was supposed to be inspiring, but it made me giggle, yet was disturbingly reminescent of Donnie Darko...* (see? not entirely removed, smiles)

I'm not as removed from pop culture as I was during the years I was in an abusive relationship (am slowly catching up on some things), but I think I could still pass for Amish.

she wishes all of her fellow-slave/submissive friends a warm and happy holiday! thank you all for encouraging her, and for your friendship.

today she delves into places she has, heretofore, studiously avoided.

I have meant to add that while I appreciate any polite message here, it's my desire to be obedient to my Master's protective order, that I not respond to  comments from other dominants without his permission.

Master always has a way of setting my uncertainties to rest...

I wish to add something I've noticed, and will never take for granted: the very first way he does this (calming my uncertainties) is by...


    allowing me space...

           never dismissing what I feel,

                      never forcing me to conceal or deny thoughts or emotions.




The reassurance I feel when understood in such a manner, by a man who is man enough not to be threatened by a woman's emotions, is especially sweet...making me treasure my collar, rather than chafe at any sort of restriction. *smiles gratefully*

sometimes this all feels wrong and foreign.