Qey'lya Tai-Rashmelar Khinsharri
Or "q" for short.
One of the people on one of the groups I belong to stated that she didn't know q. And my first reaction was pity. I actually pitied this person for not having known the wonderful person who was q.
q was a switch so many people knew her as "Q" rather than "q". But I owned her for more than six years. So I'm going to use the little q for her in this writing because that's what I used for her when I owned her. And that's how I remember her.
Describing q is difficult. How many ways are there to say wonderful?
I have two children. When q became my slave she took on the role of their step-mother. I've said several times that q was the only "mom" my kids ever had because their mother certainly isn't a mom.
I personally don't think that single dads have as much trouble finding a woman who is willing to be a step-mom as single moms do finding a step-dad. But q really did a wonderful job. And the next slave I had after her really made me appreciate q.
Yeah, I had my issues with her parenting style. I reminded q several times that I was her master, and the kid's father, and we'll raise them my way or she'll butt out.
That was one of the conditions that she had put on our relationship right from the beginning. She knew she was a switch and that her Domme side would show itself, and when it did I was to jerk her sharply into line. And when she said "sharply" she meant it. I had trouble living up to her definition of "sharply." She's the only sub I've ever owned that I had to wonder if she was too much for me to handle.
I've said several things about her sarcastic wit. I should probably tell the rest of the story. q was the one who helped my daughter deal with her first period because I didn't choose very wisely when I chose a mother for my children. I was able to describe the mechanics of it, but it takes a woman to understand the feelings. And q was there when my daughter needed a mom.
q was the one who taught my children an appreciation of art. q was a professional grade make-up artist. She did make-up work for Star Trek conventions. She didn't see making me a Klingon as challenging enough because I have a natural vertical brow ridge. So she made me up as a Borg (which was my preference anyway.) That costume was impressive.
She drew, painted, and sculpted, and had an extremely fine talent for the culinary arts.
She helped my son and daughter both, with school projects. And the best Halloween costumes they ever had were the ones she created from scratch.
In a world of irresponsible parenting, where people can't even be bothered to take care of their own children half the time, she stepped up to the plate and accepted responsibility for caring for two children who weren't even her own as though they were.
In the end she was too much for me. And that's what broke up our relationship. I just didn't have it in me to do consensual non-consent the way she wanted me to. I let her push me away when she wanted me to push back and take her down. About the only way I ever lived up to her definition of sharply jerking her into line was in relation to my kids.
I don't claim innocence in the breakup. It was at least half my fault. Among other things I broke a promise. I promised her that I would jerk her sharply into line when her Domme side came out and then I wasn't able (or possibly wasn't willing?) to live up to that promise when it came down to the nitty gritty of it. That may not sound like a big deal to some but breaking a promise is a betrayal of trust. So it is a big deal. And that was a major promise in the relationship so failing to keep it was a major betrayal.
During the time after our breakup I said some things to her that I've regretted since then. Because she had asked to be released, I no longer had control over her sarcasm, and I had always felt she used it too liberally with the kids. So when I found out that she was still seeing the kids after the breakup I went off. And I said some things I probably shouldn't have.
I really didn't care about what she said about me. I probably deserved most of the things she said about me.
But when I thought about her sarcastic wit being applied to my kids without me there to temper it the Papa-Bear came out in me and I said some things I shouldn't have.
In reality her sarcastic wit was what made her human. To be human is to be imperfect. So if there hadn't been some slight imperfection in her then she wouldn't have been human. But she was human. q was one of the finest humans I've ever known.
And now I'll never have the opportunity to tell her how much I regret saying those things. I'll never have the opportunity to tell her how much I appreciate all that she did for my kids.
The wonderful woman who was q died at 8:30pm on Monday, February 7, 2011.
q
July 19, 1974 to February 7, 2011
A beloved slave, switch, step-mom, sister, and friend left this world, and left a hole in the hearts of everyone who knew her.
She will be missed.
Lev.
And again I find myself slapping my forhead in frustration. 