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My main passion in life is swing dancing. If we dance, I will twirl you, dip you, toss you about and leave you breathless.
But only if you know what you're doing. Dancing is a collaboration, and when someone doesn't know their part, the best you can get is a couple of spins and a lot of trying to keep from breaking her arm when she doesn't have enough sense to let go her vice like grip on a turn.
I see S&M in a similar way. It is a collaboration. A poor dancer doesn't do anything you want her to, a fair dancer gives you what you ask for, and a great dancer constantly surprises you while always staying within the framework you create.
I have had one master/slave relationship which lasted several years. It was not planned as such, we simply met, felt an attraction and had sex. But when I tried to push her boundaries I found her boudaries were much more elastic than any girl I'd known before. She and I just happened to have complimentary fantasies. If only it were always so easy, there would be no sites like collarme.com.
S&M is fun, but like any hobby, it should be kept in perspective. I think some people get a little too obsessed, approaching the master/slave thing the way some people approach the Star Wars thing; wearing funny costumes, choosing a peculiar decor and building their entire social circle out of people of a similar mind (I choose the Star Wars analogy because I once went to a meeting of The Eulenspiegel Society and those people seemed like the same sort of people who become Trekkies or join the Society for Creative Anachronisms).
So, you're looking for what you're looking for, and if it's an analytical sadist, then read what I'm looking for. If you think you can satisfy me, I'll consider whether I want you to.
First off, you have to be cute. For me, cute means you can
pass for under 30, even if you're 45, your hips are wider than your midsection (in terms of weight I would go for someone no heavier than
America Ferrera (a.k.a. Ugly Betty), and you have a nice nose (not
hooked, not huge, not bumpy). It doesn't matter what crazy things you'll do in bed if I don't want to see you naked.
In terms of personality, it depends if we are talking about crazy meaningless sex or a relationship. I am open to either (a relationship is the ultimate goal but it will happen when it happens). If it's just sex, personality doesn't matter much, as long as you're not psychotic and don't smoke (at least not around me). If it's more than that, be smart, be politically progressive (no Libertarians, no Republicans, no conspiracy nuts of the left or right - our government did not blow up the World Trade Center) and have a good sense of humor. And don't be crazy: Don't be suicidal, don't have spent years on anti-depressants, don't engage in self mutilation, don't be bipolar, don't have an eating disorder, don't abuse substances.
In terms of sex, I like causing pain and humiliation. It doesn't matter how much pain you can take, all that matters is that I can do something that makes you go "ouch" and that this turns you on. My slave had a very low pain threshold - a clothespin on a nipple was way too much for her and the only whipping she could stand was from a licorish whip - but she had a good attitude and was willing to try anything twice. I actually think enthusiasm is probably the most important thing in sex, actually; my last girlfriend was as vanilla as they come but she was decidely enthusiastic about sex.
My goal with sex is to determine what you think you can take and then give you slightly more than that; I wouldn't be much of a sadist if I didn't push things.
I expect to be obeyed and satisfied, but I don't play mind games or act like an asshole (which my former slave tells me she comes across constantly), and I don't want a relationship where the master/slave dynamic interferes with being able to have a normal conversation (i.e. you can't refuse me sexually but you can disagree with me on the merits of a movie).
In terms of general interests, I love partner dancing (swing is my best dance, followed by Brazilian samba. I'm just learning Argentine Tango and blues dancing). I like pop culture: I watch a fair amount of TV and play a lot of video games (I write about them for a living). I'm a cat person. I write and sing humorous songs. I don't care for dogs or babies.
One last thing. I have no interest in any connection that doesn't move with reasonable haste to a face to face meeting. I do not live any of my life online. I do not have online friends, I do not have cyber sex. I have an old-fashioned belief in human contact.
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Reading the forums here is interesting, but points up a problem for me with this site; people are way more serious about this stuff than I am.
I had a friend years ago who got a dominant boyfriend and started hanging out with the folks at the Eulenspiegel Society. She even did a presentation on spanking once, which I sadly missed. But she began to complain that the people there were too all-consumed with the lifestyle, rather than just doing it for fun. After a few months she dropped the society and the boyfriend.
I went to a Eulenspiegel Society meeting years later and saw what she meant. The people there were the same sort who become Trekkies or join the Society for Creative Anachronisms; obsessive geeks. To me it seemed really unsexy; aging, dumpy computer programmers who decided instead of buying a jedi costume they would build a dungeon.
I like geeky people, I have friends in the SCA and I guess I've seen most episodes of the first couple of Star Trek series. But I have no interest in creating a fantasy lifestyle; I have no plans to take up jousting, learn Klingon or get involved in a Gorean relationship.
I just want a kinky, submissive girlfriend who wants to have some fun. Are there any of those out there?
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From looking at some of the subs' journals, a common complaint is that guys write, "you're hot, message me!" or something, which does not impress them. Apparently women get crazy numbers of responses, so you need to stand out a bit.
So I try and tailor my response to the sub's, and you know, some of these girls really don't give me anything to work with. If you want more than, "you're hot, message me," you need to write something more than a bare bones description of yourself.
At any rate, I've decided to assume that anyone who doesn't say anything interesting about themselves in their listing probably has nothing interesting to say in real life. So I'll just leave those girls alone.
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I wonder, should someone sexually dominant try and appear generally dominating on a personals site? My guess is yes, but I don't much feel like trying; sales has never been my thing. I'm not tough, tatooed and macho, I'm just a vaguely bohemian New York writer, ambling through life, who happens to like to hear girls cry "owwwwwww!" But you never know if you're going to find someone who is looking for just what you have to offer. In my case, a non-threatening sadist, a laid back dom, a guy whose entire set of bondage gear comes down to one set of handcuffs. We'll see.
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| Age: 50 |
| Austin,
Texas |
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