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Tigersangel
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***Collared***
Looking to make friends with slaves and subs.
My Master is looking for a sister slave for me. If you are interested in knowing more about him contact me.
He does have a profile here on CM.
I am only allowed to speak to other DOM's as friends after consulting my Master. Any who cross the line will be blocked.
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One of the things that I enjoy doing is perusing the various journals here, I find them at times to be quite thought provoking and one this morning that I read had a statement that gave me pause and is the source for this particular entry. He stated something along the lines of If submission is a gift, what is Dominance, a duty?, and went off on that venue. It made me think and I thought I might put my thoughts to paper and share them. <br><br>
Yes, I believe strongly that submission is a gift, it takes a strong person to be able to willingly give themselves so completely and without concealing their nature for one reason, but submission being a gift is such for many other reasons as well. One the same hand, Dominance is a gift as well. Just because someone gives you their gift of submission doesn't make you obligated to be dominant with them. To be somone's Dominant takes a great deal of responsibility not only for their physical being but for their psychological well being as well. <br><br>
I think why so many spout off that submission is a gift and its not mentioned about dominance being a gift as well, is that there are so many that abuse things on both sides. Submissives use the 'its a gift' as a way to get away from what the real issue at hand is, instead of fousing on why they are shying away from a person they jump to 'submission is a gift' to not have to otherwise confront what is causing them to stall their submission.<br><br>
I have also seen many dominant's defending various submissives by stating that key phrase and if you take all things in perspective you will notice that many times they are quite subtly manipulating a specific reaction in that sub. Often times making teh sub doubt themselves and taking the dominant on a different perspective as if saying to themselves, "wow, he must -get it- if He said that, my heebee jeebee's i am feeling from him cant be right, my personal radar must be off". Its actually a pretty successful ply for many, but not for all.<br><br>
In conclusion, BOTH dominance and submission is a gift to another person, don't use key phrases to cheapen either role or manipulate the other person. Turn-key-phrases are just that, and they became turn-key-phrases simply from overuse and often times misuse.
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As some know from my last journal entry, I have been fighting a demon of a virus but I am finally over the worst of it I think. I now need to get back on track, go back to my writing and reading and studying so that my next training session wont be one of frustration and disappointment from m'Master in me not having learned what I was supposed to. <br><br>
He was understanding this week, though, checked in with me to see how I was each day, didn't make me feel guilty for not being able to come over Saturday for my session and supported me in the fact that with how sick I had been I just needed to rest. <br><br>
So with that said, I will start back on my journal-ing here with a bit more regularity like I had been before. I hope everyone is having a good holiday season :)
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i hate being sick... been sick all week.. it bites
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just found out I didnt get the one job I was really wanting... but.. at least I have the job I got currently.. so not all is horrible I guess
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I had a wonderful thanksgiving and it got better when Master called me just to touch base with me about how the day went and let me know He was thinking of me. I had texted him earlier but had not wanted to saturate him with multiple texts or phone calls knowing He was spending the day with others and family. <br>
Its nice to feel cared for, its nice to know when things are going haywire or I am stressed I can reach out to Him and He will be there, every single time, regardless of what the issue is He has at the very least talked me through it and calmed me.<br>
It never ceases to amaze me though with how many so called Masters think its all about the scene and sex.... Perhaps when they actually realize its about a emotional bond and includes all facets of life, for both of them, they will be more successful then constantly posting about being disappointed or changing their profile to a new sub ever few days/weeks.<br>
I am still the luckiest around I feel... not only because of my day to day life, but my training and the people involved with both.
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-=face-palms and breathes=-<br>
okay, seriously folks? I try to be respectful to everyone, not only in my journals, but in any correspondence, even if they cross the line or expect me to bypass m'Masters rules about His consent. I try to give the benefit of the doubt to all at first... but seriously?<br>
1... If your profile shows a pic of a male, and yet you are listed as a female submissive... ummm.. yeah.. <br>
2... If you have never spoken to me in any way ... do not add me to your friends list, I -will- decline the add.<br>
3... If you are seeking Dominant females ... hello, I am a slave, I am property of Master Turyaraver, and trust me when I say I am -NOT- a Dominant. I am sure He would be happy to educate anyone that thinks different or attempts to change that in me.<br>
4... If you dont even live in my state or bordering state... trust me when I say there is a high likelihood that you would think I was wasting your time because no, I will not relocate, and hello... see number three.. I am owned.<br?
5... No, I am sorry, I will not send you any pictures, give you my yim, msn, or number.<br>
6... Just because I wont fawn over you, cyber instantly, or cowtoe to the wishes of a complete stranger it does not make me a fake.<br>
7... Spell check works peeps, if You cant take a minute to spell check your profile, journals, etc... how do you truly expect anyone to take you seriously, So many claim to be ever so intelligent and yet cant even use proper spelling, something that is rather easily fixed thanks to spell check. Using u for you... r for are.. etc.... well thats just lazy and obviously if you cant be bothered with properly expressing yourself with actual words, why would -any- submissive or slave believe you would take the time to ensure safety and welfare during and after sessions?<br>
*now for those handful that actually respect that*<br>
1... I love talking with others in this lifestyle, gender and status really doesn't matter, if You are Dominant, know that I will seek permission from m'Master to communicate and get to know you or shift to yim or msn.<br>
2... Feel free to ask me anything and I will always do my best to answer.<br>
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Last
night's training session had both good and bad parts to it. At one
point I literally broke down, I think it could have been avoided had
there not been miscommunication involved in the interpretation in some
thing, but I lost it and just started to cry. Where many Dominants
would have just continued on, m'Master paused, making me look him in
the eye and then let me know it was alright. Reassuring me and
wrapping his arms around me for a moment. It took me a bit to cycle
down from that though. See, I felt I let Him down and it destroyed me
inside, when I hadn't let him down at all. But that feeling, the pain
I felt was like a knife that was white hot slowly snaking into my heart
and gut. I guess in retrospect its not a bad thing to feel as
intensely as I did, maybe it even more solidifies just how deep my
slave heart runs within me, but it was still hard for me and I still
feel rather off center because it takes a lot for me to break down like
that. I am not one that cries easily so to break down as strongly as I
did, yeah, definitely yanked me off a even keel emotionally that will
take me a day or so to re-center myself more then likely.<br><br>
Later
last night I was then blindfolded, leather restrains in place on my
wrists and ankles and I was secured to a cross for the first time.
Different weights and strengths of strokes of floggers and other
implements caressing my back, shoulders, thighs, ass, and yet He never
once went over that threshold line. I didn't have to pause the
session, and when He saw me reacting intensely to something in pain, He
would always take the time to have me give him a pain level between
1-10 to find out just where I was at. I don't seem to mark, at all,
and yet I don't have the typical tough skin that those that don't mark
generally have, my skin is baby soft, so its rather a conundrum for
someone trying to at least leave a welt or mark on me. One might show
for a moment, maybe two, but then it fades instantly. Though the cane
managed to leave a single diagonal mark on the back of my thigh, yet to
leave such a mark it was at a level 9 for me. Secretly though, in all
honesty, I love the fact that I -DO- have a mark left. I was then
turned, and my front was worked over. I am so highly sensitive on my
breasts that they can't take much force or weight in implements.
Highly hyper sensitive breasts and nipples, another weirdness to me I
suppose. But then, I am highly responsive in general to the slightest
of stimuli and I guess that is a good thing.<br><br>
We then
went to bed, the blindfold was removed, the restraints were unhooked
and then taken off. The moment they were off I missed the feel of them
coiled around my wrists and ankles. I suppose its not that odd that I
feel so secure while in them. But then too, I like being secured even
symbolically like with the leather cuffs even if not attached to
anything. It gives me a sense of security, kinda like if I am nestled
in a caccoon, strange yes? |
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Its been a crazy and rough week for me. With company visiting its been nearly impossible for me to have any alone time/quiet time and for someone like me I have found that is really important. It gives my brain a chance to cycle down, for me to relax and for me to actually concentrate on assignments that I am given. Instead I have been constantly on the run playing tour guide and other things and I felt myself spiraling. m'Master saw that too and even though He has been insanely busy this week between His work and home, He managed to reach out at least once a day just to let me know He was thinking of me and to see how I was.<br><br>
Yesterday I got some free time as another took the guest out all day to the local tourist areas and the difference in what I accomplished was astounding and I think my other half was shocked, I got some cleaning done alone with finishing a book and writing a book report on it and all it took was to give me some solitary time. <br><br>
I know some would find that strange, they want to be around someone else constantly... and dont get me wrong.. I cant stand being alone emotionally... but I do need some alone time physically.I guess the good thing is that I, not only recognize that need, but acknowledge it and let those within my life and m'Master know that.<br><br>
well thats all for now, I have a job interview in a couple hours, have a good day Everyone.
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going into my session last night, I was nervous again, I wonder if that will ever go away or if I will always be nervous before a training session, never knowing quite what is planned or will be going on. In some ways its nerve racking and a trigger for me, but in other ways, more then the bad, its good, I shouldnt know what is going on, I trust Him and know I will never be harmed or in danger, and even though I have some experience and a lot of knowledge in some ways about all this, I am a novice and know nothing. Its a strange mix, its exciting, thrilling, nerve racking, and it literally makes my soul simply sing. <br><br>
Last night I had to do more things I am not used to or all that comfortable with, like just entering His house without Him opening the door, that had me all twisted inside with my nerves, odd probably, but that is me. I am finding that even though I am shy and its hard for me, I am still able to follow instructions and I try not to even hesitate. <br><br>
I am learning so much, protocols, mannerisms, posture and poise. The training isnt all sexual, in fact its very structured around the complete package of slavery and not just focused on the sexual aspects which is the most amazing thing. Yet, there is never a question in my mind about obeying or not. Learning how to ask for things properly, learning that I have no privacy anymore and asking for everything from getting a drink to using the bathroom, its everything and I only hope to keep learning.<br><br>
Correction is swift and yet not overboard, a gentle correction is sometimes all that is needed, I always feared correction due to things I have so often heard about the slightest error being met with maximum discipline, but I know now that it isnt always the case.<br><br>
A fantastic dinner, a great learning time on different protocols and such, sitting next to Him and watching a sci fi movie and then a bit more training -too shy to mention exactly what.. lol.. - Learning different commandsand how to respond to them... simply a great night... thanks m'Master.
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-just a few thoughts on a chilly early morning-
<br><br>I have to seriously wonder sometimes when I browse the journals and profiles of this site; How is it that people expect another to take them seriously when their posts or profiles are filled with typos and spelling issues. Is it really that difficult to spend a few moments to proofread what hundreds may read? Do you really think someone will take you seriously as a Dominant if you don't even have the patience to ensure your writings are properly written? Do slaves and subs really expect a dominant to take them seriously if they cant take a moment to present themselves properly in their writing by ensuring its actually spell-checked? <br><br>
Many might ask, "why would she even care what others present themselves as?", and I would simply respond to them that it matters. It matters because people tend to paint a whole group with a broad brush. A large percentage don't seem to care, therefore, none of them care. I can't speak for the Dominants here, and I wouldn't even attempt to, but what I can do is ask the slaves and subs here to take a moment. See what you are doing and how you are portraying yourself, not only in your profiles but your journals.<br><br>
Think about things for a moment and realize that if you have a journal that is full of typos, rants, whining, and generally displeasing attitude, how can you really expect a Dominant to take you seriously. If you cant take a moment to check over your words, whats to make a Dominant think you would spend the few moments it might take to check your duties to Him or Her to be sure its done properly.<br><br>
-anyway, just a random thought for the day-
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Yesterday was a lot of fun.. I ended up swinging over to m'Masters house for a few hours just to see him -its so great to see him even if only for a few moments anytime- He knows I have been a bit stressed lately and it was just a great relaxing time talking with Him and the 'banana' -a girl that was there who is absolutely adorable btw-<br><br>
we all just talked and laughed and even hopped around playing DDR for a few minutes and laughed some more.... and yet.... even in such a relaxed situation... I still felt under His ownership... awesome feeling let me tell you....
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I feel rather emotionally raw right now, so intense has the changes been in so short of time its been rather mind bending. Yet, He could sense that and called me, not only last night, but then this morning to talk and now I am feeling better. Not so much like I am standing on a precipice of a cliff ready to go flying off into nothingness. <br><br>
Its strange, in a way, I am noticing changes in little things in my everyday life and I guess it all just hit me at once when I realized it. Like making sure I looked nice when going out, even if it was just to run to the store or something, making sure I had a touch of makeup on, making sure when I did one of my chores, that instead of doing just the bare minimum I went all the way to make sure it was completely perfectly. Just... all the little details in dress and appearance and attitude that has already shown a change. <br><br>
He is so perceptive though, its like He knows I am on shaky ground, or rattled about something. Its not just about the physical with Him, like so many other Dominants tend to focus on, with Him its actual changes, its demeanor and poise and everyday attitude and actions... but still enveloping my personality so I am still .. well... me.<br><br>
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What would you be willing to do to find and become that person that lives within the darkest part of your soul?<br><br>
What do you really wish to be as a whole?<br><br>
Do you really want to conceal Your true nature and hide behind the societal structures of equality instead of embracing who and what you truly are?<br><br>
-just a few questions I have asked myself over the last few weeks.... I got my answers.... do You?-
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Last night was simply incredible to put it in simple terms.<br><br>
I was so nervous I was shaking, my legs I didnt think could actually stay up in the heels I was wearing... but kudos for me... I didnt toss my cookies or anything which I was rather surprised and glad with how nervous I was.. <br><br>
I was absolutely stunned at what was before me, and all that happened. A incredible dinner was set out and then the ceremony started... and to say it was... wow.. would be a understatement...<br><br>
The symbolism involved in the different parts of it were breathtaking...it literally was life affirming and intense not only on my part but the depth of emotions involved with m'Master as well was... I cant really cant describe it properly...<br><br>
At one point though, I will admit I did cry.. I completely emotionally surrendered before m'Master and The other Master that was present...To know that this is for eternity, no matter what happens, whether I go through training further, go to another Dominant or whatever lies ahead, to know I am in a family for life ....there is no words for that... there is no way for me to describe that. <br><br>
contracts were signed not only by me, but by m'Master and sealed ... The complete ceremony took several hours I think, but time was suspended for me in that moment, and I dont think I will ever forget this night... for as long as I live this night will be forever etched within my mind.
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Tonights the big night.... oh god am I nervous!!!!<br><br>
It helped yesterday just swinging by to say hello and give Him a hug though.... strange I know... but from the moment this journey has started He has been right there, either through the computer, text, phone, or in person.<br><br>
So many thing being Dominant and a Master and a Daddy is just in the bedroom, or in the scene... but He really "gets it"...<br><br>
I am the luckiest lil girl around -blushes-
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Due to some outside stressors I was really tense and feeling like I was teetering on a tight rope, and yet, He was there. Letting me know it was alright, letting me know I wasnt alone during the last couple days when I felt like I was going to implode with the stress.<br><br>
Such a amazing Man.<br><br>
On a side note... I find it funny that being a friend to someone instantly can make them -think- I will run off and meet them. Note to those of this inaccurate belief. I have no restrictions from talking to anyone, but that in NO WAY indicates I am anything less then loyal and devoted to m'Master. I will remain respectful in talking to anyone, male or female, but being respectful does not in anyway mean I am interested in anything more then friendship.
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I am trying not to let my nerves get the better of me as Saturday looms ahead... A mix of emotions, excitement, nerves all colliding as one can be overwhelming.<br><br>
Yet, He understands and is there, guiding me and helping me to realize that its normal and okay to feel such things, that my fear of being a disappointment only confirms further what it is that I truly am deep within.<br><br>
A friend of mine says that already I simply seem to glow, if I glow now, I can't even imagine what the future holds, is it even possible to be happier then I am right now? I wonder.<br><br>
A note to those that message me. I am more then happy to speak to anyone, but please bear in mind that just because I might have a different view point as You, it doesnt mean that either view point is wrong. I also will not 'hide' things from m'Master or speak behind His back. He is not only kept aware of ALL my communications, but I would willingly show Him such communications. Asking me to conceal the fact I am speaking to You will instantly get You familar with the blocking feature. Such has not yet happened since I have been accepted by m'Master for training, but forewarned is forearmed, All I ask is respect be maintained where my ownership is concerned. Thank you
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spent Halloween at Masters house, it was simple incredible in so many ways.
He truly is able to see the person that is hidden within me. To comprehend what it is that i crave to let out and be revealed by serving.
The depth of comprehension in what makes a slave feel, think, act, and react the way they do is simply wonderful. There is a freedom in being within such hands at kneeling at His feet. To know He truly understands and doesnt control with fear or use threats to do so like so many do. Being a Master isnt about fear. Though I fear i will be displeasing and mess up, and I am sure i will at times, but I have no doubt either that He will correct me in the way He feels is best and i will learn not to mess up in that way again.
I am so thrilled and happy right now!
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I really do not intend to be disrespectful, I try to at least acknowledge any letters that I get, even the nasty ones, but I would stress that
1... No, I wont send you my picture
2... No, I will not cyber with you
3... No, I wont "talk to you in secret, He doesnt have to know.. wink wink"
4... No, I will not run out and have a rockin' evening with you in the sack
I seriously have to ask those that have done the afore mentioned list one thing. How could you ever really trust and respect someone that was in your collar if you met them under the circumstances of going behind someones back.
Trust and honesty is a key issue in this lifestlye... Why dont some people just 'get it'
I am so very grateful that I have met Master Turyaraver when I did, before finding myself disillusioned and overwhelmed with the message attacks of the posers.
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| Age: 27 |
| Amsterdam,
Netherlands |
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