to those that  find pleasure in causing others emotional distress.  Or worse threats to their lives.   Hear me when i say should you be found out i will remove your skin  in one inch squares   while you watch. starting with your toes. and I have studied enough to know i can keep you alive for over a week while you scream in agony.  DO NOT  FUCK With Mine.  DO not attempt to grow a set of balls and attack a defenseless woman. because you will learn very quickly I am neither defenseless Or am i forgiving.  Nor am I weak. I have no pitty for the predator. I will take said predator apart limb from limb and watch him or her grovel beg plead and  pray for death. and Maybe i will allow it to happen.   You know who i speak of.  do not let me find you!!!!

edits this because evidently some people are freaking paranoid.  IF YOU have the  intestinal fortitude to attack My FRIENDS with threatening  and evil emails this is for you.  Anyone else  just know I protect my family!!!!!.

tonight was a long time coming.  Nothing better then being able to clear up the issues and past stuff is now buried in the past.. I look forward to the coming  days. As of now the world looks like a bright version of itself once again.  Sweet dreams and  wonderful sleep to those I care about and everyone else stay away from my Family!!! this Means My Sir and my sister submissive under His guidance.. You will not like me angry if you mess with them My Domme Side will stomp a mud hole in your ass and walk it dry!!!!!!.  grins happily as i think dinner will stay down  BOUNCY BOUNCY!!!!

venom and vice rage and  averice.  interesting indeed.  the goddess tests me   pushes me makes me think and reexamine many of my thought processes and desires.  there is strength in submission. there is a knowing in submission that  even if you call somone Master you are still a person that can stand on your own feet.

and yet in that submission  even the most  loving of women can at times lose sight of a few things.

 the poor poor tree.  I beat it till my arm hurt.  and yet the tree had done me no harm.   some days the Domme inside demands her day.  I fogot what happens anytime i loose control of that dark inner beast. forgive me my sins  forgive me my errors forgive me  my  rage.  for i never want to feel that way again.

 i find myself unable to eat ..  and  wanting to crawl in a hole and stay there. Yet crawling in a hole is cowardice,  maybe inthe morning  things will look better. but untill my pennance is paid my heart bleeds.  my soul screams and my head says go beg  forgivness upon the rounds of your knees.  make it right. But even if you want more then anything in the world to make it right  it is ultimately His final word.

 I sit here after finally gettting my computer back up and running.  yes trying to access sites with a phone that is retarded is  nearly impossible.  

I lost my temper. utterly blew it  this is not becomming in any submissive and in that any punishement that comes my way i will accept with poise and tears.

I have found i have some serious issues with many aspects of my own inner demons.  at times i  am called a pitbull or gaurd dog. So quick to protect those i care about that sometimes the protection is  to much.  I tend to be so worried that there is pain in  Other people's future., that i am compelled to  either stop it lessen it now or  cause those i love the most to push me away far far away.

 In that, i must improve, to allow others to fall  on their noses and try and help them pick up the peices not try and keep them from the pain of the fall but. more  be that hand that says hey man i might be a bit of a bitch but are you ok?

 this tends to be the curse of a pices.  You want to avoid the pain so you set the walls in place to  lock yourself inside. then you think ok going to try to step out of the protective  panic room. When you do this  you find yourself attempting to put other people  in that bubble of protection.  For that i will apologize. i will bust my ass to try and change that aspect of my nature.

 the roller coaster that is life has no interesting moments if you  climb on wrapped in bubble wrap, helmet, shoulder, knee, wrist guards,  and safety glasses.  

 Maybe i should try and jump off that cliff trusting in the chute of His control and not worry about the lack of a safety net.  Moreso, stop trying to give those i care about the net without first asking if they really want it. 

gotta  love BDSM quizes lol  gotta find something entertaining to do when one cannot sleep

You Scored as Pleasure and pain

You love sadomasochism! Whether beating someone, being beaten, being punished, squeezed, pinched, whatever, it turns you on. The sweat, the leather, the pain, you can't get enough.

 you ever have one of those days when you seem to be unable to focus to find a direction or even a start point to that  path of  travel. when your emotions are up down sideways backwards  and all you wanna do is scream and weep and cry and  beg someone to find the right direction for you or at least the steps in teh right directions.

 There is no place worse then a place of uncertianty.  when you  cant see the forest for the trees.  I need a large body of water to  just sit and listen to it speak.  the kiss of the air as it dances over the rippled surface. the breathing of the water as it dances upon the shore lovers caress stroking and retreating over and over till you can only hear the heartbeat of the water as it  flows endlessly onwards to its destinations.

 the forever cycle that seems to have no begining and no end and yet its finite. 

you have the bath tub the shower the flow of water directed by man into a path iof mans choosing.

i need something more something delicate yet  daming. Soft and yet the power burns across the land  etching the surface in rivers lakes and channels.  Water flows and yet it can knock  trees and mountians to their feet before its power.

soft and yet powerful grounded and yet flowing.

i find myself  eyes closed trying to hear its call to hear its kiss on the night.  the sound of thetrees soon soon they will again speak my name in  care and warning.  but untill then  i must straighten my path to find the  one less traveled that suits only me.  as long as that path does nto interfeer with those that i must for it is the way of it.  and makes the world seem right  directs. or  guides to that path.

had a great fourth of july spent it with friends and those i care about deeply.  as My family had other plans.   Funny  I arrive home to find interesting bits of imformation typed out in a formal letter.

that which does not kill us makes us stronger. that  which hurts the most, makes life the most entertianing.  I never said Entertaining had to be a good thing.

Life never a dull moment.  Just sometimes I wish the edge of the razor was not quite so sharp.. 

 I put my faith in the  Ones that i know I can lean on  and myself.  and My stars and moon and the  gods and goddesses.

 Love is a wonderful thing as even inthe darkest of moment sof  your life look for that light  it will be there.

A little Silliness from one that often forgets that silly is ok.

Ode to the empty cup

There once was a cup of coffee a wonderful lovely cup it was hot and sweet and creamy and tasted of peppermint. Though I loved my cup and cherished it and cared for it and savored every morsel of that lovely nectar of the gods. Alas it ran empty. Oh No the empty cup it looks so forlorn glaring at me with its bold whiteness. Screaming at me for demolishing the beauty of the cup. I dream of its taste its flavor and OH there is the pot. Now my cup is again full to again redeem my desires till again it runs empty!!!

There are many conversations one can have in his or her life.  Funny, that we forget then once hanging up the phone. What was said how was it worded what did they mean.  And yet there are those conversations that make you sit and   wonder and thing and pondering  way of life.  The neon sign will be put away.   Those that already have my regard  will continue to  be in my heart and mind yet I will  draw the line on how I do and what I do for those that  are not within my very innermost circle.  This is for my own health and well being.  I have given my word  to one that I will do my best to do this.   And I don’t break my word to those that receive it.  today was an interesting day  as always introspection is my  way of  learning more of myself. To think to know to understand what makes me who I am.  I know I am submissive . I know also that i have this need to make everyone happy. But as I was told there has to be a line drawn somewhere and now I draw it.  I serve one. Not the entire world.  And will do my best to work on this  inner demon that  blasts at my  mind  they need you. no they need something I cannot give them.  so I have to understand that I cant and when I can.  I pray to the gods and Goddesses  for assistance with this place of knowledge to give me the strength  and fortitude to stand by it and  take care of me more.

simple joys simple pleaures.  the art of   moving beyond the here and now and  into the  tomorrows to get past sorrow and suffering and move into the   pleasure and joys of each day.

yes i think i am rambling but that is ok. as  thre is a sort of pleasure in just putting a strange series of words together to get a  feeling a picture drawn that is abstract in its  meaning.

sleep is a glorious strange double edged sword. sometimes you just feel like you could sleep for an entire year. and others like the world might get away if you close your eyes for just a minute.

dreams of tomorrow that dance like  stars onteh veleveteen  blackness of the night sky to tease and torment one with glimpes of that wich may be or may not be.

To care for a Dom One day I was perusing the net . I was looking at profiles a plenty I found one that claimed he was nto Mater because he had nto earned that title I found this intruging I sent him a message He responded. Wasn’t I surprised. I am no thin Miss I have disabilities. I am not 20 years old I am scarred. But He asked me to coffee. And we went . the place was closed that day. So We went to Lowes. The most incredibly fun time was had. It was not about the sex or the hook up. I felt a connection a deep kinship with a fellow Pagan. The hours spent wandering spending no money just talking. Made me feel alive. I knew I could serve him. I knew damn well I could trust him. But it was NSA. NSA NSA NSA Did I want to risk that, Did I want to play with a Man that was Poly? Did I dare care to try? I decided what could it hurt. SO we set dates and played. At first it was just fun, a dance, a lark. Here was this handsome man wanting to TIE me up. That cared how I felt, That showed his joy, pleasure, anger, disappointment His sadistic glee, It was like fresh air. His smile makes me feel like singing. His upset hurts deep in my bones. It does not matter what caused the emotion. I want to fix it, stop it, make it all better. The more time I spend with him, The More I know my gut was right. To often, submissives think it’s all about him or her. They forget that it is all about the Sir. Yes, I have needs, wants desires, cares, concerns. Yet my needs are met. My cares talked through my concerns are discussed, My wants and desires, well……. His to decide when to address. I care for this man, as Dom, as a Friend. This is not an easy choice. One day it will probably hurt from my hair to my toes. what is life without the colors of the rainbow. When you make him smile and the sky is brilliantly blue even on a stormy day. That you feel like that kid dancing in the rain. You remember the sensation. Like ice and fire flickering across your skin. Crystals dancing on your eyelashes,. The sun bursting through clouds with the radiance of the heavens. kissing the ground if you stood in one of those beams, you would be granted the secrets of the universe for a split second. So you race, heart hammering, Between the cold of the falling rain, to the brilliance of the sun, hoping to get that glimpse. Your antics bring that smile. That draws forth the deep joy in your soul. You know in that minute the heavens are just that, heavenly obscure. But the brilliant of his Smile his joy burn you with a fire that rivals the sun Fire that does not hurt but drives you harder wilder. Fire that makes you need to see another smile. Fire that makes your dreams become how to keep him happy. One frown one growl one sign of his displeasure,. And your world becomes like an arctic tundra in the middle of winter. The air you pull in burns your lungs. Your body wants to shiver and pull into itself. Like a fragile tree broken in the wind. Yet, the punishment passes, you are forgiven of the trespass, And the world turns itself from the cold dead of winter, with the icy talons of the specter of agony retreat into the shadows chased there by the brilliance of his smile. This my friends is the feelings of a woman that Cares for a Dom as a friend, as a Dom, as a Confidant, and a Playmate.

ever sit starig at a clock wondering the time moved so slow or is it just the anticpation  of spending time with that special one to  know you are going tobe able to make them smile.   that makes the minutes seem like hours and hours like days.   the time creeps by as if held by some invisible weight building that anticipation till you want to scream.

i know that time does not move slowly, and often it seems to move to fast.  If i could  as Jim Croce stated hold time in a bottle.  I would hold every minute I had with HIm within a bottle of clear glass  so i might  relive those minutes with  happiness..  though memories  are made with every heartbeat spent in Service.

and trying to relive moments past always seems to cheapen them.  enjoy every day live it till  that life is no more.. and then think about the past days that  burn your very psychy with delight and joy!.

and i am being a marshmallow again so with that  I close for today with a bounce in my step and joy in my soul.

 i was reminded again how short life can be and how short a time we can have on this planet this night.   I know that  life cycles never really end but some days its really hard to  help a friend through the  looming possibility  no fact of death that lurks at her  door step that makes sleeping  hard. that makes being happy hard. 

When you spend hours talk ing to someone youwant to just wave a wand and make the pain all go away.  but it does not work that way.  Pain is a part of life.  and  tonight  i  am reminded in the very necessity to grab hold of each and every day with great joy and live it to the best of your ability because  your tomorrows may just stop when you close your eyes.

after  reading some profiles and journals and other things recently it occurs to m e that a good number of Submissives dont get what it is to be submissive.

so I decided to state a few things.

1. you  have a fire in your soul to please your Sir or Ma'am.  this is a burning desire  this does not mean your a moron that forgets you have a brain or common sense.. It means you love to  please your one.

2. as a submissive you dont go around telling your top what to do or finding ways to toss ultimatiums at them to get your way.  They are the one in charge and you are to make them happy.

 PASSIVE AGGRESSION IS Defiantely NOT a proper behaviour for a submissive.

3. Now being submissive does not mean doormat.  this means that if something makes you  nervous uncomfortable or just down right repulsive you dicuss it with your top and Rationally decide if this is a limit.  Or maybe its something that needs to be worked on.

4. You do Not ever Feel the right to Try and Change your top to fit your wants and needs.  YOU SERVE Them not them SERVE You.

5. ouch, dammit, m f'er, are Not safe words.

6. if Your top  states he is  one way your duty is to accept him or her that way and if you cant MOVE ON o not attempt to impune their  position by trying to  force them to your will.

7. ANYTHING YOU DO REFLECTS on your Sir or Maam. This means acting like an ass in public, acting like a slut, or whore, or claiming you are subbmissive to get kinky sex.   these are all not acceptable behaviours  Unless Your top wants to pimp you out and well then  have more fun with it.

8. at the end of the day you claim a role within a lifestyle.  your role is to be ever pleasing every mindful and ever vigilant to make your Sir  or Ma'am Happy.

9. If when you are corrected for  displeasing your  Top and there is no remorse  other then Damn i got caught, or any  pain in your very soul or guts.  Maybe you need to rethink your role. 

10, if you think being a submissive  is all about your wants and needs desires and  kinks. THINK again.  being submissive is to please your  one that He or She are the one that make all final descisions. 

I admit i am a submissive at heart I am  most happy when i can serve another to please them make them smile.  the words  I am Pleased are the greatest praise in my life.  the worst  Iam dissapointed in you.  but I am no slave I reserve the right to say No i cant or wont do something.  

The worst punishment a submissive can endure is the  total   removal from a Tops presense.   I often wonder if more submissives would behave better knowing that their Sir or Maam wont spank torture tweak  but to put them in a corner and utterly ignore their very presense for a few hours if  so many would  intentionaly act  up to get the punishment and their Tops full attention.

 enough for now.  those are my 10 simple  comentaryies on what a submissive is.

ioh yes 550 cord comes in Purple thank you Goddess!!!!!   bounces around happy as all get out over something so simple.   i find this is a good day. a great day.  good friends goood food sexy Sir to make grin.  Yep defiantely a good day.!!

time to dance time to sing time to  bounce around.. life is a grand dance with wonderful partners.  One should always remeber to smile to dance even when you think somone will laugh at you.  cause guess what even if they laugh at your silliness you succedded in making them laugh.

today willbe a great day.  and today will allow for new oppertunities to  make one somone smile. so  goal of the day to get  3 smiles out of this  Sir. and  well if i have to act a fool to get that smile   call me jester!

interesting things happen that make you reconsider many of your original thoughts..  It is better to have something great for a short time.  then to never climb out on that branch.   the bird afraid to fly  will never fly.

 It is better to soar. then to stand on the ground wondering what that would feel like.  well I am for one no longer standing onthe ground looking up and saying you know you might fall down.

I want to soar and fly maybe the  landing willbe rocky.  but i can say I flew  have you even tried to fly away in the sky and  get lost in the clouds.

You meet somone and you know the way the world is and yet.  even in knowing this you still  cannot  help but  share everything with them.  knowing no matter what happens in  a few months or  even  a few weeks. if that is all you have live it love it spend every single minute   that  its there cherishing it.

 To live is to love. to Love is to serve that one person so fully  that  even if its for a few weeks.  YOu have lived the truth of love and  submission.  so If you read this and you know who you are.   I could nto sleep till i placed this on my journal.

Your afraid bird that just stepped off the branch.

things that make you go HMMMM

intresting how the chain of events that follow an  event that turn your heart and soul  away from something . even for a time.

that  you would rather stay home alone. Piss off everyone around you because you now carry the fear of what once you found  wonderful. 

 that turns something you were not fond of into something you hate so deeply that you would rather take a punishment then to  follow through.

the newest  part of things that make you go hmmmmmm.  I find myself confrionted with an interesting bit of information.  a Young man told me today that he would love to have a skinny minnie little girl with a bitch attitude. then in the same breath expects her to cook clean and  take care of him.   to me these two states of mind are an oxymoron as one negates the other.

 He then tells me he  maybe should be a chubby chasher at least then he would get decent meals.

 the obscurity of youth and the inability to fully realize all that one wishes on a person may not be found within one person.  very interesting conversation in deed.

 Ok again i have been confronted with the idioscyrancies of humanity.  Since when is it ok to CHEAT on your wife.   tell a girl you are one way you start talking they ask CAN YOU host play time cause well i am married and my wife  is unaware of my activitis.

 Please DO NOT CONTACT ME IF YOU ARE HIDING THIS FROM YOUR SPOUSE. I have no desire to be the dirty little secret to get your  proclivities off without her knowing about it.

 PLease dont tell me you  you are switch and the first thing out of your mouth when you talk to me outside of emails here is WILL YOU DOMME ME.   Sorry i am NOT A DOMME I get  To be a BITCH DOMME when people are STUPID!

 HONESTY  RESPECT  and a just general ability to have Common sense.   All priorities here.

 again things that make you go HMMMM really

things that make you go hmmmmmmmmm.  new thing. the sub has to find a place to play.  why in gods green earth should it be the bottoms responsibility to find a play place.  Makes you wonder if the doms are hiding something dont it.

 another  of those things that make you go hmmmmmmm

 What part of communication and honesty up front do people not understand???

 Seriously I know its the internet and you can be anyone you want to be on the internet.  However, when you start filling out a profile here and you read other peoples Do you NOT THINK the other person MIGHT be  looking for a REAL PERSON.

I admit I am a Large woman. And I am Finding i find myself beautiful as I am if I want to loose weight its cause I want to not to conform to some IMAGE someone has in their heads about the perfect shapped woman.

But back to this honest thing. Are you not going to realize these people you are talking to are eventually going to want to meet rt if You keep spewing all the things you want to do to them rt.

 DOnt you realize that not telling FOLKS YOu have a wife and family that is all vanilla at home.  So  you hide and sneak around on Collar  me to not get caught  cheating on  your  Wife is CHEATING ON YOUR WIFE.  Or the subby's out ther that are creeping on Collar me oh let me cam when my Vanilla Hubby is not hiome is CHEATING on your HUBBY. 

My profile states I do not want to play second fiddle to another human being again.  THIS IS a hard limit your Married and you start acting like you want to start and continue a deep rt personal commitment with me and I find out your Married.  I am going to blow and I am going to start LISTING names of MEN that cannot even control their own homes.  let alone  be able to take care of a womans emotional needs.

Growls in annoyance at people BE HONEST  Be REAL Or  DO NOT contact me.

Strange as one seeks through millions of possibles. it is the Dom that seems most  reluctant to  offer an in person public meeting for something as simple as coffee.  as I f being seen with a Girl in public would be bad for their image.

 things that make you go HMMMMMMMMMMM

 Today i find Myself curious, Why is it in this world of eassy acess can people not type out their words.

I do not find textese cute, I dont find it sweet, I find it  shows a great lack of intelligence.  The word you is three Letters  How the hell can  it be so hard to type  you not U. or worse the number 2 for the word to or too.

I find myself applaed that grown men and women are Resorting to this language. Why is it easier???   Maybe.  But if youcant take the time to post the entire word to me to get to know me.  What says when i do meet you you wont cut the same corners to get what you want and be done.

use the language you were given to communication.

AND do not send me EMOTES instead of words.   I cant stand this.  I am all for visual communications, but i want to  see your words to see your thoughts and  feelings if You wanna add a Smilie. at the end is fine but dont communicate with me through these annoying little creatures

 its funny my profile specifically states I am not looking for a poly relationship.  and I am also no slave.

 Hoewever i had a women ask me to be part ofher Pimp daddy's  ho crew.  Another that wanted me to  be his girl when he is Married.

I have also stated I will not reloacte. Yet i have gotten peoeple asking me  before even knowing me if I want to relocate

Dominant Men Demand intelligence.  submissive women demand intelligence.

People read your profile and yet they think that what you have written is not the way of the world.

So let me make this clear.  I have no desire to be part of a string. I dont care if you and your wife or husband are in an open relationship. Hey more power to you.  I dont care if you are somones milk cow. pimped Ho,  their potty boi or girl. 

When I am ready to start really looking for a DOM  He will be Single. He will not be married He will not be looking for several girls.  He will not be a woman nor will he expect me to share him with a Wife a current girlfriend a lover.  IF after we are together we want to have a person in for fun with the both of us that is far different.

So those that read my profile. I will be happy to attempt friendship with the aformentioned  poly  couples. but it will go no farther then friendship.  So if you want anything but a possible friendship and you are one of the ones I DO Not want. please skip my profile over.