I'm totally looking forward to playtime tomorrow night.  I just hope things fall into place rather than fall apart.  Not sure how many more days I'll have till my month friend is here.  That'll put me out of commission for a few days.  I'm in need of play!

So, being on here for the past week or two has been good.  I was looking for advice and with my situation falling apart I wanted to give up.  But great thing is, I've been talking to a few dominate men and am feeling a bit more optimistic.

Maybe my issue is that I can only be dominate to someone who is truly weaker than me.  It's hard for me to see weakness in someone.  My greatest weakness is that I see people as just that, people.  Hmmm...

Well, that was comforting.  I would get going.  Not much to say today.

Well, after a stressful weekend with my sub.  He has decided to seek attention from a "more dominate female".  This opens me up to finding someone new to play with tho I'm not sure I'm ready.

Seems no one can understand what I'm looking for.  I don't want a 24/7 lifestyle thing.  I want playtime seperate for a vanilla relationship.  I want to cuddle and make out and not feel as tho the person I'm doing it with sees it as a command.  At the same time I want my kink in the bedroom, a lil play after a stressful day at work.

I don't even know why I write this.  No one cares.  I still get the messages from people that see me as a piece of ass and nothing more.  Too many guys use this site as a way to get laid. 

Well, I guess I should say that I have a playmate.  He reminds me of someone I've been talking to from CM for a few years now.  He is educated, good looking, and has a great job.  That's why he comes to me to relieve his stress.  Sadly, I'm so confused right now by the lack of play I've had since I've been in Texas. 

The thing I have problems with right now is that he hasn't told me what his kinks are, what he likes.  He has told me very little about his dislikes also.  We have been playing for 4 or 5 months now.  I just can't seems to be a bitch to him the way he craves.  I've been told I'm too nice. 

Right now he has the house to himself for a few months.  I'm giving him a day or two a week of my time.  I have ideas of play but I have to get over this insecurity and just lay down the law.

Anyway, feel free to message me with ENCOURAGEMENT.  I will ignore anyone that has anything that's is negative to say.  I can handle judgement, but this is me reaching out for help, not laying out my vunerable side to be looked down on.

kimi

So, I'm back after a long absence and am realizing why I have left.  No one on here seems to catch my interest.  I'm seeing plenty of "I'm athletic in build and expect that of my partner" bull shit tho.  Kinda discourages a gorgeous chubby chick like myself. 

Anyway.  I am sure my interest will be lost on this site again in due time.  Seems people aren't real anymore, just looking for ass.  -sigh-