Kindandcruel

I find it interesting that so many women here get upset if you send a short message, yet if you take the time to compose and write a very well thought message which might take up to an hour or more... They don't have the courtesy to bother even a thank you or reply.

This is indicative of the state of those they claim to be submissive or slaves that they cannot even have the courtesy to reply to somebody who takes the time and thought in order to make a serious offer.

Whereas these same women end up with some moron that doesn't have a clue on how to care for a slave or submissive let alone treat one... And in the girl goes crying and whining about not being able to find a decent master.

Finally getting out of Winnemucca... I am so tired of the dirt, the dust, the arsenic in the water and people with an IQ of 10... not to mention the illegal aliens that steal you blind and then get free medical (for minor colds and crap) at the hospital that everybody else ends up paying for.

We are a world of One

We are individuals, fathers, mothers, children? we seen only one thing and that is to do what is right by our families, and to live a good life our self. Yet because of the culture and society that we live in individually civilization over the last 100 years has been less than responsible for it?s own innate maturity and inner growth. We have focused upon the personal gain growing a base of power and control scrambling to enrich ourselves? from the person that cleans the office building at night, to the scientist that discovers new compounds, to the engineer that designs new hardware.

In all of this, we as a civilization have dumped chemicals, sewage, and our waste into the waters and the oceans of our home. We mistakenly always thought that because of the vastness of the oceans, we could get away with it and cause no harm. Yet after a hundred of years of massive dumping, we have finally starting to notice that we have been causing massive damage to the Oceans.

There are massive areas of virtually dead ocean where little life and survive, we have created the killer red plankton that eats the very flesh of a living animal or person. In five locations of the ocean there are areas each the size of Australia that are nothing more than Sargasso seas of garbage? stagnant within themselves and death to most living things be it fish, or bird, turtle, or coral.

In the 60?s, in our fanaticism to protect the renewable trees from strip deforestization and paper bags in the grocery store, we heralded the use of plastics as a cheap replacement. Yes, it drastically reduced the use of wood for paper, yet we were irresponsible in that nobody asked the simple question of what happens to all this plastic that never decays? Even today, plastic that is claimed to be recyclable cannot be reused for the original purpose because it melts at to low a temperature to become sterile again. Also there are so many different combinations of polymers that it is easier to just throw away the little plastic bag or bottle than trying to sort through it.

The story is the same with human waste, rather than finding an effective way of neutralizing the raw sewage, we have been dumping it into the ocean with a blind eye. The same with chemicals and other toxic waste. In some countries, this has been addressed, yet overall, little has been accomplished to stop the continued flow of waste that is killing the oceans. I is not only the cities that are dumping it is also the hundreds of thousands of ships, boats, and yachts sailing the sea at any time and any day. In addition to that, these very ships and yachts are a major (and needless) drain of this planets resources.

For example; a medium to small container ship: This is usually measured in pounds of fuel per horsepower per hour. Roughly speaking, 0.25 lbs/hp/hr is considered to be pretty good, and 100,000 hp is a low-side estimate of an average container ship's horsepower. This then works out to 25,000 pounds of marine diesel fuel per hour. Marine diesel weighs about 7lbs/gallon, which gets us about 3600 gallons per burned per hour. Estimating a speed of 30mph. What this means is that for a container ship to travel 30 miles, it'll burn through 3600 gallons, which is the same as burning 120 gallons to go one mile . What most people do not know is this: Container ships don't burn quality marine diesel, they burn bunker fuel which is just a step above asphalt. It is very cheap, literally pennies per gallon but very dirty, usually vented or exhausted under the ship ??so we don't see the pollutants destroying our environment and the Ocean?

If we are to halt the very destruction of the biological mechanism that produces food for us to eat, oxygen for us to breath and the conversion from carbon dioxide to oxygen (effectively curtailing the CO2 buildup creating the Global warming effect), then somebody needs to actively bring to the worlds eye, exactly what is happening. More so than that, we need to show the shipping and mega-yacht industry that by using new and more advanced technology to power ships we reduce the immediate drain of resources while at the same time we reduce a substantial amount of Ocean pollution. This is just one step in taking responsibility and taking positive action.

Because of the Laws and controls by the US Government in how a not-for-profit tax exempt legal entity can function; as soon as we start going to any state or Country in getting legislation or regulation that is Ocean positive? we loose our status and the attorney General can technically come in and take total control. Therefore since the education and encouragement of healthy Ocean policy is important; we will not be seeking an American Tax exempt status. Yet in order to pursue this honorable goal of removing the trash from the Oceans, of reducing the sources of input of trash, and working on ways to clean up the mess our civilization has created.

You want to stop Global warming, then fix the mechinism that converts carbon dioxide into breathable oxygen and gets rid of the green house gasses... help bring the Ocean back to working order and good health.
 

http://green-island-project.net

Can you handle the truth?

http://video.google.com/googleplayer.swf?docId=7757684583209015812&hl=en

Do you have any clue as to how much damage we have caused the Oceans? and worse still, are you aware that it is the alge and plankton in the ocean that converts the majority of carbon dioxide into breathable oxygen? And how the damage we caused has created thousands of square miles of dead ocean killing all of the alge and plankton? Just think about it!

http://www.algalita.org/pelagic_plastic_mov

Try this on for size...:
 
CLEAN UP THE OCEAN = FIXING THE OCEANIC ALGAE THAT CONVERTS CARBON DIOXIDE INTO OXYGEN = FIXES THE NATURALLY OCCURING GLOBAL WARMING ISSUE.

Because of myopic environmentalist saving the planet from cutting down trees (which grow back by the way) by using plastic bags instead, we (actually, "they..." meaning by their more laws and more government controls) have created a huge mass of floating plastic (that kills everything and will never go away or decompose) twice the size of Texas in 5 different Oceans around the world.

I am working as a project manager on a project that in part, will design processes and systems in order to "attempt" to start cleaning this mess they (the environmentilist) directly caused. If you would like to do something intelligent and actually helpful in getting our Planet back into better health then please support this Project.

http://greenislandproject.wordpress.com/

http://green-Island-Project

Had a good training session last night. Slaves behavior has been getting erratic with some resistive attitudes coming up. Walked into the room and grabbed her by the hair and dragged her into he front room where I sat her down... sometimes I like to use dramatics for affect. I brought up some issues that were concerning me about her behavior and attitude for which I probed deep into her emotions and mind about. Once I understood what the past issues were I then put her under using hypnosis.

The process I use is different every time depending upon what I an doing and how I want to accomplish that. This time I wanted to take her extremely deep as I was working on an old program that was enter into her when she was younger... programs are behaviors and reactions we hold deep within our pseudo-mind (no it is not the sub-conscious) taught or implemented upon a reaction to events, dysfunctional attitudes around us, society, or actual teachings by school, parents, or peers.

In this case I showed her the event, showed her the program, and then had her remove the program bit by bit... this actually took several hours of work, but on the most part it was successful.

This morning, her attitude is now very service oriented, her mind is free of the conflict that was being created, and she if a lot happier.

Within the time through my mid-30s I found that two prominent parts of my life had always been in conflict.  That was sexuality and spirituality.  Of course a large part of that was because of the dogma of organized religion, which I have since thrown off the yolk of repression.

Then in my 40s these two areas began merging into one and continues to do so as time progresses.  I believe it was more related to the spiritual path I have been upon there for any other specific reason. What fascinates me the most is the full circle my life has taken.  I started out in my use on the path of a dominant and trained by a Chinese master in Singapore and an Indian master in Malaysia.

Of course back then, BDSM was not really known as such.  That is why I can say that I learned the reality of this way of living, rather than this being a lifestyle.  It is also reflective as to why my attitude is not so much as seeing this as play or something that is dabbled with for just purely sexual pleasure.  This is not to say that I am against the enjoyment of purely sexual pleasure because that is an important aspect in part of life within itself.  We do need sexual pleasure or emotional health.

I do believe that women within themselves are exceptionally sexual and that aspect does need to be cultivated and nourished.  At the same time I have also discovered that women need to have boundaries and structure placed upon them in order to negate resistance to the outside world as well as emotional balance.  That is why when I consider a person for a position within my house as a slave, I look for more than just sexual willingness.  In addition to that, and I have spoke about this before, the training that I offer in respect to a new slave coming into my house (regardless of experience level) will deal extensively the issues caused by society and cultural programming. 

For what ever age the person may be if that person has grown up with in a specific culture or country they are indeed program by the belief system, cultural norms, as well as dysfunctions created by that society.  Programming within itself is the same concept as social engineering; programming is perpetuated upon the American people (as well as any culture) by governments, my dysfunctional groups such as feminist or religious zealots, by media and even buy books.  As a person grows up they are inundated my soap operas that teach dysfunctional communication and behavior patterns.  Even when a person is aware that these shows are fiction it matters little because this programming or training by passes the intellectual mind and go straight into the subconscious; which is where we store the information we used to act or react upon any given situation.

When a typical person is programmed within a society, unconsciously they protect that programming and even perpetuate that programming.  Without outside intervention, the person or social group of people associated with that programming are literally unable to identify programming as such and will in fact defend the idea or belief created by that programming.  To take it one step further, people who have been programmed within a culture which consists of just about everybody, perpetuates that programming by my writing stories and books that are fiction or by writing plays, television shows, biased news, and so forth all based upon the dysfunctional programming of the society.  This is not a new phenomena although it is a difficult aspect of psychology to become aware of or even see because of the myopic views of the people involved.

Getting back to my main subject, it is the merging of sensuality, spirituality, sexuality, structure and control that fulfills the need of the slave deep within her psychic.  It takes more than just behavior training to bring this out.  One needs to be aware and find resistance that shows up in many ways as this is a key and clue to a program behavior from the past.  In dealing with that program behavior eradicating it from the slave, slave will find more balance more happiness and emotional stability within the house she is serving. 

Training: an interesting concept and in my personal opinion full of errors and miss-conceptions. From what I have seen by limited association within the so called community is that training is considered to be that you are told what to do and you will learn to do that or you will be punished. This might be something like taking it up the ass or it might be on how to cook his favorite food... Yes technically you are learning and therefore that basically qualifies as training. Yet again, in my opinion, this does not really cover the actual needs of a slave. Many slaves that are somewhat experienced have this kind of training and have learned mostly by trial and error. Many, as I have seen, try to learn online (which is a total joke in itself and I personally see no value in it outside of entertainment, just another online game like HALO or D&D). If that is what you are about, then that is great? just don?t start thinking that because you are a online Master or slave be careful to get sucked into the illusion that this is real or close to real? because it isn?t.

So what is real training? Training: the process of teaching or learning a skill or job. So based upon this standard definition the previous technique I mention above is like OJT for a slave. Yet, to what degree of in-depth understanding does this type of training provide? Well, as you can surmise, this only teaches the surface aspects of being a slave. The problem with this type of training is that you don't really get into the actual psychological aspects directly as well as the extensive attitude programming that is needed in order to remove internal conflict within the slave. In fact, the majority of Dom/mes not only don?t have a clue about this, they really don?t even care about these things? ?just do what I tell you to do? is all they really care about. In essence, this leaves a serious slave that wants to learn.. out in the could. Unfortunately, there are way to many Dom/mes that have advanced social skills and are able to tell you exactly what you want to hear? sometimes this works out but the majority of cases, it doesn?t. It doesn?t work out because the Dom/mes did not represent themselves honestly, or that they just didn?t have the abilities and skills to take on a new unskilled sub/slave, or a combination. The unfortunate result of this type of situation is that the slave walks away with a sour taste.

Another problem is the submissive's lack of understanding of being a bottom as opposed to being a slave. The motivation for both is selfish; the difference is that a bottom's motivation is what they can get or take (they are in it for the play or fulfilling a fantasy, or to be kept), whereas a slave?s motivation if they are sincere, is to find a place where they can serve (not for what they can get). For example, if I have a bottom suck my cock... after a time she will have found her own level of self fulfillment for sucking cock and want to stop. A slave is motivated in such a way that she will suck until she can no longer physically suck with the satisfaction that she is pleasing her Master to the fullest of her ability.

This is why you see so many women proclaiming themselves to be slaves when in fact they are actually a bottom.

Another example of this is a (actual real person) woman that has taken a week-end class on being a dominant and has played around for a couple of years has now published a book on the DS lifestyle giving advice on things she has never even tried herself, yet she touts herself as an expert. Another is where an online self proclaimed Master of one year experience, that has never had a real-time submissive being quoted as an expert in another book that is also being currently published.

There is no wonder that the few sincere people who are trying to be serious about entering this lifestyle are having so much trouble finding reality.

Another issue that this is creating is that because of the inexperience of the self proclaimed Masters, they only want those slaves and submissives that don?t have any experience. In that way, they can hide their inexperience because the slave or sub really doesn?t know any better. So now you have an inexperienced Master trying to train and teach an inexperienced slave in how to be a slave? this is a road to total disaster and can even be extremely dangerous for the psychological, emotional, and mental well being of the slave. At the very least, it can teach the slave terrible habits and attitudes that are extremely dysfunctional to the slave as well as any real Master she might encounter.

This is where the old tried and true system of the slave petitioning the Master is valid and provides a safety net for all. Before the petition is made, the slave researched out the Master, his background, his qualifications, his attitudes, his abilities, his personality, and so forth long before she applies. If you want quality, if you want a Master that is not a joke, if you want something serious and long term; then you will not only respect this process but demand the process.

Now days with the advent of mass communication, the internet, texting, email, and so forth, the dynamics have changed because of the massive amounts of inexperienced Dominants online willing and begging to have any slave at their disposal. Unfortunately because of these inexperienced self proclaimed Dom/mes and the sub/slave equivalent with a selfish attitude; what they have now have is the dominants go after the slaves with their dicks intheir hands drooling all over the keyboard. This is very poor behavior, and gives all Dom/mes a very bad reputation.

So next time somebody talks about training, ask them specifically what they mean and what they do in order to train you to connect to that submissive part of yourself. Do they understand what psychological resistance is? Do you know how to handle issues of emotional upset that you will encounter? Do they know how to talk you through a traumatic incident that occurred in your past but is overwhelming you now? Do they know how to go back into your past belief system and root out those beliefs that are causing you distress as you try to be a good slave? What actual experience do they have as a Dom/me? How do they react when they get angry? How volatile are they, do they think with their emotions or act with their minds? Can they describe how you will fit into their house?

Just one hint: they have to have an understanding of psychology (also being a switch or having started out as a salve is not a qualification for this either; no matter what rationale they use).

Second Hint: they need to already have a fully actualized and trained slave? it is this slave that really understands the passion and depths of your needs and desires. This is like your apprenticeship to both the Master and the slave in order to have a balanced training.

Third Hint: If you are serious, stay away from the forums of the major BDSM network sites as the vast majority of those posting on them are nothing but online Dom/mes, mis-represent themselves and their experience, give out really horrible advice (worse than Ann Landers gossip advice column). Even if a person is listed as a Mentor, ask then a ton of questions before you have them mentor you.

We have become mired in the dogma of culture, society, and life. The only recovery for us available is to cast aside all the rules created just for the sake of creating rules... this is the dogma that drags us down as people, that stops from the evolution to become who we really are. If you want to grow, if you want to become that which you really are, then you have to break the programming that consists of your life, your belief system, to the point of what you even think is right and wrong. For all that you think is nothing more than programming... you have never been taught to think for yourself... yet you have been taught to think that you do.

As you were young, you were programmed by the so called norms of the culture that you grew up in. As was your parents and their parents... the programming was passed down generation to generation all thinking they "knew" truth, all believing that they "knew" what is right and what was wrong... when in fact it was all smoke within the shadows.

If you want to break free, then you need to step outside of yourself... yet that cannot be accomplished any more than you can lift yourself off the floor by pulling on your shoe strings. So it takes a third party, another person that has moved from country to country and has actively avoided the specific programming other enjoy. One that has by chance alone been able to beat much of that programming within himself and actively focus upon the life found under that programming.

It is not an easy path, in fact it puts your mind and sence of self up-side-down. You will resist with all your being and your ego will scream and tear at distorting reality just to keep that dysfunctional programming. Others will also do all they can to force you back into the programming in order for you to be accepted and to fit in... so that they can justify their own dysfunction through mob mentality... even when most of what they believe is wrong. That is the power of the dogma of life and the continuation of dysfunctional beliefs perpetuated generation to generation...

The difference between a slave and a submissive is black and white: a submissive does have control in some aspects of her life such as employment, limits, use, and so forth.  A slave on the other hand does not enjoy any of these aspects of control; meaning that once they have committed to be a slave they give up all have total control to the master.  This is why it is so irresponsible of new people starting out within this way of life without experience to represent themselves as a slave.  It is imperative that those who wish to be a slave will get to know and understand the philosophy, the knowledge base, the skill set, what the master wants a slave for, how that slave will be used, in as much detail as possible. 

In this way you will avoid situations where the so-called dominant would be abusive, would try to use the slave and illegal or underhanded activities, or other situations that would be detrimental to the slave.  This is not to avoid situations where the slave is being selfish, restrictive in how she is used, how she is trained will psychologically as well as physically, and other self-serving issues.  For those who are serious this is indeed a way of life is not a lifestyle is not a fantasy it is not play it is not swinging with kink? it is a serious way of life to those who live this way.

?The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it.?

? Chinese Proverb

Recent Books I have read, ones I am currently reading, and those in line to read:

The prophetic Revelations of Paul Solomon by W.A. Wheeler

Protocols by R. Rubel

Master/Slave Relationships by R. Rubel

Ansir for One by seich & Clarke (ansir.com)

Hidden Truth by Steven Green M.D.

Physics of the impossible by Michio Kaku

Visions by Michio Kaku

Hyperspace by Michio Kaku

Liars, Lovers, Heroes by S Quartz and T Sejnowski

"Treat a (wo)man(/slave) as (s)he is and   (s)he will remain as (s)he is. Treat a
(wo)man(/slave) as (s)he can and should be, and (s)he will become as (s)he can and should be." --Goethe (1749-1832)

"Those who say, I'll try anything once, often try nothing twice, three times, arriving late at the gate of dreams worth dying for."
-Carl Sandburg.

Think before you speak...Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - the last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back... or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY:I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, 'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?' I turned around and walked back out and never went back My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with men?s balls'

THIRD TESTIMONY: My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.' My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY :While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now' she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!' The silence was deafening after this  exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY: Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. Then realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said 'No'. I kept thinking 'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.' Then I said, 'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?' 'No,' he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled 'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!' While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY: This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: 'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

November 4, 2008 by collardmaso

Today i disappointed Master greatly. I took away his authority by making a decision on my own. I took tools out of the ones he had purchased for me to  give them to Xxxxxx who said that she was missing some tools without getting his permission. I basically slapped him in the face figuratively speaking. For breaking that rule i received 4 hard swats with the punishment belt, had to read out loud Masters rules (2 pages)  4 times while sitting in the closet on my pad with the door closed, and lastly, and the most painful of all is i am not allowed to wear Masters collar until tomorrow morning when i get up. This has not been a good day! Master doesn?t enjoy punishing me and i think this is the worst breaking of the rules that i have done. I am sorry Master.

Slave

I believe that we both understand that you, when you committed yourself to my house; became my property

Although many would treat a slave as something worthless; I have nothing that I would consider worthless. If it has no value or is worthless, I do not want it or need it and I will throw it away.

I value and cherish my possessions... and you my slave, you are one of the greatest treasures in my house. You are unique and although your body or position can be replaced, you cannot be replaced.

Therefore it is within my right and obligation to care for you as I would a masterpiece.

 "You are not expected to be perfect, but you are expected to be perfectly obedient."

Silence as punishment

Only those Master that want to destroy and tear down or are just plain ignorant (possibly unknowing as well) will us this. If you treasure and value your property then why would you intentionally damage. If you have a beautiful car with a beautiful paint job would you run sandpaper down the side of it, this is exactly what you do when you use silence as punishment.

Silence will tear down trust as well as destroy self esteem and confidence, is that how you fulfill your responsibility to your slave? Punishment is an aid used to correct a behavioral problem not something to tear down your slave. Yes, silence also hurts deeply within the very soul of your property? so why would you want to cause damage to your greatest treasure? Be real, be an adult, be responsible and don?t use silence for any kind of punishment.

I have watched for 30 years to see a darkness creep from the horizon to now shadow our front door. And the fools in their ignorance and fear and stupidity are reaching to the door to let it in.... very soon now, you will know what I am saying. For now it is the time that we need leaders and men with integrity that stand against the wind and against the dark shadow.

"A great deal of intelligence can be invested in ignorance when the need for illusion is deep."

-Saul Bellow

Genital herpes is a highly contagious sexually transmitted disease. Features of genital herpes include pain, itching and sores in your genital area.

Genital herpes is common, affecting both men and women. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the herpes simplex virus is present in as many as one in six teens and adults in the United States.

There's no cure for this recurrent infection, which may cause embarrassment and emotional distress. The majority of people who've been infected with HSV never know they have the disease because they have no signs or symptoms. In women, sores can erupt in the vaginal area, external genitals, buttocks, anus or cervix. In men, sores can appear on the penis, scrotum, buttocks, anus or thighs or inside the urethra, the channel between the bladder and the penis.

Remember that the virus can spread even when no symptoms are present.

People with herpes commonly have other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), such as Chlamydia, gonorrhea and HIV/AIDS, your doctor will likely examine you for these diseases as well. If you suspect that you previously had a herpes outbreak, a blood test can confirm past exposure to HSV-1 or HSV-2 infection.

A new study suggests the brain is quickly turned on and 'tuned in' when a person views erotic images. Researchers at Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis measured brainwave activity of 264 women as they viewed a series of 55 color slides that contained various scenes.

When study volunteers viewed erotic pictures, their brains produced electrical responses that were stronger than those elicited by other material that was viewed, no matter how pleasant or disturbing the other material may have been. 

Andrey P. Anokhin (Ph.D., Research Assistant Professor of Psychiatry). 'So based on those data we see that Women have responses to erotic (Porn) images as strong as those seen in men.'

I Have a cat with a serious foot fetish...
she fits right in!!!

Hmmmm, you don't have to be an ass or a jerk to be a serious sadist. For me it is fun to create many different and new ways for creating pain, from a good head fuck, to using body mods. Then there is the psychological sadistic nature as well as the physical.

I am always looking to find new and different ways of giving pain... it really gets me turned on...

Once I get to my new location I will be building all kinds of equipment that I don't have room for here... various sizes of cages that can pin down a slave inside, or that a slave can sleep in, or holds a slave in a specific position for my pleasures. Other furniture items out of wood for bondage and other ways of creating pain including stocks and such...

I really need to find a serious woman that wants to be taken extremely deep into being a maso slave. Not an easy task here.

In the mean time I am looking at other slaves that will not be so deep or used in such a extreme way.

Waxed my Slaves pussy today... now it is nice and smooth for future play. Boy, did she scream... LOL She loved it... she is soaking wet now!!!

Ok, so now the vertical piercing on the clit hood has healed, I will be doing a horizontal one to suppliment it in a few weeks. Se is now ready for the very attractive dangly stud to be put in the hood location.... I just put it in and it looks really nice there.

"Have you ever noticed that 'What the hell?' is usually the right decision?"

Thunder in the Mountain was overall not as good as last year yet it was still worth going. The Hotel was expensive and very poorly maintained (the bathrooms around the exhibition area smelled really bad) The service and food at the restrauant was so horrible that 25 or more people walked out. The shuttle will not talke you to the Mall as they did last year at a different Hotel.

On the flip side the dungeon area was a lot larger and nicer overall, and the presentations were excellent.

This was the first event that my new slave has gone to and she found it to be very helpful in understanding those principles that I have been teaching her.

I will probably go next year but I will stay in a different Hotel and probably rent my own car so I have the mobility and ability to visit Denver itself.

I was quite flattered when I was asked to take control of a group to show them how to suture.

One of the best parts of this and most events is the Venders, I made contact with several so that I can contact them online. I did buy quite a number of items for my training room as well. Unfortunately somebody stole one of the expensive swish (?) canes I had purchased, so I ended getting a second one.

Quote for the day

HILLARY CLINTON (on the word Liberal): You know, it is a word that originally meant that you were for freedom, that you were for the freedom to achieve, that you were willing to stand against big power and on behalf of the individual. Unfortunately in the last 30, 40 years, it has been turned up on its head and it's been made to seem as though it is a word that describes big government, control, and intolerance, totally contrary to what its meaning was in the 19th and early 20th century.

Training: an interesting concept and full of errors and miss-information. The vast majority of Masters are totally confused on this aspect (especially Online Masters and inexperienced Masters). Their general thoughts are that they will tell you what to do and you will learn to do that or you will be punished. This might be something like taking it up the ass or it might be on how to cook his favorite food, or learning to be a pain slave... the issue here is that this is not real training. Real training imparts a skill or teaches the slave something significant or tangable.

So what is real training? Training is a process that teaches a slave to pull up that aspect of submission from deep within themselves and perform on that level. The problem with these so called training Masters is that they don't have the psychology background to understand exactly what submission is, the passion submission entails, why a person wants to be submissive, and where deep in their psychic does true submission derive. In fact, the majority really don?t even care about these things? ?just do what I want you to do now? is all they really care about. This does not train a slave or a submissive to be a better submissive or slave.

Another problem is the submissive's lack of understanding of being a bottom as opposed to being a slave. The motivation for both is selfish; the difference is that a bottom's motivation is what they can get, whereas a slave motivation is where they can serve. For example, if I have a bottom suck my cock... after a time she will have found her own level of self fulfillment for sucking cock and want to stop. A slave is motivated in such a way that she will suck until she can no longer suck with the satisfaction that she is pleasing her Master to the fullest of her ability.

This is why you see so many women proclaiming themselves to be slaves when in fact they are actually a bottom. It is often because of the disinformation that is spreading in both books as well as forums of this once honorable lifestyle.

Another example of this is a (actual real person) woman that has taken a week-end class on being a dominant and has played around for a couple of years has now published a book on the DS lifestyle giving advice on things she has never even tried herself, yet she touts herself as an expert. Another is where an online self proclaimed Master of one year experience, that has never had a real-time submissive being quoted as an expert in another book that is also being currently published.

There is no wonder that those few that are trying to be serious are having so much trouble finding reality.

Another issue that this is creating is that because of the inexperience of the self proclaimed Masters, they only want those slaves and submissives that don?t have any experience. In that way, they can hide their inexperience because the slave or sub really doesn?t know any better. So now you have an inexperienced Master trying to train and teach an inexperienced slave in how to be a slave? this is a road to total disaster and can even be extremely dangerous for the psychological, emotional, and mental well being of the slave. At the very least, it can teach the slave terrible habits and attitudes that are extremely dysfunctional to the slave as well as any real Master she might encounter.

This is where the old tried and true system of the slave petitioning the Master is valid and provides a safety net for all. Before the petition is made, the slave researched out the Master, his background, his qualifications, his attitudes, his abilities, his personality, and so forth long before she applies. Now days with the advent of places like this web site, the dynamics have changes because of the massive amounts of inexperienced Dominants willing and begging to have any slave at their disposal. Therefore now the dominants go after the slaves rather than how it should be by tradition and the slave petitions the Master. Rather than the slaves researching out the dominants, they just sit back for the best offer to come by that they want? again, this is the behavior of the bottom and not of the slave personality on the most part.

So next time somebody talks about training, ask them specifically what they mean and what they do in order to train you to connect to that submissive part of yourself.

Just one hint: they have to have a serious understanding of psychology (also being a switch or having started out as a salve is not a qualification for this either; no matter what rationale they use).

Second Hint: The Master needs to already have a fully actualized and trained slave? it is this slave that really understands the passion and depths of your needs and desires. This is like your apprenticeship to both the Master and the slave in order to have a balanced training.

Well, if you are going to Thunder, you will see me... drop me a line and we can meet... I will have my slave in training with me.

Not to much to say... I'm looking for a sister slave now. preferably between 20 and 32. I have a very specific role for her in my house.

New Project is on it's way, I just am waiting to find where it will be located. This one should be several years long this time allowing me to get a house and setting up my training studio. It will also be nice to get a little more active in the community... at least enough to have private parties.

I expect to be on the east coast so I will be able to take a long week-end and travel outside of the States some.

Might even have the time to work on my S/M manuscript and get it published.

If you think you are a slave because you've played online... you aren't.

If you think you are a slave and you can (or tryto) dictate limits or anything else to any real Master... you are not a slave.

If you want to be a slave in training, then say so, it will get you a lot further with somebody that is more serious rather than a pretend master whose only experience is online play.

If you only have online experience as a master, go back to the sandbox because you are not a Master and you insult those of us that are.

Took my slave to the women?s clinic for further mammogram pictures and screening? in the process they saw a dark node which they though was a lymph gland? in order to see this further they took her into another room (which I went into also) and did an ultrasound. I have to say it was one of the most fascinating things I have ever watched real time? as the tech was searching for the gland the picture looked a lot like a geological depth survey; only in real time.

But the most important part was that the Doctor came in and declared her to be cancer free with nothing to worry about.

Finally, just as my project here is closing I went to my storage place in my last state of residence and brought back my motorcycle. With my luck, I will get a offer for a new project within the next 2 weeks and have to store the bike again... LOL

Actually, I will make sure the next project is long term and I will get at least a 3 bedroom house with a garage so I can get all my stuff back together in one location. Including my motorcycles...

A man who thinks nurturing, housework or being curteous is emasculating must, be a man who is very insecure about his masculinity. As for a woman that thinks the same, I would say that she is narrow minded and ignorant.

The idea of man and women both having a masculine side and a feminine side is nothing more than a miss-interpretation of the ideas and concepts of Carl Jung with eastern philosophy thrown in (the miss-understanding of Yin and Yang - which Americans destroy)

According to California pop psychology, we have a feminine and a masculine side, both of these have been attributed and assigned as behaviors. Meaning that any behavior of nurturing, compassion, and softness has been assigned to be feminine. Whereas any behaviors involving war, harshness, forcefulness and so forth has been assigned to be masculine. Of course this inherently specifies that the masculine is negative and  the feminine is positive.

This also suggests that if a person was totally balanced between the two (misused) archetypes, then in reality we would be androgynous. There would not be enough distinction between men and women that would define women or men. Nor would there be a separation between the masculine and feminine (there needs to be a distance separation so that a person can have their individual gender identity) so that the women would feel feminine because the man is so strongly masculine.

MRI studies have conclusively shown that while both men and women can show nurturing behaviors, the brain activity during that time is in totally different parts of the brain. Meaning that although men are exhibiting a nurturing behavior, they are not experiencing the feelings associated with that action in the same way as a woman will or does. A mans emotional experience is more along the lines of his dominant nature and not a mothering instinct. I say dominant nature because he will nurture as a Man and not as a women, his whole attitude and psychology of nurturing is based totally upon a different set of rules and beliefs then that of a woman.

If you chose this type of life then you should accept it as it is and not try to bend the rules to suit yourself.
By bending the rules you only set yourself up for failure. It is akin to starting a relationship based upon a lie (to yourself or to your Master)... it never works.

Master K

If I were to look into a mirror? what would I see?

I would see you?

For I am nothing more than a reflection of you and of the limitations of what you can see.

A man is not an island upon himself... yet to the outside world it is required that he presents himself as such.

There is an age old question that is often asked by both men and women... why is it that women are attracted to the "Bad Boy" men... who ultimately are the abusive, angry, men?

The answer is simple. In today's society where women are pushed to have the behaviors of men and men are being torn down to be androgynous... there is little real masculinity left?. The honorable kind that is.

Anyway, women want to feel feminine, they want to be women in spite of the pressure from the liberals and the feminist to be otherwise. They don?t want to be in charge? So when they are presented with a man that shows his own masculinity to an extreme, the difference between where the woman is and where he is becomes greater. With most men on the street, that difference is minimal in comparison.

Point being the larger the difference or the gap between the woman?s masculine behavior and the Man?s masculine behavior gives the woman the greater feeling of being more feminine overall? thus fulfilling her inner need to be feminine.

Now if the more average man could overcome the extensive negative pressure to be androgynous by pop culture and our dysfunctional society norms? then he would have not only a greater level of masculinity, he would also have the wanted traits of being responsible, caring, loving, while maintaining direction, control and  his own identity of that being a Man. In this way, the women would then have a greater distance between their own behavior and his masculine behavior allowing the women to increase that difference by letting go of their own masculine behavior and embracing to a greater depth their own feminine behavior and attitude. Of course this is not all that easy because of a lifetime of cultural programming. But it can be accomplished and the women always find a far greater satisfaction within their own lives as well as their relationship with the man / Dominant / Master within her life.

There are four types of people that indulge within this lifestyle. The first are basically those that are players? What I mean is these people are not really serious about living this way, they want to play at it? ie. Pretend Master/slave actually. Therese are the little girls that are all focused on getting? they want a Master so that they can put the responsibility of their fantasies on somebody outside of themselves so they can swing or have dirty sex. The boys and men are in the same mold but they want to have their little sex slut and swing with them as well. So the first group here are the kinky swingers without a clue.

The second group are the type that have lived a fantasy life so much and have imagined themselves being in that role that they actually believe they are that character. These are the delusional ones that are ruled by their egos and are the first to flame somebody. They often are found obsessed on the forums giving out woefully bad advice and are also the first ones that will redefine the true meaning of being a slave to mean pretty much whatever you want it to mean? that is why there are so many self proclaimed slaves showing up that have never been submissives and list a whole list of limits. Fact is, a slave does not have any limits outside that of what is given to her by her master?. Period. No more discussion.

The third group are the predators? they can be young women in their early teens passing to be of age (and yes quite a large number of men have gone to jail on statutory rape charges because they were duped by these teenage predators). They can be dysfunctional men prowling for women to abuse, or men/women pretending to be the opposite sex for kicks, or even just picture collectors. Unfortunately, there is no real majority for this class of people and there is no real distinction as far as dysfunctional gender goes. Both genders and all ages are quite nicely represented here.

This last group is the least common group. We are the long term people that have been around for a long time. We have watched as the internet brought in the players, the fantasizes-ers, the pretenders and the predators. We are not the sweet talkers as the other may be as we do not see manipulation and coercion to be honorable (until the person agrees to be ours). Slaves are a reflection of their Masters, usually they present themselves with honor and dignity. The Masters have similar traits, some form of honor, integrity, intense independence, and their own way of doing things. Often they are seen as being arrogant, yet that is usually from their depth of understanding of human behavior and self confidence. It is usually the insecurity, self doubt and basic fear that operates in the observes that creates this view.

There are times that I just get pissed off at the sheer stupidity and ignorance of so many people pretending to know something about this lifestyle. I do not mean to insult legitimate lifestylers, just the fakes that pretend so much for so long that they believe they know something and believe their own crap.

Life is so much an adventure...

You never know where it will lead you if you open yourself up to the possibilities.

In a discussion with the one that I have been seeing, we have been expanding upon the communications between us considerably. She has now indicated that she wants me to train her in all ways to first be a submissive and then to enter into being a slave. In return, I will train her in my ways, I will protect her in all avenues, I will take total responsibility for her and provide her with the use and needs for that of a woman slave in order to excel in her path.

I will take total control, exercise compassion and passion as well as understanding. I will manage, care for and direct her as long as she is a part of my house. Unfortunately, when I relocate, she will not be able to relocate at that time. Although she does understand that I will continue to grow my house and have another submissive within my house. I don't believe in deception or false promises... that is not the traits of a Master of my standing and I will not compromise my integrity or ethics as is so easily found now days.

Since I use the three collar system, I will start to putting together the ritual to accept her into preliminary submission of my house as well as making her the new collar that will be hers and never used on another.

Master K

Spanking,

A highly unappreciated art form... greatly misunderstood and often abused... It is how well one applies the art ithat makes one of the differences between a real Master that earned his title, and a pretender that calls himself a master with little experience; or a the type that feels that they need to abuse/control everybody around them (this is usually caused by deepseated fears of loss of control and insecurities that they try to hide or cover... these people can be quite dangerous also).

Spanking happens in many different forms and styles. It is erotic, it is sexual, it can put your sub into what some like to call sub-space that is extremely pleasurable. Yet when she enters into that state you have to be highly responsible and careful because she is not able to actually judge for herself if you are going to far or otherwise causing harm. As an experienced Master that is your responsibility (To protect your charge... especially during use/play).

For myself, I usually start out with some good music that moves the mind and body, I start out using a rabbit fur to prepare the surface tension of the skin moving on to rubbing her down with my hand.

The next step is to start preparing her nervous system for the sharp and excessive stimulation that is to come by lightly slapping the skin... There is no rush, no race, no actual goal... it is the journey that is important here.

Slapping lightly with a flat hand for a while , I then move on to a more forceful striking using my hand cupped. Using a cupped hand gives a deeper penetration of the force used and prepares the body for a deeper shock transmission.

When all parts are nice and red and I can feel a slight warmth, that is when she is ready for the serious spanking that will follow. At this point it's open game. Sometimes I like to use a long paint stirring stick... I use one very hard strike as a shock inducer, and then back off the force to a light but strong slapping action.
Again, this builds up the tolerance of the skin to handle a higher amount of stimulation... it is also about this time that she is being filled with the various body chemicals (there are several) that actually induce the sub space state.

Depending on how intense I want to go I will then bring out my leather belts, or Plastic or wood paddles, the various canes, hard strand leather flogger, horsehair flogger, it is all dependant on what end result I want.

Now just as a side note; as you are flaying on her and she is purring she will position herself for where she want to be struck... if you are getting to heavy on one spot and it is becoming quite painful her body will adjust itself for you to strike a different area. It is critical for you to be aware of this type of body language... only an in-experienced or insecure Dom would consider this to be topping from the bottom and ignore the indicators.

The whole point of this is mutual pleasure, not to cause harm... remember the first rule of a Master: "Protect your charge"

Another side note; while you are flaying on her and she is wincing and purring at the same time, you should also be playing with her nipples and making sure she is very wet by using your hand. This is a great time where your orgasm control by command comes in handy... you can easily take her a good jump further by commanding her to have an orgasm, using an exceptionally sharp hit on the butt, and ordering another orgasm...

When you are finished, you DO NOT JUST WALK AWAY (again only insecure [that pretend to be real tough but are actually overcompensating for deeper inner fears they have not dealt with] and inexperienced Doms do this). Again, she is your charge and it is your responsibility to care for her... lay her down and cover her with something that is soft and warm, give her an electrolyte drink like G2, sit beside her and lightly rub her body... this helps the body to readjust and it is a very nurturing feeling to your sub. After a bit leave her be and allow her to sleep or just enjoy the space she is in remaining near by and monitoring her.

Took my new sub to the city and bought her a new wardrobe that I picked out for her. Cost about $1200.00 but that will have to do for right now. In time, I still have more things to get her. The only reason I am doing this without having a contract or a formal collaring is that I know by her attitude and behavior that she is committed to me, otherwise she would have to prove that to me over time. I do not believe in this instant gratification crap or the Me me me generation... if you want something then you have to earn it or prove to me that you are worthy of it.

My next step is to go through her existing cloths and discard what I don?t like. As the person that is responsible and in control I believe it is important that I make the selection of her clothing... especially since I used to be in the fashion industry when I was younger... that gave me a good taste for clothes and accessories.

She had her first orgasm by command tonight... caught her by surprise... it was quite humorous really but she loved it.

Although I won?t be able to take her with me now I am making long term plans to eventually have her back when her circumstances change. In the mean time, I will find another true submissive/slave for my house.

I also got her a new computer so that her daughter will be able to use it for school and so that she can communicate with me after I leave.

It's sad... 

A few months ago I started dating a young woman in her mid 30's that had never heard of this lifestyle? as time passed, she turned out to not only be a strong woman, she was impressive in the depths that she would go in order to experience the wide range of S&M? Not only that she is an extreme maso from the start, she is quite a wonderful person? so far, one of the best submissives I have every worked with. No pretending, no following the FAD, no ego, she is true and real.

The sad part is that I have to go on to my next project soon and because she has children in school she is not able to go with me? as for such a gem as she is, I would take her with me in a split second. Perhaps after her children have all graduated and left her house then I will bring her to me and into my house where I will take her under my arm and my protection and show her a world that very few ever get to see (That being the many different places I travel to as well as live).

So I continue my journey for a real and sincere submissive or slave that I will take into my house and under my protection. One that isn?t in for the fantasy or the FAD or the egotistical satisfaction of self? but one that has the true heart of wanting to serve as well as wanting to belong, used, and to be cared for in all ways.

The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.

I liked this so much I am placing a copy here.

The Four Joys of a Slave are: to serve, to obey, to honor, and to protect, her master.  By  pissdrinking2801 on Collarme.com

Collectively, the four joys describe the essence of a slave's devotion to her master. That is why they are called "joys" and not "duties."
For a true slave, performing these tasks each and every day is her primary means of pleasing her master -- thereby pleasing herself. More than anything else, performing the four joys will lead a slave to true, lasting, complete happiness and contentment.

Notice that the four joys do not include "to love." A slave is not expected or required to love her master; but in time if she practices the four joys fully and completely, she probably will grow to love her master deeply forever.

To Serve
To serve means that a slave will always anticipate her master's needs, wants, and commands prior to his communicating them; then, satisfying these fully before he asks or commands. The key concept here is that the slave actively ANTICIPATES. She learns his subtle, often non-verbal, preferences and desires.

She also looks after what she believes is best for her master's welfare and comfort. Serving may be as simple as watching that her master's glass is never empty at a party, or as difficult as welcoming another slave in their relationship.

To Obey
To obey means that a slave will always execute all of her master's commands and requests immediately and completely, to the best of her means and ability, even if she doesn't want to, without murmur or comment. A slave will never say no, or any similar word(s) or action(s) which may indicate refusal or possible non-cooperation.

If her master gives her a command which she believes the master might change if he knew some new information, she must give her master that information completely and immediately, even if it may hurt her. However, once the master considers this information and re-requests that the command be carried out anyway, she may only ask questions as to the how?s.

Giving "input" and asking questions should NEVER be used to delay complying with her master's wishes.

To Honor
To honor means that a slave will always treat her master honorably in all her words, thoughts, and deeds. Most of all, a Master/slave relationship is based on honor, not on force.

Honor and lack of force are the primary reasons why a M/s is SO powerful, emotionally intense, and develops such great depth. A slave is "on her honor" to be all and do all as she swore this in her Oath of Fealty.
A master should never have to "check up" on his slave to see if she has complied with his commands. I NEVER will. If I feel a need to check up on a slave, the relationship is kaput anyway.

An honest mistake, such as forgetting as long as it doesn't happen often and does not suggest a pattern will be dealt with in a supportive, nurturing way; however, intentional dishonor or disobedience ends the relationship.
A key example of a slave "honoring" her master involves always telling the truth. Telling the truth includes telling ALL the truth, including any information, which the slave thinks may be relevant and may affect the master's decision(s). A slave must ALWAYS tell the truth, particularly when the truth may cause her to be punished or be hurt.

If a slave should be punished, she should suggest an appropriate punishment (one which will correct her errant behavior from re-occurring, not just to get "even"). A slave also should automatically get the toy, which the master will need to punish her, e.g. a crop or paddle, if this is appropriate.

Punishment should always be considered a great gift from her master as his punishment will help correct her misbehavior and help her to serve her master better in the future.

To Protect
To protect means that a slave will always shield her master from all damage, either from words, deeds, people, or things. She will do all in her power, except disobedience, to deflect or absorb damaging events, things, anything, which could hurt her master physically, mentally, or emotionally.
To protect her master also means to always give him wise advice (wise counsel) of what she believes is best for him -- without thinking about how this advice may affect herself or her relationship with her master. (Within proper protocol as established by her Master).

The misunderstanding of power is the difference between taking and giving. ? Forcing and Taking is basically ridged and static whereas it is based upon the hording of control or power? which in itself is securely based within fear.. or to be more precise the fear of loss of control. This is what breeds those men that self proclaim to be Masters when in fact they are nothing more than abusers, predators, or even pretenders.

Giving; and idea or concept within itself is flexible, dynamic, and open? it grows and expands to fill the void. In my definition of a true Master, he has the characteristic of giving. In fact, he is in essence giving to the submissive his leadership, his ability to be responsible for another human as well as his depth of knowledge to take her along a path of discovery. Yes, he may be sadistic? yet he is again giving his trust, his experience, his ability to give pain in a safe environment and always looking over his submissive(s) with care and protection.

This is where the dysfunction of BDSM originates? I have watched far too many times destructive information given out on the forums by (usually women) that gives the wrong impression for what to expect. I have seen to many times young women calling themselves slaves when they have no clue or experience as to what that really means beyond erotic fiction and some online play. The same goes with many men that claim to be Masters when in reality they have no experience or very limited experience real-time, and no understanding of the integrity and responsibility they actually hold in their hands.

The biggest problem submissive?s have is that you are looking for an emotional connection up front when they need to be questioning the integrity, abilities, and philosophies of the Dominant. Since they are looking for a knight on a white horse they are blinding themselves to the reality of the person before them. They open themselves up to gross manipulation and they are blind to the possible reality of who the person actually might be? They are so engrossed by the glitz and the glamour, the sweet talk and the attention that they miss out on knowing the reality of who this person is? are they real or are they abusers pretending behind a mask?

Love is an affliction... a disease that would infect us without rhyme nor reason... an affliction that appears spontaneously without cause... yet one that lifts us above and beyond ourselves...

There is no greater Rush and Aphrodisiac then having total control and power within your grasp:
Master K

If there is one thing that turns women off more than anything else, it's a man with a lack of dominance. And an attractive woman can smell a lack of dominance like a shark smells blood.

No one is attracted to someone who conveys a sense of being powerless. When it comes to being a man, however, power is not only important, it's everything. ... A woman is never attracted to a man who seems to be ?equal? with her. In some major way, he has to be more than her. ... To feel feminine, she must be with a man who is masculine. When a woman is with a guy who is not dominant, she feels like he is just another girl.

Michael W

?When young subs and slaves hook up, they look at their master and think, ?What are you going to do for me?? Later in life that changes to ?What can I do to serve you?? 

This is how I see it:
in no particular order...

What can I say, I love life and I love this specific style of life. On top of that I am an adventurer... I never settle with the status que. I am always reading or traveling or doing something.. playing.

"To be completely woman, you need a Master, and in Him a compass for your life. You need a Man you can look up to and respect. If you dethrone Him it is no wonder you are discontented, and discontented women are not loved for long." --Marlene Dietrich

Borrowed from sinderella67 profile : I can not find any better words to express this truth. I have seen this many times over, yet women still do not understand the freedom this actually creates for them... and they continue on a path of discontent and passive aggressive control while claiming they are slave or submissive... they are not aware of themselves to the extent of seeing this within themselves. Yet, if your only intent is to use this lifestyle to get what you want (self interest) rather than to serve, then you will never find the true happiness you claim to want.

If you are one that for some unknown psychotic reason equates curtesy, service, genuine care, integrity, and self responsibility as being characteristics of weakness, then you need to re-think these things and how you percieve these characteristics.