Took a baby step today..  I bought Lingerie.  Sounds ridiculous, I know, but..  it was kind of big for me..  Started like this- I've been wanting to explore the idea of going to munches or events.  As I looked in my closet, I realized, jeez, I really dress like a soccer mom..  I didn't see anything that I would feel comfortable wearing to a munch..  Nooo, I wasn't thinking about wearing all latex or leather or whatever, but I wanted something that might make me feel a little more comfortable in the setting..  ;-)  I walked past the adult store in town (even that was a baby step), but didn't go in...  (woosie little sub, I know).  I had to stop at the thrift store to look for a costume for a play I'm in and found myself searching out -- yup-- intimate apparel.  I looked longingly at the few corsets they had there- even tried to try them on, but-- hey, I'm not a 32"or 36"  bust.  Sigh.  Strike one.  I found some kickass stiletto heels that I tried on, but I'll need to work up to 4" platforms.  My travels took me to 3 different consignment/thrift stores, and at the last one I found this sexy chemise- red satin with black lace overlay.. hugs my curves,  Makes me feel verrryyyy  sexy..  Been wearing it around the house, and look forward to wearing it out in public, under the soccer mom clothes.. for now..    Baby steps

I first came across this monologue when I was about 12.  It moved me so, I memorized it and repeat it for years.  As I grew older, I knew it was ridiculous to view this as a modern creedo, yet...  Often, I revisit it.  This past week, I think of it a lot..  Replace the word Master for Husband..  Enjoy

Thy husband is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper,

Thy head, thy sovereign; one that cares for thee

And for thy maintenance; commits his body

To painful labor both by sea and land,

To watch the night in storms, the day in cold,

Whilst thou li'st warm at home, secure and safe;

And craves no other tribute at thy hands

But love, fair looks, and true obedience--

Too little payment for so great a debt.

Such duty as the subject owes the prince,

Even such a woman oweth to her husband;

And when she is froward, peevish, sullen, sour,

And not obedient to his honest will,

What is she but a foul contending rebel

And graceless traitor to her loving lord?

I am ashamed that women are so simple

To offer war where they should kneel for peace,

Or seek for rule, supremacy, and sway,

When they are bound to serve, love, and obey.

Why are our bodies soft and weak and smooth,

Unapt to toil and trouble in the world,

But that our soft conditions and our hearts

Should well agree with our external parts?

Come, come, you froward and unable worms

My mind hath been as big as one of yours,

My heart as great, my reason haply more,

To bandy word for word and frown for frown.

But now I see our lances are but straws,

Our strength as weak, our weakness past compare,

That seeming to be most which we indeed least are.

Then vail your stomachs, for it is no boot,

And place your hands below your husband's foot,

In token of which duty, if he please,

My hand is ready, may it do him ease.

Sensation--  We have five senses, constantly aching to be stimulated.  Within my life, I've identified several very worthy activities to stimulate those senses.  I'm still working on a couple, but here's what I have come up with.. 

The Sense Of Sight- my photography-- When I look through the lens of my camera, I can capture (sometimes) a moment in time.  I search out the most meaningful shots--  mostly nature; a leaf, a stone, the surf, a bird in flight.  My Sense of Sight is fulfilled.. 

Sense of Sound- my music, whether listening or performing, the right piece, the right song fills my soul with intense joy, or sadness, or love.  Music fulfills my Sense of Sound.

Sense of Taste-  The Perfectly cooked piece of meat on the grill, with a marinade of olive oil, sun dried tomatoes, onions and garlic, juices seared inside, ready to burst with flavor at the first bite, or the smell of apple crisp baking on a chilly October night, cinnamon swirling in the cool air as it bakes, steaming and bubbling out of the oven..  Food fulfills my Sense of Smell.

And my newest sensory stimulation- My Sense of Touch..  The warm leather upon my skin, coming into contact with a gentle thump, reminding my skin that attention to stimulation is vital to stimulation of the whole self.  Reminding me that I am alive, and lucky to be in a position to feel pain, rather than be in an oblivion where there is no feeling.  Lucky to feel the sting of the crop or whip, aching to know when I will feel it again. 

From a firend:  Best song title from Burning Man- "'Faster' or 'Harder' Do Not Make for Good Safewords"  lol!

I am very much touched at the welcoming reception I have received.  As someone new to this, I am very grateful for all the advice and support I've received.  Thank you all very much.  For the first time in a very long time, I am able to talk about something that I've been long denied.  This new chapter in my life is very exciting and look forward ot my future Adventures!