kristyBL

I cannot be a slave, I cannot give up my right to be loved. I've changed my status to submissive. I'm sorry Master. I wish I could be what you want and need.

When does knowledge become wisdom? When does infatuation become love?

What is wrong with liking a whip? What is wrong with needing communication, honest and open? When does asking become punishable? Why does she want this? Why can she just not be normal and happy?

Master is only human too. This slave looks up to Him so much, she often forgets this. . .

This girl is only human. She tries so hard, and still fails. She is sent on her own way. She hurts so much. Not the hurt of a whip, it's the hurt of grief. The death of her hopes that someday she might be pleasing. She knows not what to do. She weeps alone.

Master took this slave back into his good graces but not without punishment that left her a crying, blubbering mass of flesh tied up because for the life of her she could not remain in place when it hurt so badly. My respect to any slave who can. It was the first real punishment that she has ever felt. She is deeply bruised from the cane and has welts from both the cane and the tightly knotted and braided flogger. Sitting this week at work will remind her to always obey. Thank you Master for not giving up on this slave.

I drive hundreds of miles today to speak with he who was my Master. I am nervous and scared and quite sad. I love him so much even still and I wanted to make him so happy, but I cannot seem to do it. I know where I went wrong, but it is impossible for me to do anything else. A slave, property yes, but also human with human needs...

I want to say so many things.

But none of them matter in the end.

What matters is people.

Because our time here is short.

And I refuse to regret anymore.

Master has ended our relationship because this girl is not a slave. Apparently desiring to be loved adds conditions which makes her service worthless. It is probably just as well it ended now. She is free. Great. She needed this like she needs a hole in the head. She doesn't understand. She tried hard to be everything Master wanted, further, she loved him. Why does she ever get her hopes up, ever?

4/1/12

This slave received her first steel-boned corset a few days ago. In her impatience she tightened it too tightly and popped a steel bone through the raw silk. She was able to hand sew it as it tore on a seam, but still. She was disappointed in both the garment and herself. She just wants a tiny waist so badly. She wants Master too look at her and greatly WANT to use her. To be turned on by his slave. To be pleased by his slave. . . Everything she reads says waist training must go slowly. Fine. Is there anyone out there who has any tips on it? Especially for a thicker girl? Besides the obvious loose weight?

This girl cannot sleep. She is very tired. It is late but all she can think about is the bite and burn of Master's whip tomorrow. She is so excited, apprehensive, happy, self-conscious, and overflowing with anxiety. She wants so badly to please Master. She hopes she will suffer well for Him. She hopes her cries are music for Him and that her tears are water to a parched and thirsty mouth.

Misses Master terribly....

A slave will soon wear a silver anklet that she picked out in place of her collar while she is at work. The anklet has two simple charms on a braided chain. The first charm is a diamond flower. She chose the flower charm to indicate a slave should always be growing. The second charm is a smooth heart. On the heart front is engraved the single word, "slave." On the back of the heart are the words, "A Chosen Life." This slave asked for these words to be engraved because it is where her heart is. She is Master's slave; mind, body and heart. Further, it is the place she has chosen to be, it is the life she has freely chosen of her own will, to give up all of her rights to Master. This slave is yours Master, for as long as You will keep her, obedient out of love, honoring You because it is Your place, and thankful that the Universe has brought Master to this slave.

A slave has added two new pictures to her profile. One of her steel collared neck, and the second a discipline in learning to speak according to the will of her Master. The writing is 200 lines of "There is no "I," in slave."

Master wishes that a slave refer to herself in third person always. A girl is learning to do so but finds it difficult and often slips up and says "I." She is embarrassed when she does because she knows it would embarrass Master should they be in public together when this happens. A slave works diligently to please her Master and to learn and grow in order that she can become the best slave and woman that Master is guiding her to be.

Thank you Master for your care, concern, and discipline. A slave is most grateful.

This day was better though most of it was spent in meetings. I got very little done. Hopefully tomorrow will be a day to get things accomplished. I was thankful to Master and had hoped to hear from him this evening already, but I do know he is working very hard and so I will try not to be overly needy. I did not do so well on my diet today. There was a pizza party at work and despite my best efforts to control myself a girl ate three small squares. Further on the way home, this slave stopped to get her medicine and impulse bought two hostess cupcakes and to make matters even worse finished the night with taco bell for dinner. She feels terrible for failing so miserably. Stupid cupcakes and stupid pizza, stupid girl! She needs more discipline. Perhaps tomorrow Master will have me fast to make up for it, or sometime this week. A girl can only hope.  Below is my calorie intake for the day.

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Today was not a good day at work. My friends or well who I thought were friends, aren't. I messed up a report and got yelled at and I spent too much money on car repairs. I was ungrateful and miserable most of the day. I'm sorry Master. My food journal is as follows:

Today was a good day at work. I had a great meeting with my Boss, I've almost completed my second large project and all day I was so thankful Master let me have the privilege of the toilet instead of a diaper at work. I am so thankful to have such a kind Master. This girl came home and kissed the floor because it is her chosen place and then bound herself in hobbles tightly. She cannot step more then the length of her own foot with each step. It feels so good to be bound. I cannot wait for a corset. I think about it day and night. How wonderful it will be to be tight laced. I wonder how Master will want to mold me, how extreme it will be and how much it will hurt and ache. My back aches now from the hobbles and I am so thankful for it. Below is my food journal for the day. Dinner is approximate, I do not know if I will eat all of that or not.

Today was a good day Master. You let me stay up past my bedtime to talk more with you. I love hearing your voice. It's like a silky caress that makes me quiver inside, but also that reassures me. I hope I have pleased you today, I tried very hard to. It's well past my bedtime though, and I am sleepy. Good night Master.

This afternoon without thinking I went potty without asking Master. I was preoccupied cleaning the house and wasn't thinking and I just went. It's difficult to remember to ask for the things most people take for granted, but that is no excuse. Master is busy and I texted him to tell him of my transgression. I was doing so well today too, I feel like I have let him down.

In an attempt to make myself more mindful of what I am, I tied rope around my waist and then more rope around my thighs just above the knees. I pulled the ropes on each leg tightly together, knotting it then the long ends went up to the makeshift belt and are secured there to keep the ropes on my thighs from sliding down when I walk. Its very difficult to walk, and the ropes are cutting into my legs. My back is aching and I am happy to remember I am an owned girl. I shall finish cleaning my house like this, and wait for Master to text me.

Formerly known as samanthaforu, I have changed my name as requested.