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Feel so alone...

*sigh*

It's another one of those afternoons. day started off decent, has just totally spiraled into the dumps. You know it doesn't matter how many times I hear it, actions still speak louder than words. When you continually push somebody aside, no matter what the intention, it still hurts, it still cuts to the bone. Eventually ... you move away to avoid the knife.

*sigh* 

Happy Fourth ...

Good Evening!

Two More days ... Just Two More days and sissy gets to spend a whole week with her wonderful owners. YAY!!! To Princess: I know you are doubting my excitement, but I promise, it's there - you'll see.

You are a wonderful Princess ma'am!

Hugs

Your Sissy

Good evening Journal

*sigh* what a week it has been! Some up, a lot down, a bit in the middle. Lets see..where to start ... A week ago I came out to my closest family member. My mom. She took it pretty well actually. Still adjusting but doing okay with it. We went shopping Saturday for some clothing patterns ... was a semi fun day... Picked up 8 patterns. Two Skirts, Night Shirt(s), a Dress, Blouse, a vest, and another that escapes me right now..haha

My *Princess has had a rough couple weeks, pretty much since her sissy went home. A Close family member had some serious health issues, and both *Princess and Master had to go be by their side. It has been a long while since we have had a good chat, and I miss her terribly however I do want to be understanding and not push on her, as there is enough that is weighing on her mind right now. No matter how much I miss her, in the end, her needs are more important than mine.

Ma'am did tell me in her Journal first, then on the phone that she loved her sissy. My heart melted at those words. Honestly I didn't know if I'd ever hear them from her, or anybody else again. I knew she did, sissy could feel it in her touch, her pride in her sissy, but actually hearing it...Well wow. I was shocked. Was at work when she told me, I'm glad I was stopped, cause I just sat there in shock with a big stupid smile on my face...

I lost a good friend this last week. Its been coming for awhile, he wouldn't understand the changes present and future, so it works out I suppose. Still hurts a bit though.

12 days now until Ma'am comes to visit for a Whole Week (unless I sabotage their car hehe) I have so much to do in the mean time, cleaning, organizing, ugh. I am very excited though.

I miss you *Princess, I hope we can get back to somewhat normal communication soon..

Master,  know I have said it before, but ... I am so very very very sorry for the loss of your father. Nothing I can say to ease the pain, or help but ... your sissy is here for you if there is ever anything that I can do ...

I love you both, so very very much. I have not felt this way about somebody, in a very very long time. In fact, there has only ever been one other person that sissy has truly loved. I am so VERY proud to belong to you.

Hello Journal!

Sorry for taking so long to write to you about my wonderful visit with *Princess & Master this last weekend. Spent to long with them, shorted myself on sleep time, before work on Monday. Of all the weeks to have to bust butt...they picked the week which I'm already tired to run me into the ground. haha Still, would not trade one minute of it.

The weekend, well wow where to start. Well lets begin with Saturday. I had to work late friday night, was a very long day, so sissy grabbed a couple hours sleep before I drove the 5.5 hours down to be with *Princess & Master.

Saturday we spent a bit of time together, before going out shopping. Ma'am got her sissies ears pierced. Really this was something that excited sissy, yet she dreaded. Dreaded for a few reasons. Mostly having the actual piercing done. HUGE fear of needles. Yes I know they don't actually use a needle to do it, but ... its still the thought of.. Excited because well it's the first real permanent change that Ma'am has made to her sissy. We also spent a couple of hours shopping for various items including Makeup, holiday cards, and books.

Ma'am bought her sissy some Lipstick, mascara, and two more colors of nail polish. Was very happy to get these items in truth, but especially because I was with Ma'am to get them, even more special that she bought them for her sissy.

Saturday night was a quiet evening doing household things like Laundry, helped Ma'am do a lasagna (which turned out a bit soupy - sorry *Princess) it was probably one of the better lasagna's I've had in a while actually, soupy or not. Haha

We watched a movie together, Victim. All the while sitting with my back against *Princess, and her rubbing sissies hair and head every now and then. It was heavenly!!

When it was bedtime, sissy put on her Pink Nightie, and was chained, to the bed, on the floor of course. Ma'am did snap a few photos, none of which does sissy think she looks good in, but ... that isn't anything new. Haha Being exhausted, it was a deep sleep. Ma'am got up several times during the night and I didnt know any of it. Maybe being exhausted helped, but I'll stick to the story that it was because I was so close and happy to be with my wonderful owner.

Sunday, Ma'am had sissy dress in her striped panties, complete with panty liner as *Princess started her monthly saturday evening. We spent the morning and early afternoon at the local flea market wondering around. Ma'am bought sissy the most wonderful Collar. Yes its a dog Choker collar, and yes its padlocked on. No I do not have the key. *Princess did try and send it home with me, however, now she knows that the collar is on, and can't come off, not that I would EVER want it to. I love it. Touch it, rub it, Kiss it several times a day. Ma'am bought the collar and the name tag at the flea market, in a pet booth. Standing in full view she had sissy stand so she could put the collar in place. There were a few looks, and a couple of comments, but who cares really? It makes sissy proud to have it on ... I love it. When we got home, sissy gave ma'am a nice long footrub with a bit of foot worship too. Ma'am has wonderful feet. Now normally I'm not a feet kind of gurl, but ... they are *Princess's feet...they are special. They deserve worship, and knowing that she enjoyed the rub and worship as much as she did, it left sissy very excited and with a large wetspot, thank heavens for the pad!!

Ma'am also gave sissy a goodnight kiss too. This is somethign that was quite...surprising for sissy. Have always been taught that was a no no ... but none the less it is what she wants, and it was very nice.

I have been close to people in the past, have been hurt by people that I'm close to in the past as well. Sissy loves her *Princess. Probably more than she has anybody in who knows how long... there are only one or two people who sissy has loved more...  I Hope that ma'am knows this. I'm sure she does. I trust her with my Life, My Safety, my Sanity, and am opening up and trusting her with my heart too. It isn't easy however.

Ma'am, I love you so very very much. I cannot wait to be under the same roof full time - weekend visits will have to suffice for now. Thank you for such a wonderful weekend, and being such a great owner. You really did spoil your sissy this last weekend, spending the time with you was devine!!

Hugs, Cuddles, Kisses.

Good morning everybody!

My owner posted a Journal Last night, I was already in bed, like a good girl, and didn't read it until this morning. What a thing to wake up to I must say!

This is from her Journal:

"I have been asked by a few people to elaborate more on what I meant by 'my sissy needs some Ma'am time'. What can I say? My sissy is such a wonderful slave. Although he lives 5 hrs away, he lives as much 24/7 as he can without being in my home.   
 
When he comes to visit soon he will be allowed time alone with me. I will pamper him and help his reality to become a true sissy come more to fruition. I have worked slowly with him, and this visit will be a 'girl's weekend'. I think I'll even have his ears pierced!~"

Ma'am tells me how wonderful I am, thou I don't see it. She has also said how blessed she is to have me, and again, I think its the other way around. I am the lucky one to have such a wonderful owner. There are many many subs & slaves searching to belong, and there are very very many owners that well, quite honestly shouldn't be. Then there are the ones playing games, the users, the abusers. I am so very very lucky to find one who Cares about me, respects me, and actually gives a crap if her slave is happy. Ma'am is the greatest as far as I'm concerned.

Can't wait until ma'am relocates - sissy offered to go to her, but there are reasons why she wants to come to her sissy. =)

On a side note, started taking some Herbal Hormone supplements. I know, it's not the real deal, but sissy will start seeing a dr later this summer and start the long path towards, the ultimate goal of surgery and permanent change. Change for the better!

Forgot to add, I am VERY looking forward to getting to spend the weekend with Ma'am. Even if its just doing her nails, and other household duties, will be glad just to get to spend the time with her, and Master too!

Ever have one of those days? I seem to be having one of those months. Every step I take seems to be a wrong one, the hole that I'm in just keeps getting deeper and deeper and the light at the end of the tunnel, well It's probably a train.

I tried to talk with Ma'am today about what was going on, but it didnt go so well. She got frustrated and I was dismissed. She did promise to call me later and we'd talk about it but, that didn't happen. Master said she got a bad headache. I hope not! Two nights I have waited up for her, with no avail. Maybe tomorrow we'll get to talk a bit. Time to go lay in the dark for awhile. 22 minutes till its tomorrow ... maybe it'll work out different.

Hugs to you all.

Hello again Journal!

What a few days it has been! I finally got my truck out of the shop, so I could go back to work (it was down for 6 or 7 weeks while the engine was replaced). While that was a nightmare, and a expense that I'd rather not have endured, in the end, it was a learning experience and taught me qlot.

Okay enough with the boring stuff...onto the...more interesting items!

My load this week took me through to see Ma'am and Master again. Hooray! This might not seem like a big deal to you, but to me it is. I love every minute that I get to spend with them. I could spend a week, and I'd want another day, hour, or even minute. In fact today, I had to be told to get ready to leave, and almost drug out the door..haha

Last night Ma'am, for the first time, had me chained spread eagle in their archway. Now I have been tied in different positions before, but this was a first for standing, and for chains. Ma'am was very sweet, and very caring. she wanted to take her time and introduce her sissy to new things. Being blindfolded and chained, Ma'am used several different things on her sissy. Some were quite new, others not so much, but all were enjoyed.
I couldn't tell you how long I was chained, as focusing on what she was doing makes the passage of time, speed up or slow down, don't know which..haha

Afterwords Ma'am spent a bit of time on the computer, and I was allowed to cuddle up against her legs for awhile. I am very much a girl when it comes to cuddling. Always have been. When Ma'am decided to goto bed, to prove her point to her sissy that she is owned, loved, and wanted, and that was NOT going to change, she chained her sissy to the bed. Now that was a first for me, and well, what a feeling it is. Some of you probably know what I'm talking about, but wow, I hated that this morning that it came off. =(

I can't wait till I get to spend some real time serving them, when work doesn't interfere. Although Ma'am did like the breakfast that I cooked for her this morning, at least until her medicine kicked in, and she got sick. =(

Goodnight Journal! Until next time...

Hello again Journal,

This time sissy is writing in the morning. Well the best laid plans, intended to write the journal last night but before sissy knew it, it was her bed time. That is alright because it gives sissy a bit more to share.

This sissy has been having a hard time sleeping through the whole night. Not really sure what the cause of that is but, all she can do is to deal with it. Sometimes, it is a nice time to reflect on things. Such as the case last night.

The first time that sissy was with Ma'am & Master, of course Ma'am did a pretty thorough look over of her new property and Ma'am commented how nice sissies breasts were. Now, that might not be a big deal for most, but that was the first time that anybody had ever compliment sissy about her breasts. You see they have been developing for a long time now, and when sissy was younger that made her a target for teasing, harassment and such. So hearing such nice words, well sissy didn't know what to say she tried to smile back but honestly was stunned to hear Ma'am compliment her in such a way. My Point? Well as sissy did finally fall back asleep, she had her hand cupping one of her breasts (it makes sissy feel closer to Ma'am when she isn't around) she kept hearing Ma'am say those nice things.

Ma'ams sissy has been working hard to drop some weight. It's working, slowly but it is working. Sissy has also been working very hard at not biting her nails, though the last couple of days she has bitten them a couple times. There are some personal issues that have cropped up, and are backing sissy into a corner (that might be the cause of sissy not sleeping well).

As usual, ma'am has been WONDERFUL about everything. She told me yesterday that she wished I was there said she wanted to squeeze me to death. Don't know what happened, but sissy loves hugs and cuddling! Sounded like heaven to me. Ma'am said she was in a devilish mood, we discussed sissy making some bondage items for Ma'am & Master. I welcome the opportunity to put my craft to use for her. Even though more than likely sissy will end up being the victim of the furniture, frequently I hope!

Just before sissy got up this morning, she was laying in bed, and saw her reflection in the headboard mirror. Well part of her reflection actually. Ma'am has sissy sleep in a latex (sissy just LOVES latex, would be covered head to foot everyday if she could) pink Nightie, so as sissy was laying there she saw her reflection in the mirror. The smaller belly, the breasts pushing up, the cleavage showing, it was a very arousing sight for sissy. Hopefully Ma'am will begin sissy on the road to larger breasts soon. Sissy can't wait... She was hoping for a large pair but Ma'am only wants a large C.. as Long as Ma'am is happy sissy will be too.

Sissy has also been looking at piercings the last few days among other things. First the piercings. Ma'am told her sissy that she was going to give her some piercings. Both ears and her navel. Ma'am didnt say anything about nipple piercings but sissy hopes them too. Anyhow sissy has been looking for a girlie style of navel jewelry. There  are so many to choose from. I am sure that Ma'am will make a lovely choice.

That's about all for now Journal, off to have a good day.

Hugs!

sissy

Hello again Journal,

Once again its been a few days, and Ma'am was quite clear that her sissy needs to better at writing in her journal!

The last four days have been a real emotional rollercoaster for sissy. Friday was a very bad day. Woke up depressed, too many ghosts in the closet had escaped while sissy slept I suppose. But Ma'am was wonderful. She counseled her sissy on the phone, via messages, and even a chat program. All that while there were things going on for her that were also important. She told me on the phone that she felt as if she'd been neglecting, but from my eyes, she has been anything but! Compared to things in the past, and people in the past, having a shoulder and a steady hand that is right there is a real first for sissy. It's a wonderful thing to know that sissy isn't standing alone facing the big bad world. With some time, those ghosts will become fewer and quieter.

Saturday and Sunday were uneventful days, although contact with Ma'am was frequent and wonderful! Talking with Ma'am ALWAYS does positive things for sissy.

Monday, well monday was another pretty good day. Got to spend over a hour on the phone with Ma'am while she worked at doing hers and Masters Laundry. Sissy did feel guilty that she wasn't the one doing it. When the time comes, sissy will be.

Ma'am also created a new profile for her, she is searching for a female slave. While Ma'am is very excited at the prospect sissy is a little nervous. That being said, sissy cares enough for Ma'am, to trust her. She did explain to sissy what role she will play in all this. Sissy feared a replacement or something along those lines, but Ma'am explained that wasn't the case. It'll simply be a sister to share Ma'am and the household responsibilities. Sissy does worry about stacking up next to a true female slave, after all sissy is not one, sadly.

Alright sissy has vented enough, time to hit the hay, goodnight all.

Hello again Journal,

What a nice couple of days it has been. Ma'am has called her sissy several times in the last two days. It is always such a wonderful thing to hear her voice on the phone. I hope that doesnt sound wrong. She has such a sweet voice that makes sissies insides just sort of soften and melt away.

Ma'am has had a rough few days, and has been fighting some health issues. :-( through all of that she has been nothing but sweet to her sissy. I am PROUD to say that I belong to her and to Master Bill too! I do not believe that two better owners could be found.

sissy has been working VERY hard at not biting her nails this week. Ma'ams sissy has even redone the polish on her fingers as well as her toe nails. Now the polish matches her nightie. Good girls are supposed to match right?

Sitting down to pee is now a habbit I am proud to say. No longer does sissy have to think about doing it.

Hugs!

Hello again journal,

So very much to share with you this time! Not very sure where to begin. So excited!

Breathe... Alright so for my job, I travel. Usually back and forth to Florida. This time my travels took me through my owners neck of the woods, and I had time to stop! While it could have been much longer, heck I wouldn't have minded if I never got to leave honestly. However it was great the time that I was able to spend with them.

Okay this was the first time that I've gotten to actually spend with them. We were able to meet and have dinner at a restaurant a couple weeks ago, but that is different. Sissy was VERY nervous. Probably shouldn't have been, because both Ma'am and Master have been nothing but great to sissy. Very caring and understanding. In fact sissy was given lines a few weeks back, I am not a bother to Ma'am. She cares and respects me. :) A lot of the nervousness was from just not knowing. While this was a very relaxed visit (Ma'ams phrase not mine) sissy has been told that from now on it'll be much more strict.

There were some mistakes on sissies part. Things that sissy knows better than to do, but all sissy can say is she was nervous. Ma'am was very understanding and was nice enough to forgive the mistakes. Thank you Ma'am.

*Princess also took time to paint her sissies nails. Pink on the toes, clear on the hands. Sissy loves it. Ma'am said to leave it on until it comes off on its own, however sissy would like to maintain the color. Sissy will be asking Ma'am when next we talk.

The house rules will take some learning, as will learning what is expected of sissy. These too are things to be discussed before the next visit (which can't be soon enough)

Sissy will be ordering her new maid uniform before the end of the month, as well as four more bra's and new panties too. Ma'am is searching for something that sissy can wear at night on the road, the nightie that she has now is a bit much if a emergency should arise on the road (too long to change). Ma'am picked a lovely style bra for her sissy, and the maid uniform is one of sissies favorites too. Oh almost forgot, the collar that *Princess and Master picked out for sissy awesome too. Hope it can be ordered very soon! The collar that was used during this visit, well honestly, sissy had forgotten the joy of the feeling of the collar being on. More than once sissy got excited over finally having a collar on again and had to stop and think about something else.

It has been a very long day, and sissy is tired so she's going to bed. Have a wonderful night journal, and sweet dreams!

Hello Journal,

*Princess has told sissy to make daily journal entries. Today is thursday, 1/12/12. It's been a rather full day for sissy. She received direction this morning from *Princess regarding dress, masturbation, exercise, and of course journal entries.

Today was spent dealing with matters of the state, liscence plates and what not for sissies new job that starts tomorrow. It will be great to get back to work and to have money again. There are so many things that sissy needs. Clothes, shoes, and the like.

Write more tomorrow.

yours,

sissy

Ahhh such a wonderful day!! Hope everyone had as good of a day ... a special hello to Master Bill & *Princess!

No matter, we begin again. 

Hope everybody has a good thanksgiving, and gets to spend it serving, or being served!

This slave will have to settle for a quiet day alone.